It’s been a day since he ca to take back but I don’t want to return.
No, it’s not like I don’t want to see my Ayla but whenever I find myself in that place I feel suffocated as if soone keeps checking sitting on my neck. Those eyes sure were scary when they looked at from head to toe. I have no idea why I feel like this but this is not a good feeling.
"Ayla", he called .
"What are you thinking?" he asked but I didn’t answer but kept on thinking.
Whenever I imagine soone would snatch him from I get scared. I don’t want to go through the main again and again but I couldn’t help but return to the place.
"Ayla!"
"Tell , what is going on in your head?" he asked, shaking .
"It’s nothing", I didn’t tell him.
"So when are we going to return?" I asked.
He let out his phone and checked sothing.
"We will leave at night", he said while I again ended up thinking of so random scenario.
Can I really face it?
I’m scared.
Gloomy feelings running inside even though I’m getting excited to see my child after almost a week. I want to wipe her tears and tell her I will never leave her like this but still why does my body keep on shivering this way as if I’m going to lose my control and do sothing I may end up regretting?
***
"Are you both going to keep continuing to leave here?" I asked, looking at Kylie and Jennifer.
"No, we do have so thoughts but are not sure. You know the pain right?" Jenny said.
"Yeah I know but I am too aware of how tough the work you are doing now. They don’t even pay you for overti and no day offs as well. Are you sure you two can continue working like machines?" I asked again.
"You don’t worry we will figure it out", they said with a smile but I can see the tiredness in their eyes.
That was the last conversation of mine with them and we boarded the plane and landed at our destination making feel nervous as hell.
Still, I bore with it and reached our place but all I could see was my daughter running toward while she had tears in her eyes.
"Where were you?"
"Why didn’t you stop when I told you?"
"Why did you leave here?" She started complaining making feel bad but still I held her tightly whispering, "I’m really sorry."
"Your mom really is an idiot so will you forgive her right?" I acted cute but instantly she wiped my tears and hugged . After all, I can say getting a hug from your child is so freaking magical and nothing can change or replace these feelings.
I carried her and we walked inside. Again the feeling hunts . Their eyes kept on piercing through my skin still I think I tried to control them until I heard soone calling my na.
"Ayla, I wish we can talk. After all-
She stopped but that’s when my anger kicked in.
"Hey", I pointed toward the maid who helped before.
"Can you bring Ayla to the room?" I asked while she took her.
"You won’t leave right?" Ayla asked again.
"Yes, baby I won’t." I kissed her forehead and she left the place making the entire place gloomy which is becoming just because of .
"You wanted to talk right? Let’s talk." I said.
"Here?" she said.
"Yeah, it’s not like there is anyone here who doesn’t know the ssed up relationship build up here," I said.
When finally raised her head and said, "I’m sorry."
Is that it?
"Everything happened just because of and I’m really ashad of this", she said and again went to her mute self making annoyed.
"Is that it?" I asked.
"W-what?" she asked.
"I asked, is this what you wanted to talk about?" I asked and she didn’t respond but decided to stay quiet but I no longer want to be quiet as my insides are burning as well as I m.
"You know what saying sorry is not worth it," I said but she again tried to say sothing but I stopped her.
"You know just because of revenge how much you played with my feelings?"
"I know you are not aware of how I felt all these years because you kept on staying with your loved ones in the sa room with the sa warmth while I suffered as if I was going to die."
Everyone stayed quiet as well including Aaron and Jas.
"You know the mont I left the place seeing you two I felt like I was the other woman who burst into your relationship and now I’m acting like a vixen when I was having his child. And I don’t think there will be anything else that would make feel worse than the feelings I felt."
"Every day I waited for Aaron in my ho was extrely painful. I could no longer have the desire to talk to anyone who even tried to make speak. No one could speak my mind but cope with my mind as if my head kept bursting from inside and killing each ti with the feelings."
"You know that?"
"I don’t think you know or you could ever."
"From my teenager to being a youngster I always waited for love as if I wanted nothing but him. To get him I went on a different path and chose many wrong people, making my heart beco stone so that it could never waver for anyone but when I learnt the truth you made feel like shit."
"I know you are pregnant and you shouldn’t hear these but I can’t stop myself. It’s not like I hated you from the start but the more ti passed I never liked you also because you made feel like a cruel mother who can’t even tell her child who’s her dad or it will make her leave when ti passes."
"You know how painful it was for ?"
"I-" she tried to speak.
"No, you don’t."
"When she was growing inside all she made crave his favourites making feel less important in her life. Even though I bear all the feelings embracing her as she is mine. And you know what was the most painful part?
It was for not having anyone besides except my friends who did all they could but it’s not like they could stay with leaving their work for .
You know the pain I felt while giving birth to her for a week because she just didn’t want to co out and later they ripped out my stomach for her birth but did I have anyone? No, but here you got everyone."
"I should feel jealous right?"
"But I don’t because it’s too painful for to express those feelings of mine let alone think."
I let it out.
Yeah, I let it out.
My legs are stumbling.
Everyone is silent as well Aaron. Of course, he would feel too as if it’s his fault as well even though I don’t want to agree. Still, it was his responsibility to be with , love , embrace and tell he will be with whenever he can even though he can’t feel the pain still he will be my moral support. But I really got nothing.
"I’m really sorry for letting out all of my feelings all of sudden", I said while my lips were trembling as well.
I started walking toward the stairs when the sa maid ca and took up but others didn’t even budge as if sothing was tied to their ankle, unable to make them move.
I felt bad making it look like this still when I again tried to turn and say sorry to them my head started spinning. The ceiling above my head started roaming in a circle above my head making my entire body feel unstable.
I wanted to call soone to hold but my words too didn’t co out but slowly I closed my eyes.
I don’t know if I’m falling or I’m saved but there is no strength left in to support myself.
You are so weak, Ayla.
How could you just hurt people because you are hurt?
Now they must be thinking I’m an attention seeker and I only know how to bla soone as I used to hear in my school. But still, I don’t want to die like this. I don’t want to feel pain anymore.
I don’t want to go through hell again the way I felt in my teenage years. I want to live happily. Yeah, I want to have a happily ever after.
Hope I get to be happy too.
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