After Agaroth finished his healing spell and the conversation was over, my mother retired to her room. Agaroth and Phoenix set themselves up to sleep by the fire in the kitchen. And Kiyui helped into my bedroom.
Due to the fire in the kitchen being lit, you could really feel the chill when you left and went into another room. It is the middle of winter after all… thinking about it… the cold always reminds of my birthday… it was only my fifteenth birthday a couple of weeks ago… I kept that lie about my age going for five years. Five years of tricking these people… these people that I call my friends.
I find myself thinking about what Phoenix said all those months ago… about everyone having secrets. I definitely had mine… but after what I’ve learned today… I think she was righter than I ever realised.
Kiyui: “Oh my, it’s a bit chilly in here. Are you sure you’ll be warm enough?”
Dwynfel: “I’ll be fine… honestly… I’m used to it… it’s just because we’ve been in the kitchen where the fire is. I’ll adjust soon.”
Kiyui left my side and moved over to the window.
Kiyui: “Well, that and the window’s been open all day.”
Dwynfel: “Shit… sorry… Derek opened it earlier. I thought about closing it, but then I thought that maybe it would be good to let so air into the room while you were sleeping. I thought the fresh air might help clear your head.”
Kiyui: “Its sweet of you to worry about . But look at you, you’re freezing.”
There’s no point in denying it… he can see that I’m actively shivering from the cold.
Dwynfel: “Maybe we should sleep in the other room with the others.”
Kiyui: “Don’t be silly, you’re in recovery. You need your bed. I know how to keep you warm.”
Dwynfel: “How?”
Kiyui: “Do you trust ?”
Dwynfel: “Of course I trust you… why?”
Kiyui: “Skin.”
Kiyui began to walk towards .
Dwynfel: “What do you an… skin?”
He took hold of my britches and began to undo them.
Kiyui: “Skin to skin contact. When skin is pressed against skin, the bodies warm each other up. When we went out camping, we used to do it all the ti. Of course, with those guys it was more fur to fur… but fur is warming in a different way.”
Dwynfel: “How much skin are we talking here?”
He dropped my britches to the ground before taking off his night dress.
Kiyui: “As much as possible.”
I stood there completely naked staring at him. This was the first ti I had actually allowed him to see naked. I had always made him close his eyes before.
He never even looked anywhere other than my face. He helped into the bed before climbing in and wrapping himself around . I have to admit… he was right… he was very warm. The fur on his arms was so fluffy that it tickled slightly at first. I could feel his heart beat against the side of my chest… his breath on my neck… his hand on my shoulder… I could feel his penis resting on my hip and his thigh spread across . I’ve never been this close to anybody in my life… I never thought anything like this would ever happen. I always figured I’d be abandoned straight away if anybody found out about .
This boy hasn’t only stayed… he’s looked after … kept safe… protected … he hasn’t judged or even harboured any anger against .
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Kiyui: “Can I ask you sothing?”
Dwynfel: “Of course.”
Kiyui: “How much did you see?”
Oh… shit… umm… I an… I saw everything… I saw everything during the bath… never mind now. I an… if he bent over any further over that bath then I am pretty sure I would have seen inside him.
Dwynfel: “Umm… well… you’ve got no clothes on… so… umm… I may have glanced at things… umm…
Kiyui: “Not that. I ant outside. How much did you see?”
Oh gods… I’ve been so wrapped up in myself… that didn’t even occur to … he exposed his own secret to protect . Fortunately, I’m the only living person who witnessed that.
Dwynfel: “Everything.”
Kiyui: “Did I hurt you?”
Dwynfel: “Do you not rember?”
Kiyui: “When I let that side of out, everything becos a blur.”
Dwynfel: “You didn’t hurt . You protected … you kept safe.”
Kiyui took a deep breath… a large sigh of relief it seed.
Kiyui: “How much do the others know?”
Dwynfel: “I played down how many of them there were. I said that Feiffer did most of the work and you fended a few off with my dagger. They don’t know anything about… the… transforming thing.”
Kiyui: “Thank you.”
Dwynfel: “Is that… why you ran away back then?”
Kiyui took another deep breath. I couldn’t see his face to read him though.
Dwynfel: “Maybe talking about our pasts will help. I’ve never even spoke to my mum properly about what I saw back in that nest.”
Kiyui: “My mum was raped by a demon.”
Fucking hell.
Kiyui: “The feline race is quite big on genetic purity. Half breeds are not looked on kindly and my weird fur pattern very much gives away that I am not a pure-blood. My mum lied to everyone… told them I was half human. The lie worked fine for years. My step-father didn’t treat well because of it… but he was more tolerant than a lot of people. Until my thirteenth birthday. That’s when my demon side kind of, well, beca more obvious. Suddenly that tattoo burned its way onto my skin… I lost control and my demon side ca out. Next thing I knew, I woke up in my house. There was blood everywhere. My mother was dead. My step-father was cowering in the corner of the room, terrified. He was just screaming “Demon… Demon!”
I felt him sigh deeply. His breath was heavy on my neck. I may not be able to see his face… but I can feel his anguish.
Kiyui: “I killed my own mother because I lost control of myself. I couldn’t stay there. My step-father was terrified of . They would all be terrified of . You should be terrified of . I could have killed you today. When I let that side of myself out, I can’t control it, I go berserk and black out. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t see any other way to stop those people.”
I felt the pillow getting wet next to my head. He must be crying.
Dwynfel: “You have nothing to be sorry for… you saved my life… and you didn’t hurt . There is no need to cry over sothing that could have happened, just be glad that it didn’t.”
Kiyui started sniffing and trying to control his crying.
Dwynfel: “Seriously, Kiyui… I did much worse in that nest that I grew up in. At least you only did that in self-defence.”
I proceeded to tell Kiyui about so of the horrible things that I had witnessed in that cave… the things that I had done… awful things that I had been part of before I was even two… terrible things that I wish I could forget… but never can, because goblin’s have painfully good mories.
I’ve never even told my mum about any of this stuff before. It felt very… cathartic… to get all of this stuff off my chest. We spent hours talking to each other about our painful pasts… we cried… a lot… but we eventually moved on and started talking about other things… about the other party mbers… about our favourite foods and things. I’ve been partying with Kiyui for six months and this is the first ti we ever really talked.
Eventually he fell asleep and I was left with my thoughts. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from . Sharing all these mories, with sobody who understands, makes feel so much better. Being close to sobody like this… emotionally and physically… it’s sothing I thought would never happen to … and yet here I am… I’m lying here with two paralysed arms; my life is crumbling around … but I’m oddly happy. I feel truly happy.
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