*Lena*
Xander was walking a few paces behind . He glanced down at his watch from ti to ti, especially whenever I bent over with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath every ti a contraction ripped from my lower back and settled over my belly.
“Are you doing okay?” he asked as I wiped tears from my eyes, refusing to look at him.
“What am I supposed to do with a newborn at our wedding, Xander?” I asked hotly, swallowing back a sob. I was delirious with pain and heavy, crippling anxiety. I felt several conflicting emotions at once, and all of them threatened to send over the edge into a full-blown breakdown.
I couldn’t bla anyone but myself for having our wedding only a week before my due date. Sumr Solstice was a major holiday, and it felt like the perfect ti to gather our family together to celebrate. I figured Alexis would be right on ti.
But she had other plans–early plans, it seed.
Maybe I could bla Xander a little bit. He needed to return to Egoren before the end of the sumr, which ant we were pressed for ti anyway. I felt an irrational rage toward him as the contraction continued to run down my back like claws, but that fury began to wane as the pain loosened its grip on my body.
“Whatever it is we’re supposed to do with a newborn,” he replied, keeping his expression neutral and avoiding eye contact. “Feed them, change them, find them a warm body to snuggle against–”
“You’re not helping!”
“What can I do, Lena?” he said, glancing at before looking down at his watch. I straightened up as the contraction began to ease. “That was a long one–”
I started walking away from him, and he gave a few seconds to put so distance between us before he followed.
It didn’t take him long to catch up with , however. We walked along the edge of the front garden, and for the first ti in my life, the sll of the sumr blooms made sick to my stomach. I paused to try to catch my breath and glanced up at Xander, who was watching closely.
“I’m not having a contraction!”
“Alright, alright,” he murmured, his eyes still laser-focused on my own. “Do you want to sit down for a mont?”
“Not here,” I breathed, sucking in my breath and charging forward again. Xander sighed as he followed through the garden and out the other side, where we walked along the treeline of the forest that surrounded the castle. The grass that took up the fields in the back of the castle was nearly as tall as , but when we reached the edge of the sprawling castle grounds, we ca upon a clearing with soft, short grass and moss. A creek bubbled through the trees and ran across the clearing, and I quickly took off my slippers and dipped my feet in the water, sighing in relief.
“Are your feet hurting?”
“Yes. Ahh...” I bent forward, my hands resting on my knees as another contraction rippled over my midsection. I found it hard to breathe for a mont and felt Xander’s hand resting on my lower back as the pain thrumd and then ebbed away.
I knew he was watching his watch as closely as he was watching . He was timing my contractions. We’d taken a single childbirth class during our ti in Mirage. A midwife had co to the castle, and we sat on the floor in the library with our legs crossed. She’d led us through several positions that might help feel more comfortable while I was in labor, almost all of them assisted by Xander in so way. We’d giggled and joked through it, and I’d been happy, enjoying Xander’s company and enthusiasm.
But right now I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t want to be looked at, and I didn’t want to be talked to.
I was grateful that Xander could sense this. He was lingering a few feet away from , peering down at the creek as we both waited for the contraction to pass.
I staggered backward and lowered myself to the ground, then laid on my back, wrapping my arms around my stomach.
“I’m fine,” I blurted before Xander could ask if I was okay.
He gave a soft smile, walking toward cautiously before sitting down in the grass a few feet away, stretching his legs out in front of him.
“Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?” he asked, then paused. “Other than fucking off and leaving you alone?”
I snorted with mirth as I reached out to pick at the grass, my face tilting toward the sun. Clouds were moving overhead, slow and lazy against a deep blue sky.
“Maybe you could just talk to –”
“About what?”
I turned to look at him, smiling at the way the sun danced over his face. Oh, Xander. I was lucky to have such a handso, caring mate–even if he was bossy, and a little controlling, and sotis incredibly irritating. I felt a wave of undying love and appreciation wash over , but it was quickly replaced by another round of tight, unending pain and pressure. The smile I’d been giving him quickly turned into a scowl, teeth bared. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“Maybe,” I panted, “you can tell what I’m in for by having one of your–your children.”
He arched his brows, glancing down at his watch for a mont as I moved through the contraction. I noticed how his jaw was clenched, and how the tension in his muscles made the veins that roped around his arms stand out as he tried not to look at , keeping his eyes on the watch. He was high-strung right now, and I wasn’t letting him help . That was all he needed to do.
“I’m sorry, Xander–”
“I know you’re in pain and you don’t want to be fussed over. I understand,” he said quickly, glancing at beneath his lashes. “I don’t like to be coddled when I’m hurt, either.”
“You can sit next to if you want–”
He moved so quickly I didn’t have ti to finish speaking before he was sitting next to , his hand hovering over my thigh. I nodded my head, and he let his hand rest on my skin, a sigh of relief leaving his lips.
My body relaxed as the contraction lessened, and I let out the breath I was holding.
“What do you want to know about ?” he asked softly, still looking down at his watch.
“Everything,” I replied, and he t my eye.
“There’s not much to say–”
“What were you like as a kid? Maybe I’ll know what I’m in for with Alexis.”
“Alexis won’t be like ,” he retorted, then shook his head. He sighed deeply, laying back against the grass. His fingers played over my lower back as I turned my head to look at him, noticing the lancholy behind his eyes.
“I was alone a lot when I was young. To be honest, I don’t have many mories from before... before Theo took under his wing.”
“Your uncle, right?”
“Yes, my uncle. But as I grew he beca more like a father figure, and Ciana–Soren’s daughter–she was like a mother. Their daughters are nad Flora and Ava, and they’re like sisters to , much younger but it didn’t matter. They were all I had. Theo made sure I was educated, and he made his heir. I beca the Alpha King at seventeen–”
“Seventeen?” I exclaid. “Why–”
“Theo was ready to step down. I don’t think it was a role he really wanted.”
I exhaled through my nose, understanding that feeling exactly.
“Did you want to be the Alpha King?”
Xander was silent for a mont, watching clouds move overhead. He turned to , giving a weak smile.
“Yes, I did. I do, still. I’m good at it.”
“So... what about chemistry–”
He chuckled, turning back to the clouds.
“There’s one university in Egoren and it’s faith based. I studied there for a ti, but wasn’t interested in theology or literature. I studied the sciences with a private tutor. I did get straight A’s my entire year at Morhan, just so you know. I took it seriously–”
“Even though you were only there to find a White Queen to marry?”
He smirked, closing his eyes.
“I was successful, wasn’t I?”
“Well, we’re not married yet, so don’t think you have it in the bag–”
He turned and glared, then smiled playfully as he shook his head.
“You Grays are impossible–hard headed and stubborn.”
“It’s genetic,” I retorted, but whatever else I was going to say was ripped from my throat as I gasped, another contraction rocking to my core. Xander sat up and leaned over , his hand resting on my stomach as my belly tightened painfully.
“Why did–why did you not just–have you ever had another–girlfriend–”
“Lena,” he growled, a glimr of mirth in his eyes as he glanced from to his watch. “We’re not talking about this right now–”
“I want–to talk about it–ow! Fuck!”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say fuck before,” he snorted, his eyes on his watch.
I turned to him as I panted, reaching over and clutching his arm for support. This one hurt–bad.
“I’m not ready for this,” I cried, my voice a weak, strained choke that I knew was barely audible.
“I don’t believe that for a second,” he said softly, brushing my hair out of my eyes. “You can still go to the hospital if you want. That’s always an option.”
I’d been planning on having Alexis at ho with a midwife. That’s how my mom had done it, in this very castle. I liked the idea of bringing our daughter into the world in the very place I’d been born and grew up.
But Mom had been in labor for two entire days before I’d been born. Two days! How the hell was I going to suffer like this for two days....
The contraction began to ease. Xander helped into a seated position, rubbing my back.
“Do you want to walk so more? Did that seem to help?”
“It did,” I said weakly, wiping a bead of sweat from my brow. “It did help.”
He rose to his feet and helped up, steadying with a hand on my elbow. I shuffled forward a few paces and then felt... a pop... like a rubber band snapped sowhere deep in my belly. I looked up at Xander, furrowing my brow.
“What–”
Water burst from between my legs, soaking the dress I was wearing and my slippers. I looked down, montarily numb from shock.
“Well, I think we should make our way back to the castle now,” Xander said calmly, patting my back. I was starting to panic, but Xander was totally calm and collected, like this was just another day, another long walk in the woods. “Do you want to carry you–”
“No,” I said sharply, sniffing indignantly as I wiped frantic tears from my eyes. “I’m okay.”
“It’s not far–”
“I know!” I shrugged his hand off of and waddled forward, wet and uncomfortable as he trailed behind .
“Lena,” he said, his voice dropping an octave as I turned around.
I blinked up at him, sothing an and cutting on the tip of my tongue that I didn’t an threatening to spill out into the open just because I was petrified of what was going to happen next, and Xander was the only person nearby who I could target with my wrath.
“What–”
“I love you so much. You got this.”
I burst into tears.
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