(Arata)
With ti I might forgive Karsten.
Because...
With all his flaws, all his shortcomings, all his secrets and all of that controlling behaviour—I was still in love with this Icicle, who appeared more like a comforting warm blanket at that mont.
Hugging , caressing .
But how was I to tell him that my father now hated his guts and after what had happened, he would never approve of him?
And then this child in my belly.
What if he was a boy?
He couldn’t grow up to be a successor to a Mafia Lord.
Children needed a healthy environnt to flourish and be nurtured. Not places overrun by n and guns.
"I don’t know when and if I will be ready," I sighed in his arms, soaking his warmth that took away so of that terrifying anxiety.
The nail of his thumb rested under my chin, and he lifted it up.
Our starved gazes found each other and I just stared at his hauntingly handso and yet fallen face.
"I tried to keep my lives separate. I tried to keep you away from the ss my life is but I couldn’t...I should have never dragged you into the shit hole, Arata."
"Technically, it was Ranold. He threatened Andy by kidnapping his six-year-old niece," I confided in Karsten.
Finally, I knew my heart had been right all along. Karsten wouldn’t hurt a child.
Did that an he would accept ours?
Was he ready for it?
"That fucker didn’t even spare a child." His jaw clenched so tightly under his stubble.
"And he sent a voice note to Andy using your voice through a voice changer. Andy told that and played the voice recording for at the Winter Gala. Ranold had acquired invitations and invited him over just to ss with ," I revealed; my heart hurt.
Karsten drew small circles on my chin with his thumb.
The effect was calming for my raging nerves.
This man had this effect and control over I knew no one else would ever have.
Either way, I was fucked.
I couldn’t have him, not after the chaos our lives had been thrown into because of this fake, hidden relationship we had developed.
"I knew you t soone but I wasn’t sure. Thank you for trusting with this." He stared into my eyes so deeply, like trying to decipher what was going on in my brain.
Quietly his hand travelled between us and rested on my belly with such gentleness as if touching the most valuable object in the world for him.
A mixture of feelings and emotions bubbled inside at his touch.
Pregnancy was supposed to be this beautiful thing which bonded two souls together.
But here, I wasn’t even sure where we stood.
"Will you be truthful to about sothing?" He asked with a heaviness in his voice, indicating he dreaded asking the question.
Up close I could see how tired he seed, as if he hadn’t slept in days...
"Yes!" I said, feeling the heat of his palm and fingers seep into my underbelly.
The simple action made feel safe and secure again.
"Will you at least consider keeping the baby?" He pleaded, his hand protectively curled around my belly.
My heart thrumd in my chest.
He wanted to keep the baby? But I never had any inclination to get rid of it.
"You thought I would get an abortion?" I solemnly asked.
The pain, so real–reflected in his obsidian peepers.
"I feared. When I couldn’t find you. I thought you had gone to get an abortion." He closed his eyes, hiding away the agony. "Even now, I am not sure if you want to keep it."
A burst of pain erupted in my chest. I could imagine what he must have gone through when I went missing but to think that I would try to get rid of a life forming inside was absurd.
"I would never kill a life that has always started to bud, Karsten. You have broken my trust and even if you had turned out to be the person I had falsely believed—the stalker kind who wished to tornt . I would have kept the baby. It’s mine. And I am keeping it," I told him flatly.
He opened his eyes and a light shone in them—a light of hope.
"I want to be part of this baby’s life, Arata. He is as mine as he is yours. Don’t, please don’t cut off." His hands shifted back to my face, holding it in earnest, a desperation—a plea too.
I had no answers for him at that mont. Everything that had happened had fucked in the head.
I needed ti—away from all this chaos, away from him, away from his new reality.
I lowered my gaze and quietly said.
"Give ti Karsten. Let heal for now..." I didn’t want to make any false promises to him, at least not in this state.
He nodded his head in understanding but the pain and guilt had embroiled in the very fabric of his being.
And I could see so clearly how he was struggling to control his emotions.
"You can take all the ti you need because I love you and only you." His thumbs brushed against my bruised lips like a balm, so soft while his words made my heart bloom like the flower of spring, awaiting butterflies.
How I had waited to hear these words from him and now that he had said them...they frightened .
"Your heart, your soul, your sharp tongue, your smart brain, your..." his eyes wavered to my hair and I knew what he wanted to say but held his tongue for my sake.
"I love you, my Blue Rose. Please! Forgive ." Closing his eyes he connected his forehead with mine and just held us as one.
I sobbed, unsure of what to say to him, so he spoke again.
"You don’t have to say anything..so don’t feel forced. I just wanted to get this off my chest or the guilt would kill ," he sighed.
"I understand..." I began but the pain his words brought made restless.
He opened his agonised eyes and asked with a hungered plea. His gaze shifted to my lips.
"Can I at least kiss you? I will leave after that, giving you space. But I can’t go without it."
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