Its amusing how despite all her talk of decorum, Luo-Luo is so starstruck she almost forgets to curtsy for the Legate. She has plenty of book smarts but is completely lacking in real life experience, a caged songbird seeing the world for the very first ti. Then again, in her defence, the Legate is rather handso and dignified, rocking a neat man-bun and a clean-shaven look which shows off his strong jawline and fair, youthful features. His vibrant casual robes make my second best set shirt and pants look plain and muted in comparison, and even though he sits at ease, its hard not to notice his broad shoulders and muscular chest hidden beneath the folds of embroidered silk, a physique built on good genetics, proper nutrition, and a whole lot of hard work.
Plus hes tall, the lucky bastard.
Holding back my tears of jealousy, I utter the customary deaning greeting alongside Yuzhen and Akanai. Ten thousand years of boundless longevity upon the Emperor. Imperial Servant greets Imperial Legate.
Dispense with formalities, the Legate responds, gesturing at the chairs. Be seated.
My ass is halfway to the chair when Yuzhen responds, her head still bowed in deference. Imperial Servant does not dare.
Fucking courtesy B.S shenanigans... Frozen mid-stride, I stand like an idiot while the Legate and Yuzhen do their little song and dance. He insists we make ourselves comfortable and she says we dont deserve the honour, then he puts his foot down and she reluctantly agrees. Its all bullshit and delays from sitting for a good five seconds, during which my thigh cramps up from the awkward positioning. When I finally get to sit and relax, with Akanai in the middle and Yuzhen on the far left, I realize theres no seat for Luo-Luo to sit. After a seconds thought, I leave it be as it was probably done on purpose and my new concubine seems content to stand off to the side and sneak glances at the oh-so-handso Legate. Bet she wishes he kept her for himself. Theyd make a lovely couple, what with them both being gorgeous and of similar height. Hmph. Whats so great about being tall anyways? Im compact, efficient, and my clothes are cheaper because it takes less fabric to make them.
So what if I have to shop in the teens section? Its all the sa tailor-made clothes anyways, and Ill probably ruin them within a day.
The old Seneschal pours three cups of tea for us and stands aside while Yuzhen makes polite conversation with the Legate. In the anti, I do my best not to fall asleep and wonder what Id look like with a man-bun. Aweso I bet, but then Id have to brush and style my hair every day. Besides, it takes deceptively long hair to pull off sothing like that, which ans itd be at least two years of looking terrible before reaching sexy man-bun status. I could dress nicer too, but I hate robes. Theyre not simple and easy at all. Theres the inner-robe, which is like your typical comfy house robe and not so bad, but then theres the outer-robe, which is where things get complicated. Its not always a robe per-se, sotis its a vest, or a long coat, or even a shirt, but its always elaborate, shiny, and in a different colour from the under-robes. Then theres the sash, which ties the whole outfit together, both literally and figuratively, and hangs down in front of the legs like a flat, flaccid silk dick.
Nice as it all looks, it seems like a lot of trouble to put on every day even if you exclude all the other attachnts like cloth shoulder pads, ornantal, detachable collars, and fancy hats and hair pins. Plus, how would I even fight while wearing those layers? Id probably trip on my robes and impale myself by accident. No, tight shirt and slim pants are the way to go.
Though theres sothing enticing about sporting a giant silk dick...
After exchanging an appropriate amount of small talk, the Legate puts down his teacup and I copy Yuzhen and do the sa, though Akanai drains hers first before following suit. A power move, I guess, subtle, but telling. I dont understand what ssage shes trying to convey, whether its displeasure at the Legates lack of response to the repeated attempts on my life or showing she isnt intimidated by his rank and nobility. Who knows, maybe shes thirsty and wanted to finish her tea, subtle is complicated. Either way, the Legate appears unperturbed by her unhurried deanour, waiting until her cup rests firmly on the table before continuing on. So, yet another attempt has been made on your life, at a banquet in honour of your new concubine, no less. How inauspicious.
Without looking, I can feel Luo-Luo tensing up at the Legates words, probably reading too much into them and flying into a panic like she does so often. This one puts little faith in portents and ons. Considering how quickly we rushed things into place, my enemies most likely already had their pieces in play, and the banquet rely provided them with the opportunity to strike.
Have you determined who was behind the attack?
After a quick glance at Akanai to confirm, I shake my head and sigh. Not yet, but we have people working on it. Work Id rather not be privy to.
With narrowed eyes, the Legates smile turns from smarmy to scary, displeased by my unknown assailants. Hmph. How daring, Ill see to it the perpetrators suffer to the full extent of the law. Send word once you have a likely suspect in mind, soone with ans and motivation aplenty. Ive ordered the Magistrate punished for his lack of security in hiring servants, and he is to lend whatever aid you should require in apprehending these criminals.
Do not plead for rcy on behalf of the Magistrate. Yuzhens Sending arrives just in ti and I swallow my words. The sentence has already been carried out and an appeal will only put you at odds with the Legate. Just smile and thank him.
So complicated. This one thanks Imperial Legate for his support in these trying tis.
Nonsense. With a grin which makes him look even younger than he already does, he adds, Im only doing whats expected. I couldnt possibly sit by while soone tries to assassinate the newest mber of the Imperial Clan. The Emperor, Blessed be His Na, would have my head for it.
Oh right. This one thanks -
I.
Uh... Sorry?
I. Pointing at with his fan, the Legate mock reprimands my choice of pronoun. Youre of Imperial Peerage now, which ans you are no longer to refer to yourself as this one. I when conversing with your lessers and in informal settings such as ours, and Imperial Consort when in formal settings.
Finally, sothing good cos of this whole ss, though Im still not thrilled about being called Imperial Consort. Might as well call myself Imperial Manwhore. Then I thank the Legate for this great honour, though I worry Ive done nothing to deserve it. Gotta be humble, plus I dont know what he wants in return.
Seeing through my attempt to play coy, the Legate smiles and says, I must admit, I had my eye on you even before I arrived. A young hero hailing from parts unknown who stumbled across a nefarious Defiled plot, who then played a pivotal role in Sanshus defence and Butcher Bays downfall. Yo Lings Bane, one playwright called you, a rising young dragon bound for heights unknown.
Damn, that sounds aweso. Exaggeration and hyperbole. At best, I played a supporting role throughout the entire ordeal. Magistrate Chu Tongzu and the united people of Sanshu are the true heroes.
I believed the sa until I looked into the situation for myself. While the others played their parts well, you were pivotal to the defence of the region. Without your report of a Defiled outbreak, Yo Lings attack on Sanshu would have gone unnoticed, suppressed by the Traitor Mao Jianghong and his corrupt allies of the Golden Highlands Coalition. Victory would have been theirs with no one the wiser, an entire city lost to the Enemy in these desperate tis. Even if word got out, there wouldnt have been enough ti to muster a force to save Sanshu. Had things proceeded as they did, Yo Ling would be free to run rampant in the North while its soldiers were here in Nan Ping, leaving the Empire divided as soldiers flocked ho to defend their loved ones. A most disastrous outco, wouldnt you say?
... I suppose, but it was dumb luck. I was in the wrong place at the right ti, and things fell into place.
True, but luck is a strength all on its own, for what is luck except for the Mothers favour smiling down upon you? Intrigued, I continued looking into you, and I must say, you are loved by the Mother. Finding such great fortune in the Societys bi-decennial Contest, you were forced to flee for your lives and narrowly escape death due to Martial Law. This bought you ti and you headed to the front lines in the battle against the Defiled, where your strength grew by leaps and bounds and eventually, you defeated the Societys greatest young talents in successive duels.
The Legate continues regaling with tales of my glories, neither downplaying nor overstating my part in matters and sticking to the facts. How I arrived at Sanshu with a hundred captured bandits and captured hundreds more in the following days. How I faced off against assassins sent by Sanshus rchant Council and erged unscathed, then defended a crucial fishing region from the Red Devil Gao Qiu. How I exposed Laughing Dragon and clashed with the Shrike, warned the Azure Ascendants and rallied the Mothers Militia to aid us, then personally killed multiple high ranking mbers of the Butcher Bay Bandits in the battle for Sanshu. My final blow on the Demon Bei, being present for Yo Lings death, and even how I raided Butcher Bays hideout, it seems like the Legate has morized all my greatest hits.
Which I guess makes him my biggest fan. Weird.
After a sip of his tea, the Legate continues, When you arrived in Nan Ping with the Divine Turtle in tow, I knew my guess was right. You are beloved by the Mother, and thus, I made my opinion of you and your people known, but that wasnt enough. Your victory over your peers today gave the excuse I needed to offer even more support, but it seems not even the title of Imperial Consort is enough to keep you safe. With a wry smile, he shakes his head and sighs. Were it not for the Divine Guardians desire to go swimming each day, Id have you brought into the Magistrates Palace and kept under watch, but otherwise, I fear theres nothing more I can do at this juncture.
Touching story. Too bad I dont buy a word. It could be because Ping-Ping doesnt like him, but I suppose it could also be because I was just poisoned and am now suspicious of everyone and everything. Besides, it seems like a flimsy excuse. Hes my fan and thinks Ill make it big, so he has marry into the Imperial Clan while leaving the freedom to do as I please? That sounds way too good to be true. He has to have an ulterior motive, but the problem is, why? Im so weak, he could tell to do whatever it is he needs, and Id probably have to obey. Plus, what the fuck? Why doesnt anyone appreciate my book? Even if it was just the banking part, I thought my brains would be enough to win a ticket into so stupid Clan.
Putting these thoughts aside, I smile and reply, Imperial Legate has already done more than enough. If I still cant keep myself alive, then Ive no right to call myself the Undying. Honestly, the nas starting to grow on . The Undying and Unrivalled Beneath Heaven, Falling Rain.
Yea thats . Wassup?
Haha, the confidence of youth. Not sothing I wanna hear from soone who looks like hes in his late twenties, early thirties at most. Now, you had sothing you wanted to bring to my attention?
Finally. Turning to Yuzhen for support, she requests an audience for Jorani and his boys, though using much more formal wording. Carrying a bundle of cloth, Jorani looks ill at ease as he enters the room, and so do Jinoe and Ronga who are hot on his heels. Striding in without a care in the world, Siyar casually glances around the room as if hes here to sight-see, but nothing escapes his sharp gaze as he notes the layout and exits like a proper paranoid soldier should.
Or, you know, a trapped thief. Either or.
With the Legates permission, Jorani rattles off a rehearsed rendition of his adventures at the winery, which imdiately puts a frown on the Legates face. In retrospect, maybe he wasnt giving tacit permission to go after the Canston Trading Group outside of Nan Ping, but its too late for regrets now. With input from Siyar who details his ti alone in the warehouse, and Rongas stump which Akanai made leave unhealed for this very reason, Joranis tale soon cos to an end, but the Legates mood has yet to improve. Lips pursed in a frown, he says, There is no cri committed here, not anything of note. You say this... weapon dissolves cloth, stone, vegetation, and flesh, but what of it? If the Canston Trading Group has an entire warehouse full of it, then I say good! We could use another tool in our battle against the Defiled.
It reeks of Defiled and Demons, but I cant really share how I know this. Thing is, how did the piggies get their hands on it in the first place?
And then it clicks.
The Defiled.
The Piggies.
Expert piggies who use their skills to torture and tornt.
Ugly Expert piggies, which is impossible because Chi makes people pretty, so ugly Experts ans Defiled.
The Piggies are Defiled! Which ans all the torture I suffered in the mines was to turn slaves Defiled! Now these Defiled Piggies have a warehouse full of Demonized, flesh-lting goop. Stone-lting too, which explains the reports from the border forts and Shen Mu about walls crumbling to dust!
Hot damn! I solved it! Take that, past ! Whos the idiot now? Im the smartest man alive!
In my excitent, it takes a few tries to get my thoughts into words that everyone can understand, but once my point is made, the mood in the room grows dark. Audacious! Slamming the table, the Legates handso face twists in anger. Zhu Chanzui, wash your neck and wait. Ill have your head for this!
Seizing the opportunity, I stand and clasp my fist. Imperial Legate will want to secure the Canston Trading Groups cache of Unholy weapons. Warrant Officer Falling Rain requests to join the expedition.
Denied. Leave the evidence behind. Speak not a word of this to anyone, under threat of death! Dismissed.
Shit.
As we file out into the hallway and back to the antechamber where Ping-Ping awaits, Akanai explains the Legates abrupt dismissal through Sending. It is common knowledge you have a grudge against the Canston Trading Group, so you cannot be present when the Legate assaults one of their properties. Theyre backed by Zhu Chanzui, and thus we must adhere to the law else he might claim weve broken the Treaty and targeted him unjustly.
Whats the Treaty?
...An agreent between the Empire and creatures of power which keeps everyone in check through threat of mutually assured destruction. Ask no more, for this is all I know.
Hmm. Fun. Apparently, the Empire is stuck in a cold war with Ancestral Beasts. Cool, cool, cool.
The rest of the trip back to camp is spent in silence as I revel over the justification of my boundless hatred of piggies and mohawks. It might not be enough to end Big Poppa Piggy, but with proof of their misdeeds, the Canston Trading Group will be dead and gone by the end of the week.
Ah, sweet, sweet revenge...
The Death Corps park the palanquin right outside my door, and by the ti I step out, Ping-Ping is already burrowed in for the night. Strange turtle. Wont let take a bath indoors but is happy to let go et with the Legate. Probably because she already got what she wanted, the pervert. Patting her beak goodnight, I count the bunbuns in their enclosure and the sleeping birds on the roof, mostly for my own peace of mind. After panicking because Roc was missing and finding him asleep in a corner of the bunbun enclosure, I head back to my yurt for a well-deserved rest after the longest day of my life.
Lord Husband? Arms crossed and shoulders slumped, Luo-Luo looks so scared and vulnerable standing beneath the moonlight, but more importantly, between and my yurt where precious sleep is to be had. Might we speak in private for a mont? Luo-Luo has sothing important to reveal.
Ill bet she does. Her intentions are obvious and my self-control non-existent. If she makes a move on in the yurt, shell be subjected to the most disappointing three seconds of her life before I explode and fall asleep. It can wait. Doing my best to step around her, Luo-Luo moves to block my way and Im forced to stop before I crash into her pillowy breasts.
Mm, Id love to sink my face into them and fall asleep...
But Lord Husband, she whines, probably all too aware of what Im staring at. Its Luo-Luos wedding night...
Sorry, but I told you earlier, theres no need for this. Look, Im exhausted and would really like to sleep now. Well pick this up tomorrow okay? Li Song moved into Milas yurt, so you have the place all to yourself. Its right over there -
My words fall on deaf ears as Luo-Luo flares with anger, finally showing her true, petulant nature. Turning around, she moves to enter my yurt uninvited, but unfortunately for her, while yurt doors dont lock, they do latch, and theres a trick to opening them that isnt apparent at first glance. While she jiggles away at the doorknob, I glance around in search of help, but Jorani and the others have scampered off and I dont feel right asking the Death Corps to drag her away. For once, I could use the monks help, but hes been curiously absent for most of the day and not sitting in his customary place next to my door. Strange, considering were supposed to have our hour long debate where he tries to convert to his ways, which happens to include celibacy.
What am I doing? A gorgeous woman who I am technically married to wants to do the horizontal tango. Not exactly the worst problem in the world. Besides, it is our wedding night...
Ah ha! Luo-Luos triumphant declaration wakes from my stupor as she figures out how to open the latch. Watching her voluptuous body straining against her oh-so-tiny dress, my heart-beat speeds up at the prospect of sex. Its been so long since Ive been with a woman, and while I feel guilty for wanting to sleep with soone besides Mila or Lin, they both insist on waiting until after marriage which wont be for another year or two. Im a man, a man with needs, and if Luo-Luo is willing, then I dont see why two consenting adults cant do the nasty -
The door bursts open and Luo-Luo falls back with a shriek as fangs and fury co barrelling out, snarling and hissing up a storm while guarding the door. Catching her before she falls, I tilt my head at the familiar shape and stench before my tired brain finally clicks and the pieces fall into place once more. Zabu! I cry, unceremoniously hoisting Luo-Luo to her feet and abandoning her to go greet my first quin. Hiya buddy. Rember ? Its been so long, gim a hug.
Rearing up at the sound of my voice, Zabu bares his teeth and gives a few experintal sniffs. With a throaty grunt of acknowledgent, he turns around and disappears back into the yurt, without so much as a scritch, boop, or poof. Flooded with disappointnt, I tell myself thats how Zabu is, an unfriendly battle quin who doesnt like hugs, grooming, or apparently long-anticipated reunions. Its okay. Im not hurt or anything. I got dirt in my eye, is all. Im so tired I cant stop yawning, and all these tears keep leaking -
Erging from the yurt, Zabu dumps two large, furry bundles into my arms and rushes back inside with a squeak and a chirp. Glancing down at the unexpected gift, I find two fuzzy, otter-sized roosequins staring back through sleepy eyes, their little roosequin feet sticking up in the air as they nuzzle into my arms. Slowly dropping to my knees, I coo in delight at the sweet baby quins, marvelling at their soft, dense fur and how completely at ease they are in the arms of a stranger. They trust their daddy and know hed never deliver them to soone dangerous, dont they? Yes they do. Returning with two more pups in his arms and Shana carrying a third, Zabu arranges his babies in a pile before and sits back, his head held high as if to say, Look at what I made while I inwardly squee in delight.
Wait... if theyre here... does that an Yans waiting inside too?
Luo-Luo, go back to your yurt. Well talk in the morning. Giving her no ti to argue, I bring the pups back inside with Zabu and Shanas help. Lips stretched in a smile, I wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Yan? I whisper, not wanting Luo-Luo to overhear. You there?
Silence is my answer and after a mont, I realize the yurt is empty but for and the seven quins, with no gorgeous, luscious-lipped, peach-butted Yan waiting naked beneath my covers. Or you know, at all. She doesnt have to be naked. Though it would be nice if she were. And here. But shes not.
Why not? Is it because Im so late getting back? Why did she bring Zabu and Shana here? Was it so I could et the pups, or is there more to this?
Laying down on the floor, I arrange all five pups in a pile on and around , giggling at their sleepy little yawns as they snuggle into my chest and neck. Zabu and Shana settle down beside , and I wait for sleep to co while staring at the most adorable little faces in the world.
Whatever, this is good too. Floof is love, floof is life.
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