Jin walked inside the cetery with slow steps, carrying a small bouquet of flowers in his hands. He wished he could visit Zhan Kai-Ming along with Alix but it was evident from her deanor that she didn’t want to go. He didn’t need to ask.
As he walked along the long stretch of the land, he found a familiar person’s figure near the grave. He stiffened, recognizing Hou Lin kneeling before the grave and palms pressed together as he offered a prayer.
As if sensing sobody’s presence, Lin opened his eyes and glanced to his side. Tension drifted in the air. Jin walked over and saw how Lin had already placed a neat bouquet in front of Zhan Kai-Ming’s grave. It seed as if Lin had a lot to say but was keeping his words in his heart.
"...How is she doing?"
Seeing how Lin had asked him the question, Jin guessed he might have already known about their marriage. Up until now, he wasn’t sure if Alix had told him but seed like she had.
"She is..."
"Cooped up inside the blanket?"
His lips pressed into a thin line. "...Yes."
Lin lowered his gaze. "She always gets like this today. She has never once visited her mother’s grave in these years."
He stared. "She loves her so...why?"
"Because it’s also true that she left her."
He didn’t respond.
"She understands what her mother went through, especially after her miscarriage. She knows it was hard for her. She knows her struggle. But she also knows her own struggle and loneliness of being left as an orphan. She loves her but she also cannot forgive her."
Jin knelt and slowly placed the bouquet beside Lin’s. A slight tremble filled his heart, seeing her na etched upon the stone. He couldn’t help but wonder how the future would have been had Zhan Kai-Ming not chosen to take her life. Life could still have been ssy and difficult but he believed Zhan Yahui would have had a happy childhood. But she lost that anchor in her life that was supposed to keep her safe.
And now Jin hated himself for forgetting her death anniversary. He might have been constantly thinking about Alix’s relationship with his family that he forgot about this important event, but that wasn’t an excuse he wanted to give himself.
Jin clenched his fists.
He also hated himself for feeling jealous of Lin. It wasn’t surprising that as her childhood friend, he would rember the day or that he would be at the cetery or that he knew how Alix buried herself in the blanket on this day. He felt envious that he didn’t know anything about her.
It’s all my fault. I am still ignorant...
They remained in silence for so ti and Jin asked, "When did she tell you?"
"The day you two got married. Over a call. She didn’t want to keep in the dark but knowing my feelings for her...probably didn’t want to et in person."
"I see."
Jin looked at him and asked, "Do you have anything to say to ?"
Lin said nothing for a long ti, as if organizing his thoughts at his own pace.
"No. If by that question, you an that I am upset at your marriage, then I am not. I...had already gotten my answer from her. I knew it would be impossible for us. I always had that feeling."
His breaths trembled. Though Lin had accepted his fate, it also didn’t an that it didn’t hurt. But...
"I am happy that it’s you. If you want her despite knowing everything about her, then I believe you didn’t chase after her just to make a fool of herself or take light of the guilt she is feeling now. I believe your family will love her too. Sir Jun might hesitate but he has a kind heart. Alix has married a good man. I want to see her happy. Just like her mother. That’s all."
Lin slowly got up and turned to leave. "Good luck, Sir Jin."
He walked two steps when he looked back at him.
"You should feed her so spicy ran."
"Huh? Ran?"
"She is trying very hard not to cry. In general, she feels it’s a humiliation to shed tears. She used to demand spicy ran on this day because that helps get her tears out and she gets an excuse to cry. She thinks I don’t realize it. But I never liked that thod because she would get an upset stomach the next day. Yet I am suggesting it to you because that’s the only way she frees herself. I don’t like to see her bottled up. But feed her in as minimal a quantity as possible."
He left with quiet steps, leaving Jin all alone in the cetery. He stared at the tombstone in silence and folded his hands in a prayer.
’I promise I won’t let you down. I will take good care of Alix and never hurt her. I will give her all the happiness she deserves in the world. Please...trust .’
—
Alix was in the mood to eat so spicy ran. She didn’t know why but she always felt this way today.
Maybe I should ask one of the maids to make it for ?
But it’s a celebration outside. It will be very odd if sobody makes so different food for .
Should I order then?
But who will collect it? If one of the maids brings it to , it will be very weird again...
Alix held a complicated expression.
"Maybe I should put myself in the mood to watch a tragedy movie," she muttered under her breath.
But then again, Alix seriously considered her ability to feel...sad for the movie leads. She was used to pointing out the stupidity of the choices they made throughout the story rather than cry for them. Her editor instincts kicked in sharper than anything else.
"Hello."
She jolted and turned to find Nana standing behind her, carrying a beautiful baby in her arms. Little Junxi was adorably tugging her grey locks of hair.
Nana smiled. "I know you didn’t want to co to the get-together. But it’s an important day for Junxi so I thought I should bring her to you for soti. Do you want to play with her?"
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