TL/Editor: Butter Cat
Status: 4/week mon-thurs
Illustrations: none
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〈 Chapter 63 〉 Chapter 63. Oh, Ti, Stop. You are truly beautiful.
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A mont, so radiant, had arrived in my life.
Their brilliance, dazzling enough to blind the eye, was no less than that of the stars burning in the universe.
Considering the infinite possibilities and the eternal future that was yet to co, I wonder if such a mont more beautiful than this would ever grace again.
Knowing that it might blind , I couldn’t help but stare at them, srized, like a moth drawn to a fla.
Even though I knew, it would eventually burn .
They were.
"—Tessa, Tessa!! How about this?"
"....I thought you were up to sothing, You were really looking at the cara!?"
Laughing and joking with a friend who’s on the sa page.
"Ugh… I'm tired and lazy… I just want to cling to Alice and live off her… Waaah."
Or sotis just staring at the sky, without a thought in their minds.
They were living a life that was more grounded in reality than anything else.
Worries about the uncertain future that were aningless to dwell on, regrets about the past that would only tornt them if they dwelled on them, these things wouldn't hold any aning for them.
Because this mont, right now, was far more important to them than wasting their ti on those narrow, useless thoughts.
It didn't an that they were content with the present and had given up on the future, like soone here.
It simply ant that they had realized the truth of life, that if they lived in the mont, the future they desired would naturally follow.
Not servile, not arrogant.
Not powerless, not hasty.
Not trapped in the past, not adrift in the future.
People who are truly 'living' in reality, not rely 'existing' like .
I’m proud to be —
I’m proud—
Prou—
Prou,d?
"...........Ah?"
Even without looking in a mirror, without tracing the corners of my mouth with my fingers, I could clearly picture what expression I must be wearing.
I quickly lowered my head, hiding my face from view, and desperately tried to compose myself, but my twisted expression wouldn't fade.
No.
This can't be happening.
Are you really going to show them this face?
".........."
But for so reason, the corners of my lips, which had drooped so low, wouldn't curl back up.
As if they were frozen in place.
Life, a marathon with no finish line.
A grand journey where the direction you head towards becos your ideal, where every step you take is a manifestation of your will, where the footprints you leave behind are etched into history.
On that glorious path, it's not enough to just keep looking forward.
Sotis you have to look around, to appreciate the vast scenery, to take a detour onto an unfamiliar path and see a new side of the world, they, running with all their might, were victors in their own right.
Who could dare to say that the path they chose was wrong.
At least, not , who wasn't even allowed to stand at the starting line.
Not , who could only watch them from afar.
I didn't have that right—
"—No. I know that all too well."
"Uwaaaaaah! Aris, Tessa is bullying —! Scold her!"
"Wh-When did I ever do that!?"
Thump, a soft impact enveloped .
My blood relative, with her face brimming with excitent, unable to hide the joy and anticipation despite her feigned crying, clung to . Following her, the librarian, looking thoroughly flustered as if she hadn't expected for to be used as a shield, approaches.
Normally, I would have played along, putting on a clown (Crown) act to bring laughter to those around , but strangely, I couldn't do anything.
Because this mont, was truly perfect.
".........Hee."
I beca a clown who wasn't even allowed to laugh freely, with only the red tint on my lips permitted in a world of monochro.
A clown with traces of tears lingering heavily in both eyes.
Really.
At this rate, I'm completely turning into a Pierrot.
(TL Note: Pierrot is a sad clown character from Italian cody.)
"Why!? I'm just trying to take a picture of our pretty Aris, what's so wrong with spending a little money!! Right, Aris?"
"…Yeah…"
"Oh my… My head…"
The best I could do was to bury my face in her embrace, accepting her body that was yearning for .
My skin, which normally could sense the warmth of objects, now felt nothing more than rubber when touched by anything, I couldn’t feel anything.
Not my arms, not my cheeks, not my lips, not my neck.
All the sensitive parts of my body, nothing.
It was as if everything was empty.
Like a pathetic doll with all its stuffing removed.
"........."
Surely, the distance between them and is no more than the thickness of a few layers of fabric.
Surely, If I reached out, if I leaned my head against theirs, I should be able to feel their warmth right before my eyes, and yet.
This inescapable emptiness.
This sense of distance.
I wondered what it is.
I couldn't understand the reason.
No.
"—No."
"Aris? Did you say sothing?"
Actually, I knew.
Yes.
It would be a lie to say that I didn't know.
That I wanted to keep watching their happy figures from afar, forever.
That I wanted to settle for this reality and give up on the future.
That I wanted ti to stop, just like this.
That I wanted to be happy like them, that I wanted to experience that happiness like them.
Why, can't I be like them.
That was what I had thought, all along.
That was the reason why I had always longed for death in a life that seed to stretch on forever.
Because jealousy had settled in my green eyes.
I was just, falling into hell, following my fate.
"—Ah."
I want to die.
**
As if an invisible weight was holding down, preventing from moving forward, my limbs bound.
But at the sa ti, it felt like a chain, hanging from the ceiling and wrapped around my neck, was forcing to stand up, preventing from collapsing.
It was just an ordinary winter morning.
"..........."
—Ptui.
As usual, I woke up clutching my throat, which felt strange, and started my day by spitting out a mouthful of saliva mixed with dark, clotted blood.
My throat, which still felt clogged, showed no sign of improvent, but I couldn't waste a single mont, so I recalled the day's schedule as the maids helped get dressed.
Review the docunts from yesterday, write my opinions on them, greet the trade delegation that was coming for lunch, and then after that… military training, I think.
The instructor would probably be the head of staff.
—Rustle, rustle.
"After the banquet with the Vale’s Knight—"
"I know, it was Head of Staff Shusalian's lesson."
A schedule so packed that there wasn't even a single gap.
The doctor had said it was ruining my body and mind, but I didn't care.
Pushing my body and mind to their limits, was sothing I quite enjoyed.
At least, when I was focusing on sothing, other thoughts wouldn't enter my head.
"....But actually—the lesson, has been canceled."
But the words I heard from beside were a sudden negation.
Unless I had a problem with my mory, I hadn't heard anything about a change in schedule, so logically, the military training should proceed as planned.
Had sothing urgent co up for the head of staff, or had sothing else happened. I slowly turned my head to look at the maid who had inford of this unexpected change.
"...H-Hik!? Th-That is…!"
"........"
I saw her blue hair, fluttering in the air.
If I'm not mistaken, she was a daughter of the Jabre family.
With her overall appearance reminiscent of the sea, she flinched and curled up, letting out a small scream as soon as our eyes t, even though she was the one who had spoken to first.
The hairpin she had been holding in her hand, slipped from her grasp and clattered to the floor.
A pitiful sight.
At her trembling, uncertain appearance, the maids who had been adjusting my clothes also started looking at nervously.
The atmosphere crumbled in an instant and choked .
Really, this is suffocating.
So suffocating.
".........."
Suppressing the urge to spit out blood again, I quietly waited for her to compose herself.
Although I couldn't say I felt good about that gaze, as if she was seeing a ghost, this too was a burden I had to bear.
I had no intention of blaming her.
Nor did I want to bla her.
"...I rely thought it was unexpected, so take your ti and tell again."
"That...ah, I understand…"
I don't know if my words had any effect.
But fortunately, she quickly regained her composure, her ragged breathing calming down, and started speaking again.
Perhaps one mistake is enough.
Seeing her completely changed deanor, so different from her previous embarrassing behavior, I confird that she had the spirit to beco a maid, after all.
Of course, that didn't an her past mistake would disappear.
Just like .
"After the banquet with the Vale’s Knight in the Hall of Mirrors, His Majesty has requested your presence at his chambers, Princess Anna."
"......For what reason."
Sothing that has never happened before.
Because my parents always prioritized my opinion above all else, the weight of this order felt heavier than anything else.
And to change my schedule so arbitrarily like this, without even giving any notice.
What could they possibly want to say to that they had to cancel my schedule without a word.
"That’s…"
"...I just asked, what is the reason."
As her words began to drag on, I pressed again with a cold voice.
Although it was a foregone conclusion to postpone the military training now that the king's order had co down, but that was a separate matter.
I had to know why they wanted to see so urgently.
This unexpected change in routine.
It was a small curiosity.
And the answer I received was sothing that defied all my expectations.
"—It seems His Majesty intends to ask you to inquire about… the well-being of… the Second Princess, who is currently studying abroad in the Akard Empire."
"........."
Yes.
Truly, in many ways.
This was beyond my expectations.
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