"Ayla"
Jace again called out my na which I don’t even know why.
"Why are you calling my na again? Didn’t I say I’m too ashad of what I did? You want to touch your feet and say ’Sorry brother for taking all of your happiness’. You want to do that right? I will do it", I said and tried taking my feet toward him.
I could see him moving backwards but still, I walked toward him until I find myself in the middle of the room.
"Ayla, what are you doing? Baby, I’m getting worried about you. You won’t believe how I was when I got the call about you." Dad again showed his emotions but it was nothing anymore.
I’m standing in a place where I don’t trust anyone now. I have no idea what others think of . I have no idea. I’m only fifteen years old but I keep having thoughts as if I’m grown long enough to handle myself both ntally and physically.
"Ayla, listen to ... We never hated you. Jace never hates you. Your mother never hated you nor did I so please throw those useless thoughts from your mind and co to us." he said coming forward but I stopped him.
"Never hated ? You sure ?"
Everywhere I could feel the silence kept clinging to .
"You said you don’t hate but I could no longer feel the sincerity. I never want to have those thoughts. I thought maybe if we change places then my situation will be better too. But it was all in my mind.
I thought if I go to a new place I will make hundreds of friends but see I don’t have a single friend with whom I could share my feelings."
"I thought maybe still I will be ok as brother often cos to in his breaks or he sends Brother Jas to look after but I didn’t know there was so hidden aning behind him looking after ."
"I never thought he was forced to look after ."
"I have no idea dad kept telling him about ."
"I have no idea till now what happened in the past which you all are holding him and why is he in guilt."
"I have zero ideas."
"If I knew he didn’t want to then I would have never forced him. Like I would have never. I clung to him till now because I thought I have a brother who loves plenty. I thought I have a brother who likes to be with but I was wrong at every point. Every one of you made feel miserable in your fake emotions toward ."
"You all kept in delusions the more the ti pass."
Tears kept flowing out of my ho.
"I never felt that my family was at fault. I never thought there was an issue in my family but I never knew you guys were only hiding behind masks just to ss with my mind because I’m the youngest here."
I lost count of ti while stating the truth. My tears flow through my eyes nonstop. I didn’t even try to bother wiping it as it’s not even worth it. My eyes were burning. Still, sohow I unzipped my backpack and had my dications. That too they are unaware of just how my body shivers when I reach my limit.
I wanted to ask, do they even know ?
"You all know what happened in past which made lose my mory that also sothing I have no idea still I never asleep but sotis wonder did sothing happened which is why you keep brother accounted for his doing? Did I do sothing which made everyone stay away from ? I don’t know."
"So there is nothing to ask for forgiveness as I said I’m the one at fault. It is only who should get punished, not you." I said and walked toward my room.
This situation sounds familiar.
This situation made feel as if there was a ti I yelled just like this crying out loud. But I don’t rember. I could again picture the entire situation. Mom, dad and brother were standing in the sa position but I could see another person in my picture as well.
He was standing far away.
But I couldn’t see his facial expressions this ti either. Not only his facial expressions but his entire body was dark like a shadow. I saw him extend his hand toward but it wasn’t mine.
The closer I’m going the more I find him coming toward but it is never clear.
"It’s again only my imagination", I said and went to my room.
I threw my bag in a corner and thud on the bed.
"Why the hell did I even end up in the hospital?"
"Why?"
"Why did I faint?"
"Why don’t I rember anything?"
Ahhhhh my brain is ssing with . How could I miss so important stuff?
When I asked Brother Jas if he took to the hospital he said yes but why does the voice in my dream sound so desperate when in reality he was so calm? He was calm when he brought to school. He was calm when I asked the question. He was even calm when I told him to my boyfriend. Then why did the declaration voice keep making it worse?
Did my brain imagine things again?
I don’t know.
Many questions kept circling my head. There are plenty of questions about my mory loss. There are plenty of questions about my brother’s guilt. There are plenty of questions regarding the hospital incident and as well many questions regarding my confession. Will he accept?
I’m sure I’ll lose it.
I didn’t think much and closed my eyes and soon slept covered with a blanket on my eyes.
"Ayla"
"Ayla"
"Could you hear ?"
The voice was so smooth and sweet.
"Ayla, don’t open your eyes? It’s not suitable for you." that voice said in my ears.
He wrapped his hands all over and said, "You are safe. There won’t be any harm to you here. I’m here for you so be brave and strong. I will always be with you."
He kissed on my forehead and vanished.
I slowly opened my eyes but it was the reality. Yeah, it’s the reality but the dream I saw sounds so real as if that person is really caressing my hair and holding tightly in his arm making sure I’m safe.
I got up from bed when I heard a knock on the door.
I walked toward the door and opened it.
It was mom.
"Co for dinner", she called and left instantly.
I didn’t have any delay as well and followed her to dinner. When I reached there I saw dad and Jace already present there leaving a seat for between them but I ignored it completely and chose a corner.
"Ayla", dad called.
"Yes"
"Today your cousin called," he said, making wonder which cousin.
"Your cousin from LA", he said before I could ask.
"Oh, what did she say?" I asked.
"She is coming here on the weekend", he said.
"This weekend?"
"Yeah"
"Why all of sudden?"
"She said she applied for a few colleges with Jace so they could study together and she finally got here. She was so excited about it," he said with a smile on his face.
"Oh it’s good then", I said in a low tone.
"Aren’t you happy?" he asked.
"Of course I’m happy", I forced a smile.
But I could never say what is making unhappy.
"She is even going to stay in your room so you better make so space for her," he said while I was looking at him blankly.
"If you don’t want us to give her a single room", here we go again with the sa feelings. He is telling as if I’m screaming I’m not going to share my room with her.
"No it’s ok", I said while I picked up my food plate and walked toward my room.
I don’t know how long it will continue but If I stay here any more ti I’m going to puke at this rate.
"Ayla, let take the plate to your room", Jace insisted.
"It’s ok brother. I’m all grown up and now when you go to college then we won’t be eting each other the whole day so I have to manage things. I should prepare myself for the hardships. Don’t you think so?" I smiled again.
"If you don’t want then I could choose ho college", he said the sa way dad did.
"How could I snatch your college life. It’s not like we’re going to stay together forever."
"What do you an?"
"Nothing, brother just saying without thinking", I replied.
I laughed again with the awkwardness on my face.
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