□ ■ □
Because there was filming today, I ran busily around the broadcasting station. The part-ti worker who was supposed to help carry stage props didn’t show up without notice, so Shim Won-jun and I ended up doing physical labor out of nowhere. We carried chairs and rearranged the setup.
“Ha... this is killing ...”
Shim Won-jun slumped into a chair and leaned his head back. Staring blankly at the set ceiling, he lowered his head and looked at lining up the chairs.
“Sol, don’t you want sothing to drink?”
“Right now?”
He nodded. The mont I said yes, he looked ready to spring out.
“Looks like we’re done.”
Glancing around as if to scan the entire space, Shim Won-jun got up and tilted his head toward the exit. It was a face that said, Straightening my back from being bent over, I hesitated and then nodded.
I bought a bottle of sikhye from the vending machine, while Shim Won-jun smoked in the distance. After blowing out his last puff of smoke, he threw the cigarette butt in the trash and waved his hand to scatter the smoke. As he approached, I handed him the sikhye.
“Oh? You got one for too?”
“Yes.”
“Ah, thanks. I’ll enjoy it.”
He grinned while shaking the bottle.
The smoking area was outside the passage connected to the basent parking lot, so we stood there waiting after pressing the elevator button on the B1 floor. Shim Won-jun said he had set up a blind date for PD Kim Myeong-hyeok a while ago, and now he was being hounded by his calls for days. Just as I was thinking that the dark circles under his eyes seed worse than usual—
“I swear, it’s like I’m dying. Every ti I try to sleep, he calls. It’s like he learned dating from a textbook or sothing.”
His face looked genuinely exhausted. I chuckled silently.
“What does he say when he calls?”
“Stuff like: What does she like? Should I make a reservation at the restaurant? Is it a romantic place? He’s like, ‘I know all the best samgyeopsal joints, but I don’t think those are appropriate for a girl I’m not even dating yet.’”
He could just tell him to figure it out himself and hang up, but it seed Shim Won-jun had been answering each question one by one. Even though he grumbled like that, he was the first to carry Kim Myeong-hyeok PD’s bag and help him up when he got drunk at company dinners. The problem was, he was always drunk too. The next day, the two of them would discuss hangover soup options like they were the most thoughtful people in the world.
The elevator doors opened. I turned to follow Shim Won-jun into the elevator, laughing heartily at his story—then froze. Shim Won-jun stepped inside first and looked at with a question mark over his head.
“Sol, aren’t you getting in?”
“Ah... yeah, I should.”
My pupils trembled. To Shim Won-jun’s right stood Seo Yun-jae. Behind him, Woo Hyeon-seong. To the left, Kwon Seong-jun. A few unfamiliar faces were nearby, and Baek In-hyeok was leaning against the left wall. And in front of him—Seon-jae stood there.
I glanced through the elevator, feeling like I had made eye contact with every single one of them. My heart thumped with tension. Holding the ‘open’ button, Shim Won-jun made eye contact.
“Sol?”
“Yes.”
I carefully stepped inside. The mont the doors shut, it felt like the air had been sucked out of the small space.
“What the, did you change your na? Wasn’t it Chun-baek?”
Seo Yun-jae stretched his neck and asked soone. Woo Hyeon-seong, who stood behind him, reached out to cover his mouth. Seo Yun-jae wriggled, trying to shake him off. The cramped space turned a little noisy.
Gulp. I swallowed and rolled my eyes in panic—sothing brushed my fingertips. I froze. Tap, tap—fingers tapped mine and then grabbed the tip of them. I looked down while staring ahead. Seon-jae, standing next to , was leaning against the elevator wall, holding my hand like it was nothing.
Why am I the only one nervous right now?
My lips went dry. I wriggled my fingers and pulled away. At that, Seon-jae, who had been watching the changing floor numbers with his head against the wall, turned to make eye contact. I fixed my gaze straight ahead, avoiding his, but my pupils darted nervously.
Seon-jae curled his lips slightly, then reached out to tickle the back of my hand. “Ack,” I gasped.
Shim Won-jun, who had been watching the elevator monitor above, turned to look at .
“What’s wrong?”
“Sorry? Oh, nothing.”
Tilting his head, he opened his mouth as if he had rembered sothing.
“Oh, right. Did you see the profile for today’s guest? They say he worships a real general god or sothing.”
“A... a general god?”
“Yeah. Says he follows that deity.”
“Ah...”
I murmured an uncertain response and glanced back. Woo Hyeon-seong looked like he’d been hit by lightning.
The elevator doors opened—it was our floor. As I stepped out after Shim Won-jun, Seon-jae leaned close, bringing his head near mine, and whispered in a voice only I could hear:
“I don’t like it.”
Shim Won-jun stepped ahead, and I followed. From inside the slowly closing doors, voices could still be heard clearly.
“Hey, didn’t I tell you to be discreet?”
“Did I not look discreet enough?”
“You little—”
Baek In-hyeok’s laugh was the last sound before the door sealed shut. I chased after Shim Won-jun, curling my eyes into a smile.
□ ■ □
It had been an unusually exhausting day. Maybe because I got off work late, the bus was empty. I sat in an open seat and leaned my head against the window. The dark scenery slipped past. Dim signs of closed shops, barren lots, bare trees with dead leaves still hanging from the branches. Watching the passing streetlights, I closed my eyes.
The sky, as the sun set, blood with mixed hues. A blue dusk spread around the rising moon, and a fiery red sunset spread where the sun had just disappeared.
Every direction I looked glowed with a different color, and sothing in my heart stirred. The ti when day and night blend—when the sun and moon, strangers, brush past one another. Once the sun had fully sunk, the world would be swallowed in thick darkness.
The streetlights blurred. At the end of the road, where the horizon t the sky, rays of the fading sun still lingered. I stood blankly at the pedestrian bridge and watched the view. The road below was empty, and the lined trees were draped with stars. Seeing those stars made wonder—was this a dream?
“Hey, Chun-baek.”
I heard Seon-jae’s voice from sowhere. I turned toward the sound. He was in his school uniform, a shopping bag looped around his wrist, walking toward . His eyes, lips, hands—all grew closer. He stopped right in front of and held out the bag.
Without a word, I took it and looked inside. A poetry book.
“What’s this?”
“Saw it and thought of you, so I bought it.”
Looking down at the bag in both hands, I followed the contents with my eyes to the ground. From the tips of my shoes upward—hot pink socks, navy school skirt, vest, jacket.
I looked up at Seon-jae. His expressionless face looked exactly like his high school self.
“Why did I co to your mind?”
His gaze locked with mine—and then suddenly, his cheeks turned red. He looked at with those flushed cheeks, and slowly opened his mouth.
“Because I like you.”
Thump. The bus jolted over a speed bump without slowing down, and my head bobbed. I blinked and woke up. Rubbing my eyes and cheeks, I noticed the heater was blasting—my nose was stuffy, and my skin felt dry.
I cracked open the window and placed my hands on my lap—sothing caught under them.
I looked down. A Bluetooth earbud case. Not mine. I looked around—soone must have dropped it—and spotted a familiar face. The mask covered everything but the eyes, but I knew imdiately.
Seon-jae?
He was sitting diagonally across, head resting against the window, looking at . Why is he here? I opened my eyes wide. Seon-jae pointed to his ear with his finger.
Ear? Do I have sothing on it? I touched my earlobe, but he shook his head. Then he moved his fingers like he was typing. A vibration buzzed in my pocket.
I checked my phone.
[Put in the earphones.]
I peeked back at him and straightened up. Taking the earbuds, I put them in. Beep—the connection chi sounded. What is this... I blinked. Music started to play. The phone vibrated again.
[My feelings.]
I stared at those three words and turned off the phone screen. Leaned my head against the window.
A soft lody played. I knew the song. It was “You” by Lee Moon-sae.
— Maybe I really do like you a lot
I turned my head and looked at Seon-jae. He was still leaning against the window, watching . As he rubbed his thumb on the phone screen, he typed and sent another ssage.
[Want to co sit next to ?]
Seconds later, the seat next to dipped with weight. I couldn’t help but smile. Seon-jae had a bright smile stretched across his face too.
I took out one earbud and placed it in Seon-jae’s ear. We shared the earbuds and listened.
Seon-jae interlaced his fingers with mine. I gently stroked the back of his hand with my thumb.
Cool air blew through the slightly open window. It lifted my hair. A gentle breeze. The soft music, the warmth of this mont, the sight in front of my eyes—all soaked into mory.
□ ■ □
Seon-jae leaned back on the sofa. I lay down with my head resting on his legs while we watched a movie. No matter how hard I kept my eyes open, my eyelids grew heavier. It felt like soone had placed a dumbbell on each eyelash.
This was the kind of film known for putting people to sleep—boring and monotonous. Why were we even watching it? Because Seon-jae had brought the Blu-ray over himself. I had given it to him for his birthday.
Oh my god, didn’t I give him this? My jaw dropped. Seon-jae nodded and opened the case. I mumbled that I’d given it to him as a joke for sleepless nights, but I don’t think it even reached his ears.
But sothing surprised more than the Blu-ray. When he took off his coat, I accidentally shouted.
He was wearing the knit sweater I gave him for his birthday. Thick cable-knit, oatal-colored. I had forgotten I even gifted it to him. It was for his 18th birthday, and there wasn’t a single fray—it looked brand new.
Covering my mouth with both hands, I gasped. “Why does it look so new?”
Seon-jae scratched his head and said sheepishly, “I wore it for the first ti today.”
His hand stroked my hair, and my body relaxed further.
“I never understood this scene.”
His voice echoed like it was underwater. Muffled. I blinked slowly. No matter how much I tried to focus, my head was fuzzy like soone stirred my brain. Seon-jae leaned over and looked down at .
“Are you asleep?”
“No.”
“You were totally asleep.”
“I wasn’t.”
I adjusted my posture and rubbed my head against his thigh. No matter how I looked, this movie was boring as hell. But Seon-jae watched it without shifting once. Amazing.
“Seon-jae, do you like this movie?”
“It’s okay.”
“People say it’s a natural sleeping pill. Aren’t you sleepy?”
“Nope.”
...What a guy. I lifted my fingers and forced my eyelids open. But it felt wrong to fall asleep—he had brought it for us to watch together. And I gave it to him, after all.
It would be like leaving a comrade behind in the trenches. I couldn’t let him watch this boring movie alone.
Scenes dragged on—picking shells on the beach, playing the guitar, all without background music. I even imagined adding an intense soundtrack like “Oh Pilseung Korea” just to stay awake. Maybe then I’d clap halfway through dozing.
My blinking grew slower. Then the monts with eyes closed stretched longer. The sound faded into the distance. My mind blurred. “Oh, Pilseung... Korea...” I thought faintly—and let go.
Like being subrged, sinking... Sowhere in the hazy, sleep-heavy space, I heard sothing. A voice, like lyrics. I opened my eyes for a mont—was the moonlight blurry, or was it ? I blinked slowly in the dim haze—and let sleep take .
I was montarily blinded by the pitch-black darkness. I blinked into the deep black void, then slowly rolled my eyes. As my vision adjusted, the outline of a figure beside began to take shape. The line from the ear to the chin, the gently curved lips, the bridge of the nose, the delicate eyelids, long eyelashes. Eyes as dark as the room itself were staring at .
“You’re awake?”
“...Oh, I fell asleep?”
“Yeah.”
I looked around. The last thing I rembered was watching the movie, lying on the sofa with my head on Seon-jae’s lap. At so point while I slept, Seon-jae must have moved . We were now lying on the floor. The blanket was pulled up to my neck, and Seon-jae’s arm was under my head, supporting . However long I had been asleep, his arm must have hurt.
I lifted my head to pull away from Seon-jae’s arm, but he curled his arm around and pulled back in. My body tucked right back into his embrace. I glanced up at Seon-jae.
“Doesn’t your arm hurt?”
“Nope. Not at all.”
The house was silent. The TV was off, and if I strained my ears, I could hear the ticking of the clock.
“What ti is it?”
“Probably... three?”
We’d started the movie at 11 p.m. It had been boring from the beginning, and I hadn’t focused on it for even an hour. Then I’d fallen asleep... so how many hours had I been out? I looked at Seon-jae, my eyes now fully used to the dark. His clear eyes didn’t seem like they had just woken up.
“You didn’t sleep?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Couldn’t fall asleep.”
Three in the morning? I was about to say it, but stopped myself. I shifted my lips, bit them, and wrapped my arms around Seon-jae’s waist.
“You still have insomnia?”
“Sotis.”
Seon-jae’s hand brushed gently through my hair.
“But still—why ‘still’? Did I go around announcing I had insomnia?”
“...Uh, no? Just, people around you sotis said... you didn’t sleep well.”
“They did?”
“Yeah.”
I rested my head on his shoulder and quietly felt his breathing. My head moved gently with the rise and fall of his chest.
“Is it always like this? You just... can’t sleep?”
“Pretty much.”
“Even when you close your eyes?”
“Yeah.”
At his calm voice, my eyes began to sting with tears.
There were tis when I felt sad for no reason. When I stared blankly at the ceiling, unable to sleep, I thought of you. That’s when I realized—this sadness ca from your absence.
All I could do was relive the monts we shared, hoping to et you again in a dream. Because if I t you there, it would an I got another mont with you. But you never showed up in my dreams...
So I endured the insomnia with thoughts of you. You were the most vivid then.
Everything Seon-jae had once said ca back to , word for word. My eyes burned, then a tear fell down my cheek in a straight line. Afraid that a sob might escape, I bit my lip tightly. My throat clenched, hot and tight.
I wanted to say sothing. But I knew the mont I opened my mouth, I’d cry uncontrollably—so I stayed quiet.
Seon-jae, I really want you to be happy. More than anyone else. More than .
Recently, Seon-jae had appeared on a music competition show and won. Every song he perford went viral. He even sang for a drama OST—his voice played every ti the main couple kissed. Maybe because of that, he was gaining a lot more public recognition. Even Potato Legend fandom was changing. And yet, Seon-jae still seed to struggle with insomnia.
Perhaps he noticed his shoulder getting wet—he gently petted my head.
If he had said, Are you crying? Don’t cry, I would have completely broken down. But instead, he said nothing—just kept softly stroking my head.
“Are you crying because I can’t sleep?”
“...Yeah.”
“Is that sad?”
“...It’s not that.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“...Because you seem like you’re in pain.”
I frowned and buried my face in his chest. He quietly continued stroking my hair.
“You keep crying, so I can’t even tell you to stop.”
Every ti I heard Seon-jae’s voice, a sob welled up inside again.
“There’s sothing I’ve always wanted to ask.”
“What is it?”
“Back before your ti travel—was I not there?”
“...”
I slowly opened my tightly shut eyes. My tear-streaked vision made Seon-jae’s arms look pitch black. Silence fell.
“I haven’t made my wish yet.”
My eyes darted in every direction. Seon-jae leaned his upper body back and looked down at . I froze, only my eyes moving. My heart felt like it had dropped out of my chest. But Seon-jae’s face remained calm. As if he had known all along what I hadn’t been able to say.
Then whose na would you write your wish for?
For Chun-baek.
I rembered a few days ago, when the three of us—, Seon-jae, and Baek In-hyeok—had competed in a singing contest.
I looked up at Seon-jae.
“What did you want to change?”
His eyes in the dark were deep. My heart raced.
“Tell your wish. What did you co back to change?”
“...”
His hand touched my face. He wiped my tears with his thumb, then softly caressed my tear-streaked cheek.
“I figured you wouldn’t tell .”
He reached out, fumbled along the floor, and picked up his phone. After removing the case, a thinly folded piece of paper fell out. He picked it up and handed it to . I turned over onto my stomach and propped myself up on my elbows to unfold it.
Lying beside , Seon-jae used his phone to light the paper. I recognized the handwriting in the first line:
[To Seon-jae.]
“...This.”
“You gave it to .”
My mouth hung open. I turned to him, unable to speak, and he nodded.
“You should’ve just given this and gone. How could you tell you didn’t like and just disappear?”
“I an, I thought I was doing the right thing...”
I blinked wide, and Seon-jae pointed the phone’s light directly at my face. I squinted and shut my eyes.
“See? You had no intention of seeing again.”
“That’s not it—no, I an... we didn’t even know each other before. How could I plan to see you again?”
I cracked one eye open—only to find the light even closer. I grimaced.
“Move the light away.”
“Nope.”
“It’s too bright, I can’t see anything.”
“I love you, Sol.”
The abrupt turn in conversation made open my eyes and ease the tension in my brow. The light disappeared, and there was Seon-jae, in the deep dark.
“I know it probably won’t happen again, but if sothing ever does—don’t run away for . Only if it’s for yourself.”
“...”
“Got it?”
“...I didn’t run. I went back.”
“Whatever. You still dumped and left.”
“...True.”
“What do you an, ‘true.’”
“...Was I wrong?”
Seon-jae laughed. I stared at him, eyes wide.
“What? Why are you laughing?”
“Just... because I’m happy.”
“You find the weirdest things to be happy about.”
I hugged his waist tightly. With my face buried in his chest, I closed my eyes. White snow scattered across the blackness of the scene like a mory. It felt like a season that connected and Seon-jae. The warmth from Seon-jae’s body {N•o•v•e•l•i•g•h•t} seeped into and lifted my heart.
“Kim Chun-baek.”
“Yeah?”
“I won’t forget the days when that was your na.”
“When was that?”
“The day you ran across the schoolyard shouting, ‘Run away with Seon-jae on your back,’ and the day you didn’t answer your phone because you were still Kim Chun-baek. The days you saw from a ti I didn’t know. All those versions of you.”
I looked up and t Seon-jae’s gaze.
“Don’t ever leave again.”
When did I ever leave you?—I wanted to say that, but held it in. Seon-jae’s face was as quiet and deep as dawn.
“I love you.”
The look in Seon-jae’s eyes was so brilliant, I couldn’t asure its depth.
If I could hold onto one mont for the rest of my life—
I wished it could be this.
This sleepless night with Seon-jae.
This mont we shared in silence.
This instant when our eyes t, when his warm breath touched .
A night where our hearts filled with each other, so that in the end, the only one left inside was him.
Only Seon-jae.
His eyes slowly moved. He wrapped his arms tightly around and let out a soft breath.
“I’m getting sleepy.”
His drowsy voice tickled my ear. I nestled against his chest, hugging his waist tightly.
Thump, thump—his heartbeat echoed in my ear.
I listened for a while, then whispered softly,
“Seon-jae... I can hear your heart.”
Instead of an answer, I heard the sound of him gently breathing.
Soft and steady, light and peaceful—his quiet breath.
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