"All hail Husband-sama, our one true salvation!"
It began like most disasters at Yandere Academy: with good intentions, poor boundaries, and a deranged amount of embroidery.
At precisely 7:00 a.m., Rei staggered into the main hall of the academy, his eyes bleary, his hair more chaos than style, and his school tie strangling him like a judgntal snake.
He hadn’t slept. Of course not because of howork but because soti around 2 a.m., soone had whispered lullabies through the air vents in nine different languages. One was definitely infernal. Another sounded like Drakana’s "I-miss-you" war chants.
And the third?
...Lilia humming the wedding march on loop while stitching his initials into her nightgown.
Needless to say, sanity was an endangered species.
[System Notification: Sanity Level – Critically Low]
[Suggested Action: Flee from school, from country or maybe from Planet.]
[WARNING: Lilia proximity detected. Activating Ergency Coping Protocol.]
Rei opened the main doors and—
"Hail Husband-sama, our shining dawn!"
One hundred and ninety-three students turned toward him, hands clasped reverently over their hearts, dressed in flowing ceremonial robes—
Embroidered with his face. Yes his face.
So even had hand-knitted Rei plushies tied to their belts like holy relics. One boy was sobbing into his.
Rei froze and the room glowed from candlelight. A banner across the rafters read:
✨"REI IS ETERNAL – LILIA 3:16"✨
Another student, eyes glowing with feverish devotion, struck a gong and chanted:
"All hail our future husband, Rei-sama, who shall deliver us from singlehood!"
A priestess stepped forward from the crowd, arms raised, her silver veil trailing behind her like a bridal train.
It was Lilia, of course it was.
[System Alert: New Religion Detected – "Reism"]
[Founder: High Priestess Lilia Everrose]
[Core Tenets: 1) Rei is perfect. 2) No other girl is allowed. 3) Emilia is a heretic.]
[New passive skill unlocked: Spiritual Trauma Resistance 1]
"L-Lilia," Rei croaked, voice barely functioning. "What is this?"
Lilia bead. Her lips curled with radiant purity and deranged obsession.
"Oh darling," she said sweetly, clasping his hands, "you looked so lost lately. And nothing says spiritual clarity like organized mass devotion. So I converted the Morning Prayer Period into a daily service to worship your smile."
She paused, cupping his chin.
"Also, I may have rewritten the school handbook."
Rei blinked. "You rewrote the handbook."
"Only the unimportant parts. Like the parts about freedom of religion, equal representation, and the dean’s authority."
"The dean’s—"
"You an the forr dean. He cried and fled. Last seen on a donkey cart heading for the mountains."
[System Note: Dean: Status – "Missing. Presud alive, but spiritually crushed."]
A random first-year girl walked up shyly, clutching a small paper.
"U-um, High Priestess Lilia said we have to submit our Love Sermons by Thursday."
"Love what now?!"
"An essay. On why Rei-sama’s hair slls like hope."
Rei turned. "HOW DO YOU EVEN—"
"We collected clippings," said a third-year monk-nun hybrid, holding a laminated envelope labeled ’Rei’s Sacred Sheddings.’
He fainted.
INTERMISSION: SPIRITUAL EDUCATION ROOM, 8:15 A.M.
Rei was seated in what had forrly been Classroom 2-B. Now it was a shrine. The whiteboards had been replaced with stained glass windows depicting the Many Expressions of Rei: Sleepy Rei. Embarrassed Rei. Accidentally shirtless Rei.
Soone had gold-leafed his abs.
He wanted to scream but the class bell rang.
Then a new teacher walked in—Sister Camilla, dressed in ceremonial silks, reading from a scroll.
"Today’s scripture: The Gospel of Lilia, Chapter 7 – ’And Rei said unto them, Please Let Study In Peace, but they knew not peace, for they loved him too much.’"
The students nodded solemnly. Behind her, Rosette raised her hand.
"Can we skip to the part where he trips and falls into soone’s chest?"
Rei banged his head against the desk but It did not help.
[System Passive Unlocked: "Public Worship Fatigue"]
Effect: Immune to complints, allergic to praise, mildly violent toward choir harmonies.
Just then, Seraphina burst through the door.
"THIS IS IDOLATRY!" she yelled, holding up a flaming sword. "Only I may lead his spiritual journey!"
"Blaspher!" Lilia roared, appearing out of nowhere.
"FRAUD!"
"HERETIC!"
"YOU PUT A MUSTACHE ON MY ALTAR!"
"IT WAS AN IMPROVENT!"
A holy fireball hit the podium and divine ice spear froze a student’s notebook into a sacred popsicle.
Rei crouched beneath his desk and scread internally.
Emilia, calm as ever, peeked in.
"...Is this a religion class?"
"Yes," Rei wheezed from under the desk, "it’s called Sufferingology."
[System Ergency Notification]
[Academy Stability Level: 13%]
[Yandere Religious Faction Control: 62%]
[New Subfaction: Sisters of Everlasting Rei (13 mbers and growing)]
[Achievent Unlocked: "Unintentional Godhood"]
Reward: ✨[Cursed Halo of Adoration]✨
Effect: Attracts spontaneous confessions, chaos, and public foot washing.
Now it’s LUNCH TI. Rei sat at the cafeteria.
Correction: at the center of the cafeteria. On a raised dais with flower petals.
Students lined up to hand him bentos, handwritten prayers, and possibly live offerings (soone brought a rabbit).
He tried to escape through a napkin chute. Rosette was waiting inside.
"Going sowhere, Husband-sama?"
"Yes. To a life where people don’t kneel when I sneeze."
"Too bad."
[System Reminder: You brought this on yourself.]
[Optional Side Mission: Embrace Your Godhood]
Reward: ???
Risk: ntal disintegration ]
In the Night, Rei lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, where soone had projected a slideshow of his own smile.
He groaned then a knock.
Lilia entered, glowing in moonlight, wearing a priestess robe and a veil.
"Do you want to hear the new bedti chant? I call it ’Rei is Love, Rei is Life, Rei is Mine.’"
"...No," he whispered.
But the chanting had already begun. From under the floorboards, from vents, also from walls.
"REI IS ETERNAL. REI IS ETERNAL."
[System Shutdown Requested]
[...Processing...]
[Error: You are not allowed to escape love.]
AFTERNOON — REI’S PRIVATE (NOT ACTUALLY PRIVATE) GARDEN
The one place Rei thought he could hide was the east garden, tucked behind the greenhouse where the Academy’s rarest flowers grew. He’d been using it as a quiet spot to breathe without hearing chanting.
Today, that peace lasted exactly four seconds because there was chanting. It was low, harmonized and coming from inside the hedges.
Rei pushed apart the leaves—
And found three first-year girls in ceremonial veils, kneeling in front of a small stone bust of his head.
One was sprinkling rose petals.
One was reading "The 101 Blessings of Rei-sama" in a solemn voice and one was just staring at the bust with tears in her eyes.
"Where did you even get that statue?!" Rei demanded.
The petal girl smiled shyly. "We... chiseled it. From mory."
He backed away. "Nope, I’m not doing this again."
But as he turned the corner—there was another group. These ones were older, wearing black ceremonial gloves and polishing a giant marble throne.
"For when you accept your rightful place as Lord Husband," said the tallest girl reverently.
"I’m not sitting on that!" Rei snapped.
"You will," said a voice behind him.
It’s Lilia. She strolled in, robes flowing, flanked by two "acolytes" holding incense burners. "Your people need you."
"They’re not my people!"
"They made a petition with signatures and blood stamps."
"I—wait, BLOOD STAMPS?!"
"Oh, relax," Lilia said with a smile. "It’s ceremonial. Probably."
[System Notification: "Throne of Obsession" Construction Progress – 78%]
[Warning: If Completed, Will Trigger "Coronation Event – Irreversible"]
3:45 P.M. — LIBRARY, LOWER FLOOR
Rei tried the library next, thinking maybe he could blend in with the bookworms.
But it’s a mistake because the entire non-fiction section had been "reorganized" into a shrine corridor—each shelf now had his face carved into the ends. Where the poetry anthologies had been, there was now "The Book of Rei — Annotated Fan Edition, Volus 1–6."
He opened one.
The first page read: Dedicated to our sun, our moon, and our everything. If found outside of shrine grounds, return imdiately to High Priestess Lilia.
Rei shut the book. "Nope. Nope, nope, nope."
The librarian peeked out from behind the counter, wearing ceremonial beads. "Quiet, please. You are in a holy place."
Then he fled.
EVENING — THE FINAL STRAW
Dinner in the main hall should have been normal. It should have.
But when Rei walked in, the entire hall erupted into the "Husband-sama Hymn," a piece apparently composed that afternoon. The lyrics were... distressingly detailed about his laundry schedule.
Then ca the procession:
Five students in gold sashes carrying "The Sacred Teacup of Rei"
Two carrying frad portraits of him mid-yawn
One carrying a literal loaf of bread shaped like his head
And at the center—Lilia, looking like a bridal saint, smiling like this was all perfectly reasonable.
Rei didn’t even sit down. He just turned, walked out, and muttered, "I’m going to the forest to live with the squirrels."
"You’ll co back," Lilia called after him, her voice sing-song sweet. "We’ll pray you back if we have to."
[System Event Chain Progression: "The Husband Cult Saga" – 43%]
[Emilia Popularity vs. Lilia Religious Control ter: ⚖ Lilia 61% / Emilia 39%]
[Next Event Scheduled: "The Festival Blessing Catastrophe"]
Sowhere deep in Rei’s soul, a tiny voice whispered that things could not possibly get worse.
Which, of course, ant they absolutely would.
To be continued...
"Yes, my dear readers, our boy Rei is now the unwilling ssiah of a cult he didn’t ask for, didn’t sign up for, and definitely didn’t tithe to. But that’s what happens when you’re the only emotionally available man in a 10-mile radius. Praise be. Donate hair for blessings."
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