*Tallon*
Everywhere and everything reminded of Natalia. Even when I was sitting at ho alone watching TV, my mind was overrun with confusing feelings of love mixed with guilt mixed with sadness.
Looking at the screen, I saw a character with dark brown hair and watery blue eyes walking across a room, speaking in rapid Italian as she argued with her boyfriend, little tears forming in the corner of her eyes.
mories of Natalia hit like a blow to the chest.
I hated that it was the last image I had of her–her desperate tears as she begged not to leave, sobbing out that she loved , so heartbroken like I had never seen her before and–
No. I couldn’t feel that way.
I pressed the palms of my hands to my eyes until I saw stars behind my eyelids, and I tried to push the guilt worming its way into my heart back down the depths where it belonged.
She had lied to . She hadn’t just betrayed –that wasn’t even the worst part. She had gotten my n killed, n with families, with the bullshit she pulled, all in the na of her pathetic family.
And she had the nerve to be the one crying, to be heartbroken?
‘But she was forced into it. She said as much.’ As always, a little voice in the back of my head rose in her defense.
“Fucking get out of my head,” I growled to myself, trying my damnest to get rid of the thoughts. Natalia had consud every part of my waking life, and as much as I wanted to walk away from it all, to leave her behind in the past for what she fucking did, I just couldn’t.
I was beginning to think I was going insane with all the obsessive thoughts that kept filling my mind. I constantly wondered what she was doing, where she was, and if she was still crying, waiting for to co back and tell her I forgave her.
But I couldn’t do that.
I didn’t even know if what she did was forgivable, or if I even wanted to try. She had crossed a line that most of my enemies had never dared before and now, I was left to pick up the pieces.
I hated that after everything, she still had such a deep hold on .
But on the other hand, a part of didn’t hate it. I still loved her. I loved her today, and I knew that I would love her tomorrow and until my last breath. She was like a firework on the Fourth of July, bursting into my life just when I needed her to light up the dimness I lived in.
I thought it had been fate.
But it had been planned from the beginning... by her family.
I sighed, throwing my arm over my face. I could just hear Alessandro in my head calling dramatic. No doubt he’d tell to stop moping. Vinny would just say to find a new girl and get the old one out of my system, but neither of them really understood.
This was the first woman I ever truly loved, the first one I wanted to keep by my side, not because she was pretty or I could gain sothing from it, but because I just liked her. I loved her shy smile whenever I gave her a gift she wasn’t expecting, the way her cheeks turned pink as I complinted her, the way she clung to during sex with her long hair flared out against the sheets.
I cut off that train of thought imdiately, groaning to myself as I muttered, “I’m so fucked.”
“In more ways than one.”
A biting voice cut through my moping. I removed my arm from my face, staring at Vinny.
With his arms crossed and face set into a grimace, I could almost imagine him smiling from the angle I was looking up at him in. I hadn’t even realized I’d been laying there practically upside down.
“Anything new?” I sighed, straightening myself on the couch so everything was right-side up again. I clenched my fists onto the teeth as the blood suddenly rushed back down and I grew dizzy, my eyes blurring at the corners.
“Yeah,” Vinny said quietly, coming to take a seat on the couch next to . “I finally heard back from them.”
He didn’t need to specify who he was talking about. Just by the way he spat out ‘them,’ I knew imdiately there was only one person he could be talking about. I sighed, running a hand through the few tangles in my hair before glancing at the TV once more.
The woman on the TV who I had thought resembled Natalia ca to the screen again, but looking at her now, right-side up, I realized they weren’t similar at all. She was just a pretty face on a screen, not anything like the woman who haunted my every waking and sleeping mont.
“What did this Ivan character say?” I asked Vinny tiredly.
“He wants to et tonight for dinner. They nad the restaurant and ti and said no more than two n besides us. They claid they would do the sa, but I don’t trust it one bit,” Vinny said crossly.
“Typical Vin,” I smirked. “You don’t trust anybody.”
“Especially not these fucking assholes! You’re insane if you think we can trust them,” Vinny ranted, shooting an incredulous look. “They’ve made it their mission to kill us for decades! They even went so far as sending in that bitch to seduce you!”
“Hey,” I interrupted, glaring at him fiercely. “Don’t call her that.”
“Unbelievable,” he scoffed. “You’re still fucking defending her after everything she did to you, to the family? She caused the deaths of fifteen of our mbers, whether she knew what she was doing or not.”
Another reason I couldn’t hate her like I should–it had been pointedly clear after our research that sending Natalia to seduce hadn’t been so masterful plan like we first thought. They’d simply sent her in out of convenience. It was an impulsive decision, not a calculated one.
They’d used her to get to , and though she knew what they were doing, I doubted she had any idea of the damage they had caused or how many lives they had truly taken. The guilt I’d seen in her eyes during our fight had been real.
But Vinny was right, too.
I couldn’t keep defending her, not when I had so much riding on this.
Vinny sighed, glancing at from the corner of his eye. “I still think you’re stupid and being an absolute dickhead for her but... I figured I should let you know. That girl... Natalia.” He corrected himself at my fierce glare. “She’s missing.”
I stiffened, turning to him with a weird look. “What do you an missing?”
“I an,” Vinny said, holding back no punches as he coolly delivered the news, “that after you left the other night, soone saw her run out of her apartnt with a bag and she didn’t return. We kept watch over the place since we thought her associates might show up, but there’s been nothing.”
“She ran?” I asked, numbly, feeling like everything around had stopped. The mont seed to last forever as I tried to understand the words he was saying, the implications of what that ant.
My head felt like the black and white static on a broken TV.
Vinny sent a pitying look that I only half-caught, with my mind continuing on like a freight train on the tracks with no care whether I was right in his path.
“We tried tracking her, but she hasn’t used any bank accounts and she didn’t go to any places we know she frequented. She also completely skipped out on school. Not even the teachers know where she is. I don’t know whether she went back to her godforsaken family or if she took off on the run but either way, she won’t be a problem anymore.”
A problem.
To Vinny, that’s all she was, just a problem removed from the equation, negated like we were just numbers to be solved and forgotten. And I didn’t bla him. In this line of work, it was how he had managed to beco my right-hand man and had managed to keep that position by always making sure I stayed on the right track.
But to , she had always been more.
“Tallon,” Vinny snapped, grabbing my attention from where I had dazed off. “I don’t trust Ivan or any of those Russian bastards, but I do trust you. If you think this is the right move, I’ll follow you, just like I always have, but you gotta get your head together. Focus on this deal and then we can discuss what to do about your girl later, okay?”
Surprise must’ve flickered across my features because Vinny rolled his eyes, sending a knowing look.
“You think I don’t know you? I don’t know why, but you love her.” He shrugged, then sent an easy-going grin, one I hadn’t seen since this whole ss had begun. “And as much as I don’t like it, I’m not going to try to stop you or convince you she’s bad news. You already know that. So, whatever happens, just know I’ve got your back.”
And just like that, I knew we were okay. The unspoken bond between us was still as strong as ever, and I gave him a little nudge on the shoulder as thanks, my mind racing with a brand new clarity.
He was right. Perspective was a hell of a thing to have beat into your skull, and it was a lesson I never seed to stop learning.
I loved Natalia. She was the one I chose to give my everything to, and I wasn’t going to take that back now. It would take work to sort out this ss, but I was willing to do that for her and for my family.
And the first step to getting that done was this dinner.
“I don’t trust them either, Vin, but don’t worry about it.” I grinned confidently. “I’ve got a plan.”
“Don’t you always?” he said with a reluctant chuckle that was tainted with a bit of sarcasm.
I got off the couch, brushing off my clothes as I determinedly nodded at my right-hand man. “I’ve put so contingencies in place in case things go south, but right now, we have the advantage. So let’s get ready for dinner.”
“Aye, aye, captain.” Vinny mock-saluted, getting to his feet beside and sending a grin.
I watched him race upstairs to get dressed and I checked the ti on my phone. My eyes traveled to my text ssages and despite knowing she may never get it, I couldn’t help but send her one last text just in case.
‘I’ll see you soon.’
I pocketed my phone, finally ready.
It was ti to get this party started.
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