[Music: Still Here (Even When I’m Not) By Exiles Of Eden]
I rasped heavily, sitting up while trembling, before I shattered in tears. It stread down my cheeks hotly as I gripped to grapple with reality again. Sobbing, I looked at my hands, but they weren’t covered in Ares blood; they were clean. But it didn’t look clean to .
I feel it and sll it even.
I rushed out of bed, straight to the bathroom. I turned on the faucet, washing my hands over and over again until I was certain it was clean enough.
The sound of my sobs and muffled cries filled the space as the scene replayed in my head like a broken record, haunting until all I could hear was the gunshot and my screams as I tried to stop the bleeding.
When Ares was rushed into surgery, I wanted to go in there with him, but I was stopped, and the doors closed.
~
"What’s happening? Why aren’t you going in there with him?!" I scread at the doctor stepping out. "Y-You have to save him!"
When I caught his gaze behind , I turned and found Elias there.
"I’m giving you one chance to leave... and never co back to Midnight. Defy , and he’ll die on that table."
I stared at him in disbelief, then back at the doctor who was willing to listen rather than save Ares.
"His life is in your hands. I’m letting you go; you should consider this rcy."
"rcy?"
"If you truly love my son as you claid... do the right thing."
~
I opened my eyes, staring at myself through the mirror, my cheeks wet with tears. It took a while before I cald down.
I walked back to my room to sit. I took my phone and dialed Gramps number, doing my best to stop crying.
"Hello?"
Hearing his sleepy voice, I felt at ease. I looked at the table clock, and it read midnight.
"G-Gramps," I tried my best to sound alright, but there was no hiding this. "I’m sorry for calling so late."
"Pumpkin?"
I snickered. It seems like I was never gonna outgrow that na.
"Yes."
"Is this a new line?"
"No, actually, this is not a burner phone. I think we can skip that now. I can call you as much as I want now, and you too."
I heard rustling in the background, and I could already picture him sitting up.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
Ares had found now, so there was no use hiding.
"Did sothing happen?" he asked in worry. "You don’t sound okay. Is little pumpkin alright?"
I snickered again, but the sound died quickly in my throat. "She’s fine, probably sleeping like a log."
There was a pause, and I knew he was waiting for to speak.
"I-I had another nightmare."
I heard his heavy breathing. "The sa one?"
I nodded as if he could see .
"How did it play out this ti?"
"The sa way. I see blood... then the mories all together, it’s almost as if I’m back to that night again. It was too real this ti."
"But these nightmares were reduced over ti. What changed?"
Ares.
After seeing him after all these years, it was like that night had co back to haunt . I deserved it. I left him, despite Elias’ threat; I made that choice to leave and never look back.
"I-I tried, G-Gramps." I began in a shaky voice. "T-To move on, however I could, but it’s harder than it looks. What I chose to move on with... what I thought was what I wanted..." I shake my head, thinking back to that night with Reed. "I couldn’t. Am I stupid, Gramps? Thinking there was a chance I could forget everything."
That I ever loved him.
"Pumpkin..." he said softly. "Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re not stupid. You’re human."
I sobbed. "I know I-I have ssed up and screwed up things, but now, Gramps, I have one good thing in my life. Es. And I don’t wanna ruin that, I’m trying so hard not to."
"Listen to , I know it’s hard, but this is even harder for just thinking of the day I’d finally get to et you both. Everything that had happened was difficult. But the best we can do is try to see through the present day and live."
I nodded, closing my eyes as tears slipped beneath my lashes.
"You’re the strongest person I know. The last few years have been tough, and I know you hate yourself every day. You made a choice, a choice to protect yourself and Es, you can’t fault yourself for that."
I used the back of my hand to wipe my tears.
"Now don’t think about the past, regrets, or anything else. Take a cold shower and go back to bed because when you wake up, all you’re gonna think about is Es, making breakfast, and getting her ready for school. Think of the work in the diner, and that loud-mouthed Maria and the ever-so calm Harper, who rolls her eyes at everything."
I laughed, even though it sounded strange to .
"Think of Reed, too. He’s a good lad. And you don’t need to explain anything to , I understand. Whatever decision you make, do it when you’re ready, do it right, do it well and—"
"Face it with courage."
"That’s my pumpkin. You have made a life in Penrose, and I’m nothing but proud of you."
I got teary-eyed again, but I didn’t wanna cry anymore.
"Thank you, Gramps."
"Goodnight, pumpkin. I’ll talk to you tomorrow."
"Goodnight."
The call ended, and I dropped my phone, going to the bathroom for a cold shower.
After I was done, I stepped out, using the towel to dry my hair. I took my glasses and wore them, walking to my window and pushing the curtain aside to peek at the house across the street.
The outdoor light was on just like the rest of the houses around, and the street was dead quiet.
I thought back to yesterday.
After embracing for a really long ti, Ares kissed my forehead and left. That was it. I couldn’t understand why he had done sothing like that.
I anticipated his hatred and rage. Because that was the only reasonable thing I could understand.
Why was it different?
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