TL/Editor: Butter Cat
Status: 4/week mon-thurs
Illustrations: none
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〈 Chapter 64 〉 Chapter 64. Cutting Water with a Sword.
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"I would like you to reconsider, please."
"........."
"...Please, I beg you."
What's broken can't be fixed.
That sad lesson was already deeply etched into the depths of my heart.
On the unstable ground where scars remained thick and wavering, building a new relationship wasn’t even allowed, and even if I managed to break through that impossibility and tried to build sothing new on top of that, it would only be a re imitation.
Yes.
That horrific day, when I killed Aris.
Remi and I, had already crossed a river of no return.
So if the day ever ca when we had to face each other again.
It would be when the flas of hatred in Remi's heart had completely extinguished, leaving not even a single ember behind, or.
Or when one of us, was dead.
But why.
Why now.
"—I have no intention of reconsidering."
"Father—!!"
Bang, a deafening sound as my hand slamd against the desk.
The mountain of docunts, piled high, a testant to the workload, scattered like fallen leaves from the impact.
It was loud enough to make even the servants, who were waiting nearby, flinch.
Only the old head servant, with his years of experience, remained unfazed, his eyebrows not even twitching.
But despite my outburst, my father, who was sitting right in front of , didn't seem to mind at all and just stared at , his eyes filled with firm resolve.
Seeing that he had no intention of withdrawing his decision to send to the Akard Empire, I covered my face with my clenched fist.
Really, what is this all about?
I tried to calm down, but my emotions wouldn't listen.
Even though I hadn't been exercising, my chest heaved up and down, visible even through my clothes.
My ragged breathing and my heart pounding like crazy showed that I had lost my composure, caught up in a sudden wave of agitation.
It was a truly pathetic sight, a sight deserving of ridicule.
"....Huu."
"Anna."
Through the gaps between my fingers covering my face, I saw my father's kind eyes, looking at .
The dark clouds that had gathered over this peaceful kingdom were all my fault.
If it weren't for , everyone would be living a happy life.
Aris, would still be alive.
And yet, in my father's eyes, which reminded of a lush forest, there was no anger, only love and affection for , and because of this, I couldn't bring myself to act any harsher towards him.
I was always a loser, unable to do anything right.
"—It's been two years already."
The first to break the silence was my father.
His gentle tone, his deanor that never revealed any negative emotions, his way of speaking as if talking to a child, held a captivating charm that could control the atmosphere.
"Both myself and your mother can't seem to stop worrying.... I was the one who suggested separating you two, but don't you think it's ti for you to face each other again?"
".........."
Two years ago.
Remi was sent to study at the Museion in the Akard Empire, by my father's order.
My little sister had been furious, thinking it was all part of my plan to keep her away from politics and to use her as a pawn, but in fact, it was all my father's idea, his attempt to help Remi.
He told her to let go of Aris.
To see a wider world.
He said that those who are alive, should live.
So might say that everyone experiences hardships in their lives, but Remi's pain was especially deep.
She refused to eat or drink, and besides sleeping, the only thing she did was chase after the phantom of Aris, who was already dead.
Resentnt and hatred were deeply rooted in her soul, my sister’s body crumbling before our very eyes.
Remi's unusual behavior worsened, and there was even a ti when she ca to the place where I was receiving my lessons, sword in hand.
Aris's wish for to be a good queen.
If it weren't for those words, that plea, still lingering in my mind, I would have offered my neck to my sister right then and there.
But as long as Aris's words, her wish, still remained within , I couldn't allow myself to die.
I could only remain silent, before Remi, who was demanding I bring Aris back to life with tears streaming down her face.
A soul who had lived a life devoid of honor and sha.
They say that even the depths of hell reject those who do nothing but indulge themselves, the wicked ones.
The dead, who stand at the gates of hell, only envying other fates, letting out mournful cries.
I was barely living each day, awaiting that end, unable to even atone for my own sins.
"Remi should have reached a stable state by now."
"...Yes."
"In the first place, the agreent with the empire doesn't apply to mbers of the royal family, so Remi is free to return to Tesillia whenever she wants. She must miss her ho by now."
Remi's rebellion ended with a scolding from my father, who had heard the news and rushed to her side.
Remi, who had dropped her sword and was shedding bitter tears.
She had cried out to the sky, asking what she should do, how she should live, and even my father, who had co to stop the fight, had simply lowered his head, unable to answer her.
And so.
Unlike , who at least had a small straw to cling to, Remi, who had nowhere to lean on, had no choice but to lock away her burning anger inside, breaking herself down in the process.
Remi, having lost all purpose and goals in life, had beco a complete wreck.
My father, who had witnessed with his own two eyes the pitiful sight of Remi screaming her lungs out and pointing her sword at , finally made a difficult decision after much deliberation.
He declared that he would send Remi to the Akard Empire to study.
It was father’s attempt to help Remi start a new life in a new land where there were no traces of Aris.
He fully understood that Remi might resent his decision, but he was willing to bear even that, if it ant that anger could keep Remi going.
Of course, even my father didn't foresee that anger would be directed towards .
"If Remi enjoys her life in the Empire and doesn't want to return to the kingdom, tell her that's fine. This father has no intention of standing in the way of your future."
".........."
"And if you think Remi is still… trapped in Aris's death… It's okay to co back here as is. This will be the last ti I send you away."
I knew this day would co eventually.
I wasn't so foolish as to be oblivious to the fact that sending Remi away wasn't a solution to nd our broken relationship, but just a temporary asure.
It was a clumsy attempt at healing, akin to simply bandaging a cracked mirror.
With a shattering sound.
It was a mirror that would shatter into pieces at the slightest touch, unable to fulfill its original purpose of reflecting others.
But even though we were walking on different paths now, the day would inevitably co when we had to face each other.
And that day had simply arrived.
It wasn't that surprising.
But even though I knew that.
Even though I had taken deep breaths and prepared myself.
Facing your own sins head-on was always a difficult task.
Especially, when it involved my beloved little sister.
"I ask of you. Anna, my daughter."
".........."
What is this feeling, this emotion I'm experiencing right now.
No, could it even be called a feeling in the first place?
A lump of blood, rising from the depths of my chest, threatening to burst from my throat.
The suffocating feeling that constantly tornted , the feeling that would never disappear.
"It's alright even if Remi doesn't want to co back. It's alright even if she hasn't yet co to terms with her emotions. Just, just… I would like it if you and Remi could et, even just once."
"........"
"—You're sisters, after all."
An earnest plea, not from a king, but from a father.
I wonder when they appeared. Wrinkles, that I hadn't noticed before, were stuck deeply onto his rough palms, as they held onto mine.
They were weak hands now, aged, hands that I could easily break free from with my strength, but for so reason.
I couldn't bring myself to pull my hands away from his grasp.
"..I understand."
And in the end, I could only nod my head.
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"Where to, ma'am?"
".......Where…to…"
I pulled down the hood of my white robe, hiding my face.
On a gloomy day like this, why was the sky so clear, without a single cloud?
I wish it would just rain instead.
The blindingly bright sky and the cool breeze blowing.
As I watched two sisters strolling down the street, hand in hand, looking happy, I unconsciously fiddled with my sleeve.
The thought of and Remi... and Aris, being in their place, tornted .
With my head bowed low, I managed to move my heavy lips, forcing the words out.
Yes. I have to go.
I have to go, so.
"I'd like to go to the Akard Empire."
".....It will be a long journey, ma'am."
Long, huh.
For a coachman who considered thirty miles a day a lot, it would definitely feel like a long journey, having to travel from here to the empire.
But if it's a journey so boring that it makes you yawn.
A journey so long that you can't see the end of it.
I wish it would be long, literally so long that it never ends.
"We'll depart imdiately."
I boarded the carriage.
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