I opened my eyes. I didn’t get to sleep the entire night. No matter how I tried, my heart kept beating fast, making feel the anxiety growing inside . I kept thinking about his ssage. Sohow I know he will reject for sure or why would he even avoid for so freaking days? I know this is going to happen.
"Ayla, why are you rolling so much?" Yona is still asleep.
"Oh sorry, I don’t feel sleepy. You sleep. I will go to the living room", I said and patted her head so that it wouldn’t disturb her sleep.
I walked downstairs and went straight to the kitchen. I’m craving sweets. My mouth is getting watery even though I’m not hungry.
"Where is chocolate?" I thought and started searching on the shelf.
But I cannot reach the upper shelf. I kept looking everywhere, then I found a stool, so I tried to find it but before I could get the container of chocolate cookies, another hand grabbed the box. I turned to see. It was dad. I felt awkward. As we never talked much after that. And whenever we find each other like this, it feels even more awkward than before.
"Here, take it. Don’t climb again as it’s high and you will fall if the stool moves", he said.
"Oh thanks", I said and went to the couch. I could feel his presence behind , but I didn’t say anything. Even if I ask, I don’t have any topic to describe, so it is useless.
"Aren’t you going to your room?" he asked, making startled.
"No, I’m not sleeping and she won’t be able to sleep if I struggle so", I explained.
He ca closer to .
"Should I tell her if it is uncomfortable for you?" that’s when I snap, even though I’m barely controlling my anger. It is who is walking on thin ice and when it lts, I can’t guarantee what I’m going to do.
"What do you an?" I asked.
"I’m only asking if you are uncomfortable in case", he looked away.
"I don’t understand what you want to do."
"Are you asking if I’m uncomfortable? But why does it sound as if you are telling she is uncomfortable, so you want to change her room?" I said it.
"What are you saying?"
"Of course, it sounds like this. From the very first day when you ca to know she is coming, all are telling if I’m uncomfortable we can change the room as if I’m a guest in this place and the real daughter is returning ho and you guys don’t want to make her feel bad nor you want to make feel bad." I said it. Yeah, these are my genuine feelings, but I never expect that I will say this one day at midnight complaining about my stupid feelings.
"Dad, tell what do you want to do?"
"Do you want to change rooms?"
"If you do, then I will change gladly, but I don’t want you to say this to at midnight as if I’m an outsider. It makes feel bad, which I couldn’t even tell you. I hope you consider my feelings, too." I said while he still stood there like a statue.
I’m finally getting sleep because of the amount of stress I felt in a minute. I thought of turning toward him but the thought of lting seeing his face stopped . Yeah if I get weak then the next attack will be too much for and I have no idea if I could endure the feeling.
"Ayla", I took my steps forward but when he called I stopped.
I don’t know what he is going to say next but soon his hands wrapped around patting my head.
"No matter what happens you will always be my daughter." He kissed my forehead.
I don’t have any idea what is the aning of his words but for a minute I felt safe. He held for a long ti, then I returned to my room and fell asleep in an instant.
At morning
I slowly tried to open my eyes but my eyelids felt damn heavy to . Why my entire body is hard to move? Ahh, I’m in pain.
"Ayla", I heard a low voice.
That voice touched my forehead, making freeze.
"Ah cold", I shiver.
"Ayla, you have a fever?" It sure was Yona.
"I don’t know", my voice was low as well.
I don’t know what she said afterwards, but when I felt better, I found a wet cloth above my head.
Water kept making my forehead cool but I rembered his ssage. Yeah, I told him I will et him after school. No, I can’t lay here. I have to move and reach there.
I got up from bed while Yona stopped .
"What are you doing? The fever still didn’t go down. You will fall if you don’t listen to ", she said, but she is still giving my body enough support to walk.
"No, I have to move. I have sothing urgent to do." I said.
"Tell what is urgent, I will do it", she said, but I didn’t say.
I went downstairs, where I saw Jace coming from school, making scared.
"Brother, your classes finished?" I asked in a panic tone.
"Ah yeah, it all finished", he said while I was looking everywhere in a panic.
"I have to go", I said and was about to move when he held my hand.
"Wait, I will take you", he said.
"But-
I stopped.
"I know where you want to go", he said and carried on his back.
This is the first ti I saw him driving a car ever in my entire life. He made sit in the front seat and drove the car to the destination of which I was unaware.
"Where are you taking ?" still I asked.
"Aren’t you going to et Jas?" he asked, making startled.
"How? You?" I asked.
"I know", he only said this much while we stopped in front of a place which was quite wide and huge.
"Is it?"
"Yeah, it’s his ho", he said and dialled his number, making him run out of the house in a panic.
He is full of sweat and he is wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Sweats kept dripping through his hair, making my eyes focus only on him.
"Go, and talk", Jace pushed forward, but I feel as if I’m doing a cri. I can’t believe my brother is sending to the one I like. I don’t know how much he knows or what is going on in his mind, but it looks scary to . My heart kept beating louder as if sothing bad was going to happen to , but I want to ignore it with all my heart.
"What are you doing here?" Jas kind of raised his voice.
"Aren’t we talking after school?" I said.
"For god’s sake, Ayla are you dumb?" he said, making feel a dumb.
"I told you to et after school but if you are not feeling well it can be done later too. Health cos first", he said while I was smiling and looking at him.
"Why are you smiling?"
"You are caring for so I’m just too happy."
"I’m not joking", he said.
"Yeah I know", I said and waited for him to reply.
He took a long pause. I could even hear the birds chirping. It was so calm so everything was so clear and smooth. I’m waiting for him to tell the answer.
"So"
"So?" I added after him.
He scratched his head.
"So I finally decided what to tell you", he said.
"You wanted to be your boyfriend, right?" he asked while I nodded. My patience is limited now but I’m still waiting.
"So yeah, I will be your boyfriend", he said.
"Oh, I expected you would say no", I almost said, but then I realized what he just said.
"What?" we both said at the sa ti.
"Did you just say you will be my boyfriend?" I almost shouted.
"Oh yeah", he looked away.
I’m with no words. I’m in a dilemma what to say after this? Should I say I love him? Should I ask if he loves ? Should I? Ah, Ayla, you are going crazy. My thinking is a ss but still, I couldn’t say this is the happiness I desired. Yeah, this was never what I thought I would feel. I’m having mixed feelings about this. So part of my heart is happy as if soone gave the toffee I desired but still there is a space in my heart that keeps growing larger making realize no this is not what you thought of.
Still, I hugged him. How could I even not or he would think I was only pranking him? But again the empty feel grew harder. He didn’t hug back. He didn’t even touch , making feel even this close.
What’s happening?
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