"No, that's not fair."
Ria took another step forward, the squelch of flas dissipating as she pressed her foot firmly down. Her entire body was running, cascading, like molten lava spilling ever downwards. And when she breathed, she was like a dragon spurting fire.
"What's more important to ? You're really going to ask that?" I could hear the hard edge of self-restraint in her voice. Just a single nudge away from shouting back at her. "Irene, that's not the point - that isn't why I'm going. It has nothing to do with what or who's more important - do you seriously not get that?"
"Answer anyway!" Irene shouted without regard. "Because I don't get it! I've never got it! You can't say you care for soone, and then just walk away from them anyway, can you?"
"Is that what you think I'm doing?"
"What are you doing?"
"Irene, I've done all I can to make tonight as good as it can be! I am not just walking away! I am not leaving you with nothing from ! I am giving you the best I got! Don't you realize that?!"
"Yes! How considerate! Fill with joy and then tear my heart out! How sweet!"
"Oh, so what - you think I'm being selfish here?"
"No, you are selfish!"
"Ha! Look who's talking, like you - !"
"You are being selfish, and so am I!" she interjected, undeterred by flas growing brighter and hotter. "I am being selfish, I know I am! I know asking you to stay is as selfish as it gets! You don't want to stay, you'd rather go! You - !"
"Fucking hell - don't you start!"
"Ria, let finish! I - !"
"No, there's nothing here to finish! Irene, for fuck's sake - my mind's made up! I'm leaving, and that's - !"
"JUST LET TALK!"
Honestly, it was like soone had suddenly tossed a stick of dynamite into the room, its wick burnt away to its last inch. Irene was downright volatile… far from the calm, pragmatic woman I always saw her as.
Cool, rational, logical - that's how I've always seen her resolve every obstacle thrown at her. Even when things were as emotionally charged and complicated as they were now, she'd never waver in her approach. And from dusk all the way to the approaching dawn, that was exactly how she continued to carry herself throughout.
Until now, I suppose.
Knowing her, none of this was playing out the way she probably had in mind. Yet more and more over ti, I'm slowly starting to realize, as she likely was too, that nothing ever does.
"I'm not going to force you to stay. I won't tape your eyelids to try and keep you awake. I told you, I'm not breaking my promise no matter what - Ria, you can go! I told you that, didn't I? I told you!" Irene heaved in, her breath audibly wavering as she mustered up what little composure remained. "But you didn't, did you? You stayed, you insisted - you want to explain myself? Well, now I am! And you'll listen! It's too late to back out now. You brought this on yourself."
For a mont there, Ria flicked her eyes toward . Did she want to step in? to help? Before I could even start to guess, her stare had drifted back; fiery eyes relenting, her lips narrowing.
"Fine," she clenched her fists, folding her arms over her chest as little sparks spewed with her breath. "Talk."
Irene didn't waste a second getting right into it. All throughout the night, hesitating, restraining; now no longer.
"I don't get you, Ria. The truth is, I never understood you. I thought I did, but I didn't. How you think, how you feel - you're a mystery to . You can care for a person so deeply and so easily, and yet at the sa ti, you're able to leave them at the drop of a hat. Tell , is it really that easy? Shouldn't you hesitate? Shouldn't it be hard? Painful? If that's really how it is, then why… why isn't it for ? Why do I hesitate? Why is it hard… and painful… to see you go?"
Ria's head gave a jerk, the glare in her eyes in stark opposition. Already she looked ready to argue back, but Irene didn't give her the chance.
"It's hard to believe anything you do. You make second-guess you. Everything you do is a contradiction to sothing else. You can't just claim to want to share a special mont with and then also choose to turn your back on afterward. What am I supposed to think, to feel? Is that how you love? Is this how you show it?"
"Like I said, it has nothing to do with how I feel about you," Ria quickly said before she could get interrupted again. "I just… I need this, Irene. You know I do."
"Yes, I do! Ria, I know! To be at peace, to not want to suffer anymore, to be with your kids - I know all that. It's hard, it's painful - but if that's what you want, then I'm not going to stop you. Ria, I love you."
That rattled her. A split-second of her feelings laid bare before Ria promptly collected herself.
"That's a first…" she muttered. "Never in a million years did I think I'd hear those words from your lips."
"Still think I'm that sa person to stuff you in a locket?" Irene asked. "I'm not, Ria."
"Definitely not."
"And even back then, you'd rather stay encased inside than co out of it on your own will. Anyti you could have just left…" she softly added. "It took soone else breaking the damn thing for you to finally co out of your shell."
Again, Ria threw a fleeting glance. The both of us with the sa distant mory replaying in our heads. I didn't know about that first part - about her refusing to leave the locket. So even back then, she was like this.
Should have probably expected that. Even in mories, she never left that part of the forest, did she? Always alone, wandering amidst the vicinity of that withering stump. Wandering, surviving, and never living.
"But I was fine with that mostly," Irene went on. "At least I still had you, you know? I could still feel you. Your presence, your warmth. But you go to sleep now, what's there left of you? What's there to feel?"
"I'm tired, Irene," Ria said. "You can't even begin to understand that, and I hope you'll never have to. But if you were in my shoes though, if you only just knew - you'll realize why I don't stop to hesitate, how this isn't a hard decision to make at all."
"I know…"
"No, you really don't," Ria shook her head. "But even still, you an so much to . I was upset at first, but I'm glad you woke - I'm grateful you've given this chance to spend so ti with you again. I an everything I've done. I did want to share sothing special with you, I did want to spend so ti with you. Irene… I really do love you."
I saw Irene's head sink ever so slightly, streams of raven-black spilling over her shoulders.
"So then answer the question," she whispered to her, repeating for one last ti in a hollow echo. "Who or what is more important to you?"
"Irene, I told you…"
"I know what you said," she cut her off. "I know you believe it doesn't have to do with anything. But… just say it, won't you? I want to know."
"Why?"
"Because I want a clear answer. Because I am done speculating and second-guessing everything you do, everything I am to you. I need to know. Just one last thing before you go. Please. I don't want to look at you and keep doubting you. I love you too much to do that. Please don't make have to do that."
Ria almost seed to freeze in place, her flas smothered, her expression snuffed.
"Tell ," Irene pleaded for the last ti. "Am I really not enough to stay?"
Ria blinked once, breathed in a deep gulp, and with both arms suddenly extending forward, took Irene in a tight, enveloping embrace.
"I love you. Please believe , because I do. I really, really love you, Irene. My Riri. So, so much…" she said, buried deep in her locks, radiating a soft yellow glow slowly dimming, dying, as she spoke once more, the truth, the answer. "I'm sorry… but I just… I… it's not enough…"
She released her imdiately after, tears finally falling, spilling, gleaming with the luster of a dying fla.
"I just don't love you enough…"
Irene didn't react, didn't make a sound; head still hung, gaze still veered away. It took an entire eternity, an entire everlasting mont before she rose her head again.
"Understood" was all she said, all she muttered, as she stepped back. "Thank you."
"Irene… I…"
But she was already stepping out of the hallway, leaving her light, her presence until she was alone again. I could finally see her face, after so long wishing that I could. Except there was nothing to see, nothing to read. A total blank. Regressing back to her calm and composed self.
It was clear as day there was nothing more she wanted to say, nothing more that needed to be said, except…
Irene glanced back at the hallway again, staring at the lone figure faintly illuminating the darkness.
"You can go now," she told her, wearing a small smile on her face that was anything but. "Goodbye, Ria."
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