When a knight presents his sword to a lady it ans a symbolic gesture of deep respect, devotion and often love. It ans he is pledging his service and protection to the leafy, swearing to act in her na only and suspending himself to her will.
Anyti I read when knights present their swords to their won, I instantly swoon and pray to the gods above that such a love finds . When I had learnt that I would be getting married to a knight, I got so excited and thought it would be like the books. That Reagan would present his sword to . Because that ant he would be swearing his love to but I got none of that grand gesture.
It bothered for a while but since I knew it was just a marriage based on political alliances. I had told myself it didn’t matter and I was contented with it for a while since we were fulfilling our role to each other. There was no room for romance and I’ll do well to rember that romance stays in the books and in real life, I won’t get to experience it.
Or so I thought!
I stared back up at Reagan who held the sword out to , surrendering himself to completely and in front of all these people no less. Presenting his sword was a sign of recognizing my status, strength or importance, giving the right to wield influence over him!
Soone cleared their throat softly and I looked up to see Heather arching a brow up at from where she was busy holding a jug of wine in her hand.
She wasn’t the only one who was staring at . I could feel eyes looking at , swimming with questions and surprise. I turned to stare back at Reagan who was looking at with a look of unwavering patience. He wasn’t going to rush but I could still see the look of uncertainty in his gaze as he stared at .
He was waiting patiently for to take the sword to accept his heartfelt gesture.
The whispers in the room grew louder as everyone watched us, probably not expecting sothing like this to happen. Even Marina watched the whole things with narrowed eyes and I know she badly wanted to interrupt but having enough sense not to interfere in a grand gesture like this.
Heather blinked at while tilting her head ever so slightly, she was no doubt asking to make a choice. My fingers tightened into a fist beneath the table as I stared back up at Reagan who still held the sword out to .
This was what I’ve always wanted, for Reagan to offer sothing more than just duty, to offer sothing real and here it was, right in front of !
But it was sothing I just couldn’t accept!
I stared up at Reagan and I could see it in his eyes the mont he knew my decision. "I’m sorry." I whispered before I stood up and then like the coward that I was, I grabbed my skirt and fled the room.
***
"Of course my lord, I’ll relay your ssage to her when she awakes." I heard Heather say from where I sat crouch down on the stair case.
The door shut with a soft click and Heather turned to look at a wary expression on her face as she folded her arms across her chest. "You know you can’t hide forever."
"Hiding? I wasn’t hiding, who is hiding?" I asked with a laugh of disbelief but Heather didn’t look impressed. Heaving out a sigh, I lowered myself down to the stairs, "I...I wasn’t hiding, I just didn’t know what to say to him that’s all."
"After humiliating him like that?"
"I didn’t humiliate him..."
"You left him alone when he confessed his feeling and pledged allegiance to you in front of the whole court, he asked for your hand and what did you do? You ran, so if that isn’t humiliation I really don’t know what that is."
I kept quiet because I had no word as to what she said. She was right after all, I humiliated Reagan. He had confessed his feelings to , said every single word that I had hoped he would ever say to and what did I do? I ran away, I’m sure Celeste and Marina were happy now that it happened.
"I never ant for it to happen, I just..." I sighed as I brushed the hair away from my face, "It’s not that simple."
"Except it is that simple, my lady!" Heather’s voice was firm as she spoke, you wanted Reagan to see you more than just his wife in na, more than just an object, you wanted him to see you as an equal. He did. You wanted him to truly choose you, he did and what did you do?" Heather asked as she stared at with disapproval on her face, "You ran!"
I blinked hard, fighting to keep the tears in. "It’s not that simple Heather."
"You should have seen the look on his face." Heather continued, "He looked like he was broken, I have never seen that kind of look on his face. He looked like you had taken the blade he offered you and twisted it into his heart."
I released a soft breath as I gripped the fabric of my skirt, my fingers tightening against the smooth material as I thought about what I did. I had hurt Reagan and I did it in the worst way possible, through humiliation. I an I was the one who was constantly yelling for him to choose , to put first and when he did, I left him alone.
But no one can understand, "I had to."
"Had to do what? Run away like a coward instead of accepting his proposal?" Heather mouthed at .
I raised my head up to glare at Heather through my tears, "That isn’t fair and you know it." I said as I stood up from the stairs, "I just can’t be with Reagan, believe it or not but I’m doing this to protect him!"
"Yeah, didn’t look that way to when you shattered his heart."
"Of course you wouldn’t understand." I said with an eye roll before I turned to look at Heather and then I decided to tell her exactly the last conversation with my father.
Heather listened with rapt attention and I watched as her face switched from one emotion to another. Disapproval, understanding, confusion and then finally anger!
"Okay I say this with all disrespect intended but your father is the most evil rotten bastard that ever walked this earth." Heather stated fuming with anger when she finished.
I smiled softly in response, "Yeah and now you can see why I couldn’t accept it."
"Because once you accept Reagan’s proposal, he will use his him through you." Heather responded softly.
Nodding my head in response, I lowered myself back down on the stairs. "And now you understand why I had to that. I can’t let my father use Reagan, I can’t let him use as a leash to put on Reagan because once that happens, I’ll hate myself forever."
"Well things just got ssy!" Heather said before she headed towards the kitchen, "I really need a drink and I would have poured you one but oh well." She motioned towards my stomach.
I snorted in response as I watched Heather pour herself a drink which she downed in one go, I watched her pour the next and she downed it down like she did the first, slamming the cup down on the counter.
"I’m sorry." Heather apologized, "I really had no idea what you were going through. I an I’ve watched you get sad about the way sire treats you and I just got so angry when you rejected him with no reason. I had to watch Lady Celeste practically glow with happiness and for a mont I thought she would stand up and go take the sword."
Now that got my attention, "And did she?"
Heather arched a brow up at with a frown on her face. "No, sire went after you while ordering that things should be kept quiet about this."
I heaved out a sigh as I looked back down at my hands. "I honestly have no idea what to do now."
"Well, I’ll tell you one thing, you can’t hide in here forever."
"Like I said I’m not hiding!"
"Right." Heather comnted dryly but I ignored it.
"I just need so days to figure out what can be done about everything and pray really hard that word about this hasn’t gotten to my father!"
Heather raised her gaze up at , "And what are the chances that he hasn’t?"
"Honestly," I sighed as I rubbed my temples, "Very slim!"
"Just great!" Heather said before she poured herself another drink!
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