Is it a nightmare?
In the traditional sense, it is indeed a nightmare, but for him, it is not a nightmare. How could he dare to admit it to Xie Jue? But if it’s not a nightmare, then how should such a dream be defined?
"Why did I lose my mory?" Fang Chuning asked Xie Jue, with a tone of anguish, "People who suffer from amnesia in this world are few and far between. Why did it happen to ?"
No matter how painful it is, his mory doesn’t return. He can’t even clearly rember the dream that was very complex to him. Everything in the dream is so blurry, with only monts of clarity before it’s obscured once again.
Watching the struggling Fang Chuning, Xie Jue felt a stab of pain in his heart. Perhaps their bond was too deep; he could empathize with Fang Chuning’s emotions, much like Fang Chuning could empathize with his struggles while in Beiman. This blank slate of life was also tornting him, and he hoped Fang Chuning would rember. He harbored a subtle hope that during the period before his mory returned, Fang Chuning would co to love him once more. He knew it was difficult. The amnesiac Fang Chuning hadn’t grown up with him as childhood friends, hadn’t been through life and death together, and hadn’t shared the hardships in Beiman. How could he possibly love him?
Their feelings were not love at first sight or lustful attraction.
Their emotions were the slow, patient companionship and rejection by worldly prejudices, through countless confrontations and compromises, liking that collapses and rebuilds, and his repeated hesitations leading to courageous submission to the pure heart.
Without these mories, Fang Chuning couldn’t possibly like a man.
Xie Jue knew it was difficult but held onto a slim hope. He didn’t know why he had such expectations. He knew they would likely be in vain, yet he continued to strive.
"Anning, you got seriously injured in Sannan, which affected your mory. Don’t rush; it’s not permanent. There will co a day when your injuries heal and your mory returns."
"Will my mory return once I’m healed?"
"It will!"
"But my physical injuries have already healed."
Xie Jue shook his head, sighed, and left the room. Fang Chuning didn’t know what he was up to. Just as he was about to drift into sleep, he slled a familiar scent of dicine. Fang Chuning felt as if he was facing a great enemy, with a tingling scalp, sensing that his adversary was ahead.
Too terrifying!
Xie Jue ca in with a bowl of dicine, the room filled with the pungent sll. "I won’t drink it!"
Before Xie Jue could urge him, Fang Chuning decisively refused, pulling the blanket over his head, pretending to sleep, "I’m tired, I want to sleep."
Why should he get up to endure torture?
"You went drinking with Zhou Buyan and others, but you haven’t had your dicine today. Get up and drink the dicine."
"I won’t. My body has healed long ago and doesn’t need this bitter dicine."
"Ignoring the doctor’s advice, how can your body possibly recover? Anning, you nearly lost your life in Sannan; it was your most severe injury. You didn’t properly recuperate."
"I’ve been well for a long ti; I’ve had no fever or discomfort along the way." Fang Chuning impatiently tossed aside the blanket, "You’re more annoying than the maids in my mansion."
"As a general who’s fought on battlefields for years, you are physically strong. You can wield a heavy spear with one hand, ta the fiercest horse, and go three days without sleep hunting eagles. You can ta wild beasts with bare hands. Your body hasn’t fully recovered, so your mory hasn’t returned completely. Anning, recovery isn’t a matter of days; you need to recuperate slowly, follow the doctor’s instructions. While you were at Lu Liu Villa, the dicine brewed by the maids you poured into pots of lotus flowers; you didn’t truly drink the dicine properly, so your body has been struggling to recover. Along this journey, I kept an eye on you taking your dicine, and thus you rarely had fevers or fatigue, isn’t that right?"
Fang Chuning thought about it, it seed to be the case. Indeed, he’d been forced to drink a lot of dicine along this journey. Unlike the maids in his mansion, Xie Jue was not easily fooled. Fang Chuning didn’t like drinking the bitter dicine, often pouring it into flower pots and hiding from people, thinking no one would know, only to find out that Xie Jue was aware.
But Xie Jue, having been waited on since childhood, often starved when alone and would just eat sothing to stave off hunger. He couldn’t manage delicate tasks, and brewing dicine was far from delicate; the dicine he made was thick, bitter, and hard to swallow, yet he was oblivious, saying dicine should be bitter for it to be effective. Therefore, Fang Chuning was stuck drinking Xie Jue’s bitter concoction—the bitterness was unbearable. The first few tis, it even caused diarrhea, but Xie Jue insisted Fang Chuning’s constitution was too weak and not the dicine’s problem.
Fang Chuning was afraid as soon as Xie Jue appeared with dicine. Having survived his concoctions without being poisoned, Fang Chuning felt incredibly resilient!
"Is this dicine... necessary to drink?" Fang Chuning grimaced, his stomach aching as he felt overwhelming nausea, almost reflexively.
"If you don’t drink the dicine, how can your body beco healthy?"
"Drinking this, I feel sicker."
"That’s your illusion, your reluctance to drink the dicine."
Fang Chuning, "..."
He really yielded to Xie Jue, feeling Xie Jue was rigid. Suddenly having an epiphany, "Looking at your frail body, surely I used to take care of you, is this how I took care of you?"
"Correct!" Xie Jue admitted.
"Taking care closely, brewing dicine myself?"
"Yes!"
Fang Chuning regretted deeply, wishing he could travel back in ti and slap his past self, stop being ddleso. Were there no attendants at his side? Did he have to personally attend to everything? What was his problem?
"The dicine I brewed was this bitter too?"
"Good dicine is bitter."
"I don’t believe it; I think you’re poisoning , suspecting you of administering slow poison to control , a kind that if I left you, I would certainly die. The dicine I had before wasn’t as hard to drink, surely it’s your thod of brewing that’s faulty."
"Anning, I..." Xie Jue suddenly laughed, Fang Chuning was alard; a smile like that from Xie Jue was never a good sign. Sure enough, Xie Jue said, "I have such impulses all the ti, so, will you drink it?"
Fang Chuning’s throat tightened, took the dicine, and drank it all in one gulp. The dicine was bitter as gall, the worst thing he’d ever drunk. He felt sorry for the maids back in his mansion who at least added so sugar to balance the bitterness, whereas Xie Jue brewed it thickly, seemingly with the intent to make him succumb.
Being so obedient, Xie Jue was quite pleased.
"After drinking the dicine, rest early. Tomorrow morning I need to head out. If you get bored in the mansion, let Zhou Buyan take you out. I’ll be back in the afternoon, and you’ll need to take dicine then too."
"No need, the dicine can be brewed by the servants in the mansion."
Xie Jue suddenly turned around, his gaze cold, "Just try!"
Fang Chuning, "..."
This dicine, does he truly have to drink it?
Can soone save him?
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