“This looks…complicated,” Tallie said skeptically a few minutes later, watching the Guild’s currently on-call healer work. “Can’t you just, y’know, make with the whoosh and the flash and fix everything?”
sr wasn’t a man who’d be taken for a dic at first glance. He was dressed like a shabby street tough, in an old suit that had been of middling quality at best before being worn threadbare and ripped in multiple places. He was handso to the point of dashing, though, and both his perfectly-trimd hair and handlebar mustache had clearly been oiled into place with far more care than he took with his wardrobe. He had the healer’s attitude down, though, as he now demonstrated by ceasing his careful work on Jasmine and turning to Tallie, arching one supercilious eyebrow.
“Would you like to try?”
“This is normal,” Jasmine said hastily and a tad thickly; she still had so bleeding in her mouth where her cheek had cracked against the floor, as evidenced by the ugly, blossoming bruise spreading across half her face. “You never just inundate soone with divine magic. You can fix bones or organs in the wrong place, which ans a slow death at worst.”
“Well, I’m glad at least one of you has cracked a book at so point in her life,” sr said more affably, turning back to her and resuming what he’d been doing. This consisted of closing his eyes, laying one hand on her forehead, and gently applying very small sparks of golden light to her abdon with the other.
“And she knows how to do divine healing, as well,” Tallie said with a sigh. “Let guess, you’re also a priestess.”
Jasmine started to sigh, as well, then winced. “Ow. And…no. I am not a priestess.”
“It’s not like that’s so kind of clerical secret,” sr said without opening his eyes. “Like I said, kid. Books: not just for propping doors open.”
“All right, then, doctor—”
“Whoah, whoah!” He broke off his work again, turning to scowl at Tallie. “The tag is sr. I did not cleverly avoid eight grueling years of dical school to run around being called doctor, thank you very much!”
Tallie blinked at him in bafflent, but Jasmine grinned, showing blood in her teeth.
“Okay,” Tallie resud after a mont, in which he returned to what he was doing. “What’s all this, then? Why just heal a little bit at a ti? And what’s with the hand on her face? You did it to , too; is it only the girls who get fondled?”
“I’d actually feel better if you let him concentrate,” Jasmine pointed out.
“Nah, it’s fine,” sr said absently. “Could do this in my sleep; you’re not a complex case. The hand on the head is one of the lesser-used aspects of divine magic. It’s akin to telepathy, gives the caster a sense of a person. With enough skill, it’s a crucial diagnostic tool. With more skill, you can actually get into their minds, which is creepy as all hell and consequently I’ve never studied the thod.”
“So it’s like divination,” said Tallie.
“Sure. In that it only works on people and only if you’re touching them and thus is in no way like arcane divination, yeah, it’s exactly like that. As for the little bits at a ti part, I’m scanning for and fixing major issues. Concussion, loosened teeth, organ damage, internal bleeding, all that good stuff. And actually I didn’t find any, but I’m healing so internal bruising anyway, because you do not ss around with that crap. The rest, you get to keep, you lucky duck, you.” Apparently finished, he lifted his hands from Jasmine, then grinned and playfully tweaked her nose. “Since you got this collection of bruises from Style, they are considered an object lesson. Letting ’em heal the long, slow way is all part of your education.”
“Well, that answers my next question,” Tallie muttered, absently rubbing at her own stomach where Style had punched her. Upon their arrival, sr had placed a hand on each of their heads, then told Tallie she was fine and set to work on Jasmine.
“And on that note,” the healer added, “while you can nip out and buy yourself a healing potion or just walk into any Omnist temple and get a thorough cleansing, I advise against it. Soon as Style sees you without your hard-earned bruises, she’ll just put ’em right back.”
“Well, that may not be an issue,” Jasmine said with a sigh. “Since I guess I won’t be around much longer.”
“Why, you’re quitting?” Style snorted, striding into the curtained-off examination room from the open lobby beyond. “I thought better of you than that, kid.”
Jasmine t her with an unfriendly stare. “Well, after all that, I expect to be kicked out. Right?”
“For what?” Style folded her arms and raised an eyebrow. “Standing up to authority? Defending soone weaker? That’s exactly the entire fucking point of everything we do here, Jasmine. You just did it in the wrong way, at the wrong ti, over the wrong issue. Teaching you how to pick your battles and win them is the point of you being an apprentice.” She grinned mirthlessly. “Kicking the shit out of you when you fuck up as badly as you just did is ant to deter you making the sa dumbshit mistakes twice. The technique I can teach, kid; instilling soone with the drive to take action like you did is a lot harder.”
“Hmp,” Jasmine grunted noncommittally, probing at her bruised face with her fingertips.
“Oi!” Style turned to shout back through the curtain. “The Boss told you three to co with. What’re you doing lurking out there?”
“He said to stay out while girls were being examined!” Rasha protested rather shrilly from outside.
Style turned to sr with a scowl. “I can’t help but notice a complete lack of anybody with their shirt off in here. Why would you even need them undressed if you can do that creepy brain thing you do?”
sr, who had stepped over montarily to a nearby cabinet, now shrugged placidly before handing a bowl and a bottle of water to Jasmine. “I just hate being crowded when I’m working. Here, swish and spit. You look like a vampire with a goat’s table manners.”
“Get your butts in here!” Style barked.
The boys trooped single-file through the curtain, all three looking uncharacteristically nervous. Tallie gave them a smile; Jasmine waved, while obediently swishing water around her mouth. The space was not exactly cramped, but it was beginning to fell that way, with so many bodies present.
“The Boss said he’d want to talk to you,” Style said, giving them all the gimlet eye. I doubt he’ll want to shout back and forth across a curtain. This is as good a place as any for a chat, so you all just sit tight.”
“Uh huh,” sr said dryly, taking the bowl and bottle from Jasmine and stepping over to the nearby sink to pour and wash them out. “Sure, fine, whatever. Just so you know if another injured dumbass cos in, I’m kicking you all out.”
“Oh, are you,” Style drawled.
“Let put this in terms you can understand,” he said, turning back to her with a grin and placing a hand on his own chest. “ dic. You thug. That ans in the presence of a patient, I outrank you, Tricks, his Majesty, and the Big Guy himself. Savvy?”
“Actually she’s rather loquacious,” Ross comnted. Everyone turned to stare at him, and he shrugged defensively. “Aside from the cussing, I an.”
“One of her more charming qualities,” Tricks said breezily, striding in, and paused to wink at Rasha, who had jumped. “Sorry, didn’t an to sneak up on ya. Though maybe I should install curtains all over this place. They’re great for dramatic entrances.”
“Ooh!” Darius said brightly. “What about those bead curtains that form a mosaic? Stylish, dramatic, and they make a pleasant rattling sound!”
“Hey, now that’s using the old noggin!” the Boss said, grinning and pointing at him.
“Boy,” Style said darkly, “I can deal with you shooting off your yap in front of the mortal head of our faith, because that’s practically a divine obligation in this cult. But so help , if you start giving him ideas, I will use you for a toilet plunger.”
“That’s extrely flattering, ma’am,” Darius said sincerely, “but Tallie has dibs.”
“All right, cool it,” the Boss ordered. “I do enjoy a spot of banter and you kids seem talented, but as usual I have far too much crap to do, so let’s proceed directly to the point. sr, I think one of your other rooms could use so tidying up.”
“Excuse ,” sr declared, “but every facet of my infirmary is in flawless order as always. Really, Boss, if you want to go the fuck away, you can say so without insulting—”
“GO THE FUCK AWAY!”Style roared, pointing at the door.
sr heaved a dramatic sigh and flounced out. Tricks waited for the sound of the outer door closing before he continued.
“So! What, pray tell, is all this I’m hearing about dwarves?”
There was a beat of silence, in which the apprentices glanced nervously at one another.
“None of this is our fault!”
“That guy Pick—”
This content has been misappropriated from ; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“I think the Silver Legions—”
“They’ve been following us around since—”
Style slamd a fist into the cabinet hard enough to rattle so of its contents loose, to judge by the muted crash that occurred within.
“How about this,” she said flatly. “Pretend you can communicate like human beings.”
“Only half-human,” Jasmine said, raising a hand. She shrugged, unperturbed, at Style’s furious stare. “For the record.”
“You’re the talker, right?” Tricks said calmly, winking at Tallie. “How about you give it to us from the beginning?”
Tallie drew in a deep breath, wincing and placing a hand on her belly, then nodded. “Uh…okay, sure. Guys, feel free to chi in if I skip anything. All right, so, a few days back Darius here got us a job doing grunt work for Pick at that weapons swap…”
She actually did not forget anything, efficiently running through the whole thread of events which had followed from the warehouse, and how they had quite accidentally co to be involved with the mysterious dwarves, the Silver Legionnaires, the gang running Glass Alley, and finally Alan Vandro and Gimmick.
“And then we got back here and Style went apeshit on us,” Tallie finished, then shrugged. “I figure you guys rember that part.”
Style, by this point, had narrowed her eyes to slits, but it was a thoughtful expression; even as new to the Guild as they were, they had learned to watch for her displeasure. The chief enforcer turned expectantly to Tricks, who was gazing pensively into the distance, slowly tapping one finger against his chin.
“Well, now,” he mused after a long mont of contemplation. “What a goddamn interesting week you kids are having. Felicitations and condolences both.”
“Thanks,” said Ross. Style shot him a look.
“Since you didn’t ntion our Ms. Jasmine’s excursions to visit Glory,” the Boss continued, “I gather that was unrelated?”
“I would be amazed if Glory has anything to do with Pick or dwarves,” Jasmine answered, “and probably very little involvent with the Legions. I’d been planning to talk to her about all this after today, though. She ended up not wanting for an apprentice, but she said I could visit and seek advice. She’s certainly smart enough to make it worthwhile.”
“As smart a cookie as was ever baked, that one,” Tricks agreed.
“I like the sound of that,” Tallie added. “Gotta say, not that I didn’t appreciate the sandwiches and the lift, but I’m less than comfortable with our main source of info and connections being Vandro.”
“Good,” Style grunted. “Trust those instincts. And while we’re at it, whatever else you end up doing about all this, you watch your ass if you have to deal with Principia Locke any further. In fact, I’d say just don’t, if you’ve got any better option.”
“Why?” asked Rasha.
“Webs is a scher,” Style replied. “He’s a pile of agendas and he will use you in them, but that doesn’t necessarily have to bring you harm. Hell, he’ll probably go out of his way to be helpful to apprentices. Keys, though, is just an asshole. Her career path has been to ruin everyone’s day who has anything worth stealing, and her hobby is to piss off fellow thieves whenever one is unfortunate enough to et her. The fuck if I know what she’s doing in the Legion, but if it ends up with her in a noose, which I more than half expect, not a fucking soul alive will shed a tear. She will string you along into trouble just because she thinks it’s funny.”
“Not , she won’t,” Jasmine said simply.
Style gave her a long look, then frowned and glanced at the others. “What, is this not a secret?”
“I asked her for advice,” Jasmine said with a shrug. “They asked why. It didn’t seem worth concealing. Anyway, I’m not banking on our relationship to ensure Locke deals fairly with us. If she gives that kind of trouble I will go down there and beat her into the ground, and she knows it. I’ve already seen the inside of one Silver Legion cell this week and frankly it wasn’t all that uncomfortable.”
“Damn,” Darius said, grinning. “And I thought my family was ssed up.”
“I’m absolutely sure they are,” Tallie assured him.
“Hn,” Style grunted, then smiled almost grudgingly. “Kid, you’ve got the makings of a top-notch enforcer. Assuming I don’t have to literally kill you in order to beat so common sense into that skull.”
Jasmine’s expression fell at the back-handed complint, and she averted her eyes, fidgeting.
“Anyway, that’s our deal,” Tallie said, now frowning at Tricks. “Look, I get that we’re expected to solve our own problems here, and we’re working on it. But you cared enough to ask about all this, and now you know. So…what’s your plan?”
“You have an unknown party stalking so apprentices,” Darius agreed. “Surely the Guild has a stake in that.”
“Mm hm,” Tricks mused. “Too right, we do. But if you’re expecting to co swooping to your rescue, here, I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed.”
“I…” Rasha glanced quickly around at the others. “…don’t think anybody’s actually going to be disappointed, then.”
“Good man,” Tricks replied with a grin, though his face imdiately sobered. “There are factors that restrain a bit, kids. First of all, all these dwarves appear to have done is track you. That’s creepy and borderline hostile at least, but the truth is, being followed around is a fact of life for Eserites. Law enforcent is just the beginning; potential marks and past marks, those who have the resources, will often stalk thieves. Avenists and Shaathists tend to do it just on general principles if they happen to learn what cult you’re in. For that matter, there’s a great deal of competition within the Guild itself, and so of the prank-playing barely toes the line short of infighting. Your fellow thieves will frequently make it their business to know what you’re up to. Dealing with this, and countering it, is sothing you’ll be expected to know how to do. Nobody in this Guild is going to rally to your aid just because soone is keeping tabs on you.”
Ross sighed heavily; none of them found anything to say in response.
“Now, granted, there are so mitigating factors there,” Tricks continued. “You’re apprentices, which ans we don’t expect you to have the sa capabilities, and you get a asure of protection. And this stalking is pretty obviously a forerunner to the real show, whatever that is. Depending on what it is, we may end up having to intervene after all. For that reason, I’m glad to be in the loop on this, finally.”
“Sorry,” Tallie muttered. “We didn’t figure you’d…”
“No worries, it’s only a few days in,” he assured her. “Whatever crisis this is leading to hasn’t happened yet, and now I’m forewarned. That’s what matters. Second problem, though: I’m constrained from rushing to your aid over a minor problem by the fact that you’re all plotting against .”
Tricks let their babbled protestations of shock and innocence carry on for a few seconds before holding up a hand for silence. When silence did not imdiately ensue, Style helped.
“SHUT IT. And you.” She turned her scowl on the Boss. “I know you like your little jokes, but leave the kids alone. So of ’em aren’t that bright.”
“Hey,” Darius protested. “What’d she an by that?”
“Tell you when you’re older,” Ross rumbled.
“All right, fair enough,” Tricks said easily. “Relax, guys, you’re in no trouble with . And Style’s right, that was a little joke on my part…sowhat. But the fact is, after today, you’ll be associated with Alan Vandro’s camp in the eyes of those in the Guild who care about such things, and that is a potential issue.”
“Camp?” Rasha said shrilly. “There’s a camp? Nobody told us about any camp!”
“We probably wouldn’t have stumbled into it if he had,” Tallie said sourly. “Which would be why he didn’t.”
“Exactly,” said Tricks, nodding. “Innocent or not, though, that’s where we stand. How this looks is one of the bullshit things I have to think about in order to lead the Guild. If so of our apprentices are in so kind of danger, then sure, protecting them with all necessary resources is just part of the job. If I move to aid a group of Vandro’s underlings just because they’re in an uncomfortable situation, that’s different. It ans I’m either insecure enough to try to woo away mbers of his faction, or overtly hostile toward him in a way that’ll start sparks flying, as people who support him, , or other parties take the cue to get more aggressive.”
“That is horseshit,” Rasha spat with uncharacteristic vehence. He then paled slightly and hunched his shoulders, but a mont later forced himself to straighten up again, glaring at the Boss.
“You’re completely right,” Tricks said with a sigh. “It’s politics. And the really shitty thing about politics is that you don’t get to abstain from it. Not just , because I have to consider these things in order to get anything done around here, but everybody. It happens, and it’ll roll right over you if you don’t pay attention to it and involve yourself. It’s obnoxious as hell, but…there it is.”
“What are these factions, though?” Darius asked. “I an, what’s everybody after?”
“There’s not really any competition for power in the Guild,” said Tricks. “Competition for jobs, credibility, and just because we like to compete, sure. But in a religion whose central premise is that people who seek power are not to be trusted, we just don’t have all that many positions of authority, and they always end up getting kind of thrust on people who don’t really want them. Anybody in one of those positions who started acting like they enjoyed it too much would find themselves…” He grinned, dragging a finger across his neck. “Retired.”
“We have joined a cult of crazy people,” Tallie said wearily. Style grinned at her.
“Point being,” Tricks continued, “most Guild mbers really aren’t interested in factional politics at all, and those who go in for it do so over doctrinal issues—how they feel the Guild should be run, and how Eserites should behave. Webs isn’t aiming for my job; I know for a fact he doesn’t want my job, and very few people do.”
“He keeps trying to fob it back off on Sweet,” Style added, smirking, “who is far too slippery for that to work.”
“What Webs wants,” Tricks said, giving her a sour look, “is change within the cult.”
“What change?” asked Ross.
“That’s actually a good thing to ask about and sothing you should know,” the Boss replied, “but it’s a diversion I really don’t have ti for. Find Lore at your earliest opportunity and ask about all this; teaching you the Guild’s codes and philosophy is his job, after all. For now, we have the issue at hand to finish addressing.”
“The issue being,” Tallie said bitterly, “we’re fucked and you won’t help.”
“There you go, jumping to conclusions,” Tricks said with a gentle smile. “Here’s the core problem: who are these dwarves? What’s their agenda? What organization do they represent? What are so of their nas? Where do they live?”
He let the silence stretch out, smiling knowingly, and then winked at them.
“And without knowing any of that,” the Boss finished, “what is it you expect to do?”
“All right, that’s fair,” said Jasmine, shifting on the exam table and then wincing. “We—errh—need to find all that out, anyway.”
“Just get a starting point,” said Tricks in a more serious tone. “Bring anything. Because while politics may constrain from acting overtly in your favor, I want to have people looking at these dwarves as soon as I have a direction in which to look. There’s a potentially important factor here that you guys seem to have missed.”
“Oh?” Darius raised his eyebrows inquisitively.
“Style.” Tricks turned to his head enforcer. “Last info I had, Pick is still AWOL and hasn’t paid this group for the work they did?”
“And that’s still correct,” she grunted. “I had my people do a quick sweep of the city, which turned up nothing, so I put out the word to all our chapter houses to watch for him. Didn’t bother with a thorough search, though; he’s small fry on his best day. Why, you want to crack down on him?”
“Not necessarily,” Tricks said, frowning. “Pick has a sowhat infamous record; we’re all so accustod to thinking he’s a useless little shitstain that when he turned up missing just as the apprentices he ditched needed to be paid, well, there’s a pretty neat and obvious little narrative there, huh? However, it’s now turned out that we have so outside faction aggressively pursuing these sa kids over business related to that deal and those weapons—business that Pick was knee-deep in. I don’t actually know who he was working with or where the hell he got those gadgets, so he may be the only person who can answer those questions. And just as the dwarves start moving in, he’s nowhere to be found.”
“Holy shit,” Darius breathed, going pale. Style’s face, by contrast, reddened, an she clenched her fists in fury.
“Now, nobody go and do anything rash,” Tricks warned them. “We need answers before taking action; we’re dealing with smart people, and just about the worst thing you can do when smart people are moving against you is lash out. But if it these dwarves have managed to disappear a Guild mber…oh, you’ll get your support, kids.” He smiled coldly. “They really hate thieves up in the Dwarnskolds; it’s one of the few places where Eserites have really no presence at all. So maybe it’s ti we reminded all of dwarfkind that you do not fuck with the Thieves’ Guild.”
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