*Xander*
Adrian was sitting at a makeshift desk made of pallets and wooden crates in the corner of my tent, his back arched as he looked down at a stack of docunts that had been delivered to the tent this morning. He blew out his breath, straightening to his full height as he turned around with his hands on his hips.
“What are you going to say?”
“I don’t know,” I replied, stooping to finish tying the laces of my boots. The worst of my injuries had healed, and I’d had my sutures taken out three days ago. My body was still stiff and sore, but otherwise, I was on the nd.
But I was still numb from Lena’s loss. The jagged scar running from my shoulder to my collarbone was red and bruised from the trauma of having her mark cut out of , and then sewn shut.
She was gone, and I was still alive. I had no interest in living, and had I not been an Alpha I may have done sothing about that, but I had warriors to bring ho, and a kingdom to rule.
I’d rule it alone, leaving no heir behind, no legacy.
“But this–”
“It’s nothing, Adrian. It’s not a big deal.”
But it was a big deal, despite my attempts to shrug off the request of the Alphas of Lena’s lands and the High Elder Council that helped diate conflicts between the territories. They were asking for soone from Egoren to serve on the elder council, soone who would be willing to split their ti between Egoren and the pack lands.
Ethan had included a personal note, requesting one man in particular–his half-brother.
I doubted Soren would be willing to do that. He had a life in Egoren–a family, and grandchildren. Hell, if I really wanted to off myself now, one of those kids could take over Egoren.
The thought fluttered in and out of my mind before I could blink, and I went back to getting dressed. Adrian rocked on his heels, turning away as I pulled a clean shirt over my head.
“Where’s Abigail?” I asked, and he turned back around, a sly grin on his face.
“She’s running so errands before we leave, sending so letters.”
I nodded as I ran my fingers through my hair, ruffling the black curls dancing around my ears. I needed a haircut. I needed to shave. But all of that could wait until our warriors were on the warship taking us back to the portal to Egoren. We’d be leaving first thing in the morning, before the sun ca up. I was more than ready to leave this realm and never look back.
Everything here reminded of Lena. I hated it. I needed to leave.
I’d barely seen her family during the past week. So of the royals had already returned to their territories, leaving behind their ambassadors to help with the cleanup in Breles and to oversee the resettlent of the displaced communities in the west. Everything south of the northern border was in shambles. Hundreds of thousands of people had no hos to go ho to. I felt a pang of guilt at the thought of leaving behind such a ss, but I pushed it away, focusing on the task at hand.
“Are you going to sign it?” Adrian asked, jabbing a thumb toward the treaty on the desk.
I shrugged a shoulder, then shook my head. “I need to think about it. I found it unlikely we’ll ever co back here, Adrian.”
Adrian’s eyes darkened for a mont, but he nodded nonetheless. We hadn’t talked about Lena, but I knew Abigail was devastated.
“Make sure everyone reports to their tents tonight by 10:00 pm sharp. Whoever isn’t on the ship by 5:00 am gets left behind,” I said, sounding every ounce the Alpha that I was expected to be–no emotion, all business. It would stay that way. I would stay that way.
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” I replied before slipping through the tent flap. I was actually going to find a bottle of whiskey I could drown my sorrows in again, like I had for the past several nights in a row, unable to sleep. If I did sleep, it was nothing but nightmares, and based on the wailing and whimpering that erupted from the sprawling war camp near the port of Breles, I wasn’t the only one reeling from the devastation this war had caused.
I walked for a while, my hands tucked in my pockets. I caught a glimpse of Troy as he walked into a commander’s tent, his head bent as he talked rapidly to a man I didn’t recognize. He’d sent his wife back to the isles, kicking and screaming of course, and had stayed behind to help with the restoration of Breles. His eyes flicked up to mine before he disappeared into the tent, his expression softening as he gave a gentle nod.
I’d miss Troy. I liked the man from the mont I t him. I’d miss his sons, too, especially Oliver.
But I hadn’t seen Oliver since he explained how he’d closed the portal. Last I heard, he was back in Crimson Creek. I doubted he had plans to return to Breles, or anywhere else for that matter. I didn’t bla him. I saw the pain in his empty eyes. I knew exactly what he was going through.
He could run away. I couldn’t. And sotis, I was angry at him because of that.
I’d reached the dining tent, which was wide and shallow and full of warriors from every territory. I glanced at a few Egoren warriors who were seated at a table, mouthing “5:00 am” and tapping my wrist before I passed the tent completely. They nodded, their darkened eyes lined with fatigue. I needed to get them ho, back to their families. I could grieve afterward. I had the rest of my life to live with regret.
There was sothing the warriors called the “fence” near the edge of the camp. It wasn’t actually a fence, but a darkened alley where warriors traded their al and shower rations for bottles of booze, magazines, and cigarettes. I was a regular now, I realized. The empty bottles of whiskey collecting dust under the cot in my tent was proof enough.
I turned my head to the sound of a building creaking in the distance, a chunk of concrete falling into a nearby, but thankfully cleared out, market square. I saw a flash of white and stopped in my tracks, my heart leaping into my throat.
I’d seen her around the camp many tis. She’d been in my tent, stepping out of the shadows and running her fingertips over my skin. But she was just a ghost, disappearing every ti I got near.
I turned away from her, stuffing my hands deeper into my pockets as I picked up my pace. I knew Lena would haunt for the rest of my life. I knew I would see her every ti I looked up at the stars. I knew, during one of those lucky, infrequent nights, that I would see her again, but only in my dreams.
“Xander!”
“Not now,” I breathed, closing my eyes against her voice. My head was throbbing from the hangover I was nursing. I had no ti for ghosts. I licked my lower lip as I neared the fence. I could already taste the liquor, and could already feel myself going numb. One drink would be enough to wash the sound of her voice from my mind.
“Xander, slow down–”
A hand wrapped around my upper arm and I whirled around, grabbing its owner by the shoulders and shaking them.
“Don’t fucking touch–”
“X-Xander?” Lena whispered, taking a step away from and hugging herself with her arms. She was wearing a white, sleeveless top, and I could see the red marks I’d left on her skin. She looked real. She’d felt real–
“Oh–” It was all I managed to say before I reached out and clutched her to my chest. I fought for breath, the air coming out of my lungs in choked sobs as she wrapped her arms around and squeezed. Between us the swell of her stomach pushed against the button of my jeans, the tal pressing into my skin.
She was here. They were both here.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, her tears soaking through my shirt. She had nothing to apologize for. She didn’t owe anything, whereas I owed her the world, and then so.
I felt suddenly idiotic as I ran my fingers through her hair, continuing to clutch her to my chest. I’d spent the last two weeks pining, wallowing away in an indescribable grief only to numb myself with alcohol to try to take the edge off.
What had she been doing in the anti? What had she done, or sacrificed, to be back here, with ?
I thought of Rowan, the way his eyes betrayed his calm, calculated reserve during the week before he left for Valoria to assess the situation with the refugees there. He’d been shattered by her loss.
“Your parents aren’t here,” I said against her hair, taking the first deep breath I’d taken in weeks. She had her arms wrapped around my waist with no hint of letting go anyti soon. “But your uncle is, and your aunt Kacidra has been assisting with surgeries–”
“Just give a minute,” she breathed calmly.
I felt her eyelashes flutter against my shirt as she sighed, her sobs ceasing. When she finally looked up at , I noticed sothing strange, and I reared back a little to get a better view of her eyes. The usually unearthly pale silver of her irises, normally flaked with blue like her father’s, were different, bluer in hue than they had been before. Her hair as well wasn’t the starch white I was accustod to. It looked more golden in the sunlight, still pale but definitely more blonde, almost like it had been when I started to see her around campus.
“What happened?” I asked, running my thumb across her cheek as I wiped away her tears.
“I gave sothing up,” she whispered, “so I could co ho.”
“What did you give up?” I asked slowly, anxiety creeping up my spine. I laid a hand on the side of her belly, and the baby within gave a little kick in response to my touch.
“I gave my powers back to the Night God,” she said, matter-of-factly, like that revelation wouldn’t shake to the core. “But–” she pulled away from , yanking on a chain around her neck until a yellow gem slipped free of her shirt and settled in her hand. “When I’m ready, all I have to do is ask for them back.”
“Your powers–”
“I’m still a wolf, and still a White Queen,” she said with a soft smile, tucking the gem back into her shirt. “But clover won’t spring up between the floorboards when I’m upset, and I can’t create any more portals. Not unless I really want to.”
I let my breath out in a sigh, oddly relieved to hear it. I gathered her in my arms again for a mont.
“What were you doing all the way out here at the edge of the camp?”
I licked my lips, the taste of last night’s whiskey still clinging to my teeth despite brushing them several tis.
“Nothing,” I murmured, turning her around with my arm draped around her shoulder. “Are you hungry?”
#
Reviews
All reviews (0)