I must crush my false wish to make my real one co true.
I made my sister into a monster, and now I must kill her with my own hands.
I approach Aya where she is trapped inside the car. She still banging against the windshield, trying her hardest to survive. But there’s no saving her. No matter how much she wants to live, despite all her dreams for a brighter future, despite all her abilities to make it real, she will not be saved. My sister died tragically and unnecessarily.
“Aya.”
My voice doesn’t reach my sister. I can’t interfere with the past.
All the sa, Aya stops beating on the windshield. She closes her eyes and lies down on the seat.
She is prepared for her fate.
“I’m sorry I left you trapped here. I’m sorry for twisting your feelings all this ti. I made it your fault and avoided facing reality. But that’s all over now. I’m going to set you free.”
I remove a small bottle from my pocket.
“This is your birthday present.”
I drip out the scented oil I had intended to give her that day. The sll of peppermint spreads.
With that, the ti that stopped for on that day finally begins to move again.
Aya probably can’t sll the peppermint, but her cheeks relax slightly.
I know my sister wasn’t happy with the life she lived. I’m sure she had nothing but regret. I’m sure she died filled with anger and suffering.
But—
This is just my guess, but I believe one thought did cross her mind.
She hid that she was going to study abroad from and made sure I was ho when she set off on her journey. Because of that—
—at least her little sister survived.
“Maria, please…find happiness…”
My sister’s eyes would never open again.
“Good-bye, O. Good-bye…Aya.”
The O I’ve been chasing all this ti quietly lts away into the air.
The monster within is gone.
I dive into the bottom of the ocean once again. I follow the crying voice deeper and deeper into the darkness. Though I can’t see anything in front of , I’m not frightened anymore. My mories grow clearer the farther I dive.
Damn…this is a past I would rather avoid. But I won’t run away. I plunge ahead so I can confront the pain of what happened before.
How long has the girl down here been crying? Since the very beginning, I’m sure. I’ve been crying out with loneliness ever since I initially obtained a Box. That crybaby, my true self, was in the way when I was trying to beco Aya Otonashi, so I sank her to the bottom of the ocean.
But I can’t break the Misbegotten Happiness if I don’t call her back.
I wriggle through the darkness in search of the sobbing girl. I can tell the crying is coming from very close by, yet I can’t see her. I call my na—“Maria!”—and spread my arms.
I feel soone with my fingertips.
“Are you Maria?”
I grab what feels like a wrist and pull her near.
The darkness imdiately rolls away from around us as if we had entered a bubble of light. The weeping girl looks like I did back in middle school.
“Are you the zeroth Maria?”
This is the past self I once abandoned. The one who cries out of loneliness. The one who is weak and unreliable. The one who believes no one loves her.
(Can you see now?)
Her words catch off guard.
But I understand… I’ve been blind to her this entire ti. “Yeah, I can see you.”
(Are you going to stay with ?)
“I’ll always be with you.”
I take the zeroth Maria’s hand.
“I won’t run from you anymore. I won’t flee from the past.” I gaze deep into her eyes and smile gently. “So co back.”
The zeroth Maria seems hesitant. It’s understandable, since I’m the one who mistreated her.
(…I want you to promise sothing.)
“I’m listening.”
(Cry when you’re sad. Be joyful when you’re happy. Be angry when you’re upset. Laugh when you’re having fun. And when you’re in trouble, don’t wear yourself down; reach out for help. Take care of yourself before others. Don’t hate anyone. Live with pride in yourself.)
I had never been able to do a single one of those things.
Oddly enough, though, I’m confident I can honor them all with the next promise: If I love soone, I should see it through.
“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll honor them.”
(Really?)
I nod. I don’t have a single doubt that I can keep my word.
(Then I’ll co back!)
The zeroth Maria stops crying. She smiles, and then she slips into . “Unh, ah……”
Even now that I know the whole truth, it doesn’t feel good. It’s as if my blood is flowing in reverse. I’m not strong anymore; I can’t even pretend to be. My fragile self has returned within , the girl with nothing to make her special.
The entirety of the past enters . Reality washes over , along with its grief. I’ve finally stopped running from it, but I hate the world. There’s no kindness in a world that’s so persistently made suffer ti and ti again.
It’s harsh, thankless, an, capricious, irrational, and frightening—
But…
…still…
…I am not alone anymore.
“Isn’t that right, Kazuki?”
That’s why I can once again be Maria Otonashi.
I wake up, free from the ocean depths.
I’m in a room of the apartnt where I used to live.
O is gone. Instead, a clear, beautiful, yet delicate square Box rests in my hands.
Also, I am not the only one here.
“Oh—”
Seeing him makes start to cry again. The tears are pouring uncontrollably; I can’t stop. Pathetic as it may be, this is who I once was, and who I’ve always been.
“Oh—Kazuki.”
I embrace Kazuki where he sits on the floor of the room. Kazuki doesn’t react, though. He simply stares at a single point with vacant eyes.
Kazuki has lost everything to the violence of those loops. The utter solitude stole away his intelligence and mories, transforming him into a silent body. The shape of Kazuki’s soul was changed by the cruelty of this Box; he will probably never return to normal.
As usual, reality is nothing but cruelty, and all it offers are trials to overco.
But I will not rely on Boxes any longer.
Weeping, I try my best to smile, and then I speak to Kazuki.
“Hey…do you rember what we said before? When I lost hope in the Rejecting Classroom, you got down on one knee and said ‘Your escort has arrived, Princess Maria’ and offered your hand. You told you had betrayed everything, made enemies of everyone, to co rescue . Your actions have been consistent ever since that mont. You have always brought salvation. I thought I had beco strong, but really, I was imprisoned at the bottom of the sea. And you dove down into the depths to save . You did exactly what you said you would; you found there even when it ant betraying and making enemies of everyone. You didn’t care that it would hurt you so much and leave you like this.”
I set the transparent Box on the floor and squeeze Kazuki’s hand gently. His fingers move slightly, but it’s probably just a reflexive reaction to being grabbed.
“I want you to forgive . There’s only one thing I can do for you when you’ve done so much for .” I touch Kazuki’s chest. “I will stay by your side for life.”
Kazuki doesn’t react.
“I won’t give up. I’ll wait however long it takes for you to co back. It’ll be so much easier than when you were waiting for , right? …No, I guess not. It’s not a question of waiting or not. It’s our fate to be inseparable. I will always be with you. It’s the only thing I can do.”
I smile at him.
“That is our normal life that no one can ever destroy.”
But my tears fall into the palm of Kazuki’s hand. He won’t even look at ; he really is rely staring into space.
“That should solve everything, right? You’re the one who said there’s no despair that can’t be undone by just living our day-to-day lives. Isn’t that right?”
No matter how hard I try to hold it back, my voice is trembling.
“I have faith in what you said. I have faith in the one who defeated Aya Otonashi.”
Kazuki will co back.
But I also honestly feel that losing hope isn’t out of the question for .
“Do you know who I am?
“Do you understand what I’m saying?
“Can you see ?
“Can you tell I’m touching you?
“Do you rember who you are?”
He doesn’t respond to anything.
It’s definitely starting to look bleak. But I still smile. I will find hope.
“It’s okay. If you’ve forgotten, then I’ll keep calling your na. I’ll keep saying your na, just like how you called mine until you found .”
I say it.
“Kazuki.”
I say it tearfully.
“Kazuki.”
I say it with love.
“Kazuki.”
I say it with cheer.
“Kazuki.
“Kazuki.
“Kazuki.”
Over and over, I say Kazuki’s na.
Before I know it, the sun has set. Kazuki didn’t spend the whole ti sitting; he stood up and walked around so, and he even touched my face and body. He didn’t say anything, though, and I don’t see anything resembling thought. Strangely enough, however, he never hit the wall.
“Kazuki.”
I must have said that na thousands of tis today. But that never bothered in the slightest. Saying Kazuki’s na makes happy.
Kazuki crouches down abruptly, as if he’s just noticed the transparent Box. He picks it up and seems to be gazing at it. He’s completely still.
“…Kazuki, what’s wrong?”
Kazuki squeezes the Misbegotten Happiness in his scarred right hand. It still has the power of the Empty Box to destroy Boxes.
That’s why the clear and fragile Box shatters easily.
The Misbegotten Happiness is utterly annihilated.
With that, Kazuki finally loses the power of the Empty Box.
It’s all over. Boxes will probably never play a part in our world again. Kazuki stayed true to himself until the end and eradicated his enemy.
Kazuki is victorious over the Boxes.
He turns his gaze toward . There is no light in his eyes. He doesn’t see . He still has no will. I’m sure he doesn’t know who he is.
Still, he doesn’t look away from . Why is that?
I know what Kazuki is going to say. I know he is about to perform a miracle.
“
Maria.”
That familiar na probably just forced its way out of his mouth. That has to be it.
I can’t get my hopes up.
I can’t let myself rejoice too much.
I tell myself this in my mind, but it’s no use. I am so overjoyed that I start sobbing again.
I can’t help it, though, can I?
After all, I’m not the strong Aya Otonashi anymore—I’m just a crybaby. I am Maria Otonashi.
Reviews
All reviews (0)