Lorraine’s POV
It felt like a dream. No.... it felt worse than a dream.
Dreams, at least, faded.
This wouldn’t.
I blinked once. Twice. Then again.
The stump was still there.
A wave of nausea rolled through . My stomach tightened, rising like bile in my throat. I turned my face away, trying not to look. But I couldn’t help it. My eyes kept going back, like my body didn’t believe it yet. As though one more glance would show it wasn’t real.
But it was real.
Where my arm should have been, smooth, pink skin had healed over. No raw tissue. No bleeding. My wolf had done its job. It had sealed the wound.
It had saved my life.
But it hadn’t brought back my arm.
"No... No no no no no" The words fell out of my mouth in choked, trembling gasps.
This wasn’t real.
I felt the panic creep up my spine like a thousand icy spiders. My chest tightened, my breath ca in rapid bursts, and the walls, goddess, the walls, they felt like they were pressing in on , too close, too tight.
I scread.
Loud. Raw. A sound that clawed up from my lungs and tore out of my throat like sothing primal.
And then I thrashed.
I kicked the blanket away violently. I jerked back so hard I hit the headboard. My legs scrambled across the mattress as though trying to run from the truth, from the stump, from this body I didn’t recognize anymore.
My right hand kept reaching for sothing that was no longer there. I reached to push myself up, only to collapse with a gasp when there was no balance, no strength on that side to hold .
I nearly fell off the bed. My heart beat like a hamr in my ears. I was crying, gasping, choking all at once. The tears poured hot and wild down my face. My lips trembled. My throat ached.
"Lorraine," I heard Kieran’s voice, panicked, closer now.
"Stay away from !" I scread.
My voice cracked. It didn’t even sound like .
I was slipping. Spiraling.
"I can’t...." I was barely forming words. "I can’t do this. I can’t.... This isn’t happening!"
My entire body was trembling.
It felt like the ground under had cracked open, and I was falling, freefalling into sothing dark, endless, and cold. Like I’d crossed into a version of myself I didn’t know, couldn’t recognize. I wasn’t a fighter. Not right now. Not anymore.
I was... broken.
"I said stay the hell away from !" I scread again when I felt Kieran step forward.
He paused, wounded, but didn’t say another word.
I turned to Astrid, shaking like a leaf in a storm.
"Why?" I asked her, my voice broken, but my eyes locked onto hers like a lifeline. "Why didn’t it grow back?"
"Lorraine...."
"No!" I shouted. "Answer ! I lost a finger before, and it grew back. So why not now? Why didn’t my wolf grow it back?!" I was screaming now, but I didn’t care. The grief had hollowed out my chest, replaced it with sothing acidic and burning.
Astrid stared at , silent. That silence was confirmation enough.
There was no fixing this.
And suddenly, I hated my wolf. I hated myself. I hated that I lived. I hated everything.
I felt Kieran try again, a step forward, maybe two.
But the fire in my chest snapped like a whip.
"Get. Out."
He stopped. I didn’t look to see the expression on his face, I couldn’t bear it. I just kept crying.
"Everyone, leave. I don’t want to see any of you. Not him. Not anyone."
Astrid turned to the others, gave a tight nod.
I heard the door open and close. Then thete was silence.
Finally.
I tried to breathe, but it hitched. My sobs shook again, and my body collapsed sideways onto the bed.
That’s when Astrid ca to .
She didn’t say anything. Just moved to the edge of the bed and opened her arms.
And I broke all over again.
I collapsed into her embrace like I was five years old again and the world had ended. I cried so hard I thought my throat would bleed.
I didn’t know how long I sobbed in Astrid’s arms before I finally found the voice to ask it. My voice was raw and trembling, barely more than a whisper.
"Is there.... really nothing you can do?"
Astrid held tighter for a second before slowly pulling back to look into my face. Her expression was still, but her eyes, those calculating eyes, held sothing rare.
Regret.
I repeated, louder now, almost pleading, "So kind of magic? A spell? A forbidden ritual? Anything..... anything at all?"
She opened her mouth. Closed it. Then shook her head slowly.
"No, Lorraine," she said gently. "If your wolf didn’t bring it back... then there’s nothing we can do."
"No," I whispered.
She reached to touch my face, to ground maybe, but I jerked away from her hand.
"No, you’re wrong," I croaked, tears spilling again. "You have to be wrong."
"There’s nothing," she repeated, softer this ti. "I’m so sorry."
And just like that, the tiny flicker of hope I’d been gripping with bloodied fists went out.
Gone.
My breath hitched. My chest tightened. Sothing cold and bottomless opened up inside .
"Then you shouldn’t have tried to wake up," I whispered.
"What?" Astrid asked, her brows drawing together.
"You shouldn’t have saved !" I scread, louder this ti, the pain crashing through like a tsunami. "None of you should have! You all wasted your effort, your magic, your ti. You should’ve just let die!"
Astrid tried to reach for again, but I shoved her off with my good arm. "Don’t touch !"
"Lorraine, please..."
"I don’t want to live like this!" I wailed, and my voice cracked from the weight of it. "I can’t, do you understand? I can’t be like this for the rest of my life! I fought.... I fought so hard, and now this is what I have left?! Half a body?!"
Astrid’s expression tightened with hurt, but she stayed silent. Still. Letting scream. Letting bleed.
"I lpst Callum. I lost almost allmy feral mates. I lost Elise," I whispered, my voice breaking all over again. "I lost my arm. I lost everything that made feel strong. What’s even left of now?"
She took a slow step toward again. "You’re still here."
"I don’t want to be," I muttered. "I don’t want to be here like this."
I turned my face away from her, trembling and exhausted.
"I want to be alone."
"Lorraine...."
"I said I want to be alone," I said again, sharper this ti.
Astrid paused for a beat, looking at
I didn’t look at her, but I heard the soft shuffle of her boots. The faint sound of her breath catching, as if she wanted to say sothing but didn’t.
Then the door creaked open.
And closed.
She was gone.
And I was alone.
Just ... and the absence where my arm used to be.
I don’t know how long I laid there, just and the shadows and the hollow throb in my chest.
No one ca back in. Not Astrid. Not Kieran. Good.
Because if anyone had seen like this again, what was left of , I think I’d shatter for real.
I turned my face toward the wall, cold against my skin. My good arm pressed against my stomach as if that could hold together. My breath hitched. Over and over.
I can’t do this.
Not like this.
I can’t fight like this. I can’t win anything. I can’t get revenge for Elise. I can’t even lift a damn blade properly.
I stared at the empty space where my left arm should’ve been.
A stump.
A scar.
A cruel reminder.
My breath grew shallow, my heart banging against my ribs like a prisoner desperate to escape.
And then I saw it, just there, on the tal table beside the bed.
A scalpel.
Small. Sharp. Precise.
Just one slice. I thought
It wouldn’t even hurt, not really. Not compared to what I’ve already felt. What I am currently feeling.
It is better than living like this.
Better than being half of myself. A broken warrior. A crippled feral girl who dared to dream of surviving a world that was never built for her.
I slid off the bed.
The world spun. My legs buckled. They were now too weak and shaky to lift up
I hit the floor hard, gasping, but I didn’t cry out. I couldn’t.
I couldn’t even do that with dignity.
So I crawled.
Slowly. Desperately. My good hand dragging my weight toward the table.
It was a pathetic sight.
But I reached.
My fingers wrapped around the scalpel. Cold. Comforting.
I turned it in my hand. The edge glinted faintly in the dark.
Just one cut.
And it will all stop.
I brought it to my throat.
Tears stread down my cheeks, quiet and unrelenting.
"I’m sorry," I whispered to Elise. To myself. To the ghost I’ve beco.
And then....
I slashed.
The pain was instant. A flash of heat. The spray of blood was warm against my chest.
The world tilted sideways. The walls blurred. My body collapsed like a ragdoll.
Darkness crept in.
And just as it started to take , just as I welcod the silence.....
"Lorraine!"
The door slamd open.
I heard the voice.
Kieran.
No.... not now, please, don’t see like this....
But he did.
I saw his face as I slipped.
The horror in his eyes.
The blood draining from his own skin.
"NO NO!" he roared.
And then the dark took .
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