So, as it turns out, Denard was strong. Denard was very, very strong.
I now knew this from personal experience. Because I was airborne. What? ? In the air? How nifty! Had I sohow gained flight magic? Could this humble axe now traverse the skies, free forevermore from the chains of gravity? Was I now a free bird, much like the titular character of my favorite Lynyrd Skynyrd song, Free Bird, which Id always assud was about so sort of bird who was very free? Possibly Jonathan Livingston Seagal?
No. Not at all. Denard had simply punched was all. And as I had just ntioned, Denard was very strong.
I dont think Im going to get along with this guy. I dont think were going to click at all. Nope!
For one thing, hed smashed through a wall. Being punched so hard that you fly soar through the air and smash through a wall is very unsettling. Walls arent supposed to be smashed through. They exist to mark the ending of a room, and to hang pictures on. Sotis theyre loadbearing too. This wall had been!
Now I had a bunch of stuff from the ceiling caving in and landing on . Also, my jaw hurts. Or it would hurt, if I could feel pain. This is a at puppet after all, so its not as if hes actually beating up. But if that were really my jaw, my jaw would hurt.
Denard was being a bully. Why do big n always feel compelled to throw their weight around?
It didnt take long to claw my way out of the rubble. But I had barely gotten to my feet when Denard was on again, launching a nasty little left right combo. When his punches connected with my face, it sounded like two glass plates clacking together hard, just shy of breaking. Not exactly the sort of sound effect you want being piped into your ears!
Im starting to think you have a problem with , man, I managed to get out before he brought his hands together and clubbed to my knees. While I was down there, stunned, he lashed out with a booted foot and kicked under my chin. He kicked so flipping hard, I did an involuntary backwards sorsault!
Okay, I actually felt that one. And let tell you, I dont enjoy feeling things. Im not masochistic in the slightest! I much prefer inflicting pain over experiencing it. Not that this brute seed to care! As I lay there on my back, he reached down and lifted into the air by the neck.
Son of a gun! He was vadering ! This stupid bald bastaBoston Celtics fan was vadering ! You know, the classic onehanded neck lift and squeeze? He was doing that to ! Id always wanted to do that to soone else! And here he was, not only beating to the punch, but using it as a ans by which to keep punching in the face! What a jerk!
Denard: I do not like you, sir! I do not like you!
Whyd you do it? he asked. Whyd you do it? Whyd you do it?
Whyd I do what? I asked him back.
Whyd you kill my n, you fucking bastard!
Am I under arrest? Have I been mirandized?
What? What the fuck are you talking about!
Your language is abusive! I have rights!
Shut your fucking mouth! he scread as he shook .
I thought you wanted to talk! Pick a lane! Grow so hair, itll keep your brain warm!
Is this a fucking joke to you? Denard bellowed.
Why do you do that? I asked him.
Why do I do what?
All that cursing. It seems so forced! It really doesnt match your voice at all.
Huh?
I think youre code switching, man. Thats so class conscious! Hey, did you go to a nice school?
Uh--
You did, didnt you? Dont be embarrassed by it! Your parents worked hard for their money. Making yourself sound working class disrespects their efforts! You shouldnt be embarrassed by where you ca from, Denard!
Shut up! he yelled, and then lawn darted through another wall.
It really makes you wonder, right? Was he punishing , or punishing himself?
Food for thought.
__
When Denard ca stomping through the hole hed made using my face, I caught him in the belly with a good swing from my axe. He stopped and looked at his waist, stunned by the sudden appearance of this fine-looking piece of indestructible magic steel now embedded in his gut.
Hullo! I said brightly. Then I dragged the blade across his waist to open the wound even wider, before I pulled it free. Then I elbowed him in the gut as hard as I could! It made a sound like spletch! And Denard scread like a man whod just had his stomach opened with an axe, which coincidentally was the effect I was going for, so, yay ! I did it! Hurrah for disembowelnt and the heroes who work hard to make it happen!
Using the flat of my blade, I pounded my axe-head against the top of Denards skull, then kicked him in the face as hard as I could. I dont know the exact limits of my at puppets physical strength, but [Troll Regeneration] was a skill I had that constantly healed my injuries at a superhuman rate of speed. Thanks to it, I could use my muscles without them ever fatiguing, or tearing if I tried to lift sothing that would ordinarily be too heavy for them. That basically ant I was strong as heck!
Now it was Denards turn to go flying back. Ha! See how much you like it, Baldy! Aww, I couldnt get him through a wall, though. I guess Im taking ho the silver. As a consolation price, I decided to also take ho his head!
Laughing as rrily as a child at play, I ran at Denard and swung for his neck! But instead of feeling the warm, welcoming splash of fountaining blood, I heard a aty thud and saw that he had caught my blade in the palm of his hand!
Okay, now I was starting to get ticked! Was this guy so kind of a freak or sothing? Honestly, what the heck! Now I had neck balls! Which was like blue balls, but you only get them when you cant cut through soones neck and decapitate them!
Denard was being a jerk! And you know what? I wasnt afraid to tell him so!
Whats your deal, Baldy? Youre really dragging this out! I said through gritted teeth.
You haventpaid yet! he snapped back in response.
You stupid neanderthal! Im the main character! I dont have to pay for anything!
The fuck you dont! he yelled. Then he rose to his feet, and backhanded ! Slapped like I was so punk nobody! If my axe wasnt attached to my at puppets hand, that slap would have made lose my grip! Speaking of grips, he then reached over, grabbed by my scalp and slamd face first into this mansions stupid marble floor. A mont later, I felt his boot co down directly on the back of my head.
His foot kept coming down. Repeatedly. He was using my head to turn the floor into a Jackson Pollack painting! Gore splattered everywhere, brains, bone, and blood. But he still didnt stop, not until my skull was as flat as a pancake. No kill like overkill, I guess?
I was beginning to feel very disrespected!
After about ten minutes had passed, he finally stopped stomping on . I guess he thought I was finally dead. How nice! How awfully sporting of him! So high-minded, so genteel! Youre a heck of a guy, Denard! Youre definitely the sort of fellow I could drink a pint with! Because youre just that cool. Youre a bro, Denard. Youre a real bro!
As he walked away,I swung my axe deeply into his right shoulder and laughed maniacally at his scream of pain.
I wont fucking stop! I scread at him. I wont ever fucking stop!
And Im sorry guys, I know I let you down with this one, but Id been pushed beyond my limits. Even soone as conscientious of his language as I try to be can crack if hes been abused enough. And Denards bullying antics had sent flying over the edge!
So, I started making so swears, as my toddler niece would have put it.
Kill your whole fucking family, big guy! I yelled to him. Wont stop with you! Everyone you know! Everybody you ever t! ALL FUCKING DEAD! Gonna tell them its your fault too! Stupid fucking Denard! Stupid fucking Denard! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Like HELL you will! Denard scread in response. Before I could get another swing at in at him, he grabbed my torso, gripped it tightly in each hand andwell, have you ever seen that strongman technique on television, where soone rips a telephone book in half?
Yeah. He did that to . Shrrrrrrrrp.
Denard, youre such a prick.
When I ca to a little while later, I saw that my body had already started nding itself back together. But for so reason, it was going much slower than usual. I didnt understand! I thought I had unlimited mana or sothing to that effect. Thats what Libby told ! So why was I healing so slowly?
Oh. That might explain it. Denard was holding my axe in a death grip.
Hed ripped my arm off and pulled the thing out of its grasp. How he was holding it in a manner which I found very discomforting as he glared at with what I can only describe as intense animosity.
What the fuck are you? he asked . I couldnt help but notice that all the wounds Id dealt to him were now nearly healed. Oh, what the heck, man! Thats cheating! Youre not supposed to be able to heal as well!
Denard, you suck so much!
I think thats my line, Baldy, I rasped to him. Cheesus Rice, you sure can take a beating, cant you?
Better than most, he agreed. Now answer my question. Are you even human?
Are you?
He slamd my axe directly into my chest and OH MY GOD, that was the most pain I have ever experienced in my life! It was even worse than the sli attack had been! FUCK, was that was it felt like when I did that to other people? Was this how much they suffered?
HAHAHAHAH! Thats pretty cool, actually!
Answer my question! Denard roared, bringing the axe up for another swing.
Wait! Wait, please! Its not ! Its the axe! I wept. Oh, thank the gods! Thank the gods for you, Im free!
What?
Im just a woodcutter. A simple cutter of wood! I moaned. Oh, how I enjoyed the mossy feel of the morning woods as my fellow woodcutting chums and I would rrily wander about the woods, seeking wood to cut! Oh, so much wood! We were the masters of wood! Wood was all we knew! And cutting it was our passion in life!
"But then that wicked axe did appear and soon my simple and quiet life of woodcutting beca an endless nightmare of not cutting wood, but rather, n!
Are you saying this is a cursed weapon?
It was! It is! Oh! Oh, no! It made hurt all my friends! All my dear and precious friends! Johnny! Dicky! Antonio! Charlie Grum-Grum who had bad gum-gums! Sticky fingered Pete, who wasnt allowed to be alone with any squirrels by order of the courts! Little Geordie! Even little Geordie! Lordy, Lordy, I killed Geordie! Oh, will the angels ever forgive for taking those dear n from this world?
The flat side of the axe slamd into my face, shattering my teeth and breaking my nose.
Stop LYING! Denard yelled.
Whath? Buw how dith you know?
Another slap from the axe. Oh, he was a canny one!
You know what? I told him a few minutes later, when so new teeth had grown in. It doesnt matter. Do what you have to do.
This is your last chance, asshole.
You think so? I dont. I learn fast. I lay my head against the floor and took a deep breath.
You know sothing, Denard? I have way too much fun, and I think it occasionally gets in the way of making rational decisions. I an, youre strong as heck, buddy! Why was I fighting you head on? Thats dumb. Thats not taking things seriously."
"But I can learn from this. I can! I had fun! This was a great learning experience for . Also, your friends are still dead, and youll never be able to avenge them, so choke on that for a while, okay?
You son of a he started to say as he lifted the axe up for a final strike. This guy! Always with the bad language! He'd even gotten doing it for a little bit. I was so over this!
Before he finished off, I activated [Earth Mastery] and used it to generate a powerful magnetic field that enveloped the axe. Then I inverted that field which caused it to repel the steel my axe was comprised of, which sent it flying far, far away. Railgun principal! Do you love it? Say hey, if you love magnets!
If we ever et again, youre paste, Denard. Grats on your win, though. Byyyyyyye!
The further away the axe went, the harder it beca to stay conscious. When the distance grew too great to maintain the connection, my at puppet died.
And then, I was back in my axe body. And wow, I was soaring!
Hey, as it turns out I figured out a way to fly after all! Magnetic fields are aweso! This was traveling in style, guys! Seriously! It was so much fun, I wanted to sing!
Here I go! A magical axe! Flying through the sky, so fancy free~
Being an axe is aweso!
__
Denard yelled in frustration. His hands clenched so tightly into fists that he felt his tendons popping from the tension he was exerting.
This isnt over, he promised himself. This isnt over, this isnt over, this isnt over!
That creature had claid it was a fast learner. Well, so was Denard! He was more than re muscle. He was a good listener too. That thing had claid its power ca from that strange axe. And in the crucial mont, it was the axe it had chosen to preserve over its own life.
That ant it hadnt been lying!
It must be like a Liches phylactery. His soul must return to it when his bodies die
He nodded to himself. That was certainly what the evidence suggested. And he had a feeling in his gut that he was right! The axe was everything! Get rid of the axe, get rid of the demon!
So be it. His n would be avenged!
Fly away as far as you like, you coward! Denard yelled. It doesnt matter. Im the one wholl find you!
And when next we etTHAT AXE WILL DIE!
__
What was happening in there? Nicollet asked with wide eyes, as she and Seras made their way through the woods, far from any open path. Why didnt we wait for my aunt?
She wasnt there, Seras said quietly. And if we had stayed there any longer, we would have been caught up in the fight between those two monsters.
Hey, what did you see in there? Why are you so pale?
I saw n turned into dog feed, you little idiot!I learned that not all demons are locked beyond the black gate! That was what Seras had been tempted to say. Instead, she said: Pray you never have occasion to learn, my lady.
So, what are we going to do now? Nicollet asked her.
Well have to head to Duskvale. To the last place your aunt was sighted before she vanished.
You dont an
Yes. The dungeon.
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