(Karsten)
I felt lighter, the mountain of guilt seed to have been reduced to a boulder after my confession.
She needed to know how guilty I was and how much I loved her and only her.
Arata struggled with words at my confession and I knew she wasn’t ready for any commitnts with soone like .
Her pupils dilated and I could see myself and only myself in them.
The selfish part of wanted to believe she wanted like she had done before our lives crashed and tumbled.
Before the Winter Gala.
Before I hurt her and left her heart so wounded.
She would need so much healing...maybe even ti away from .
But now I believed in my love and knew we would make our way back to each other.
So day—one day.
I needed to go and give her space without overwhelming her.
She had asked for ti, and I needed to respect her wishes for now.
But I couldn’t go without a kiss.
Without feeling her lips against .
It would keep going.
In the darkest of hours.
On the longest of nights.
It will remind her that she was mine.
"Let kiss you, Phoenix."
I had hoped for her to say yes but practically thought she would just reject and throw out.
She didn’t. She was more considerate than I ever could be.
Her trembling hands rested on my face and she whispered.
"You will have to leave after this."
I quickly answered before she could change her mind. "I promise, I will. But if you need soone to talk to, you know I am only a call away."
Softly I laid her back on the pillow, straightening her up. She watched with her soft blue eyes, holding deep emotions.
Her chest slowly rose and fell in that stupid hospital gown; the nipples poked out as if saying, ’Hello!’
Tempting, even like her, she was so tempting, and I had to control myself.
Looming over her without putting any weight, I placed both my hands on the side of her head and brought my lips down on hers enveloping her swollen and bruised ones.
If I could, I would kiss every bruise on her skin, every mark left by that devil, but it was too early.
I wasn’t even sure if she was ready to show and share all they had done to her.
If she ever would be?
So I was going to pour all my love and feelings into this kiss. Wasn’t sure when I would be able to kiss or hold her again.
Soft and delicate I explored her lips. Arata’s hands landed on my arms–she held them while slowly gasping into my mouth.
I could sense her fears, her shivers, the quivering of her lips underneath mine.
I tasted her anxiety, her fears, and whatever rage she had endured in the last few days.
Her lips were utterly swollen, the lower one was cut and puffed and I morized every single bruise I could see.
She squeezed my arms, urging to lower myself over her.
I didn’t want to hurt her, but I complied. Carefully, I rested my body over hers, and she eased.
Feeling every curve of her body, the softness was gone...I felt her ribs poking , her thighs had lost their thickness.
It broke , the very thought that I was responsible for reducing her to a skeleton utterly shattered .
Closing my eyes, I tried to drown the guilt, but it just intensified with every new bone that poked .
Holding her face, I deepened the kiss, making silent vows that I would help her nurse back to health.
Tears slipped out of her eyes, wetting my hands and the bandages on her face.
Letting go of her lips I shifted my lips to her eyes, drinking away the salty water slipping out. My silent plea to not cry.
She whimpered, trying to hold back tears but they leaked out in abundance.
I took my ti and she let . Her hands nestled in my hair, softly caressing.
She didn’t speak.
Why did it feel like a silent goodbye from her?
The ache settled deep in my heart as if a burning coal had been embedded and left in it.
Slowly I shifted myself backwards, my gaze stayed on her. With gloomy eyes, she stared as I hovered over her belly and rested my hand on her gown.
"Can I?" I sought permission and she slowly nodded.
Holding the hem of her gown, I slowly lifted it, revealing her flat stomach to . It was bruise-free, and a breath of relief escaped .
I folded the gown up until it rested just below her chest. Her ribs poked out of her flesh. That was a sight I was not familiar with.
My eyes scanned every part of her revealed flesh and finally settled on the lower part of her belly where the life we had created together, silently rested, growing bigger with each passing day.
I wondered what the size must be. As if reading my mind she calmly answered.
"He is the size of a sesa seed. He already has a heart, brain, and spinal cord forming. He has two small eyes and the tip of a nose. You can talk to him if you want. I am sure he will understand," Arata softly said and I sensed a sense of ease and awe in her words.
Heart? Eyes? Brain? How did such a tiny thing had so much inside it? My eyes watered at the thought.
She watched with adoration, seeing so lost while battling all these new emotions.
"Karsten!" She called with such gentleness that my watery gaze shifted towards her.
"It’s alright to feel. He is your child too."
Sothing shattered inside , filling my heart with endless love for the mother of my child and the sesa seed inside her.
Lowering myself I placed my lips right where I believed that blob was and kissed her tenderly.
Damn! Right.
My sesa seed and my woman.
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