*Natalia*
It was a full moon tonight. It cast its light through my open window, shining down onto . But unlike the sun, there was no warmth–just an endless, cold pit.
I stared emptily at the sky, my whole body feeling heavier than usual as I lay curled up under my blankets. The tears had thankfully stopped, but the dry tracks on my face were uncomfortable. Every movent felt sluggish, like trying to move in slow motion.
I tried to hold onto what little warmth I could but the ice had perated down to the bone, numbing in my core. I stared at the battery percentage on my phone, watching it slowly countdown but not bothering to plug it in.
Three percent.
I wondered if the moon felt as lonely as I did now–if this feeling would ever fade, or if this was my punishnt for deceiving the man I loved, if this numb misery was my new normal I would have to suffer through this for the rest of my life.
The thought was unbearable.
One percent.
The screen of my phone flickered and died, leaving alone with my thoughts and the moon. I’d never felt so alone as I did now, and I glanced at the sky and the stars shining above. I wondered perhaps if stars could still grant wishes for soone like .
If they could, I had only one wish.
“Natalia.”
It was impossible. I whirled up in bed, my eyes wide and my heart beating loudly in my chest. Standing in front of my doorway was the person I wanted to see more than anything.
“Tallon,” I whimpered, my heart constricting in pain at the sight of him. There was a blank look on his face and he stood there, not moving an inch but keeping his eyes on . “You ca back.”
He didn’t answer, and despite my best attempts to keep myself together, I couldn’t stop the floodgates from opening up once more.
“I’m sorry,” I wailed. “I swear I didn’t an to hurt you! I was just doing what my family told . But you were so kind and loving and I fell in love with you, and I was going to tell you but you beat to it and–”
I choked on my own tears, dissolving into whole-body sobs. I could barely see through my blurry eyes, the tears burning as they stread down my face, and just when I thought Tallon was going to leave again, to turn his back and leave in the cold again, I felt a warm touch on my cheek.
I jolted from the temperature difference, glancing up as Tallon kneeled on the bed before , a sad look in his kind eyes.
“It’s okay,” he whispered, his voice like a low hum over the radio. “You didn’t an for any of this to happen. I forgive you.”
Before I could say another word, he kissed with everything he had. I latched onto him like he was the only thing keeping anchored to the ground, opening my lips for him as he caressed my cheek.
And I felt whole and complete. The chill washed away like it never existed and a warmth grew from the middle of my chest down to my fingertips. I threw my arms around his neck, pushing myself into his lap as I craved more and more of him.
He tasted just as I rembered, and I moaned as he threaded his fingers into my hair, tugging my neck back so he could trail his lips down my skin. I tore my hands under his shirt, murmuring his na between relieved shudders as I fell apart in his arms.
“I love you,” I whispered over and over as he gently pushed onto my back, staring deeply into my eyes. I felt unbearably warm, sweat trailing down my skin and I reached my hands out to touch him, to feel any bit of him that I could.
And I felt nothing.
***
I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar, empty, dark room. It took a mont to gather my bearings, to understand why I couldn’t feel Tallon near , why I wasn’t in my own room, and why I was sweating like a dog in the California heat.
I slowly sat up in the uncomfortable bed under , rubbing my eyes at the sweat that had accumulated there, and it finally hit . Yesterday flashed through my mind like a movie, like soone else’s life passing by.
But it was real–Tallon, finding out before I could tell him and leaving , and the panic I felt as I gathered everything I could and ran from my apartnt like a mad woman.
And this was where I’d fled to.
I kicked off the scratchy blankets, my whole body covered in a sheen of sweat as I slowly got to my feet. I turned on the bedside lamp, which looked like it ca from the 1980s floral print era.
I had taken a bus to the farthest I could reach in one night, to a shitty motel just outside of the city, one that looked sketchy as shit, but they didn’t ask any questions when I signed in. They gave a room and they surprisingly took the fake na I gave–Milena, like my grandmother.
It was probably a bad idea to use a recognizable na, but it was the one my mother had always told to use just in case. I knew my family could find easily that way but I doubted they would be looking for just yet. I was more concerned about Tallon’s n.
There was an ache in my chest at the thought of him sending n to co to kill . But it wasn’t anything I didn’t deserve.
I grabbed the single bag I’d taken from my apartnt, opened it up, and shuffled through for so clothes. The little I had brought was mismatched with clearly not much thought put into it. I sighed, grabbing what I could and heading for the attached bathroom.
I ignored the worsening heavy feeling in my body as I sluggishly headed for the shower, stripping my current clothes. I wondered briefly how I was going to wash them now that they were soaked in sweat and I couldn’t go back to my apartnt.
A laundromat?
I’d have to get coins.
I jolted as the cold water from the shower ca down upon my skin, roughly beating down in comparison to the gentle water pressure I was used to. I grit my teeth at the sudden cold, bearing it until it slowly starts to warm up.
I could’ve stayed in there forever, rubbing my sore muscles and thinking about nothing until my skin was red and raw, but I knew from the lessons my mother had taught as a child that I couldn’t stay in one place for very long.
And it was already too long.
I sighed, turning off the shower as I dressed in the new clothing. Even the towels were low quality, already fraying at the edges, but I folded the dirty ones and tucked them in the corner anyway.
When I got out, I sorted through my bag for my brush but my hand t sothing soft and fluffy, sothing I recognized imdiately. I pulled out the large bit of fabric, the scent hitting all at once.
Tallon’s hoodie.
He’s given it to after one of our dates and I’d forgotten to give it back. I had to admit I had been using it as a way to deter myself from calling him, from going to him when I was avoiding him.
Now, it felt like a reminder of everything I’d lost.
I bit my bottom lip, struggling not to dissolve into tears yet again as I pressed my nose to the fabric, inhaling the scent that still lingered there. Longingly, I slipped on the hoodie, determined to carry whatever piece of him I still had with .
I packed my stuff up and took the ti to set up the burner phone I’d bought. I’d left my old one at my apartnt and I was going to miss it, cracks and all, but it wasn’t safe to keep it with . I didn’t know if anyone was actually after , but I wasn’t going to take any chances.
I hoped my mom was safe with my uncles, wherever they were.
I was sure she would be. It was they were angry at, not her.
As I sat on the bed, unsure of my next move and slowly losing my goddamn mind, I realized I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I couldn’t go to a friend and put them at risk. I couldn’t go to any family mbers. They would turn in imdiately. And Tallon....
I didn’t know what he would do if I showed up in front of him. But I was sure it wouldn’t be anything good. Eventually, my growling stomach led to my next stop on the list. I pushed away all of my bad thoughts, focusing on one thing at a ti.
I grabbed my valuables, slipping them into the hidden pocket inside the hoodie that I’d found by accident. I had thought it was just like Tallon that all he had stored in there was a couple of mints and my own phone number, the slip of paper now worn and torn with how much he had used it.
I pulled my hair into a low ponytail, stuffing it inside of the hood as I left the hotel room, clutching my keys and my newly bought pepper spray in my left hand. I made my way to the nearest store and luckily, nobody seed to think I was odd.
I grabbed so hair dye, an ugly shade of blonde, and a little food before making my long walk back to the hotel. My anxiety was at its peak and I kept expecting soone, anyone, to show up and grab . But nothing happened.
I couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing.
By the ti I got back to the hotel, I was ready to dye my hair and leave for the next town, but as I walked in, the nervous-looking desk clerk waved over.
“Hey, so um, soone ca looking for you,” the clerk said with an anxious look. “I told them you weren’t here but um... just wanted to let you know.”
I swallowed, my heart racing in my chest in both fear and hope. Did my family or so of Tallon’s n find ? Or... perhaps was it Tallon? Was he looking for himself?
“Who? Do you know what they looked like?” I said urgently, pressing him, but he crumbled like an overbaked cookie.
“No, sorry!” He bowed his head, twiddling his fingers together. “I’m terrible at descriptions! It was a... guy, I think and he had a beard, um, that’s all I rember.”
Beard? It wasn’t Tallon then.
“Thanks anyway.” I nodded at him, glancing around at the empty lobby just to make sure nobody else was there before I headed for my room. The hallways were empty, luckily, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was being watched, that feeling on the back of my neck that I couldn’t ignore.
I hurriedly packed my things, stuffing whatever I could into my bag and pockets. I cracked open the door, checking the hallway one last ti before I stepped outside. I shut the door behind and made my way out of the hotel.
I never saw it coming.
A gloved hand wrapped around my mouth and neck, pulling backward into a huge body. I scread, but the hand only shut my jaw forcefully, cutting off my air in the sa move. I bit my tongue, tasting blood as I struggled to get away from whoever had grabbed .
It was like fighting against steel and with no oxygen to my lungs, my vision blurred around the corners as they pinned against the wall like I weighed nothing. They pulled my arms behind my back, stretching them until I heard a loud pop, and tears poured from my eyes at the shock of pain.
I kicked my legs, threw my head back, and did whatever I could to escape, but it wasn’t enough. My lungs scread out for oxygen that it wasn’t getting and for a single mont, I thought, ‘Oh, I’m dying.’
And then everything went dark.
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