The party ended early, yet it was quite eventful, at least for Bradon and myself. I felt like there was a storm raging inside of all the while that we rode back to his mansion. It felt like there was sothing right at the tip of my tongue that I wanted to say, but yet I couldn’t bring myself to say it. There were tis when I thought that I fully understood myself and what I wanted, and yet at the very sa ti, I felt so confused and lost. The feelings that were struggling to take dominance inside of did not make sense, and it made feel as if my thoughts and my feelings were heading in the direct opposite direction of one another.
Bradon’s words of defiance as he confronted my father ca back to loud and clear:
"Dahlia is not your daughter anymore, and neither am I one of the Vulkans. I will never let you take my wife..."
I should have known that entering into this contract marriage with Bradon, while taking my sister’s place, would sohow lead to blurring the line between the world of reality and the world of lies. However, I was too arrogant and I thought that I could figure everything out and make everything work my way. In the end, I wasn’t sure how this charade was supposed to co to an end without disastrous results.
Bradon’s words ca back to again and made wonder just how much of his words were real and honest, and just how much were re convenient lies. I had no idea if he had any reason to continue playing the role of my husband, and the slight possibility that he might truly consider as his wife brought a shiver to my core. For a mont, I didn’t know if I was rejoicing at the thought or if I was simply shivering out of fear. When he defended and called his wife, I could not deny that there was a part of that felt honored and even proud to be referred to as his wife. It felt like, for the first ti in my life, soone truly wanted for who I am. However, I couldn’t completely kill the seed of doubt inside of my mind that told that perhaps it was all just an act and that I was fooling myself.
I stared out of the window silently as I prayed that Bradon would not say anything, because I did not want to engage in a conversation with him just yet. It felt like I wasn’t ready to confront him, as long as I hadn’t figured out what I was feeling and what I wanted to do. Then again, what options did I really have?
Everything was already decided from the very beginning. The world of lies that we built was supposed to be temporary, and when our lies were exposed and we had to return to reality, that world would burn to ashes along with the lies that we had fabricated and were living. I knew full well that I needed to leave everything behind, including all mories and the relationship that I shared with Bradon. I reminded myself that any experience or feelings that we shared were nothing but fake mories that were not supposed to exist. The lives that we led could not be reconciled with our real lives in the real world.
’I need to leave.’
The voice inside of my head spoke up loud and clear like a terse reminder. I knew that the voice was right and that I needed to leave Bradon and everything behind, but there was a part of that hesitated. A throbbing pain welled up in my chest and threatened to swallow whole, and for a mont, I could no longer think. I could no longer deny that there was a yearning inside of that wished with all of my heart that we could go on, continue living just as we had, as a couple, as husband and wife.
That thought and realization scared more than anything, and I couldn’t wait for the ride to be over so that I could put so distance between Bradon and myself. I needed to cool my head so that I could think logically once again. There was no future for us, there never was, and there would never be a future where the two of us would be together.
My job here was done, and so was his.
I need to get out of here.
"Shall we eat? I don’t think you ate anything at the party," Bradon said invitingly as he offered his hand to help out of the car.
"I’m not exactly hungry. Thanks for the offer, but I’m not feeling so well. I would like to rest," I replied quickly before walking away into the mansion.
I could feel his eyes on my back as I made my sudden retreat, but I did not turn around. Instead, I kept on walking even faster than before. Putting so distance between us was the right solution, and the farther I was away from him, the better it would be for both of us. Either Bradon did not an the things that he said, or just like , he was simply confused after playing the role of my husband for quite so ti. However, the state of confusion could not last forever, and sooner rather than later, we would have to snap awake from this dream and return to who we really are.
I returned to my bedroom and firmly locked the door before leaning on it and taking deep breaths, as if I feared that the room might run out of air. I pressed my hand flat against my heaving chest as I focused on breathing.
My mind struggled to process the fact that I needed to leave Bradon and that ti was of the essence. I knew without a doubt that the longer I stayed with him, the more blurry my judgnt would beco, and the more painful our separation would be for .
–To be continued...
Reviews
All reviews (0)