I had to hand it to myself; Id gotten pretty good at flying!
I credit it to all the practice I put in while staying at the Bumblebelly farm. My speed and maneuverability had increased by a factor of Im amazing! I could now turn on a di and take off and land without accidentally killing sothing.
It was also now much easier to intentionally kill sothing, too! Flying was so much fun!
My only issue with it was that it gets lonely up here, soaring above the heads of the hapless, ground-bound at. What was the point of being incredible without soone up here with to bear fearful witness and beg to be let go without realizing that I was going to grant their wish ironically?
Also, birds make terrible conversationalists! They always make everything about them.
Imagine my relief when I finally made my way clear of that boring enchanted forest filled with magical talking animals, and all their southern gothic bull-spit, and found myself above a nice well-worn road that was packed with a caravan of human travelers!
Hurray! I love humans! I totally used to be one of those things!
I began to land so I could introduce myself, but then paused in midair. What was I doing? Id already t exactly four other human beings since Benson died, and so far, all four of them had tried to kill ! Perhaps I should avoid humanity instead of trying to befriend them.
They were clearly nuts around here!
Although now that I thought about it, Ive technically t ten humans if you count those soldiers that I butchered for being rude to in front of a lady. Oh, then that number becos twenty-five if you count those lumberjacks I mulched up because I was bored, and they were there.
You know, if you really think about it, Ive wasted loads of humans and theyve barely been able to slow down. I was kind of unstoppable!
Yeah, I really was being overly cautious! Why should I let a few bad eggs spoil the pie, or the batch, or however we categorize what expired dairy products do in a group setting? Or maybe it was apples? Who cared! Now that I was a HERO, a sentint which my pal Libby completely agreed with about--
I did not and you are not.
--it was ti I did more to interact with the public. Thats what heroes did in the gas and comics I enjoyed back on earth! They traveled the world, solving mysteries and taking quests while changing the lives of the useless chumps who couldnt do anything for themselves because they sucked.
It was ti for Max the Axe to show the world what he was made of!
Which is to say, it was ti to grow a new at suit.
Oh, I call them at suits now. It made sense to call them at puppets back when there were two minds sharing the body, but since I now just grew my own and was the sole occupant, who exactly was I puppeteering? I like to be accurate in my language, you know? So, at puppets were out, and at suits were in.
See how logical I can be when I try?
I landed discreetly behind a nearby tree and began growing myself a new fleshy coating.
A little while back, I asked Libby why I could now grow new bodies for myself and no longer needed a fresh corpse to inhabit. After a few long explanations, followed by a lot of carefully worded shorter explanations, what I learned was that Id basically absorbed the DNA of my first host, Benson, and had the information filed away in storage. Now, whenever I needed a new at suit, I could make one from scratch!
Ahhh, Benson. My unforgettable first friend. Darn, I missed that guy!
The problem with regrowing a Benson suit, though, was that Benson, for so silly reason, was now considered a fugitive from justice. If I got inspected by a guard with another one of those darn scrying mirrors, the law would be all over like ads on a twenty-minute-long YouTube video. Who needed that hassle?
Luckily, Libby had covered!
I closed my eyes and envisioned a screen. On the left side of it, there was a nude male body. On the right, there were two sliding scales for height and weight, and a large color wheel. There were also separate screens for modeling anatomy and hairstyles as well as separate colors for those.
Thats right folks! At my request, Libby helped create my very own character creation nu! Shed never heard of Smackdown vs. Raw, or Phantasy Star Online, but shed been deeply intrigued by the notion of customizing a body to your own specifications, so shed gladly helped slap together this interface.
Youre the best, Libby!
I know you were thinking about trading in earlier.
Da best!
__
After fiddling with the settings for a bit and then tweaking the results until they were just right, I created a new body that I thought suited perfectly. For my age, I selected twenty-one. I then gave myself a sleek swimrs physique, which was strong looking but not too muscular, since the ladies werent that down with buff boys.
I next gave myself a short and spikey haircut for my black locks, set my height at five foot ten inches, and gave my pale skin a slight tan. As for the color of my eyes, I made them brown, but I couldnt help but give them an upgrade. At will, I could make them glow a vibrant vampire red!
Yeah, yeah, I know its stupid to even hint at being a supernatural being in this crazy pants new world I was trapped in, but co on! If you could deliberately model your eyes to lookdeep red and glow in the dark, I bet you'd do it! Anyone would! In fact, Id argue you had an obligation to do it. Its the rule of cool!
All would-be heroes are required to obey the rule of cool. Its a rule, silly!
The last step was my clothing. Since no one here was cool enough to just let an axe in a at suit dress down in so comfy jeans and a t-shirt, I modeled my new outfit after what Id seen other people wearing. Rugged cotton breeches with laced up boots, and a tunic. Then I rembered what that violent red head whod slit my throat had been wearing when I last saw her. A kind of half-cape with a stylish looking golden eye on the back.
I thought she had looked pretty cool, personally speaking, and decided to make one for myself. But I made the cape into a darkred full length hooded cloak, with no sleeves. All the cool fantasy protagonists and dark lords wore hooded cloaks. It was a rule. One that I hadnt made, but fully believed in.
I decided not to carry my axe publicly. My encounter with that bald bruiser of a bully, Denard, had taught a valuable lesson: One of the few things that could cause harm; that is to say, make feel actual pain, was my own blade! Not only that, but if my axe left my at suits presence for too long, my at suit would die!
It would be best to save my beautiful, bladed self for those dangerous monts when Id actually need it.
With that decided, I strolled out to et my new traveling companions.
Oh, nuts. I think this was a refugee caravan or sothing.
Everybody here had the hungry haunted eyes of a victim. Eyes that looked like they had seen things. Bad things.
There were entire families packed together on those rinky-dink la-o wagons. The n were hard-faced, and scarred, clearly the veterans of more than a few life-or-death scrapes. Their clothing hinted at finery gone to seed; like these folks had been wealthy once but were forced to abandon their holdings in a hurry.
In other words, these guys were looooooosers!
I wondered if I could find anyone cooler to hang out with if I flew further down the trail. Yeesh, I cant believe I took the ti to grow a new body and so nice clothes just to et these nobodies. I wish I had a cloak of invisibility or a stealth field, so I could scout out these situations first before committing to them.
Note to self: Find soone with a stealth imbuent and slag them, so I could claim their ability for myself.
Affirmative, Max. Its now on the list.
Thank you, Libby!
Its what I do.
Na yourself, stranger, called a womans voice.
I looked up and saw a cute, no, scratch that, a beautiful blonde woman in shining plate armor, riding a magnificent white stallion towards . In her right hand she held a gleaming silver sword and OH MY GOD, THAT THING WAS FREAKING OUT!
Libby, what the heck is that thing? Can you feel it? Its making my skin crawl!
Max.
Yeah?
Max, I need you to stay focused and listen to . Listen very carefully. Under no circumstances should you use your bladed mode around this woman. Shes wielding a Divine Weapon. One that is far more powerful than you currently are.
Snap, crackle, and Pop! Are you saying that thing is alive? Like ? I have a big brother?
Okay, sure, lets go with that. But in your case, your big brother is a cannibal who will gladly cut you into pieces and feast on your corpse.
Jeez! Okay, whatever, let appraise him and see what Im dealing with
Max, I am enacting an ergency lockdown of all your available skills and magic. Until further notice, you are now just an ordinary mortal.
What? Libby, whats your deal?
Its an issue of trust, Max. I simply cant trust you not to do anything that would get us both killed. A divine weapon on that level would almost certainly sense an attempted appraisal. We have no idea how it would react! We MUST be cautious and use discretion. So long as youre wearing that at suit, you will read as being a level five human. In order to remain safe, you MUST keep up this charade.
Fine, fine, fine, but you didnt have to shut off my powers! Since when could you do that, anyway?
Bla yourself. You were the one who nad , which promoted to active partnership.
What? Seriously? Well, in that case, Im unnaming you, and demoting you back to being my whatever it was you used to be!
Too late, Max. You get what you get, and you dont throw a fit!
Nuts!
I said na yourself! the lady Knight with the scary sword repeated.
I slowly cleared my throat and carefully weighed my options. Libby thought Id get us killed, did she? Ha! As if! Ti to show her just how slick I could be.
Well? Are you going to answer ? the woman asked.
Fuck you, lady, youre not my dad! I snapped back at her.
Oh, no! What a bad ti to rember I have oppositional defiance disorder!
Why, you arrogant little swine! I ought to wash your foul mouth out with a bar of soap! the Knight declared.
She hopped off her horse and strode over to with an angry expression on her face. Oh, crap, was this freakin Brienne of Tarth? She towered over ! She had to be 64 at least! And she was really hot too, damn it!
I wish I could call a ti out and go readjust my height settings, but it was too late. Lesson learned: always go tall! You never know when youll run into a giantess! This could have led to Snu-snu! What a missed opportunity! It wouldnt have killed either, Im an axe!
Life could be so cruel at tis.
Sorry, Ser Lady, uh, Knight person. Ive been traveling alone for so ti, and Ive grown used to the sounds of my own thoughts and stuff. I didnt an to offend you. Youre very tall!
You say youve been traveling? she asked. Then where do you hail from?
From the east. The far east. Chinatown. East Chinatown.
How strange. Ive never heard of a place nad East Chinatown.
Thats a sha. Youd love our Bok Choy. Try it if you ever stop by. Were always giving out discounts for first ti custors.
Why do I think youre lying? she asked.
Because a man you trusted hurt you once, and youve been carrying that pain in your heart ever since?
Whats your na?
Max.
Max, I dont think I like you very much.
Oh, no! She must have sensed sothing was off about .
But how???
I dont hate you because I dont feel emotions. But if I did, I would hate you SO much, Max
Heh, Good ol Libby. Always trying to lighten up a serious situation.
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