Chapter 438: See
Alanis
He is looking at
like I am being ridiculous right now but I think this is a valid emotion. He must see , I an, even with my clothes, I look terrible. I am not the person I was a couple of weeks ago and I know that he sees it. There is no way he can tell
right now that I look okay. There is no way he can tell
that I am beautiful right now, I just want to know if, with everything that has happened to my body, he is still attracted to .
"Why would you even ask that kind of question?’’ he reaches for
and rests his hand on my cheek softly. I close my eyes because his touch is everything to
right now. Through the pain and all the insecurities, his warmth makes it all better.
"I just want to know, I have been feeling so shitty this past week and I need to know,’’ I cry out loud for the first ti and he looks at
in disbelief. Almost like he can’t believe the words coming out of my mouth.
"Of course, I still find you attractive, the things that have happened to your body make you even more attractive to . I know you might think that I am just saying this to make you feel better but that is how I genuinely feel,’’ He leans forward slowly until his lips are very close to mine. He pulls away slightly and I sense the tension in his body.
"How are you feeling?’’ He asks
suddenly and I look at him because I am sure he wants to know what is going on in my head. This should be easy to tell him. I should be able to talk to Beau and tell him anything and I can, but right now, I don’t want to show out my insecurities.
"A little weird." I pause and then a sigh escapes my lips. It is long and heavy; it feels like I have been keeping it inside
for a week. Since this sudden growth.
"I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to do. I just want to kiss you and hold you close but I don’t know if I can. I don’t want you to think that I am saying this because I feel bad for you, I just want you to know that I am here and that I love you so much. I think you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Even now, I just want to kiss you. I just want to show you how beautiful I think you are."
He tells
and then the distance between our lips is closed. I feel his warm lips against mine and it is so gentle and caring. It is like he is telling
that he wants to make
feel good, that he wants to make
know that I am beautiful and that he still loves
with all my flaws. I moan into this kiss and he takes his mouth away from mine quickly, staring at
intently.
Did that hurt?" he asks
and then I shake my head. I know he is thinking about all the pain I am. For the first ti this week, I haven’t even thought about the pain. All I can think about is his beautiful eyes and the way he is looking at
like I am the most beautiful person in the world. I have been so stupid all along. I have been so stuck in my mind, so insecure, when all I should have done was love him with all my heart.
"I don’t know why that feels so good but it does,’’ I tell him as he kisses
again and this ti, I kiss him back. Our lips are moving together and I feel his hands on my cheeks, moving slowly down my neck. I close my eyes and try to feel every single mont of this. I don’t want to miss a single thing. I hear him moan softly and I open my eyes to look at him. He stiffens and I think he realizes that he is getting carried away.
"Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be--scratch that, I knew keeping my hands off you was going to be hard and I have been trying my fucking best to do it." he looks at
and I am smiling. This is like music to my ears, knowing that he wants
right now, with all the bruises and stretching.
"Stop smiling, it only makes you cuter,’’ he points at , trying to shift away from
but I grab his hand in mine, pulling him closer to . My stomach is still covered with the bed cover as I lean even closer to him, wanting a whiff of his scent.
"But I like seeing you smile,’’ he whispers in addition as his lips are brushing against mine. I don’t want to stop smiling, I want to smile because I know that my insecurities were stupid and I know that I have nothing to be insecure about. Beau is everything I could ever want in a man and he loves
no matter what. He is not going anywhere and I know that now.
His hand rests on my shoulder as I bite his bottom lip gently. I feel a smile sprawl on his face, he knows I am teasing him and for once, I want more.
I want him to see
naked again. I want him inside . I want all the things that I had before all the insecurities sward in.
"We can’t do this right now,’’ he tells
as I reach for his shirt and pull it up. I want to touch him; I want to know that he is still here for . I want to know that I am still attractive to him and all I want is to feel him.
"Why not?’’ I ask him.
"You’re still in pain,’’ he reminds , the pain obvious in his voice.
"I don’t care.’’ I deter, wanting to be stubborn right now.
I pull away from him slowly and get on my knees on the bed. "I want to feel sothing other the pain and you have to help ,’’ the covers slide off
as I sit up on the bed and his eyes dart to my bare stomach. This is the first ti all week that he has seen my stomach and for the first ti, I don’t care.
I want him to see .
All of .
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