Unsurprisingly, the Archmage’s portrait had no answer save its smug expression. Rhadid turned and snatched the vial from Adstus’s hand without another word, swiftly yanking out the cork and raising it to his lips.
“Whoah!” the alchemist interjected, raising both his hands. “Baby sips! Not more than a drop at a ti, no less than four hours apart. Seriously, that’s pure, concentrated life essence and just a dash of ti travel in liquid form. I don’t actually know what it’d look like if you overdosed on that, but I bet it would be hilarious. I an, more for than for you, obviously.”
Rhadid paused, giving him a sidelong look. But then he finally put the vial to his lips and very carefully tilted a drop onto his tongue.
His expression as he capped the vial again and slipped it into his pocket was pensive. “…pogranate?”
“Eh? Eh?” Adstus grinned. “That’d be the life essence. You can’t really taste the ti travel, fortunately. That’s more reminiscent of rust and ozone, and in higher doses would give you the farts sothing severe.”
“I feel no different,” the aristocrat mused. “If you have deceived or failed in your task, Rafe, odds are we shall both be dead within the hour.”
“Well, an immortality potion that made you, I dunno, glow or levitate or sothing, that seems like it’d be asking for trouble, right? I thought the idea was to pass for a normal person who just can’t die. Makes you less of a target. Believe , you’ll notice the difference as soon as sothing tries to kill you.”
“Or, if you are wrong, not,” said Rhadid. “Your work will be tested rather sooner than I anticipated, Adstus. I examined our surroundings while you were at work, and there appears to be an armory in the next chamber. The equipnt is eclectic, antique, and heavily enchanted, but when a squad of vengeful Imperial soldiers is bearing down upon us, that may be just the ticket. Co, we have little ti to prepare.”
“Uh, point of order,” Adstus said uncertainly, trailing along behind as Rhadid strode out of the laboratory but not, himself, moving to pass through the door. “I’m not lawyer or anything but surely the ranting of an undead wizard in a dungeon isn’t, y’know, admissible in court?”
“I don’t know why you persist in pretending to be stupid, but refrain from suggesting that I am likewise,” Rhadid snapped, pausing on the balcony outside and turning to stare at him. “Of course whatever just transpired has no legal weight. Thus, the belligerent fool who already detests and is in command of the Imperial troops here will not want in a position to argue my case before a magistrate. An inquiry into my mysterious death will be far easier for her to control. They will open with staff fire, not questions.”
“Yeah, but that specifically won’t do you any harm, now,” Adstus pointed out.
Rhadid was silent for a mont, studying him. “And there is what cos after to be considered. I am content for Roscoe to force a confrontation she doesn’t know she will lose for the sa reason: whoever survives will decide before the law what happened here. It clearly doesn’t serve to have Imperial soldiers reporting on my ambitions.”
“So, that little story was…”
“Which,” Rhadid continued in a low voice, “raises questions about the rest of you. One hates to destroy a rare talent such as yours or Professor Ahlstrom’s, Adstus. The soldiers, the gnos, they matter to no one and won’t be missed. You are of great value to , and you know I reward my most valuable servants generously. The more my plans progress, the more you will be positioned to profit by it. What say you?”
“Uh, well,” Rafe said with uncharacteristic hesitation, absently rubbing his palms against his trousers. “That’s, I an, the prospect—”
Rhadid’s rapier completely cleared its sheath faster than the average human eye could have followed. In a narrow doorway with one avenue of retreat, even half-elven reflexes did not defeat those of a swordsman who had trained since he could walk. The slender blade was sunk up to half its length in Rafe’s heart before the alchemist could retreat two steps.
“Hesitation gives answer,” said Rhadid. “I am sorry, Rafe, truly. It will be no end of trouble to find a talent equal to yours. But at least now I know where to bring them when I need…”
Adstus Rafe dissolved before his eyes, disintegrating into a puff of fog, which then dissipated into the air without a trace. Rhadid was left holding a sword on which there was not even a bloodstain.
“Crafty little halfling,” the nobleman said with an appreciative smile. He backed out of the door and sheathed his sword, already turning toward the nearby armory. “Play your gas, then, alchemist. Since our host has seen fit to make the arbiter of this contest, no one is leaving here until it is decided. And rember, old man,” he added, pausing to address the air. “I was never a less than courteous guest. Now my hand is forced, and the outco of your ga will be final. On your head be it.”
He did not notice his coat shifting more than his movent should have made it as he turned to enter the armory chamber.
“Will they be all right?” Eric huffed, trundling along behind Billie. “I know they’re out of sight behind the stacks, but aren’t they a bit cornered?”
“Don’t you worry about those three, Professor, gnos know what we’re about in a crisis. An’ I’m not about ta leave a companion behind, never fear. We’ll getcha soplace not in the line o’ fire, quick as we can!”
“Yes, as to that, are you sure this isn’t all rather an overreaction? It’s not as if there is any proof the book’s account is true…”
“Aye, an’ there’s no lack o’ precedent for magic talkin’ books ta spew lies, either,” she agreed, glancing over her shoulder at him without slowing. “Leavin’ out the question o’ how believable that story was—which, havin’ t ‘is Lordship, is a lot—there’s the issue o’ why the ol’ wizard woulda spilled those beans.”
“Diristaan did enjoy setting his rivals against each other,” Eric said around gasps for air. “Please, can’t we slow down? Dwarves are not build for speed!”
“Good, cos this ain’t anything resemblin’ speed,” she muttered, but did moderate her pace slightly. “What’s at stake is ‘ow two relevant personalities will react t’that revelation, true or not. One’s a volatile, aggressive twit who I dunno how she got made an officer, one’s a cold ambitious snake who’s just ‘ad ‘is dirty laundry aired, an’ both are packin’ lightning. This is no ti ta get casual about—”
“YOU!”
“Aaaaand speak o’ the Dark Lady,” Billie muttered, coming to a halt and raising her hands as the soldiers rounded the balcony corner ahead of them, weapons already leveled. Eric staggered up behind her, wheezing, and doubled over to brace his hands on his knees as soon as they were no longer moving.
“Where are you rushing off to?” Lieutenant Roscoe demanded.
“Findin’ a quiet spot ta wait this out,” Billie said. “Y’mind pointin’ those zappers another way? Bad form, trainin’ yer killsticks on sobody y’don’t actually an to kill.”
“Where are the rest of those gnos?” Roscoe snapped, her staff not wavering.
“Already gone,” Billie drawled. “Seriously, lady, we’ve gone this long stayin’ outta Imperial business, why would that change now? You got a treasonous noble on yer ‘ands, fine, it must be Tuesday. That’s a you kinda thing, let’s not involve the bystanders.”
“I’m inclined to agree,” Roscoe said grimly, “at least as far as you gnos go. But he is a mber of Rhadid Daraspian’s party, and therefore a person of interest in this. You are under arrest, dwarf.”
Still panting, Eric straightened up slightly. He raised one hand, palm out, mutely begging for a mont to finish catching his breath.
“Oh, aye,” Billie said with scathing sarcasm. “Jus’ look at the fiend in ‘is little tweed suit. Thank th’Pantheon Theasia ‘as you ta protect ‘er from lost academics.”
“She’s quite right, you know,” Rhadid himself called, strolling up the balcony from behind the dwarf and gno. “Really, Roscoe, picking on the Professor? You are the most trigger-happy excuse for a soldier it has ever been my misfortune to encounter.”
“Daraspian!” she snarled. “In the Empress’s na, you are under arrest for high treason against the Silver Throne! Stand where you are, disarm yourself, and place your hands atop your head!”
He did, at least, co to a stop, giving her and her squad a long, speculative look, but then focused his attention on the others again.
“In seriousness, Billie, where were you running? This whole complex is relatively enclosed; one spot to be caught in the fracas seems as good as the next.”
“Doors on the third level,” she explained. “Y’know, where we ca in. There may not even be a floor outside anymore, but I figured, hey, maybe the Manor’ll at least let th’poor Professor sit this one out. He’s its biggest fan an’ ‘as no dog in this race, after all.”
“Ah, that does make sense,” Rhadid said, nodding.
“Enough!” shouted Roscoe. “You will comply, Daraspian!”
“No,” he said calmly. “Your order is unlawful, Lieutenant. You have no case, you have nothing which will stand as probable cause, and the very instant I am in a room with soone higher in your chain of command, you will have no career. Now are you going to belatedly pretend to be sothing approximating an officer, or are you going to murder in cold blood in front of witnesses?”
She took two aggressive steps forward, sighting down the length of her staff. “I will not tell you again.”
Rhadid smiled patronizingly. “Yes, you will.”
The blast of lightning made Billie and Eric both throw themselves flat to the ground. They were not faster than the staffshot, obviously, but very fortunately it was a well-tuned weapon with refined direction charms and the blast did not arc off-course to strike either of them despite passing close enough to make their hair stand on end.
Lord Rhadid deliberately adjusted the lapels of his suit, right where it was smoking from the lightning bolt’s impact. Roscoe’s eyes widened and she backed up half a step; one of her soldiers muttered a curse.
“That,” Rhadid said pleasantly, “was the incorrect response.”
With that, he drew his wand and returned fire.
Fortunately for Eric, the very shrill noises he made were covered by the storm of crossfire flashing right above his head. He and Billie were quite effectively pinned down while Rhadid and the soldiers locked themselves into a wild stalemate shooting back and forth across them; the noble’s sidearm was simply not powerful enough to crack multiple military-grade shielding charms, while the full-strength staff shots he repeatedly absorbed were inexplicably ineffective against him, even without the telltale flash of a defensive enchantnt to neutralize them. Nothing wearable could have stood up to that kind of assault, anyway, and yet he was totally unaffected.
Billie, undaunted by the destruction flying past overhead, belly-crawled over to the dwarf and tried to shake his shoulder to get his attention. Eric had buried his face against the floor in a panic, though, shielding his head with both his arms. Renewing her efforts in frustration, she found his heavy, sturdy form completely impossible to budge, at least for her strength. Growling curses that were unheard in the tumult, the gno looked rapidly up and down the balcony; neither combatant seed about to budge. Rhadid’s suit was a mass of smoldering scorch marks, but the man himself was now grinning in uncontained glee, an unsettling contrast to his normally composed deanor. Rather than backing away, he began to take small steps toward the soldiers.
Then, suddenly, he staggered. He recovered quickly, but imdiately stumbled to the side as if he’d been pushed. His grin turning to a snarl, Rhadid whipped out his rapier with his free hand and swung it in two wide arcs around himself, slicing nothing but air. This marked the first two seconds in which he was not actively firing his wand, and Roscoe shrieked a ceasefire order to her squad.
“Rafe,” Rhadid spat, then abruptly buckled completely, doubling over with a whoof of outgoing breath as if sothing had struck him in the midsection.
“Rush him!” Roscoe shouted, and the troops surged forward, stamping past Billie and Eric. That proved less than wise, as their active shielding charms prevented them grappling physically with him and Rhadid was the only one present with a bladed weapon. At least it ended the firefight flashing past overhead, however, and Billie surged upright, ignoring the ongoing struggle now that her survival wasn’t at stake.
“Foxpaw’s knickers, if I wasn’t such a sporting type I’d’a ditched your heavy butt already,” she growled, prodding Eric’s shoulder roughly with her foot. “Dungeon’s no place fer a bleedin’ librarian. C’mon, man, we need ta hey!”
The gno was suddenly hiked bodily into the air by so invisible force. A mont later Eric, despite his weight, found himself pulled half-upright by a grip on his collar and then dragged down the balcony by the sa entity causing Billie to hover alongside him.
“Y’mind awfully not doin’ that?” a disembodied voice requested as she squird and kicked. “Sorry about the manhandling, but I’m tryin’ to get you guys outta the stew, here.”
“Oh, aye?” She managed to get a grip on the invisible arm holding her, and ceased her thrashing. “Thanks fer the assist, then, but I can walk.”
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
“Can’t breathe,” Eric wheezed. In fairness, being pulled by the collar from behind did press his tie fairly hard against his throat. In monts, though, they were hauled around the corner of a bookshelf and into a small reading nook with a comfy chair, a lamp, and a window out onto the misty Vrandis pine forest outside.
Eric pulled at his collar, gasping, as soon as the invisible hand was no longer tugging on it, and Billie floated over to the chair to be set carefully upright on the cushions.
“Right,” she said, brushing herself off. “That’s done. An’ you are?”
He flickered into view, lowering a glass vial from his lips. The man’s lean face broke into a grin the mont he had swallowed the potion.
“Owl!” Eric cried, seeming to forget his discomfort. “Light’s grace, I thought you were dead!”
“Sorry for stressing you,” the thief said cheerfully. “You weren’t the one I set out to fool, but there was no way around it, I’m afraid.”
“But…but how?” the dwarf sputtered.
“Funny story! I woke up in that guest room and what should I find in my pocket but a set of clearly-labeled vials of invisibility potions and their antidotes. As I ntioned to you, my ass was the next on Rhadid’s chopping block, so I took the opportunity to set off that big, heavy rock trap in the courtyard and then disappear before he could decide to disappear .”
Eric paused in rubbing his throat, frowning. “Wait, so… Rafe?”
“Had to’ve been,” Owl said with a shrug. “Guess the boy’s not as daffy as he acts, which I kinda figured.”
“Nobody could function an’ be as daffy as he acts,” Billie remarked.
“I won’t lie,” Owl added, “I was mostly upset to find out he’s a better pickpocket than . Although I think I’ve just reclaid the title.”
“But where have you been?” Eric asked. “Surely you weren’t wandering in the Manor alone?”
“Not the whole ti, no; even with help, it’s no cakewalk to get around in here.”
Billie raised her eyebrows. “Help?”
“Oh, right,” Owl grinned. “Well, like any good little boy whose daddy’s gone on a bender, I went and fetched an adult. Oh, and speaking of!”
A few telltale azure sparkles of light had appeared in the air, but the whole thing unfolded far quicker than the average teleport spell; Owl barely had ti to finish his sentence before the three of them vanished and reappeared elsewhere. They now stood at a corner of the third level of the balcony, within sight of the doors through which they had first entered the library, and there were two more mbers of the group.
“You found them, well done,” Arachne Tellwyrn said briskly. “I located this one, too, as you can see.”
“Hi, guys!” Adstus said gleefully, waving. “Boy, isn’t this exciting?!”
Eric had only just stood up when the mage teleported them. Now, he abruptly and heavily sat back down.
Below them, the sounds of battle changed in quality as the combatants apparently separated again. The scuffling paused, followed a mont later by the crack and flash of a wand firing, followed by the much heavier reply of a battlestaff, and then another.
“Excuse ,” Tellwyrn said, baring her teeth ominously, and vanished.
They imdiately heard her voice again—at a distance, but raised to a screech of fury. “Gehirnverweigererin!” Another flash of light burst from the balcony below them, this ti clearly not caused by lightning, swiftly followed by the shouting of soldiers and Lieutenant Roscoe shrilly starting to demand sothing in the na of the Empress, imdiately cut off by Tellwyrn roaring at a volu clearly augnted by magic. “Weapons are a privilege, as is life! And you lose both when you start SHOOTING UP A LIBRARY!”
When she reappeared a mont later, all of them instinctively backed away, which was for the good as Tellwyrn arrived with a large armload of books in tow. Scorched, damaged, and in so cases completely falling apart books. They hovered unsupported in the air around her as she got down to work. The battlestaves she had collected from the Imperial soldiers clattered to the ground, unattended.
Walls of blue light snapped into place around them, blocking off the group within an arcane shield, and Tellwyrn sat down on the carpet with a furious mutter of “Hosenscheisserin!” She began poring over the damaged volus with gentle movents of her hands and harsh flickers of arcane magic, carefully knitting pages back together, wiping away scorch marks, and restoring them bit by bit.
“Wunderbar!” Eric said, clapping his hands in excitent. Tellwyrn ignored him, but the others stared, and he shrugged awkwardly. “It’s Old Stalweiss, you see. Hasn’t been spoken aloud since Diristaan’s day. I took five years of it as an elective in undergrad school!”
“That is the most you thing I can imagine anyone doing,” said Owl.
Below them, still out of sight, there were ongoing crashes and shouts as Rhadid carried on struggling with the soldiers. His wand had not appeared among their confiscated weapons, but there were no more lightning bolts. Clearly, the nobleman had got the ssage.
“Eh, pardon fer askin’,” said Billie, “but is there sothin’ more urgent you could maybe be doin’ at this—”
“Be silent or be silenced,” Tellwyrn barked, not looking up from her work.
“Let the woman concentrate, Billie,” Adstus admonished. “Have you ever tried to reconstitute burned paper out of the very atmosphere? Seconds count!”
She threw up her hands and plunked herself down in the opposite corner from Eric.
A trendous, singular clatter echoed abruptly through the library as thick wooden shutters, bound and braced by iron fras, slamd up out of the floors to lock away the contents of every single bookcase.
“Oh, now you’re protective of the collection,” Tellwyrn muttered acidly while still laboring to restore the damaged books. “This is why there are always hooligans running rampant in your house, you know. You never take care of your things in the first place!”
“Really, though,” Owl said, a bit gingerly. “Should we be…doing sothing? That officer seems like a bit of a tosser, but between her and Lord Rhadid, she’s not the casual murderer who’s apparently plotting world domination.”
“Oh, please,” Tellwyrn sneered. “I’ll get my hands dirty when sothing important is going down. There’s always so twit who thinks so magical gewgaw he’s found is going to make him the master of the universe. I should tell you how I got these spectacles soti. You would not believe what their previous owner was doing. Those clods always end up the sa way.”
“Yeah, seriously, we can take a break,” Adstus said cheerfully, rapping on the wall of arcane light with his knuckles and causing ripples of luminescence to spread from it. “We’re all safe and sound in Auntie Arachne’s bubble, and his Lordship specifically is not sothing we need to be worried about. Speaking as the person who set all this up, take the opportunity to grab a well-earned breather.”
“Set all this up, huh,” Billie said, giving him a very flat look.
“Oh!” Eric perked up. “Does that an you arranged for Tamara to be here, too? Will we also find her safe and well?”
“Yes and no,” Rafe said with a shrug. “Yes in that she was along because I convinced Rhadypants we needed so muscle and recomnded her for the job. And no, her ass is grass, as was the point. That was a really simple potion to brew! Combine Rhadid Daraspian and a tetchy, thick-skulled thug in one sapient dungeon, bring to a low simr, and hey presto! Rhadid shows his arse right off the bat, and Manor Dire knows what to expect from him.”
They all stared at the half-elf, who gazed back with a placid smile and an arched eyebrow.
“So you were settin’ up yer boss fer this whole fiasco from the beginning?” Billie finally asked.
“Hah!” Rafe straightened up and struck a pose. “Never doubt it! Where there is a villain scheming to overthrow the just and virtuous rule of our fair Empress, there is a Rafe to thwart him! With cunning! With panache! With an exquisitely tight butt in only the most fashionable pants!”
“Your father didn’t belt you nearly enough,” Tellwyrn muttered.
“Why are you like this?!” Eric burst out. “Why can’t you just—just be a— Why aren’t you normal?”
Even Tellwyrn looked up at that, staring at Adstus over the rims of her spectacles. He started to scoff, but then actually subsided, his expression growing more sober under the weight of their combined stares. At last, he shrugged lopsidedly.
“I feel like you’re all fishing for so kind of grand revelation that just isn’t there. Not everybody can be a respected academic who fits in at a glance, Professor. Or a legendary, cantankerous archmage who everybody’s afraid to ss with, also Professor. People see a half-elf and it brings out the asshole in most of ’em. If everyone’s going to draw bullshit conclusions at first sight, things generally go better for if they’re the bullshit conclusions I want.” He shrugged again. “That’s all.”
“Fact remains,” Owl said, “you deliberately led Tamara here to die. That’s not any different from what Daraspian did to her.”
“Yeah?” Adstus snorted, showing no hint of his usual theatrical ebullience. “Two years ago, Tamara beat the hell out of a fourteen-year-old kid I was tutoring. Stole his alchemy equipnt to pawn, threw his textbook in the canal, and made a point of breaking his glasses. I hope Tammykins appreciates being peacefully dead instead of shrunk to three inches tall and left on the kitchen counter in the neighborhood cat lady’s apartnt, because that was my first plan. Bitch was the worst kind of useless back-alley thug: the kind even the Guild wouldn’t take. If she hadn’t run afoul of and Rhadid it was just a matter of ti before so Eserite cut off her fingers.”
Owl grunted and shrugged, seeming entirely mollified by that. “All right, fair enough.”
“Hey, the violence seems to’ve died down,” Billie noted. “Who wants ta bet they sat down, ‘ad a nice calm discussion an’ worked out their differences?”
“One human’s coming up the nearest staircase,” Tellwyrn grunted, again focused on the books. “Daraspian, I think.”
Her elvish ears were correct, though it took them a few more seconds to verify it. Rhadid stomped toward them, his face wreathed in a furious snarl.
“You,” he spat, ineffectually stabbing the barrier with his sword. “You little vermin!”
“Well, damn,” Billie drawled, unimpressed. “Sobody needs ‘is nappy changed.”
“Oh, he’s probably just tetchy that I lifted this,” Owl said with a grin, reaching into his coat pocket. He pulled out a glass vial with a lead stopper, containing a sluggish purple liquid.
Rafe began laughing so hard he had to sit down.
With a visible effort, Rhadid suppressed his rage, even taking a mont to sheath his blade, smooth his hair back, and straighten his suit, though that last touch was particularly ineffectual as it was burned almost to shreds by repeated lightning blasts.
“Very well, I see the scales have tipped. You are in a position to make considerable demands of , and I am in a position to bestow considerable wealth and favor upon each of you. So let us discuss how much we can arrange for you all to profit from giving back what is mine.”
“Ohh, buddy,” Rafe chortled, wiping away tears. “I don’t think you get it, Rhad. You were just shot a bunch of tis.”
“Yes, and thanks to your brewing skill, I stand before you unscathed,” the nobleman said evenly. “I am impressed, Adstus. It is therefore worth a great deal to to recover access to that potion.”
“And anyone actually smart enough to overthrow the Empire and conquer the world would’ve hovered and read over my shoulder instead of prowling around the adjacent rooms. That is a limited anti-death potion, Lordy boy. Limited. All magic is subjective physics—within limits. No alchemist, no wizard, no god can simply wipe away causality. Just…suspend it.”
Rhadid opened his mouth to reply, then utterly froze. The color drained from his face.
“Honestly, I coulda just fed you hemlock, but I really wanted to see if I could actually make that potion. And I wasn’t gonna shed any tears if you stabbed Roscoe; I really don’t care for her attitude.”
“Rafe,” Rhadid hissed, impotently clenching his fists.
Rafe made a production of drawing a pocket watch from his waistcoat, consulting it, and grinning. The snap of the watch’s lid closing carried a note of finality, sowhat spoiled by the alchemist waggling his fingers flirtatiously at his erstwhile employer. “It’s been a party, Rhadid. Tell Tamara I pointed and laughed!”
A single staffshot was enough electricity to inflict severe burns and overload the nervous system. As it turned out, the simultaneous result of several dozen abruptly catching up to soone who had temporarily suspended their effects amounted to a torrent of power that, for one second, glowed like the sun, and left behind little more than bones charred black. What remained of Rhadid Daraspian tumbled against the arcane shield and shattered to fall in jumbled fragnts to the balcony floor.
Eric doubled over and was loudly sick.
“Charming,” Tellwyrn grunted. “Does it an nothing to any of you that this is a god damned library?”
“Welp,” Owl said with a sigh. “Guess that ans we’re not gettin’ paid.”
What little remained of the joint expedition to Manor Dire was much quicker and quieter, though not devoid of surprises.
Lieutenant Roscoe was among the three surviving soldiers, barely; at so point she had taken a rapier clear through her torso in three different places. The remains of her squad weren’t in much better shape. Compared to her previous attitude, she was very subdued after Rafe had administered healing potions. After rendering dical aid, the rest of the group left the Imperials to tend to their fallen.
Nobody bothered to say aloud that if Manor Dire was judging them by their ability to handle these events without resorting to brute violence, the gnos had quite decisively won. Steinway, Woodsworth, and Sassafrass did not re-erge from wherever they had hidden during the showdown, but Billie, who stuck with the rest of the survivors on their way out of the Manor, blithely assured everyone they were fine.
The next surprise ca when the protective shutters over the bookcases abruptly withdrew, to reveal…nothing. Every shelf in the library was completely bare.
Tellwyrn withdrew a bag of holding from inside her vest, peeked inside it, and then smiled the self-satisfied smile of a well-fed housecat. “Ah.”
“Ohh,” Owl drawled while Eric was still groping, aghast, at an empty shelf. “I get it. New University and all, it must take a whole lotta ti, effort, an’ money to put together a proper collection for the library. Unless you got a friend who’s about to put his place under new managent an’ needs to clear up space on the shelves. That’s what this whole thing was about for you, isn’t it? The sweeping, the five-hundred-year-old dead language only Diristaan would know…”
“Oh, please,” she snorted, “I hardly need to suck up to Diristaan; I taught the boy everything he knew. Well,” she added pensively, “not the bit about achieving immortality by diffusing his consciousness into a non-discrete edifice. It would never occur to to even contemplate such an asshat thing. Still.” In passing through the library doors, she paused to affectionately pat the door fra. “I always was fond of the lad. It’s been nice, being able to visit here and just relax, when I have ti.”
“Aye, well, we gnos aren’t big inta control an’ dominance,” said Billie. “This whole bit about competin’ fer rights to the place, that was the Manor’s idea, not ours. If kin are gonna be a bigger presence ’round ‘ere goin’ forward, they’ll just be explorin’ an’ appreciatin’ the house. You of all people’ll be more welco ‘ere than ever.”
“Oh, good,” Tellwyrn said with a sigh. “So much for peace and quiet.”
It seed that Manor Dire was done playing gas with them. The path from the library back to the entrance was direct, logical, and took all of ten minutes, without a trap or puzzle to be seen, much less any patches of confusing astral void. With nearly disorienting suddenness, they found themselves back in the long, rustic entry hall, facing the front doors to the mundane world outside.
“I would just like to say,” Eric spoke up suddenly, “that this trip has been the fulfillnt of a lifelong dream for , and…and it has not disappointed, despite all the frankly horrible things we’ve endured in the process. I’m grateful to the Manor and its master for indulging one archaeologist’s curiosity and not punishing his, ah, lack of adventuring qualifications any more than necessary. And it has been both a pleasure and an honor to work alongside each and every one of you.” He hesitated, then smiled. “Even the homicidally unhinged ones.”
“D’aww,” Rafe cooed. “We love you too, big guy!” The half-elf broke off with a yelp as Billie pinched his butt.
“Hey, you,” Tellwyrn said, turning to him. “Want a job?”
Adstus gaped at her.
“I need an alchemy teacher,” she said bluntly. “I caught my longstanding one diddling one of the students, so he’s exploring the reaches of Suffering until she graduates. And I’m not thrilled with the guy I got to replace him. He’s competent and all, but… You’re clearly one of the best there is at what you do, if you managed to brew this.” She held up the nearly full vial of limited anti-death potion.
“Dammit!” Owl exclaid, clapping a hand over his coat pocket. “I’m the Eserite here! Why the hell am I only the third-best pickpocket?”
“Sounds like a personal problem,” Billie said solicitously. “Are ye gettin’ enough veggies? May be a fiber issue.”
“Just as important,” Tellwyrn continued, ignoring them with her gaze still on Rafe, “you have a proven will to murder the hell out of anyone who harms one of your students. That’s everything I look for in a teacher. I’m willing to fire the chump I’ve got right now if you’re in.”
“Are you kidding?” Rafe squealed. “I am so in I can’t even think of an off-color taphor, and that’s about a sentence hinging on the word ‘in’ for fuck’s sake! You just tell when to start and—”
“Sester begins in three weeks,” she interrupted. “You’ll need to do so orientation beforehand. In fact…yeah. You have twenty-four hours to get your ass to Last Rock without my help. Consider that your final interview.”
“Then consider my ass hired!” Wasting not another mont, Adstus Rafe turned and pelted off down the great entry hall of Manor Dire, barely pausing to throw the front doors wide before charging through them and out into the world, leaving only his voice echoing behind. “Onward to glory!”
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