I waited until the hush of night, just as it turned midnight, the queen said, her voice grim. It was during the ti of drought and famine in Tekezash, and, for most, it was a truly terrible ti. My familys food stores were holding well enoughwe were not feasting, but we were not without most als either. Though, I wish I could say the sa for those who lived in the countryside: everything, even the lowliest weed was dead. The people were growing hungrier. Desperate. My father led patrols across our lands almost daily, because in lean tis, bandits multiply. These were desperate folk leaving fallow fields and useless farm tools to pick up the spear or the bow and shield. Tension was high, and my mother had instructed our guards to keep a strict watch on the outer walls of our ho.
Shesighed. Our lands were attacked and so blad my fathers decisions for the drought and the famine that followed. He asked the king and queenfor aid, because the plague of plant monsters brought to our kingdom by those swindlers was spreading, but the army was stretched too thin. We were all afraid, and almost every eye in our ho was watching the countryside.
That sounds awful, Selina shook her head, trying to imagine what that ti must have been like. But she couldnt; there was never a ti in her life when she didnt have food to eat, either in Alric or Generasi. Mr. and Mrs. Lu had talked about bad years with bad harvests when they were young, but the rains had always been kind in Thaland for as long as she could rember. If her stomach grumbled, she could always find a snack for herself in the kitchen or the larder, or could simply wait for Mr. and Mrs. Lu to prepare the next al. It was the sa for everyone she knew back ho: no one ever talked about going hungry, and in Generasi, food was even more delicious, more plentiful, and easier to get than in Alric. There were so many different kinds of fruit trees growing wild, that getting sothing to eat was as simple as reaching up and picking sothing off a branch.
If she actually thought about it, shed never known anyone whod gone hungry; famines were terrible things from dark stories, or bleak history lessons from the church school. Never in real life. The thought of hiding at ho, hungry, and knowing that starving people were roaming around outside desperate for any scrap of foodreminded her of those demons that had attacked the Gas last year, the thought was probably just as terrifying.
So what did you do next? Selina was on the edge of her seat.
I snuck out of my room and into the hallwaythankfully, no one was about and I quietly made my way to the library. My mother and father were not wizards, but my teacher had brought many books for to study from; different spell-guides and books on magic lore that hed placed high up on the shelves, she said. And as quiet as a mouse, I took a chair, climbed up on it, and took the spell-guide for Hands of Fire down. Then I went back to my room.
Selina swallowed as the queen continued.
I was so curious that I quickly opened the spell-guide, though I didnt think I would be able to use it. The queen continued. My teacher had only taught the simplest of spells, yeteven if this spell was more advancedI could cast it. It was actually easy. The magic seed to want to co to .
Sothing about those words excited Selina; the thought of magic wanting to co to herbut she shook off the feeling.
Im going to use fire, she thought. Im going to use fire to kill fire. I shouldnt be happy about that.
But even as the thought entered her mind, the spark grew brighter and warr, yearning for fla.
What happened next? Selinas excitent was getting away from her. Did the spell go wrong? Did you have a she paused, trying to rember what Alex called it. A mana reversal?
No. Queen Ishtar smiled dreamily. The fire ca to without a bit trouble. As much as I had struggled with my general lessons in magic, this magic ca freely, naturally. I knew without the slightest doubt that the fire was born to , and it wanted to co to . It almost felt like the spell was casting itself as I muttered the words.
Hm, Alex mused, but said no more.
In the end, it ca quickly, Queen Ishtar said. Too readily. And too powerfully. Flas shot from my hands, spraying over my bedchamber; and my bed and desk began to burn.
Selina gasped, her hands trembling.
But the queen continued. Of course, I started to panic and though I was trying desperately to put out the flas with the pitchers of water and curtains that were in my roomit blazed even brighter. And thats when it kissed . She touched the scar on the side of her face. I had never felt pain like that before in my young life, and all I could do was scream and cry while the house guards ran to my aid. It took much ti to snuff the flas, but they managed to keep them from spreading.
Khalik winced. I do not like when you tell this story, mother. You were hurt and it frightens to think what might have happened to you The prince froze, looking at Alex and Selina, pain taking his face.
Its okay, the young girl said.
Her older brother waved him off. Yeah, dont worry about it, I get it. I get it better than most people would.
...thank you, Khalik said slowly.
What happened after that? Didnt you hate fire? Selina asked.
She knew that if shed done what the queen had, then she would have hated fire. And maybe even herself.
No Ishtars handresting on the tablecurled into a ball. My parents and teacher berated and I took my well-deserved punishnt; I was not allowed to touch fire magicor even light a candle by myselffor two years. Those were so of the worst days of my life.
But why? Selina demanded. Fire hurt you! Why didnt you hate it? Why dont you let soone take that scar away?
The queen smiled sadly. Fire is like an unruly chil she paused, looking at Selina closely. No..that is not right. That explanation is not right for you. She thought for a mont, looking outside, squinting against the sunlight. Tell , Selina. Do you hate the sun?
There was silence.
What? the young girl asked, exchanging a confused glance with Shiani.
Do you hate the sun? the queen repeated her question.
N-no Selina said, her confusion growing.
Have you ever been too hot on a sumrs day?
Yes, the young girl said slowly. The first hot day this sumr was really uncomfortable. I put on a dress that was too heavy and I felt sweaty and gross the whole day. My hair looked like matted dog fur.
The queen laughed, a warm sound. And you were annoyed that day, were you not?
Ya
Were you angry at the sun?
No, that doesnt make sense. Selina frowned.
What about the wind? It gets cold where you are from, and the wind must make it worse. Do you beco angry at the wind? Do you hate it?
No! Thatd be weird.
Fire is the sa, the queen said. Shiani told of the spirit of fire that her people worship.We both told you of the magic of fire and its warmth. There are deities of fire that govern heat and fla throughout the world. But what of fire itself? What is it? Well, I will tell you: it is like the sun, the wind, the rain and the heat. It is like lightning and earthquakes and the tide. It is like sand, the cold and the earth. Fire has no mind, Selina. Not even a beasts mind.
She smiled. There is beauty in that, I find. Fire does not sche. It does not hunger. It does not hunt. It simply is. And it helps us, like the rain and the water and the wind and the sunbut it can hurt us too, just like they can. So when the fire burnt , I did not bla it, for who was there to bla? Fire did not want to hurt . Fire did not hurt .
The queen pointed to the fireplace. Fire cannot want. It cannot do anything with intention. Fire only is, and it is other things that direct fire, such as fuel, wind, rain and people. She caressed her scar. Fire was the tool that burnt . But who really did burn ? I did. I was careless with it, and so I kept this scar to remind never to be so careless again. And now you know my journey to fla.
Selina only realised shed begun to cry when the first tears ran down her cheeks.
Her brother was out of his seat in an instant, with a handkerchief in hand, but she spoke before he could touch her.
If you burnt yourself She jumped out of her chair. if you did that to yourself and youre the one whose fault it is, then what about ! Selina pressed her hands to her chest. Did I burn my parents to death? Was that ? I was too small to know or rember anything when they died! Was that ? Did the fire co out of and burn up our whole lives? Was that ?
Alex stopped, his face turning as white as a sheet.
A small part of Selina regretted her words; shed never told him what she suspected. For fear he might hate her. In case he might try to hide the truth by protecting her. All this ti, shed been too afraid to ask anyone.
But nowin front of soone else with a fire affinityshe couldnt hold the words back anymore.
She had to know.
Thats impossible, Shiani said, her hands to her mouth. By the Flas, is that what youve been thinking this entire ti?
Ohno Claygon said quietly.
By the Sapphire Sea, Selina Khalik had half-risen from his chair.
Selina Alex said, his voice shaking as he ca toward her.
She raised her hand. No! If he hugged her, she wouldnt be able to think anymore. This spark inside herthis little ember of fla and anger that gave her enough strength to finally ask that questionwould die if he hugged her now.
She would go back to cowering and wondering.
And right now? She was done with cowering.
What you think is not possible, the queen said, her tone as gentle as a low wind. But it is a question asked by many with our affinity. And the answer is that its not possible.
Youre lying. Tears poured down Selinas face as her voice broke. Youre lying, arent you?
She couldnt allow herself to hope. She couldnt.
The queen paused, weighing her words carefully. I am not, nor would I. Ask yourself this question Selina: you have mana in you but have you ever made magic? Have you ever accidentally cast a spell or used power before anyone taught you to?
well...no, the young girl admitted. But, fire could be different. You said it was inside , so it could co out!
Thats like saying that because a baby has hands, she could wield a sword, the queen said gently. The world is full of many wonderful things that I will never understand. But I know fire. And I know affinities. And I tell you that what you fear is what many fearbut it is impossible. It cannot be.
But what if it is! Selina insisted.
Its not, Alex said. But even if it were, then you couldnt bla yourself. Itd be like blaming a baby for crying. You were too young to know any different, even if it were possible. But, Selinaand I an thisits not possible. You didnt do it, and you shouldnt bla yourself for it. Itwas an accident. A horrible, horrible accident. Andsotis thats what happens in life.
He frowned. Sotiswe just lose sothing, and theres nothing we can do about it.
The queen rose from the table. He is right, Selina. It is not your doing. There is no fault. It was just fire being fire. Andhate it, reject it or love itfire is a part of you.
But what ifI dont know if I want it to be part of ? she asked.
Queen Ishtar rounded the table, looking down at her. Sotis, as were growing, we hurt ourselves. But we cannot reject that part of ourselves any more than one can cut out their own soul. Instead, we must master it. That is the way I see it. So tell , how do you see it?
Selina paused for a mont, looking at the fireplace.
All her life, shed been yearning for firebut since her parents died shed been running from it.
She wanted to make cold from firebut even if she did, that would an learning about fire. Mastering fire.
Selina looked at her big brother.
Hed been Marked with sothing that nearly ruined their lives, sothing that could have destroyed his.
But, what had he done? Hed mastered it.
What would she do?
She sniffled. How could she use fire to make coldor for anything else if she didnt face it?
Her hands clenched into fists.
Umyou said you learned that fire spell really fast? she asked the queen. Could you teach one? Could you teach a fire spellright now?
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