Only Villains Do That 4.35 In Which the Dark Lord Barks Up the Right Tree

4.35 In Which the Dark Lord Barks Up the Right Tree

Noble households were usually swarming with functionaries, guards, and attendants of various kinds, but Aster and I made it the entire way down the corridor, through the big grandiose entry hall a Fflyr just had to have, and out into the bracing winter air before we encountered anyone, these being the two Clansguard stationed flanking the manors front doors. It was almost as if the nearby lowborn had just observed sothing going on that they wanted to be nowhere in the vicinity of.

We descended the front steps into what beca the main street of the village just outside the gates up ahead. People were going about their business or winter festivities out there, depending on their social class. It was comparatively still here on the manor grounds, along the path between the highborn oasis behind us and the outside world ahead. It felt symbolic, though of what I wasnt literary enough to discern. At any rate, I had the distinct feeling this was the last mont of peace and quiet Id see for a while.

Almost exactly midway along the path, I heard footsteps behind us. They soundedheavy.

I turned around, and yep, there was Rhydion striding right toward us. Behind him, Lord Ruell was just erging at a more languid pace from the manor doors, his foxwoman companion having materialized at so point in the interim. Had to wonder what shed been doing unsupervised in that mansion.

You handled that well, Lord Seiji, Rhydion said by way of greeting.

Did I? Wow, and here I expected you to be full of criticism as usual.

Because you deliberately antagonized an unstable monster of a person who is already plotting harm? He shook his head once. In this case, I do not think it matters. Caludon Aelthwyn lives every mont of his life inflicting the greatest cruelty he can devise on everyone around him, and that is his fundantal strategic weakness. There is nowhere for him to escalate. Nothing he is about to do in response to you is anything he wasnt planning to anyway. On the contrary, given how unpopular he is, inflicting a public humiliation upon him won you a great deal of goodwill among the attending highborn. AndI know very well how much restraint it took to sit through that without exploding into violence.

Did he, now.

Consequences, I grunted in reply.

Miss Delavadas contribution was unfortunate, Rhydion added, turning his blank helt on her. I fear that will cost us all dearly in the days to co. That crowd was prid to begin resisting Caludons depravity, but you tainted that resistance with the specter of defiance against the whole system that props them all up. Now, we will find supporting any counter-efforts a very hard sell among the nobility, to say nothing of those who will have been prompted to outright assist in Caludons sche. Sotis, Miss Delavada, one must bow ones head and accept a lesser suffering to forestall a greater.

Yeah? And you can just shut your great, echoing, gilded gob about it, Aster snapped, her breath curling visibly in the air like the flas of a rousing dragon. In that mont I wasnt sure Id ever seen her so openly angry at anyone, much less Rhydion, her own personal hero. All your talk about patience and youve never once in your whole life had to bow your head, except maybe taphorically. You with your noble rank and invulnerable armor have nothing to say to people who have to bleed for their choices! And you have the gall to lecture about the worth of my dignity?

The lady has the right of it, ol chap, Ruell comnted, sauntering up behind Rhydion and patting him on the pauldron. This is an unwise hill on which to plant your flag. To say nothing of her individual case in point, persecuted peoples everywhere are accustod to hearing patience and forbearance preached by those who want nothing ever changed. Theres more than one voice tainting the waters here.

Isee your point. Slowly, Rhydion nodded his head once, turning back to Aster. I apologize. Though I dont believe I was incorrect, I can see now that by opening my mouth I committed the exact error of which I accused you. Forgive .

I glanced between Ruell and Rhydion. Did you guys really leave poor Lhadron alone with Bishop Fancy Pants and the Crazies?

Hey, new band na.

Hes a big boy, Ruell said dryly, and Im told suffering builds character.

In my experience, said Rhydion, that greatly depends on the suffering, and the character.

Whats your next move, then? I asked, at least as much to steer this in a less awkward direction as because I wanted to know.

My initial plan has not fundantally changed. I must report in at the Guild and the Convocation in Gwyllthean, and then return to Fflyrdylle to do the sa. These events only add to the pieces I must set in motion. Rember, Lord Seiji: no one whose cause is just is ever without allies. You do not fight alone in this. I will not be silent because I am absent, and the powers I can shift into motion will help matters here on Dount.

I folded my arms, making my face an entire museum of my skepticism. How much?

Not enough, he admitted readily, not nearly. There is no single, decisive action that will solve this, at least not without imdiately escalating to far greater problems. Lest the point pass unmade, I will clarify that any open rebellion against a sitting Archlord will result in savage reprisals, not only against those involved, but all the vulnerable people across Dount. The regi knows no thod against resistance save making brutal examples. Whatever you are about to do, Lord Seijiand for reasons both personal and practical I do not wish to knowI urge you to bestrategic.

His helt shifted minutely as he glanced at Aster and then back at .

And yes, patient. Not with the patience of a slave awaiting rescue which may never co, but the patience of a hunter seeking an opening.

Poetic, I grunted.

I could have just referenced Alamon and Fthemrys to make the point, but I am told foreigners find that rather annoying.

Boy, howdy.

Ive a few ducks of my own to set in a row, Ruell added with a deliberately vacant smile that didnt fool in the least. This is hardly my customary stomping ground, but I fancy Im resourceful enough to make do without other peoples resources. There are a few interesting questions Id like answeredah, but thats tomorrows business. You lads take care. Ive a feeling well chat again soon.

He bowed, grinning, then turned and sauntered off toward the gate, hands in his pockets. Arrkeen followed, giving a long inscrutable look in passing.

I also must not tarry, Rhydion stated. This business has made my next planned actions more urgent, not less. Rember, Lord Seiji: patience and strategy. I have faith in you.

And you rember, I retorted, dont fuckin sit on your ass. Ill be as patient as I can afford to be, I promise.

And with that, I shall be content. The paladin folded down his hands at . Goddess guide your steps, Lord Seiji.

Well, at least one of them definitely would.

Whyre we all saying our goodbyes here in the middle of the path? Aster muttered as we stood there, watching them go. Everybodys gotta leave through the sa gate. Now we have to stand around in the cold waiting for them to bugger off or itll be awkward.

Hey, boss, Biribo whispered from inside my scarf, poking his nose up just next to my ear. Gizmit wants a word with you. Over at the shed where you talked with Maizo before heading out into the forest.

Wait, what? Aster looked sidelong at , but said nothing, clearly figuring it out from context clues.

Yeah, she found an underground spot near the surface right under the manor, then stomped around flapping her arms to get my attention, and said the ssage with big exaggerated mouth motions. That goblins got a scary accurate read on the range and acuity of my senses, boss.

If there was one person whod have sussed out details like that, it was Gizmit. God damn I was glad I had her on my side.

That sounds important, then, I muttered, setting off down the path along which Ruell and Rhydion had just disappeared. Lets go see whats wrong now.

Maybe nothing, Gizmits voice reported from within the cracked shed on the outskirts of the village when I was lounging next to it, minutes later. I have people keeping an eye through every tunnel entrance around this village, including a very handy one just inside the khora forest nearby. Thats how I learned there are a bunch of squirrelfolk out there.

The squirrels? I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. I thought they avoided the Fflyr.

This is far closer to Fflyr territory than I would expect to see even one squirrel hunter, she agreed, much less what appears to be about fifty. Any Fflyr who spot them will likely assu they are massing for an attack.

Fifty? That had to be most of their hunters.

Surely they wouldnt

It would be suicide, and of the four beast tribes on Dount I would consider the squirrels least likely to attempt sothing so rash. I suspect this has sothing to do with you, or perhaps RhydionI dont believe in coincidences and it seems pretty characteristic that your first visit to their territory would spark soimprobable behavior in response.

Thanks, Giz.

So no, Im not sure what exactly theyre doing but I dont believe it is urgent. I would have waited to report this until you made your way back underground, except theyve captured Maizo.

I bared my teeth, letting my breath out slowly in a long hiss. The cold made that slightly painful, which felt appropriate.

He has not been hard, she hastened to clarify. Hes the goblin I had on the surface out there, keeping watch. My man hidden in the tunnel entrance stayed to make sure theyre just holding him. Theyre not letting him leave, but hes not being mistreated. Considering what squirrelfolk usually do to snoops, thats practically a gesture of peace in and of itself. I dont bla them for plugging an obvious leak; this is how I would handle a known scout belonging to another party I didnt wish to antagonize.

Seems like letting him report back would be the more sociable approach, Aster comnted.

If they were certain of our goodwill and intentions, perhaps. Personally, I wouldnt be, in their position.

All right, I growled. I will go get Maizo. Thanks, Gizmit, good work as always. I need you to send a ssage back to North Watch; well be returning there directly once I pick up our guy, and I want my command council assembled and ready to discuss when I arrive. We have a lot to do and very little ti to do it in.

Consider it done. Maizo will be able to guide you to the nearby tunnel entrance in the forest; Ill have your artifacts waiting for you there. Do you need any backup?

I will either be bringing new squirrelfolk allies with , or leaving a bunch of squirrelfolk corpses in the forest. Thank you, but neither will require guards.

Understood. Whats your approach strategy? If you just cross the field from here, thats a lot of miscellaneous adventurers and highborn who will see you disappear into the forest

Good. That is exactly what I want them to see. Let them chew on that and keep chewing on it while they wonder where Ill pop up next.

I do like your style, Lord Seiji. Her voice was amused, and already diminishing as she retreated down the tunnel. See you back at base.

Fifty human-sized squirrels are not hard to find; I didnt even need Biribos help. They were barely deep enough in the forest to be hidden, which made seriously question what the hell they thought they were up to. If the Kings Guild decided to send out scouts for any reason there would be big trouble.

Aster and I were not stopped by the outlying sentries; they simply made a series of short, whistling calls, causing the rest of the squirrelfolk to shift aside. All were ard, but no one raised a weapon at . The various hunters moved to clear a path for us toward a clearing deeper in, silent and watchful.

Under other circumstances that could have been intimidating. I could Heal any poison they shot with and blast half this forest to shrapnel; I couldnt say I was worried.

There were voices up ahead, which turned out to be Maizo himself, seated apparently calmly on a flat stump where soone had cut down an old khora shell, chatting quietly with none other than Zhylvren the Seer. I was surprised to see her so far from the village, and even more so to find her counterpart.

The squirrel chieftain approached as I strode into the clearing, his hands folded before himself at the waist, bearing stern and calm as usual.

Dark Lord. The tribe has convened and discussed these last four days. On the matterof

I brushed right past him without slowing. You okay, Maizo?

Hey, Lord Seiji! he said, waving and showing off his gold tooth in a grin. Yeah, cant complain. Look, they gave a shawl! Pretty decent thing to do, if youre gonna keep a guy out in the snow.

But theyre not letting you leave.

Yeah, well He shrugged. You know how it is. Were all professionals here. Didnt see any reason to make things any more tense. I like this lady, shes funny.

He winked at Zhylvren, who smiled knowingly at . I wasnt in the very specific mood it would take to find her all-knowing and mysterious routine anything other than irritating.

Yeah, shes a hoot. Cre, please. Well be leaving presently.

Maizo imdiately hopped down and trotted over, looking rather smug about the lack of anyone trying to stop him.

As I said, the leader resud, clearing his throat. We have co here on the most solemn concern

Do you rember telling you I protect my people? I interrupted, turning to stare him in the eyes. And that I avenge those I cannot protect?

The chief hesitated mid-speech, then nodded once, wariness clear on his face. It is a point that has been brought up repeatedly in the discussions of the last few days.

That is one of my people, I stated, pointing at Maizo. I appreciate your restraint in not harming him. Im less pleased at finding him detained against his will.

Understand our position, Zhylvren said gently. This close to the Fflyr, and especially those adventurers, we cannot risk more than we have simply by coming here. I foresaw that you would arrive shortly and ensured your man was ready and waiting, in good health.

I appreciate that as well, I replied, which is why this discussion remains civil so far. But let be clear. I turned back to the chieftain. You are not grandstanding. You are deescalating.

I folded my arms and raised my chin.

You may begin.

The squirrel leader stared at for a long mont, then let out a short sigh through his nose that swirled away in a puff of frigid mist.

I suppose when one is the Dark Lord, one gets to make pronouncents like that. I do understand, Lord Seiji, and it heartens to see you as protective of even one of your people as I would be of any of mine. If it improves your mood, we have co here to give you an answer.

That was probably as good as I was going to get. I supposed it spoke well of him that he wasnt easily intimidated, nor willing to grovel and scrape. In fact, it was probably better for not to surround myself with bootlickers and yes-n; Id done well so far to cultivate subordinates whod stand up to when it mattered.

Im curious why you had to bring so many, I said, allowing my posture to relax. Youre playing with fire, here. If the Fflyr find you this close to their land therell be hell to pay.

And perhaps it was for nothing, he agreed. Depending on what unfolds, it may be that we shall all return to the deep forest, no better for the journey. That is up to you, Dark Lord. For these last days, the tribe has convened in discussion of the serious matters you laid before us. At last, we have co to a decision, and followed you here to lay it before you.

He paused, dramatically, and I reminded myself that I respected dramatic pauses out of principle. My nerves were still vibrating from my confrontation with Caludon and it took an active effort of will not to take it out on these people.

We have decided, the squirrel chieftain intoned solemnly, how we shall decide.

Very slowly, I inhaled a deep breath of bracing winter air, and let it out just as slowly through my nose.

You know If I had a silver disc for every ti I encountered an entire culture built around being as exasperating as possible, I would have two silver discs. Which isnt a lot, but its weird that its happened twice. I bet you guys would thrive in Australia.

Many of the assembled squirrels exchanged curious looks. The chief looked miffed at having the air let out of his solemn mont, and Zhylvren tried not to grin, but didnt try very hard.

In fairness, Dark Lord, she said, I think your perception of us has been colored by the fact that most of your conversations have been with .

The fact that she so readily admits it does a lot to make her more tolerable, the chieftain said sourly. I see you have no patience for ceremony when it is not your own, Lord Seiji.

Look, I apologize, I said, sincerely. Youve co along at a worse mont than you had any way to know. Ive just had a front-row seat for the unveiling of the most evil thing Ive ever heard of, and Im in a hurry to get back to my people and set about minimizing the damage as best I can. So what is it youve decided, exactly?

The amusent and annoyance had respectively faded from their faces at my explanation.

Very well, the chief said seriously. What it cos down to is this: a majority have decided that we are willing to join you if you can satisfy the great looming question that concerns us the most. If it proves so, then these hunters, a large part of our total numbers and most of our effective forces, have co here, willing to be put to use at your command.

All right, I said, frowning. That was actually better than Id dared hope; for just a mont, I allowed myself a flicker of cautious optimism. Whats your question?

As it stands, said the chief, we can see no approach you can take that will not be crushed by your enemies. We know the power of a Dark Lord, but no singular Blessed no matter how strong can overco an empire. Our ancestors ca here with your predecessor, and Yomiko had the strength of all Savindar behind her. I will not consign my people to be slaughtered by Lancoral knights if your only idea is to flail at them with spells and artifacts until they wear you down. But if you have a strategy to employ that will prevail Then we will join our strength to yours. No, that is poorly spoken, he corrected himself with a frown. We know what it ans to serve a Dark Lord. Understand how much we prize our independence, and the significance of what it ans when I say that if you can satisfy this one point, we are willing to pledge loyalty, andobedience.

I could, indeed, see it cost him sothing even to say the word. Glancing between him and Zhylvren I could tell despite their composure who in these discussions had been heading up the pro- and anti-Seiji camps. Maybe they were onto sothing, having a bipolar system of authority like this. In a way, the solution theyd found was a pretty elegant resolution of such a dilemma.

However

So thats all you want? I asked quietly. My grand strategy? You want to lay out for you exactly how I plan to take on the great powers of this world, with the understanding that you might then decide not to join and take that information off to do who knows what with it?

I do not downplay that concern, Dark Lord, Zhylvren said, for once without any kind of smile or smirk in place. But let ask you this: to whom would we betray you? Any of your enemies would have to first go through you to even reach us. And you represent the only faction in the entire history of our tribe who has deigned to address us as equals. Be they Fflyr or Shylver, the alternatives would seek to either destroy or enslave us, and we are not so naive as to think that would change if we offered them sothing of value. It would only better position them to enact their worst impulses toward us, as they always have.

There is also the matter that we are not idiots, the chief added rather dryly. I assure you, Dark Lord, I do not require a detailed explanation to know what you would do if we aided your enemies against you.

That had basically been their stance toward Khariss, at whom theyd sent the second I showed up with the right blend of appeal and intimidation.

Still.

Taken in totality, I had to sympathize with the position Id put them inI knew a thing or two about trying to find your way out of a ss where the only paths forward were varying types and degrees of shitty.

In the short ti Ive been hangin out with em, theyve struck as a surprisingly reasonable bunch, boss, Maizo said softly, if my opinion counts for anything.

I think we owe them so fairness, Aster added in response to my look in her direction. And the benefits outweigh the risks.

Considering it, I nodded; they were both right. Which ant I was suddenly in a higher-stakes situation than Id co here expecting. Oh, well, must be Tuesday. There was always ti for showti.

Turning back to the squirrel leader, I put on a smirk deliberately reminiscent of Zhylvrens customary expression, and leaned forward as if about to whisper conspiratorially; I did lower the pitch of my voice, but projected well enough to be audible to the onlookers.

The secret ingredient, I said, is cri.

They blinked in unison.

Youre right to be concerned. Straightening back up, I looked around at the alertly watching squirrelfolk. And your assessnt of the situation is correctI quickly ca to exactly the sa conclusion. Yomiko was a warrior and a general; she accomplished what she did with armies. What I started with are bandits and prostitutes. Then, as my reach has slowly expanded, goblins, a few disaffected nobles, the odd rchant syndicate, and tribesfolk from the forest. No, that will not overco the armies of Lancor; right now, its an open question whether it could take on Fflyr Dlemathys in a straightforward fight, and thats only even a question because this is the most pathetic country on either of the planets Ive lived on. Sowhy would I give them a straightforward fight? I will et my enemies on my terms, not theirs.

I lifted my chin again, making myself look smug and knowing. And okay, yeah, deliberately channeling more than a little bit of Zhylvren, both because that would be familiar to this audience and because Id learned from her that with the right piece of showmanship backing it up, that actually could look impressive rather than just obnoxious.

I will take the shadows from beneath their feet. Bandit gangs and urban cri syndicates will end as those on Dount already have: either kneeling before the Dark Lord, or wiped out and replaced by those who did. I will find the countless sympathetic figures created by the cruelty and incompetence of the Sanorite registhe goblins, the beastfolk tribes. The poor and abused, the neglected and abandoned. The ignored, who will continue to be ignored even as they are silently gathered under my wing. There will be no conquest, no armies, no confrontation. Bit by bit, the Dark Crusade will spread through the darkness where it belongsthrough the tunnels underground, through the deep forests where the light elves and their subjects fear to tread, through the back alleys, dives, and dens hidden within their own cities. One day Sanoras people will wake up and find that I am everywhere, all around them. That the Dark Lord owns their cities and countrysides, such that not one coin passes through anyones hands without my approval. They will never know theyve been conquered until it is over and done with. And even then, I may never bother to tell them. Who cares what banners fly over the battlents? Once I can wield enough influence to make them stop being shitty to people, Im perfectly content to let them have their pageantry and feel like theyre in charge. I dont need to sit on any thrones to alleviate the suffering of the oppressed, or punish those responsible for it. It seems to that sitting on thrones just tends to lead to more of that happening.

I gave them another pause to consider; I could see from the assembled expressions that I was indeed getting through to them.

So when I said I would et my enemies on my terms, what I ant was: not at all. Fuck em. Im not gonna play their shitty gas. They will play mine.

Silence reigned when I stopped. I allowed it, giving them ti to think.

Huh, the squirrel leader said at last. He looked and soundedwell, flabbergasted. That That could work.

He turned to Zhylvren, who was smiling. She nodded deeply to him, once. The chieftain slowly pivoted his head, sweeping his attention around the forest, taking ti to et the eyes of every one of his assembled people, taking in their expressions. I kept my peace, recognizing the importance of this. He needed certainty.

And by the ti he finished and returned his attention to , he had it. I could see the outco in his eyes.

You have given us a satisfactory answer, Dark Lord, he stated, raising his head and letting the solemn serenity of his authority settle over himself like a mantle. Thus, as we have discussed and agreed as one people, we give you ours.

The chieftain knelt to one knee in the snow, his Seer instantly following suit. All around, the rest of the assembled hunters did the sa.

And so we return to the fold, Yomikos heir, he said. I, Naarosh, pledge myself and my people to your cause. Once more we serve the Dark Crusade.

At least sothing had gone right today.