"...It's not possible between us."
Alix said after a long battle with herself. It was relatively easy for her to step away from Jin because of the friction between her and his family in the past. It was painfully obvious that nothing could ever happen between them.
But Lin was different. Her friendship with him was different. The sorrows and struggles they endured together were different. Yet despite all that, she knew the final outco.
"I don't…see you that way."
Lin stood still, feeling his heart in his throat. He clenched his fists, inhaling a silent breath.
"I know," he breathed out quietly. "I know you don't see that way. It was always my one-sided feelings. I didn't want to burden you with them either because you had a goal to achieve. And I thought that once you get the revenge you want, we can…But this is not the life from six years before. You have a new life and so do I. So if you," he trembled, "gi-give one chance…"
Alix felt her eyes ache. From his longing eyes to quivering lips, her heart wavered to utter the cruel words of rejection. She could feel how long he had waited for this mont and how it was taking every bit of his strength and courage to confess to her.
"It's not that I cannot love you. You are one fine man any woman can spend her life with her eyes closed," a solemn darkness then clouded her expression. "But I feel..more indebted to you than loving you…"
"Indebted..?"
"You let a young girl take shelter in your house who had threatened you at knife point. You could have easily handed to the police but you didn't. I got a roof over my head because of you. Your parents sucked but at the very least, I could beco family with Cai. You supported my vicious goals despite not necessarily agreeing to my thods and you…"
Suffered a horrible death for that…And faced six years in prison, she thought.
Even though she saw tears as a sign of weakness, she couldn't stop them from blurring her vision. Alix faced him, sha washing over her heart like nature's deadly force.
"For all the kindness you showed , I gave you nothing in return. Staying by my side only brought pain and punishnt in your life. I selfishly made a good and capable man suffer."
"That is not true-"
She raised her hand and interrupted him.
"I know you won't say that. Our friendship is too close and deep for you to not bla . You are willing to ignore the past purely based on your love for . But that will only…make more indebted to you. If not for you and Cai, I might have probably," her voice lowered to a whisper, "killed myself sooner. I was afraid of living alone. It was dark and cold before you and Cai ca into my life."
He shook.
"After I reincarnated in this body, I kept wondering what I could do to pay my debt to you. But I could think of nothing other than stepping away from your lives and let you brothers live a life of dignity and respect. So…"
Her voice faltered but she continued. "There are simply too many emotions that I cannot sort out within myself to feel worthy of you."
Tears slid down his eyes. "There was never a question of worthiness between us Yah…Alix."
"Not for you. You are a good and upright man," she smiled a forlorn smile. "But the person I had beco made unworthy of love in itself. Neither can I be with Liu Jin whose family I destroyed, nor can I be with you for whom I destroyed six years of his life as well. Especially you w-who have been nothing but good to soone like ."
A long stretch of silence prevailed between them. Alix couldn't face him again, unable to watch his defeated expression.
Again…Once again I only brought pain to him…
She exhaled breathlessly akin to sobody strangling her without rcy.
"I am sorry…" she shook hard. "I know sorry doesn't even matter anymore. I have made too many mistakes for an apology to make any sense. But I..am sorry that I cannot accept your love."
She slowly felt her face lift up as Lin gently tugged her chin. Amidst the agony of his failed confession, a warm smile remained on his lips.
"You don't have to be sorry for anything, Alix. You don't have to feel obliged to return my feelings just because of our history or my love. But at the sa ti, I also want to tell you that you are not indebted to . If you are counting the things that I did for you, then you have done much more for . Cai and I would only have been the weak and reclusive brothers had you not co into our lives. You might only see darkness within you but to us, you were that ray of light who broke through ours."
"...Please don't say such things," her face reddened as it beca difficult for her to speak.
"No, Alix. If you are willing to admit your sins, then you should also be willing to see the goodness in you. If you were so evil and irredeemable as you claim, then this miracle wouldn't have been possible. If God can see that, then why cannot you?"
She bit her lip in response.
"I will support your every decision. If…If you have decided to reveal the truth to Sir Jin, then I won't stop you. But," a glint of a cold, unyielding determination filled his eyes, "I won't let him or the Liu family punish you anymore either. And you won't stop from interfering. It's a new life for you and I won't let anybody hurt you."
"No way that you would do anything like-"
"No," Lin didn't offer her any retreat. "I believe there is a aning and purpose behind your second chance. That chance... cannot be imprisoned within the underworld's walls. I won't allow that, Alix. Never."
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