The rune for water swims before my eyes, its curves and lines blurring as I try to focus. My mind, however, has other plans. It drifts to Vanessa, her soft smile as she spoke of Vester. The ache in her voice. The longing.
I know that feeling all too well now.
Lucas. Where is he? Is he safe? Is the pack safe? Do we have more funeral rites coming? Are people hurting?
Are our hospitals inundated?
Your brain is so loud I can't sleep, Selene's voice cuts through my spiraling thoughts.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Rolling my eyes at her nonexistent self, knowing she can feel it, I drawl ntally, Let just turn down the volu on my anxiety for you. Wouldn't want to disturb your beauty rest.
Selene huffs, a sound sowhere between amusent and exasperation. Worrying about things you can't control is a waste of ti. You'd be better off focusing on what's in front of you. The sooner you master this, the sooner we can leave.
She's right, of course. Doesn't make it any easier, but she's right. I take a deep breath, trying to center myself. "Okay, okay. You're right. Let's do this."
"Is it Selene?" Vanessa asks in amusent. "Whenever you talk to her, your entire face scrunches up."
Damn. Really? I've watched them all go a little vacant-eyed when they're talking to their wolves or pack mbers, but no one's ever screwed up their whole face to do it.
That's embarrassing.
Still, I nod. "Yeah. She's giving a pep talk."
"You can do this, Ava. Look what you accomplished earlier today." Giving two thumbs-up that couldn't be more cheesy if she tried, Vanessa grins. "I have faith in you."
Heat flushes in my cheeks. No matter how much care and attention I've been given in my ti at Westwood, it still feels awkward and wrong to have soone so enthusiastic in their praise of .
Good, too.
Really good.
That rush of warmth and affection in my heart that's brought about with a few simple words and encouragent is a little scary. It reminds a little of how I'd begun to feel a little like I should stay with Clayton, all because he was kind to and gave a place to live, despite knowing that it was wrong.
Knowing him a little more now—still not very much, but enough to recognize that he didn't exactly have any sinister designs to throw back to my pack or anything—I can see how he was just an alpha struggling to do the right thing, and maybe a little too clouded by the heat-mating that occurred between us.
I like him, Selene murmurs. But he is not the one who stirs your heart, is he?
No, he isn't.
Those flutters I felt toward him; the way I wanted to lean on him and rely on him? They're the sa ones I feel toward Vanessa, who's been in my corner from the first mont we t. Soone who's willing to help , to talk to , to listen. To get to know my thoughts and feelings. Soone who cares about them.
Soone aside from Lucas, who's bonded to . And aside from Lisa, who—despite being my best friend—doesn't understand my life.
It's different than Mrs. Elkins, who didn't know who I was. And it's different from Selene, who's another half of my heart.
It's soone who gives without expecting anything in return. I'm weak to that. I see that now, and it only gets clearer by the day.
There's nothing wrong in appreciating those who care for you, Selene murmurs.
Still, it worries . I'm going to need to be smarter in the future. Make sure I'm not trusting the wrong people, all because they treat well.
Already, I feel my heart ache at the thought that maybe Sister Miriam isn't the best person to trust. Or maybe that Magister Orion isn't the best choice of teacher. Maybe being here in the Fae Ward itself is nothing more than so elaborate trap—
You're running through too many thoughts again, Selene says, affection from her coming through our bond to soothe my ragged mind. You're going through everything you can to avoid what's in front of .
Right.
The magic.
With a deep breath, I purge my head as best as I can, turning my attention back to the rune for water.
I trace its lines with my eyes. There's that place deep inside where I felt the fire magic, but when I reach for it, it's like hitting a wall. I push against it, trying to find a crack, a seam, anything. But there's nothing. Just like before.
Frustration builds quicker than before. I managed it before, why not now? Visualizing the magic as a door that I need to open doesn't feel right. I tug at an imaginary handle, knock on its surface, even try to kick it down in my mind.
Nothing.
My shoulders slump.
It feels like I'm just leaning against this invisible barrier now, too exhausted to keep fighting. My arms and legs shake with exhaustion, just like they did after I accessed the fire magic. But this ti, I have nothing to show for it.
No burst of power, no flickering fla. Just the trembling of overexerted muscles and the bitter taste of failure.
I open my eyes, blinking away the spots dancing in my vision. The water rune sits there, mocking with its stillness. I want to crumple it up and throw it across the room, but I resist the urge. Barely.
"This is pointless," I mutter, more to myself than to Selene. "Maybe I'm just a one-trick pony. Fire and done."
You're giving up too easily, Selene chides. Magic isn't sothing you can force. It's about finding the right flow, the right rhythm.
"Easy for you to say," I grumble. "You're not the one sitting here feeling like an idiot."
No, I'm just the one watching you act like one, she retorts, but there's no real bite to her words.
My lips curve, so of the tension easing from my shoulders as I let out a soft chuckle. "Touché."
I take another deep breath, trying to shake off the frustration. Vanessa is still and silent in her corner, and I can't even feel her gaze on . She's probably looking anywhere except at , knowing the stress her regard would put under.
More than ever, I'm convinced she's an angel.
Thinking through it again, maybe I'm approaching this all wrong. Fire ca to in a mont of intense emotion, a vivid mory. What do I associate with water?
I close my eyes again, thinking of the tis I've felt most connected to water. The gentle lapping of waves at the lake near the pack house, escaping from yet another round of beating—
No. Don't go there.
Instead, it's the soothing sound of rain on the windows of Lisa's apartnt. The refreshing coolness of a glass of water, after a hot day of training with Jericho.
None of it feels quite right. I'm missing sothing, but I can't put my finger on what.
You're trying too hard, Selene says softly. Water isn't about force. It's about flow, about finding the path of least resistance.
"I don't know how to do that," I admit, frustration creeping back into my voice. "I've spent my whole life fighting to survive. How am I supposed to just... flow?"
By letting go, she replies simply. Stop trying to control it. Let it co to you.
I want to argue, to point out how impossible that sounds. But I'm too tired to fight anymore. So instead, I just nod and close my eyes again.
Visualizing nothing. I don't reach for the magic or try to force it. I focus on my breathing, on the feeling of air moving in and out of my lungs. On the steady beat of my heart.
Just existing.
And then, almost imperceptibly at first, I feel sothing. It's not the roaring inferno of the fire magic. It's softer, gentler. A cool trickle at the edge of my consciousness.
There's the urge to grab at it, to force it into form. Shoving those urges down deep in the recesses of my soul, I let it be.
Let it flow around .
Through .
The trickle becos a stream, then a river. It doesn't overwhelm like the fire did. It just... is. Cool and refreshing and alive.
I open my eyes, half expecting to see the room flooded. But everything looks the sa. The water rune still sits in front of , unchanged.
And yet, I know sothing has shifted. I can feel it, a new awareness humming just beneath my skin.
"I think..." I start, then pause, unsure how to describe what just happened. "I think I found it. Or maybe it found ? I don't know."
Selene's excitent cos through our bond, and Vanessa cos to in two quick steps, resting her hands against my shoulders and squeezes.
"You're amazing, Ava. You're doing great."
Reviews
All reviews (0)