"Am I cute?" she answered but I can’t believe sothing like that I said to soone I hate.
"Answer Ayla!!" she held my shoulder all of sudden as if sothing was wrong with her.
"Chloe, you ok?" I asked. "Ok? No, I’m not ok. I’m not at all ok", she said.
I patted her shoulder and asked, "What happened? Why are you talking like that?"
She pointed toward a corner where she was sitting before I found her. Beer cans were rolling here and there making scared.
"Did you drink them?" I asked.
"Ha"
"Chloe, answer !!! Did you drink them?" I asked.
"Yeah I did", she hiccuped.
Gosh, why did I co down out of all this ti? Seeing her getting drunk like this makes feel guilty. all above she is pregnant. What if it will do sothing bad to the child?
No no, I can’t let it happen.
If I keep her here anymore she will drink all the cans placed inside the fridge.
"Chloe"
"Can you hear ?" I asked while she nodded.
"Ok shall we go to the room now?" she again nodded.
"Good", I said and tried to hold her but again my stomach started gurgling, making embarrassed.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"Yeah?" I want to dig a hole and bury myself inside.
"Ok, let make sothing for you," she said.
"But you are drunk," I said.
"Don’t worry I’ve never ever been so drunk as to forget myself," she said and wore her apron.
I have no idea what she is making but she is doing all those sizzling and adding tomatoes but it slls heavenly with the tingling sensation of spicy coming to my nose.
"Here", she placed the plate in front of .
It was the Italian pasta which I was craving for a while. But as I tasted the spice was just the sa as what I wanted to eat. My mouth keeps getting watery the more I’m trying to eat but still, my hunger is not taking the na to subside.
"Ah sorry I ate all", I said.
"It’s ok I’m not hungry."
"But if you want to eat more I have," she said and again filled my plate with the pasta I desired for a long ti. I’m glad this ti I’m not craving sweets like it happened when Ayla was burned but this child likes whatever I like making my inside tingling.
"You have done?" she asked again.
"Yeah, it was the most delicious al I ever got to enjoy." I smiled.
It was not fake but more than genuine.
"So when did you start cooking?" I asked.
"Cooking? Umm, let think" she thought for a while and said, "I don’t rember but from when I ca to know I was already cooking."
"Ha? Really?" I was shocked.
"Yeah, as my parents never stay at ho. Whenever I co from school I call out for them but I get no one’s reply so I often used to stay hungry till they co ho and I can get sothing to eat. That was too tough for as I only used to go to school having als in the morning and my school ended after 1 o’clock when I was in junior high."
"So you used to stay up hungry till when?" I asked.
"Maybe till 10?"
"At night?" I asked.
"Yeah", she acted.
How could they let her stay ho like this without even bothering about her food?
"Sotis it used to be even later than 10 so I used to go to my friend’s ho telling I want to study with her so that I can have so snacks too as my parents were too busy working without stocking the snacks I love at ho." her voice sounded weird.
"So I started practising how to cook. At first, I burned my fingers and sotis I wasn’t able to feel the taste but eventually it worked out." she forced a smile making pat her shoulder.
I can’t believe today is the day when I was scolding her for all my ssed-up years but again I’m trying to be friends with her as if I want to console her and cheer her up. I can’t understand my mood at all.
"Sorry, I made you hear all these bad stories which are not even worth", she was about to leave when I stopped.
"No, I’m sorry too. I know what I said in the morning was not how I was supposed to behave but you can feel just how ssed up my life with a child would be." As I said she held my palm and said, "No, Ayla it’s not your fault."
"I know even if I didn’t give birth till now I can feel how painful it would be as my morning sickness already started and I couldn’t eat a single thing I like even though I love them."
"There are chocolates I want to eat but the spicy food craving I’m having is intolerable because it’s how Jas prefers."
"I know I may feel like I’m exaggerating but Jas is with as well not."
"Our relationship is more ssed up than it looks."
I can feel it.
"There is sothing I want to talk about too.
It was more like I wanted to share."
"Tell !!!" she said.
"What are your thoughts about giving birth?" yeah I finally asked it.
"What do you an?" she didn’t understand.
"What do you think when a woman goes through giving birth?" asked again.
"For it sure is painful. To be honest I never thought of giving birth to another life. For that feeling is scary. And above all, I don’t want to be a parent like my mom and dad."
"Whenever I think about it, one day I will see my child in my place and I will be in my parents’ place. I wonder how I am going to behave? Am I going to be calm and give what they like or will I just beco so negligible like my parents?"
Her words are so full of anings which I never thought of.
"And about the pain, I must say when I was a child I always said I was never going to give birth. Is it necessary to give birth risking another person’s life? Can’t we just have the person who is living?"
"Many questions are running inside ."
"What do you think, Ayla?" she asked.
"I don’t know."
"I never ever faced the situation. To be honest when I was having Ayla I was so happy that I could burst."
I smiled.
"She must be happy too," she replied.
"But there are monts when I wanted to say I wanted to get relief from this pain."
"There are monts when I used to beg and say let out the child inside of so that I could breathe. It felt like she was holding the wire of my living source. It feels as if she is pulling the strings which can kill too."
"But-
"But?"
"But when she was born and I saw her in front of I felt its worth. It’s not like anything could ease the pain but I felt as if she is the one I can live for when I have no one but this ti it’s different." I said.
"You? Pregnant?" she asked with a shocked face.
"Oh yeah", I smiled.
"Congrats, Ayla", she again held my hands.
"You too. I hope you give birth safely. And more importantly, I hope you give priority to yourself." I said.
"So I was saying this ti he said he wanted to have another baby with but was he even aware of the pain?"
I smiled.
"Ayla", she placed her hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah, I’m ok but is it really what he needs? What about ?" I asked.
"He said he needed the child more than you?" she asked.
"No, the issue is he didn’t say anything but asked,’’ Do I not want to give birth?"
"His voice was cold as if I denied that mont he would raise his voice and tell how could I be a mother when I think like this?"
"Tell how I should behave when soone talks like this," I asked while looking at her.
She was about to say but I heard.
"Mommy?" It’s Ayla. She was standing above the stairs.
"Mommy, you there?" She kept on calling softly.
"Yes baby I’m here", I said and went above.
"You can walk?" she asked.
"Yeah, sohow being pregnant again made my fear of heights vanish." I chuckle.
"Good for you," she replied.
"You too don’t drink and go to your room and sleep. And yeah make sure to call your doctor tomorrow as not many find it suitable for pregnant won. Got. It?" I asked.
"Yes, mom." I really sounded like a mom.
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