Dear Junghoon,
Thinking that people who dislike are foolish for not knowing my many strengths,
Does it really make feel better? Bullshit, why the hell do they dislike .
I'll dislike them too, those bastards.
How's your ntal health?
Make sure the island wind doesn't blow you away. Hold onto your pant legs.
The hardest thing to handle in life is the imagination based on anxiety.
I'll be coming down soon.
Prepare a table with wild rockfish and makgeolli.
- From Youngju at Artist Company.
Sitting on a rock sofa in the art museum for the first ti in a while, laughing loudly as I read Youngju's reply with Van Gogh's paintings and grand music as my companions,
"Hahaha!!"
Youngju's replies always make laugh.
"At first, he complained about my handwritten letters being too mushy."
Since the day I started drawing properly, I have written letters every day. To Youngju, to Mom, to my brother. Though my brother probably needs Mom to read them to him.
My brother sent replies with Mom's help. Sa for Mom.
My brother responded with the help of my mom. Mom did the sa.
But Yeong-ju just cursed over text, asking why I would send such a thing.
I found his reaction amusing, so I sent more letters, and now I get replies like this.
With a tearful smile, I carefully read Yeong-ju's letter again and folded it neatly into my pocket.
"Nice."
The reason I started writing letters was actually due to the influence of Van Gogh, whom I watch in my dreams.
I didn't know that these handwritten letters, which I once thought were trivial, could bring such simple joy and happiness. I plan to write them more often.
I waited for the painting that would pull into the dream, lost in thought.
"That Yong-han, I didn't expect him to cling and suck up to like this."
Initially, I thought he was just trying to ride the coattails of the newfound popularity of a new artist, Painter A, who was trending on SNS.
But when I looked up his posts, they were unexpectedly filled with pure admiration.
He even posted my paintings on his SNS and was generous with his praise.
I was planning to give him a hard ti later, but seeing this, I realized that he genuinely loves art.
I had a narrow-minded view, but he really does have a love for art.
"A person who has only read one book is the scariest in the world."
Study more. Then, one day, you'll also be recognized as a proper artist, as long as you continue to love painting.
"Alright, what painting will Van Gogh paint today?"
Watching Van Gogh in my dreams is truly enjoyable.
Unlike other dreams that quickly show only what's necessary, Van Gogh's dreams are long.
In the dream, he has left the ntal hospital and is now in Arles.
At least once a week, I co alone to the museum to watch him.
My current daily painting and letter writing to friends and family are behaviors influenced by watching him.
"How many days has it been?"
I can't calculate.
How much ti has passed since Van Gogh ca to Arles.
He enjoyed sitting in a corner seat at the inn, quietly looking out the window, and rarely conversed with anyone.
The only ones he talked to were the innkeeper and the psychiatrist sent by his brother Theo.
Van Gogh would sit in the furthest corner instead of near the window, which he seed curious about.
He would focus on his al and then quickly return to his small room to paint.
He didn't just paint in his room.
He would wander around all day looking for places to paint until dusk, then return to the inn with his painting to finish the remaining work.
I watched him and saw the many works he left behind in this place.
Not just seeing, but watching him paint. I don't know how fortunate I am to have seen this.
His focused eyes while painting, the shape of his mouth, the delicate movents of his facial muscles.
I captured all of him in my eyes.
The look in his eyes while painting the Night Café Terrace.
The shape of his mouth when painting the Arles Arena.
How many crows troubled him while painting the Wheatfield with Crows.
I am fortunate to witness scenes that no one else can see.
What will he paint in today's dream?
Looking at the gradually rising stars in the night sky, I prepared to enter my dream. And as always, the dream brings dizziness, pulling sowhere.
The tinnitus that troubles my ears.
The dizziness that seems to make fall at any mont.
A feeling that should be familiar by now, but never is.
My senses slowly co to life, and I start hearing sounds around .
"Can you check out here?"
"80 francs, sir."
The sound of coins, counting bills. The owner opening the cash drawer, the bell on the door ringing. Various sounds rush in all at once.
I stagger a bit, clutching my head.
A place I've been to countless tis over the past year, watching Van Gogh.
And a place I've visited in person.
This is the Ravoux Inn.
The cleanly shaven innkeeper in neat attire is attending to guests in the dining room on the first floor.
The dining room, accessible not just to guests, sees many patrons. Judging by the sun outside, it seems to be around lunchti. Hence, there are quite a few guests.
More people seem to be leaving than arriving, indicating that lunchti is almost over.
I looked around for Van Gogh but couldn't see him. My gaze then turned towards the stairs leading upstairs.
"He should have already left by this ti."
Van Gogh usually leaves the inn around 7 AM, so he must be walking sowhere looking for a place to paint or already sitting sowhere painting.
"Where should I go to find him?"
Initially, it was daunting, but now it doesn't concern much. The town is very small, and as a fellow artist, finding a good spot for painting wasn't too difficult.
Then, I hear a custor who was settling the bill asking the owner sothing.
"Ah, sorry, but what's the date today?"
The owner, seemingly not too concerned with the date himself, checks the calendar before answering.
"Today is July 27th, sir."
Hearing this, I followed the custor who had opened the door to leave the inn. But the owner's words made stop in my tracks, my eyes trembling.
'July 27, 1880. The day Van Gogh passed away.'
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