Crazy Squatjaw's Absurd Request
What makes you gasp in admiration at first settles into the new normal over ti.
And from there it degenerates to routine, even boring. And after that? It might start being an irritant.
Sotis, enough to make you want to tear your own skin off.
Cocoavi? Bullshit.
Calling her a money-grubbing bandit wouldve been more fitting.
A huge amount of gold and gems was lost every ti she took a key needed to break the restrictions from her pocket.
Besides, hadnt she been pilfering money all this ti, if you think about it?
First she scamd Khan out of money without letting anybody know, then, intentionally or not, she threw it all away.
Of course, it wasn't that I was particularly money-mad or greedy for gold. I could earn more anywhere, anyti I wanted.
Although they were gifts from the emperor of a giant empire, stuff like ancient relics or artifacts with special abilities but that wasnt the big deal here, okay?
It was a matter of trust, trust.
Of course, I couldn't vent this dissatisfaction out loud.
All I could do was smile and nod at the kid who was showing a triumphant expression.
But after a while,
"Is that it? You spent it all already?"
""
My emotions, thatd run the gamut of surprise to dissatisfaction, were now changing to embarrassnt and impatience.
All the gold and jewels had run out.
But the last goblin was still left.
"What do we do now?"
""
That ti just a few minutes ago, when Id been grumbling as I watched now they felt like paradise in comparison.
A cold sweat ran down my back.
"Look quickly. Is it really all gone? Dont you have anything else in your pocket?"
"Its just junk. There's nothing else, you know?"
What to do?
I turned and looked at the iron gate covered in colourful patterns in front of .
Compared to how only the locks had been engraved so far, this ti the entire door was covered.
Moreover, it was different from the original.
Leo and his party had also played hide-and-seek with the goblins when theyd visited here. Of course, that hadnt been a hundred-man ga, but the event itself had been very similar.
Yet the last lock theyd encountered didnt have such a complicated pattern.
If the difficulty of the restriction was proportional to the complexity and area of the pattern, then this was nearly endga stuff. Even if we did have so gold left, it wouldnt have sufficed to create a key.
" Haah."
Honestly speaking, I was shocked. I didn't know whod made this or why, but this wasnt sothing the goblins shouldve trotted out in a ga against the humans they looked down on. I'd have believed if it were a bomb shelter to hide from their enemies.
Even if youre hiding, do you have to hide in a place like this? What a great match this is turning out to be.'
After staring at the door for a while, I shook my head.
This was a waste of ti. Even if I started hard enough to give myself a headache, the situation wouldnt change.
I needed to quickly co up with an alternative.
There were a few ways that ca to mind.
First, asking Cocoa to just try to take out the key anyway.
Of course, there was a high chance that it wouldnt work, but just in case.
The only problem would be if the key really ca out. I didn't think that was likely, but what if it did? Thatd an the pocket would take sothing' in exchange instead of gold.
And, having read through the original Adventure King several tis, I was relatively well aware of what such abilities required in return'.
Health, lifespan, or hidden traits.
If it worked on the concept of credit', nothing would happen imdiately, but that wasnt an attractive option either. Because wed have to pay so kind of interest' in future.
Although the match against the goblins was an urgent issue, I couldn't make Cocoa do sothing that might cause her that kind of trouble.
Hence, rejected.
Second. To tempt the goblin to co out on his own.
Actually, this was sothing Id been considering for a while. If Cocoa hadnt been able to get the decipher keys out of her pocket, I wouldve already tried it.
But the problem was,
"Hey, goblin! Look at !"
"Co out! Shall we have a bet?"
Even if I scread myself hoarse, the goblin beyond the door pretended not to hear it.
Of course, this didnt necessarily an he had an immovable spirit that wouldnt be shaken by any temptation.
If I had to guess,
"He cant hear , isnt it?"
"Yup."
Was the space beyond the door completely isolated from the outside?
That wasnt how it normally worked, though.
So,
"Hey, Im sorry to keep calling you"
"What is it this ti?"
"Well can I ask you for sothing?"
"Youre going to, anyway."
I decided to refer to the original. Siana had also used her probability adjuster to bring out the goblin hidden in this hideout.
"Theres a goblin in there, yeah? Were trying to get him out. Can you adjust, like, the odds that theres no toilet when he suddenly gets a stomachache, or the odds that he misreads the ti and cos out thinking the ga is already over"
Then,
"No."
" So he cos out right now huh?"
"No."
The little squat-jawed fairy refused. It was a very resolute tone.
"Uh Is it because thatd be a bit too absurd? Maybe"
"Its not that."
"Then?"
"Its out of my control."
" Totally?"
"Yeah, I cant extend my influence in there."
"Is it because Im weak? Or you are?"
"I dont know. Maybe interference would be possible if our bond was stronger? Or it might not have anything to do with that. Anyway, one thing is for sure, its impossible right now."
She shook her head again.
So I fell silent for a while. Not just due to the current situation, either.
Bond, huh.'
Because this concept suddenly hit my head.
There are many unique abilities in the world of Adventure King, and the way to develop and evolve them differs based on their nature.
Combat-only abilities are, of course, nothing special in this regard. You get more proficient via repeated practice or accumulating combat experience.
But for abilities that fall in the opposite spectrum, mainly used by guides and decipherers, the thods are much more diverse and unique.
Forging bonds with sothing created by activating the ability' is also one of them.
This is especially common for unique abilities of the summoning system, where the ability is strengthened proportional to how many tis youve interacted with your summon and how close you two are.
To be honest, Id had no idea that this [Probability Adjuster Who Hates Fairness] from Siana needed this kind of nurturing. It was never ntioned in the original, so I had never thought that Siana's ability was stronger than normal because she and her fairy were friends.
Or perhaps, shed beco so proficient by undergoing a long and gradual process of encountering nurous problems and deciphering them.
Should I have summoned her a few more tis?'
Possibly. Although, this squat-jawed fairy with her hair-trigger temper was anything but normal, so that might not have helped.
But I was able to realize one thing: the [Mimic Acrobat] that I had learned was by no ans omnipotent.
It wasnt much trouble to mimic simple unique abilities which were based on the users physique (in fact, they scaled with my own strength, so I could actually make them stronger), but for those with special properties, I had to prepare in advance if I wanted to use them properly.
For example, Sianas ability. It was her bond with her fairy, not her physical ability, that was the basis of her strength.
It ans I have to pick out all the useful abilities and polish them from ti to ti.'
Anyway, that wasn't the problem right now.
I pushed myself back to reality.
The resounding no' from the squat-jawed fairy.
It ant that the thod Id set as my ultimate option' was blocked.
What do I do?'
anwhile,
If this doesn't work'
There was only one more thod that ca to mind.
When itd been decided that wouldnt participate, Id thought of it as a joke.
Third, catching another goblin. And making them decipher it.
"How much ti do we have left?"
"I dont know, its been a while. The suns just about to go down."
"Oh my god."
There were indeed goblins out there, but it wasnt that easy to catch one without making a sound.
Besides, I was playing hide-and-seek right now, so they werent trying to attack my mind. What if I attempted to attack sobody outside the hide-and-seek area? He wouldn't stand still.
Even if I suppressed him sohow, that wouldnt end the problem.
Because whoever I captured might not even be able to decipher this, and other problems might crop up in the future.
No, this isnt the way.'
Rejected. I had to find another way.
But nothing was coming to mind.
What can I do, what can I do'
The only thing that ca to mind was Chinuavi's face.
If only that guy had been here!
Then,
With a creak of my neck
Unconsciously, I turned my head to look at Cocoa.
I didn't want to bla that little kid for this, but the human heart doesn't always work the way you want it to.
I tried to erase the resentnt from my eyes, as much as possible.
If I bla her for this, I'm not an adult. I'm not an adult'
Of course, it wasn't easy.
My impatience was building up like a boiling kettle inside my skull, about to blow off the top of my head. It was a crisis.
Just then,
With a swish
Suddenly, Cocoa also turned her head to look .
But,
"Huh?"
Her eyes were a little odd.
"What is it?"
"What do you think I just saw?"
"Ah? What?"
"A path."
"!"
Startled, I ran over to her.
"Really? How? What should we do?"
"Wait a minute uh do you have sothing with you right now?"
"What do I have? Nothing. Everythings inside your pocket"
At that mont,
"Ah!"
I looked at my hand in surprise.
There, I was holding the bat Id been given.
"Wait, is this?"
Then,
"Ummm I think thats it, yeah."
Cocoa gently nodded her head.
It wasn't a particularly confident face, but I was sure nonetheless. The path this kid saw was correct. By this ti, I, too, could understand what she ant.
Then,
"You you really are a goblin!"
I was thrilled.
Id have to put the bat Id gotten from the old goblin into her pocket, and in exchange, wed get the key.
It was a really goblin-like idea.
Obviously, this bat was so kind of a precious treasure, so itd definitely be worth a lot of gold. In other words, itd be sufficient as an exchange for the key.
Besides, since this guy was the last of the players, there was no need to hit him with the bat and turn him into a statue. As long as I caught him, the ga would naturally end.
Of course, Id be getting rid of a goblin treasure at will, but well, whatever. Wasn't that what all evil goblins did? Playing pranks, breaking things, disturbing people, and then blatantly pretending to not know anything.
I looked at Cocoa and nodded.
Excellent answer, Cocoavi.
Then,
"Co on, here."
I smiled and handed Cocoa the bat.
But,
" What are you doing?"
"Huh? Put it in."
"Where?"
"Where? In your pocket, your pocket."
"Why?"
Cocoa's reaction was strange.
" Eh? Isn't that what you ant?"
"What exactly is going on inside your head?"
Then she took my bat and walked straight to the door.
And then,
"Huh? Eh?"
She just put it on the lock.
Then,
Shh.
"Uh uh huh!?"
To my surprise, the soft bat lted and slipped into it.
Soon after,
Clackkk-clangggg.
It unlocked.
"Wow, so thats it. I didnt know it was going to be like this."
""
"Whats with that face? What happened to praising ?"
"Uh no, good job."
It was a bit disconcerting.
Of course, this wasn't because my reasoning turned out to be wrong.
The reason I was perplexed was the subtlety of the situation. The path to unlocking it had been with all along.
The thought ca to around that ti, that maybe Chinuavi couldnt have deciphered this problem. I wondered if hed have kept trying to unlock it and we wouldve faced a loss via tiout.
The reason I thought this was because this obstacle looked like it fell into the realm of the decipherers, but it actually required a guide.
In order to brute-force your way through an obstacle for which a separate key already exists, you need ability far exceeding the power of the obstacle. No matter how talented Chinuavi was, his own abilities would never have sufficed against a lock created by the power of his whole tribe.
Indeed, goblins were masters of riddles and deciphering. This was a trick that cleverly exploited the overlap between guides and decipherers.
I looked at Cocoa again.
"You did you see things this far?"
"Huh?"
"Its fine, you can admit it."
"What do you an? Arent you going to catch that guy?"
"Huh? Ah!"
I quickly opened the door and went in.
Instead of hiding underground or camouflaging as so kind of furniture like Id expected, the last goblin was calmly sitting at a table and sipping tea.
And when I approached him, he didn't show any resistance at all, he just smiled and greeted .
"Congratulations."
And so the ga of hide-and-seek ended.
By the ti we reached Oldboys place, the sun had already set and it was dark all around.
Although Id heard the last goblin say congratulations', to be honest, I was still a little uneasy. Because these guys were masters of doggedly clinging to their own opinions[1], no matter what it took.
But fortunately,
"You punk! You got lucky."
Oldboy ekly acknowledged our victory.
And even,
"What do you want?"
He took the initiative to inquire.
I was feeling a little perplexed. The goblin, whod lost the bet, was behaving much quieter than expected.
Unfortunate. Although, it could be called lucky for , too.
So, instead of dithering around, I said it outright.
"I want to borrow so goblins, I have sothing for them to do. About a hundred or so? The ones who played hide-and-seek this ti would be perfect."
Then,
"Wh-, what!? What do you an? You want goblins to follow you outside? A hundred of them?"
The old man asked, seemingly stunned.
Then, soon,
"Are you crazy?!"
He roared.
Now this was more like it. This was the type of reaction that fit my image of them.
By the way, his strength is no joke, huh?'
I was being sincere. The montum he exuded was considerable.
Obviously, all the senior people in this manga seed to have pretty spry.
That was then.
"Hey! Squatjaw! Is that true?"
"Youre going to borrow us!"
"Whatre you aiming at? What can I do!?"
"Lets go!"
"You dont need to listen to that old man!"
The goblins around us were beginning to riot.
Whoo.
It wasn't really my intention, but it wasn't a bad reaction.
At this, the old man scread again.
"Everyone shut the hell up!"
Then he turned his gaze to .
"You punk! Do you know what it ans for all these goblins to go out into the world? You, are you are you a maniac or sothing!"
I knew very well why Oldboy hesitated when he said that last sentence.
Because he didn't want to shower with such praise'. For the goblins, the word maniac' was like a great complint.
"But I havent finished yet."
"What else!"
"Its a bit far, where I have to take them."
" What?"
"Its Westland."
After that, it took quite a long ti for the goblins to calm down.
In the anti, Oldboy was screaming himself hoarse. He was so loud itd be no wonder if his voice gave out.
"You fucking squat-jawed bastard. I don't know what you're up to but do you think everything will go your way?"
"Hey, you already lost the bet, are you planning to renege on your promise now?"
"Humph didnt I tell you clearly? It has to be sothing acceptable."
"Why, whats unacceptable about this, exactly? Did I ask you to destroy the Goblins Den? Or to have every one of you to pack up and move? It's nothing that big, right?"
Oldboy seed a bit hesitant as he responded to my strong rejoinder.
"Ummm, even if you say that"
"Then how are you going to et my request? Im telling you in advance, Im not going to change to sothing else."
"Ugh, even though I already said no, this bastard still"
"Would you like to bet one more ti, then?"
I asked slyly.
Of course, this was all part of the plan.
To push as hard as I can, then give them a chance at the last mont.
And again, this old man,
" Oh. Are you okay with that?"
Took the bait.
"Sure. But you have to promise. If you lose once again, you have to listen to unconditionally."
"Heh heh, you arrogant human good! Then the next match will be"
"Wait a sec!"
"Huh?"
"This ti I get to decide. You want to see what happens then, too, right? Not to ntion that were at this juncture because youre being stubborn. Right?"
Oldboy's expression froze at my words.
But so what?
" Great, that sounds just fine. So? Whats the event going to be?"
There was no way he could reject.
Now it was almost over.
"Before that, can I designate my opponent first?"
"Opponent? Oho it looks like you have a plan. Good. But we have to consent to it first. There may be cases where sobody is disqualified."
"Great. That probably wont be an issue. Hes a goblin who holds a pretty important position."
"An important position?"
Then, I recited the final words Id prepared.
"I, the leader of the Squatjaw Adventurers. And Oldboy, the leader of the Goblins Den. Lets have a one-one-one match between us, with the fates of our two groups on the line."
Once again, there was an uproar among the goblins.
The circular great hall with statues of the five goblin gods standing at the edge.
Oldboy silently watched Squatjaw leisurely stroll through his living room as if he owned it.
What the hell was he up to?
Contrary to his blunt appearance, he was a guy shrouded in mystery.
Hed earned Chinuavi's respect despite being a re human, and his matches against the goblins had gone so smoothly as if hed prepared for them in advance.
His requests too were weird completely unexpected.
But the most surprising thing about him was the oddness around his identity.
Are you really human?'
Oldboy honestly wasn't sure.
So that made it even more interesting.
Oldboy slowly approached Squatjaw.
"You are the first human to enter the living quarters of the goblin chief."
"Huh, okay?"
"Dont be surprised. Including you, humans have entered the Goblins Den only twice."
This guy didnt actually look surprised. As if he was hearing about sothing he already knew.
"When youve finished looking around, please tell . What bet are you going to make with ?"
"Ummm theres no one here, right?"
"You have working eyes, why not check for yourself?"
"I was wondering if sobody was hiding behind a silver screen."
"Theres nobody crazy enough that theyd dare do that in the boss living room At least right now, theres nobody."
"Hmm, is that so?"
Oldboy had no intention of dragging this on any further.
Judging by the number of larks flocking to the window, a lot of goblins had to be trying to sneak in.
"What kind of bet would you like to make?"
"Before that can I say what I want first? It's going to be difficult if you say you won't listen again. Lets discuss it and then decide on the bet."
"You dare think you can defeat ?"
"Ah, well, of course."
"Heh heh heh youve got so cheek on you. Hope is better hidden, or it bursts like a bubble if you say it out loud. Not that an idiot like you would know that. Okay then, tell ."
At that very mont,
Well?'
Squatjaw's eyes shone with a strange light.
Like a hawk diving to pounce on an opportunity.
And the words that followed, were the oddest and the most shocking that Oldboy had ever heard, in his entire life.
"I want to beco a goblin how do I make that happen?"
Editor's Notes:
[1] , stubbornly asserting your own opinion, even by force.
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