Once again, the staring contest between Junxi and Alix began with a full force. They were settled in Alix’s room on the bed as Nana cradled the baby in her arms.
"You should hold her."
"No."
The answer was so imdiate and instantaneous that Nana let out a cough. "Why not?"
"She’s too delicate."
"I know holding a baby can feel nervous but I am here with you."
The light in Junxi’s eyes clearly seed to agree to the notion. Though Alix wanted to protest further, Nana gently placed her in her arms anyway.
These people really seem to like dumping such fragile creatures in my hand...
Junxi happily cooed and a bright smile laced her lips as she comfortably nestled against her chest. From Nana’s hair locks, she now focused her attention on tugging Alix’s dress. Alix stared at her little movents with great detail and attention. It was as if she was trying to drown the despair of today’s day with the shine of her eyes.
"Is everything going okay with Jin? If he is being troubleso with anything, don’t hesitate to tell ."
Alix slightly knitted her brows but refrained from saying her utmost honest thoughts about him that ever since his stunt with Wang Xia’s commotion, she treated him as a piece of shit.
"I guess he is okay," that’s as far as she could bring herself to admit.
"He really needs to work hard on himself," she frowned. "He should be on his best behavior, not just okay. Guess I will need to have a word with him."
Alix wondered if having a word would also include beating him up with slippers. But she kept her utmost honest thoughts to herself once again.
Her eyes dropped to Junxi’s chubby face. "She drooled on my arm."
"That’s her love language."
There was a long silence. Junxi kept gurgling, now amused by Alix’s buttons. Nana didn’t fill the quiet with idle chatter. She simply sat, one palm resting on her lap, watching them both.
Alix rocked slightly, unconsciously mimicking a cradling motion used to soothe babies. Her gaze was distant again, as if flickering sowhere else now - further back, years away.
"Jin went to visit the cetery today," Nana said slowly.
Alix didn’t respond. But her shoulders stiffened.
"He wanted to take you. But he said he didn’t ask."
"...Good decision."
"You’ve never gone, have you?"
"I don’t see the point."
"True."
Alix thought she would feel angry and intrusive as hell for anybody to broach the subject of Zhan Kai-Ming. For the sake of sobody she brought a whole family to the ruin, she hated to talk about that very person. It was an irony in itself but that’s how it was. She wondered why she didn’t feel pissed off at Nana for ntioning her.
Was it because Nana was a warm person that she was feeling relatively...less angry?
Was it her soothing voice? Or was it her caring gaze?
Junxi blinked up at her, eyes wide, as if sensing the tone had shifted. Her fingers curled tighter into Alix’s dress.
Then the answer ca to Alix. And with it a question she wanted to ask Nana since her Paris trip.
"How was it living like an orphan?"
Alix imdiately realized the tone of her question turned out to be really rude.
"I only survived because of my brothers. I willed myself to live only because of Yukito and Yuikra."
Nana’s childhood was similar to Alix’s where one incident had changed everything for her too tragically. She was left with nobody but herself to keep living once her adoptive mother had thrown her out of the family. Though she now enjoyed the love of her real parents and family, it didn’t change Nana’s childhood.
"Was it because of them you continued to et her - your adoptive mother, who chose to ignore her husband’s sin and threw you out of the family anyway?" Alix stared at her quietly.
It was perhaps this reason she thought she didn’t feel so pissed off by Nana’s questions because out of everybody she knew, she felt only Nana probably understood what it truly ant to live parentless - and also hate them. Nana had every reason to hate Yu Ichika just like she felt she had every reason to hate Zhan Kai-Ming.
Nana looked at her carefully, the way one observed a wound that wasn’t not bleeding anymore but wasn’t healed either.
"Yes. I would et her to tell her about how her sons were doing. She held no interest in knowing anything about but she did when it ca to them. I wouldn’t say I never felt betrayed by her actions. I had counted on her to hug and support like any mother would. But she couldn’t co to terms with the fact that her husband...did sothing like that."
"Yet you forgave her."
It was during Nana’s wedding that Yu Ichika broke down and asked for her forgiveness.
Nana gently poked Junxi’s cheeks which brought a happy gurgle on her lips.
"When I look back to that ti in introspect, I feel that I was simply very tired of thinking about my grievances towards her. I was looking forward to living with Jinhai and my twins, my real parents were there with . I thought," she slightly tipped her head thoughtfully, "I didn’t want that dreadful past’s shadow on my future by not forgiving her. It would feel as if so broken piece of thorn would still be stuck in my heart and I didn’t want that while raising my children."
Nana looked up and smiled. "But I reached at that mont and place slowly. My mother-in-law doted on , Aunt Liling treated as her own daughter and then my real mother ca into my life too. I was so overwheld with love on all sides that it seed to drown away my sadness.
It’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel like eting your mother. You might or might not reach my place and that’s also okay. I just don’t want to see my daughter compensating her feelings with eating lots of spicy ran and then having an upset stomach the next day."
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