(From Blue's Perspective)
"So, you talked to Luc and had tea and lunch with Evelyn?"
"Yes," I nodded. "Why are you inspecting like that? It's not like I am doing sothing I am not supposed to do. And moreover, both places are inside the palace ground."
I was sitting on Dem's lap who was sitting in his chair in his study. I ca straight to him after coming back from the side palace. It was not like he called for , rather I wanted to et him. I wanted to say a quick hi and then go back to my room. But I did not know he would make sit on his lap.
"I know...," he murmured, rubbing his smooth cheek against my back. "I am just..."
"Worried? About what? I told you I am not leaving you..."
'It's not like I can either even if I try. It's not like I am planning to though...'
He did not say anything, only squeezed tightly. How could I make him believe ? I had tried everything I could, yet he was always worried about leaving him.
"Dem, why? Why are you suddenly being like this? Did I do sothing to make you feel this way? If
I did, then why don't you tell ? I won't do sothing that will make you feel this way, because it hurts every ti you are like this," I said.
"No, you did not do anything... It's just... I am always scared that you will leave one day. I don't know why... I can't bla you for anything at all. You are doing everything thinking about .
You don't get close to any n much. Well, you are close with Luc but you two are more like siblings. And I actually don't mind it as well. It's just Luc after all though I am still a bit jealous sotis... You don't want to go outside the palace ground as well just like I said. You are not doing anything wrong...
It's ... It's just my sick mind!"
He hugged even more tightly and his breathing was deep. It was like he was in pain. "Dem... Don't... don't push yourself like this... I am not leaving, so don't think about these kinds of things..."
"I can't help it!" he yelled and I flinched. "I am sorry... I didn't an to..."
"... I am sorry..."
"Why?"
"I don't know... I will go back to my room..."
He did not stop when I stood up, but held my hand when I tried to take a step. "It's who should apologize, not you," he said gently. "I don't want you to say sorry for no reason. You should get mad at for behaving like that. I won't bla you for that. Just don't...
put yourself down..."
"Y-Yes..."
It was always like this. I had accustod to saying sorry even when it was not my fault in my family. I always had to take the bla. Even now, I could not give this habit up completely. Dem had beco angry at because of that once before as well. Thankfully, this ti, he did not yell again.
"Blue, look at ," he said.
I turned back and looked into his pitch-black eyes. They were gentle and filled with a strange look which was very hard to understand.
"Co here."
He pulled closer to him, wrapping his arm around my waist. His breath fell right onto my chest because of how close we were.
"I am not a good person and I don't think I can ever be even if I try. It's just... I have accustod to be even though it's not normal to be like this. Actually, being abnormal has beco normal for . I think in a strange way as well. I don't think it's strange.
I an, to , it's normal. But every other person thinks differently than . So, it's not hard to understand that I am the abnormal one. I have always known this. But I have never thought of changing myself. I was better the way I was.
Then you ca along. For you, I was ready to change myself. I have been trying to change myself, I still am. But..."
He looked desperate. It was like he was trying to make understand sothing, but could not.
"It's alright," I said, pressing my index finger on his lips. "You don't have to say anymore. I understand..."
"You don't! You are just trying to calm down!"
"I am not... I understand... It's not that... hard... I know what you an, so don't push yourself. I love you and I won't leave you, so you can relax.
You don't have to worry for no reason..."
We were interrupted by the beta. Dem knew the beta was waiting in front of the door, but he told him with his mind not to enter. When I heard a boot noise, I asked him if soone was there. That was the ti he told that the beta was waiting. I could not believe he made the beta wait just because we were talking. We stayed in the sa room, so we could talk later anyway.
Dem just always prioritized over every single thing.
"What's wrong, your Highness?" Ruby asked.
"It's nothing. I'm just a bit worried," I replied.
"May I ask about what? I hope it's not too much. I just don't want your Highness to worry too much," she said.
"... How would you feel if soone loved you way too much? You love that person as well, but that person is constantly worried about you leaving and the situation is quite extre...- how would you feel about it?"
"Actually, Your Highness, I am into this kind of stuff. I an, I always wanted soone to love more than anyone and anything else. I don't know if it's being weird, but I always wanted this..."
"So, what you an is you always wanted soone to go obsessed with you?" I asked, surprised. It was true that I also wanted soone to love and care for . But I never wanted to be soone to be obsessed with. It was partly because I could give that much love to soone no matter how much I tried. It was just too much.
"Not necessarily obsessed, but well, I just wanted soone to love too much," she mumbled.
"It's not sothing I can get right now, of course. But I always wanted this... It just will always be my fantasy."
'So, people want this kind of thing as well... I am surprised... I thought everyone would want to avoid to be obsessed with. Am I feeling like this because I never thought of this, yet I got soone who was obsessed with ? There is no denying that Dem loved a lot. When it cos to , his love is pure.
But the way he expresses it is sotis kind of twisted and scary. I don't know if I ever will get used to this, but I'm trying. It's a bit hard to accept these kinds of things. This kind of unconditional love- it's all new for .'
Talking to Ruby did not help much. I thought she would be able to say sothing about it, but her thoughts were strange.
"Your Highness, you better take a bath since you could not before. Shall I prepare the bath then?"
"Hm, okay..."
"And Your Highness... I have sothing to say to you," Ruby said.
"What is it?" I asked. Her voice made wonder if sothing was wrong.
"Actually..."
"Yes?"
"I am planning to accept Lord Luc's proposal," she blurted out. "I have been thinking about this for a while and I think I should not make him wait anymore. And besides, I actually want to get married even if it's not out of love. Just like Your Highness said, perhaps he will one day fall in love with ."
"So, you have not told him yet?"
"No, I wanted Your Highness to know first. Your Highness has been helping the most. The things Your Highness told that day was all true, so I thought that perhaps I should give it a go."
"That's right. I think it's better to try than not trying at all. After all, there is a chance that he will fall in love with you soday," I said. "Don't worry too much, Ruby. I am always with you no matter what you choose. And Luc is a great person.
He will be the best husband."
I knew Ruby was going to accept his proposal soday. I was glad that she accepted this very quickly. After all, it was going to be a great thing if Luc and she got married.
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