Recomnded Listening: [A thousand years- Christina Perri]
It wasn’t fear of finally sharing a deeper form of intimacy, pure mating if one would call it, that set Vivian’s nerves alight with anxiety. It was fear for the fact that she wasn’t entirely truthful with Ronan.
Here she was, her body exposed to his heated gaze and lting touches, her eyes glazed over with desire while she peered up into his orangish-hued ones.
Yet she couldn’t bring herself to admit and reveal that Dane was not the only Alpha she ever shared a bed with. While those mating arrangents were imposed by her father, it didn’t change the fact that she’d mated with many Alphas since Dane returned her.
Now why would Ronan Wolfsbane, an esteed and powerful Lycan Alpha of a distinguished clan, desire a mating bond with an Oga who had been thoroughly used?
How was she any different from harlots whoring themselves out at the run-down brothels at every turn and corner in the lower towns of a region?
Nevertheless, Vivian sucked in a sharp breath and closed her eyes. Ronan discovered the woe in her expression and the solemnity in her erald eyes when she opened them again.
Worriedly, Ronan’s brows drew tautly together, and he cradled her tenderly in his arms, almost as if he were carrying a fragile child.
"What is hurting you, Princess?" Ronan asked sincerely, his voice low and soothing. He didn’t like the resignation in her eyes. It made her usually bright, gleaming eyes dull over. "Tell . Are we moving too fast for your comfort? Tell . I will stop."
Vivian shook her head in disagreent.
"It’s not what we’re doing that’s bothering ," she murmured, her gaze forlorn and almost detached compared to before. "It’s just... there is sothing I’ve been keeping from you. Sothing...sothing so dark that you will never want to mate with ."
Why would she think that? Why would she think that he would never want to mate with her? How dark a secret could it have actually been for her to have such little faith in him?
"Will you tell what is bothering you? I promise, whatever it is, I will never change my decision about you," Ronan growled out his promise, his hand tightening around her exposed thigh. "You have my word, Princess. I will not judge, nor will I abandon you."
"But...you don’t understand," Vivian said with a sob, a sob that escaped without her intending to let it out. Tears sprung unbidden to her eyes as she rembered every wretched mont and the cruel, cold nights she was taken without any form of affection or gentle touch. "Nobody wants a harlot for themselves."
Ronan’s jaw clenched with disapproval hearing that remark. However, there was undoubtedly a reason she must have classed herself as such. He rembered that Vivian once addressed herself as a whore, yet at that mont, he didn’t consider asking the reason behind it.
"Why? Why would you address yourself that way?" The Lycan Alpha probed, expertly massaging the insides of her thighs to help her relax. It seed to distract her mind enough to coax her into opening up to him.
Vivian closed her eyes again, relishing the gentle yet intimate way his rough hands kneaded the soft inner flesh of her thighs, moulding his fingers into what felt like silken pillows. His other hand remained firm on the small of her back, holding her captive.
"Dane...was not the only Alpha I mated with," Vivian finally expressed, the hot tears stinging her eyes as she blinked them away just as the droplets kept forming at the corners of her eyes. "On every heat cycle that arrived for after Dane returned to my pack, my father would set up mating arrangents with other Alphas. It was to test... if other Alphas could make conceive, and when I couldn’t, he’d arrange for another one."
How dare he? Ronan’s heart seethed with untaable rage. As he listened and discovered more details about the mating arrangents from Vivian, his expression contorted into a mix of sorrow, anger, and hate.
His hand ceased kneading her thigh, balling into a fist. His animalistic gaze looked almost punishing as he watched her tears unleash with anguish filling her voice, posing a challenge for her to speak.
"Those bastards..." Ronan cussed, his teeth gnashing together. He imagined all the despicable scenarios Vivian described, the cruelty she had to endure, and the damage and trauma she was forced to confront because it was forever etched in her mind.
Vivian sobbed uncontrollably, burying her body in his arms, where she knew the only solace and safe haven existed for her. And without hesitation, Ronan embraced her almost fiercely.
He cradled the back of her head, letting her forehead rest against his chest.
"None of that was ever your fault," Ronan argued sternly, determined to convince Vivian that she was in no way responsible for the ill fate chosen by her father. "You are not a harlot. You never will be. What was done against your will does not define who you are and even if it was your will, even if you gave yourself to those Alphas, it changes nothing."
Vivian sniffled, rubbing her sore and damp eyes as she slightly pulled back. In the air, an earthy pinewood scent seed to emit from Ronan, invading her senses.
The Lycan Alpha was releasing his pheromones to calm her down. Imdiately, her mind recognised his scent, and every whiff assisted in steadying her breathing, which almost felt as if she were choking on her tears.
Her hands grasped onto his tunic tightly, from anger and anguish.
"Why wouldn’t it change anything?" Vivian asked, her voice strained and hoarse from weeping excessively. "Why would you accept even if I was... that?" She avoided using the word ’harlot’ again, for she knew Ronan would reprimand her if she did. "We don’t... have such feelings towards each other yet. Why are you so sure that you’ll accept ? Because I’m your fated mate?"
If it was due to the fact that she was his fated mate, then his sweet declarations were of no value and sentint. After all, it was rely out of obligation that he would have to accept her.
"I know you have your doubts," Ronan said with a light-hearted smile, his thumbs sweeping across her cheeks to wipe away the tears. "I don’t expect you to trust because you have every reason not to. I will prove to you that even if you drive a blade into my chest or betray , I will never stop choosing you."
In the end, co what may, it was always going to be Vivian.
She scrutinised his eyes, searching for any signs of deception or illusion of his words, but there were none. She only found earnesty and truth in the swirling fiery glint in the depths of his eyes.
"You are... telling the truth," Vivian concluded, her lips pressed together to stop herself from crying again.
Truth be told, Ronan had no clear direction of his own claims, nor where they had co from. No doubt, there was still mistrust between them, and no doubt what he felt could not yet be classed as love.
Was it the raw, primal instincts of his Lycan then? Was it the beast’s desires that decided that together, Vivian would always belong to them no matter what?
If not, then where did such claims erge from? What feelings spurred such words from him?
However, one thing he was absolutely certain of was that none of those claims were deceptions or lies.
But as of that mont, the source of his claims was the least of his concerns.
He wouldn’t forget even for a second about the dastardly things Vivian underwent before arriving in his life.
Every single one of those disgusting low-life Alphas was going to pay dearly with their lives.
Ronan was going to kill them.
And that was not just a baseless claim born out of anger.
When he returned to the North, he pledged to himself he would seek out every one of those Alphas and te out their judgent by his bare hands.
He only needed their nas and the packs they belonged to from Vivian.
His unforgiving canines and ruthless claws would then follow through with the punishnt.
"You were very brave expressing those dark mories," Ronan said softly, kissing away her tears as he had done once before. His lips were hot and branding, as if trying to erase the tears caused by dark mories. "You have my gratitude for sharing it with , Princess. I have never t an Oga as strong as you who could survive through all of that and be here in the mont with right now."
Was she brave and strong? Was she not mocked and ridiculed for the pathetic, barren Oga she was declared to be? Was she not helpless and useless?
What had she done so far that was actually worthy of admiration?
"Crossing that border into my territory was one of the bravest and strongest decisions you’d taken," Ronan remarked proudly, as if reading the doubts in her mind. "You were barely clinging to life when I found you, but you made it across and fought with your will to live."
Vivian felt a blush creeping onto her cheeks. Ronan praised her with more credit than necessary. He emulated her as if she were so grand, warrior wolf who’d overco trials and tribulations to be where she was.
"You’re exaggerating," Vivian mumbled, her head pressed against his chest where she could feel and hear his strong, beating heart, and she sensed there was no lie in his words.
Ronan chuckled teasingly and bent his head down to whisper in her ear, "If you’re still willing, I can demonstrate how much it isn’t an exaggeration."
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