Perhaps that was the hardest thing about Leonor finally uncovering Desmond’s secret: she wanted to trust that there wasn’t more to discover that would hurt her down the line.
Even if the things he hid weren’t intentional, they never made her feel stable when revealed. At tis she felt she was building their relationship on quicksand and the heavier the relationship got, the harder it was to stay upright.
Normally she tried her best to be understanding as things were revealed. He had his reasons for hiding and she had hers as well.
However, to say he didn’t need an heir from her felt like ice water had been dumped over her head and she didn’t know if the unsettling feeling was numbness or pain.
She pulled her hand from his when he said she didn’t have to worry. There were only bad conclusions she could jump to when he said sothing serious so vaguely.
"What on Earth do you an?" she asked. "The count sent my mother to her grave trying to produce a worthy male heir. I know the importance of it. This is one duty of a duchess I feel I can’t look past."
She spoke so quickly that Desmond couldn’t interject until she huffed after speaking. Her emotions were fiery and it all ca out at once.
He was alard at the hurt she was exuding. He needed to hold her together so she wouldn’t fall apart.
"Please let explain so I don’t hurt you," he said.
Leonor uttered a strained "please" and folded her hands in her lap so she wouldn’t outwardly show how suddenly burdened she felt.
The purpose of the day was straying from its original path. Quinn’s news was more than enough for her to think about for a while but then the one person she had ever desired to have children with said he didn’t need that from her and her heart felt raw.
"When I beca a duke, my purpose was to fill the empty position in the west," he explained. "The agreent with Stephano’s advisory counsel was that I would have a next in line impossibly fast—much faster than I was willing to." He gathered his thoughts for a mont and continued. "I needed this position to have a chance of going up against Count Mikael. With the support of only the king and no one else, I had no choice but to bend to their will."
His throat was hurting but he had to get his point across.
Leonor’s heart felt like it had been swallowed by the void growing in her chest. She was certain he would tell her he had an heir with soone else.
The one thing she thought she had over others was noble lineage. Across the kingdom, there were fewer won than n, and noblen who needed heirs were desperate. She and her sister were propositioned from shafully young ages but her father was powerful enough to be picky.
So even went so far as to assu Anna Maria von Burien had a possibility of being the next Queen. The background she had was suitable and Leonor was supposed to take the count’s mantel when he was no longer capable.
Leonor’s hands had tightened in her lap and Desmond took note of it quickly. He slipped his thumb in her palm so if she would grip anything it would be him.
"You have an heir?" she managed to ask, feeling like there was a hand wrapped around her throat.
"Leonor," Desmond spoke gently. "I couldn’t have ever dread you would want to get close to . Not even in my dreams could I have ever had you."
"So you had a child with another?" she snapped and pulled her hand away from him. "I never—"
She placed her hand firmly over her mouth and her eyebrows lowered as if in pain.
What she wanted to say was that she never even considered having a child with soone else. The thought of a man other than the one next to her ever having her body made her sick to her stomach. She wanted him to have the sa feelings as her but she knew how cruel noble life was. Things were rarely ever in anyone’s control, only the choice they were given because of duty.
"A child with another?" he asked, shocked.
Without asking, Desmond pulled Leonor into his lap and he wrapped his arms around her, keeping her there while also trying to comfort her. Even though she was as stiff as a board, he hoped that his words would thaw her out and make her malleable once more.
"Let finish," he whispered and she nodded.
She had to take a deep breath through her nose to calm herself down or she might cry.
"There are constantly refugees coming into Castille from what’s left of Eirenguard," he explained to her softly, his breath tickled her neck as he spoke. "If I couldn’t have the woman I wanted mother my children, I would go a different route entirely. The boy who is to take my position when I go lives in an orphanage in Piedmont."
Leonor felt conflicting emotions as she often did when it ca to Desmond. He hurt her and healed her in seconds. He talked his way out of things and she trusted him. He had no ill intentions but she managed to get upset anyway.
Sotis she felt that she folded too easily. Other tis she thought she wasn’t cruel enough to the man who strung her along for so long without telling her who he was.
"I jumped to conclusions," she uttered, unable to look at Desmond. "Can you bla ?"
She uncomfortably pushed hair over her shoulder as she tried to occupy herself with anything else.
"I can’t," he practically whispered. "You have no reason to trust . I’m sorry for keeping yet another thing from you. I don’t realize the secrets I create until I’m faced with them in an unsavory way. I have no excuses other than my cowardice. I should have told you when I recalled this after mistakenly overhearing your conversation with Lady Alma."
She wanted to hug him after he apologized but he kept talking and she changed her mind.
"You what?" she asked, unsettled.
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