Synopsis

Okay,guysand...guyettes,Thisoneisofepiclength.AndbythatImeanreallyreallylong.Forthosewhosentmeanoteabout'FourHeirs'andthoughtitlong-well,thisoneblowsthatoneoutofthewaterforlength.So,ifsomethingonlyupto-say-150kwordsisyourcupo'tea,thenthisisn'tforyou.Nosir-ree!Thisstoryhitsapproximately480kwords.Tostopallthewhiningandbitchingrightnow-yeah,likethat'severgoingtohappen-you'llfigureoutthisisa'Haphne'story;Dumbledoreis(somewhat)goodbutstillmanipulativeaspercanon;Ron'sanineffectivenon-entity;Snapetriestokeepstickinghisbeakin-andget'sitrepeatedlythwackedwitharolled-upnewspaper;McGonagallgetsoverherhero-worshipofDumDum(Imean,Dumbledore);Hermioneisagoodfriend;Siriusisfree;kidsarekids;andteenagersarewalkingbagsofhormones.Thestoryfollowscanonalot;andI'veevenincludedmanyquotedsectionsoutofthebooks.Ididn'tdothistopinchJKR'sworks.Rather,it'sintheretodemonstratesimilaritieswhilebeingadifferentstory.So,nobiatchingaboutthat,either.You'vebeenwellandtrulywarned.Yours,Dacrazybastardwhothinkshe'sanauthor.