His avoiding my attempts for a caress, us not having even a mont to talk leisurely about the concerns we still haven’t cleared out properly, Karina’s words... his reaction to Karina’s closeness just now... it all made unable to gather the energy to be crazy and demand his explanation. It felt useless... it felt stupid.
"... Is it your health? Or... Have I bored you with words? Maybe I did sothing—"
"No... I..." — I interrupted him. Not wanting him to finish the question because I don’t feel like I want to answer honestly. — "I believe I have not rested well. I think it would be best for to go back."
"... would you like to call for Talmhach?"
"No, that is completely unnecessary."
"Then... let accompany you to your chambers." — He stood, offering his hand. Waiting for to take it as support... but... I truly did not want to. I refused to. Feeling how in my heart tears made it throb. Tears I was not showing but feeling intensely inside.
"I think I will go on my own... I do not want to infect you with this gloom I carry today." — Standing without taking his hand, I made a reverence trying to leave fast. Yet his hand reached out, stopping ... solely for the second it took to shake his touch off.
"My lady—!"
"... Sorry. You took by surprise."
"... Did I do sothing that upset you?"
"No, your highness."
"Then was it indeed that woman who—"
"Your highness." — Interrupting him again, I managed my emotions as well as I could. Breathing in so so calmness could govern . — "I already said that is not the case... I wish to rest for my mood seems tricky even to myself. We shall et again later."
I escaped the scene sohow. Bothered by the lies I decided to say to everything he asked. Later that night, I understood there was a monthly red that had arrived... but even so, my mood swings, I do not believe were only because of my femininity.
For the next four days, I had to be more careful because of it. Even remaining in my chambers most of the ti. I can deduce he might feel sothing is not right as I have denied so of his visits due to the difficulties my period provides. Nevertheless, it ended, as it is naturally expected.
I would love to say that the next days were better... yet they weren’t.
Every day, I noticed from afar, by coincidence, how Zeleskiaz and Karina would et or co out from so rooms together. I did not see the kind of touch he gave her in front of that ti... but his eyes followed after her more than once.
’Am I truly just imagining it?... or is it that I just do not want to admit it?’ — I have been thinking. Restlessly so.
We have been sharing ti as if nothing had happened. He has been quite attentive, more courteous than he already was to begin with... yet I now feel doubts. The novel I read in my past is suddenly rembered with many details I would love to never recall.
> — Prince Niccolò, seductive as his character was, asked today while I am lost in these kinds of thoughts. Eating a piece right before my eyes to make sure I knew that I was losing out. —
His playful expression did lift my mood slightly. However, the piece he took was the last one and he was already taking it to his mouth.
"Ah! No, you can’t!" — Realising it I jumped, trying to stop him.
"... Ahem. It is naughty to have all of them, Prince Niccolò." — Separating as he had laid his hand on my waist taking advantage of my impulsive lean, I cleared up my voice, ashad of the outburst but hoping to redeem myself with a show of sympathy while speaking in his language. — >
>
The playfulness of the man did make laugh. I appreciated the distraction and nicely asked. —
>
>
He gave the dessert in the end... but as I tasted it I glanced at the prince I would have loved to be playful with instead of Latrishk’s and to my heart’s pain... no reaction was there, what’s more, no interest could be seen in his being.
’... that laughter I just experienced..... Feels like it was a push to fall into the abyss...’ — Such a huge void opened in my heart that not one bite could forbid the nausea I developed.
One... two... three more days... we acted like nothing happened. Yet I have co to the limit on the 19th of Syvusk. For today it felt much quieter than ever. As none of us even while alone with only our chaperons joining us, neither said a word. Only Khibi was making noise to fill the silence... awkward it was, but I guess he wasn’t hoping to make it comfortable just like I was.
It started getting darker as the night conquered to finish the day. And as the moon in this cold winter sky still makes its light clear to my eye... I have co to the decision... that I do not want to keep on drowning in my own pond.
"I am tired of this." — After being quiet while petting Khibi, I blurted. Making her fly away with my dead-eyed declaration.
"Oh, Khibi?!?" — Jumping from her wing a fairy ca flying back. — "Of what are you tired dear ninth???"
"Yes, ninth? What has you so tired~ oh, lovely ninth~~??"
"... it is a shaful thing to share..." — I told the two now winter fairies, Erna and Estelle, who loved staying in my chambers ever since I arrived and were now my only companions at night.
"Why??"
"Why is it shaful?"
"We won’t tell ninth!"
"That’s right ninth!! We won’t tell anyone if you ask for it~~"
"Hehehe, we keep secrets very well right Erna??"
"Teehehehe~ that’s right Estelle~~" — As if there was so kind of fun sche they were hiding they whispered between themselves, making sigh at their persistent dances... deciding that it was better to share it than to overthink it by myself.
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