(Karsten)
Once I exited my walk-in closet I found her sleeping peacefully in my bed, covered with my quilt and surrounded by the pillows. She had hoarded all of my pillows.
I stepped towards her, my hungry eyes just watching her peaceful sleeping face. Her mouth tilted open as she snored lightly, aning she was extrely tired.
Her hair spread over the white pillowcase like molten lava flowing through the snow.
I wanted to reach out and touch them, to feel their softness against my fingertips but I had lost that right.
So I just stood there and stared at her for a few good minutes, drinking her innocence in, for my treacherous heart wanted her and only her.
The pain echoed all around like it had beco a permanent limb that incessantly ached.
Why did it fucking hurt so much?
Why couldn’t I just collect her in my arms and let her softness take away this pain?
Smoke, I needed a cigarette to numb so of this agony which was tearing apart.
Opening the balcony door, I stepped out into the mind-numbing cold of December. I only had my sweatpants and a black shirt on but I welcod the cold, anything to numb this suffering.
Lighting my cigarette, I stared out at the vast expanse of gardens while I smoked my misery away. Never knew a woman would creep into my soul and make this miserable.
I couldn’t own her and yet I didn’t want to let her go.
What kind of hypocrite was I?
She deserved better, once she was safe and I would catch that stalker, I needed to set her free. She deserved love, from soone who wasn’t as cold and as depraved as I was.
Maybe, her ex-fiancé because, according to her, soone broke them up. I had searched and read the article.
Apparently, the man had abandoned her at their engagent party and married soone else. The story did seem sketchy.
What kind of man would do that?
And I could imagine a hand behind such a sche.
But who?
A shadow from her parents’ past or maybe hers?
Soone she recognised could be behind this, ddling in her life.
I could only speculate and investigate. But after using all of my resources, I was still nowhere close to catching the man or woman behind this.
Taking another deep swallow of my cigarette, I filled my lungs with the bloody smoke. This was going to be the death of but I didn’t care. The shorter the life the better.
But then her happy face flashed in front of my eyes. I turned around to watch her through the glass door. She slept without a care in the world, still trusting after everything I had done.
Maybe a part of her knew I wouldn’t cross boundaries with her. Sowhere in her mind, there has to be a fine line of trust that still existed between us.
Fate had bound us together in ways that were unexplainable to .
I smiled when she moved and pulled the quilt further up so she wouldn’t be cold.
I took one last drag before extinguishing the cigarette on the railing. My hands and feet were going numb from the cold; it was ti to get inside.
Once inside, I called Olphi to fetch an extra quilt and pillow. She could keep all my pillows, I was more than happy to share them.
Olphi arrived soon and I went outside to receive them from him.
"Don’t forget to take a sweep of the periter again and check all the caras."
Efficiently he nodded and left.
Returning to the room, I was preparing to get under the quilt when I heard Arata scream, firstly a muffled scream and then a loud one.
My heart jolted and my feet moved as I blindly rushed towards her. She was struggling under the quilt, her eyes closed, and face contorted in pain as she struggled to set herself from whatever nightmare she was stuck in.
Terror gripped as I grabbed the quilt and snatched it away from her trembling body. Quickly I wrapped my arms around her, picking her up from the bed.
"Arataaa!" I lightly tapped on her cheeks, to wake her up. Her terrified eyes flew open as she scread once again and grabbed my shirt from the front.
Erratically breathing, I saw sweat clinging to her forehead and temples. Calmly and soothingly, I touched her face with my thumb. Her cheeks burnt hot as tears slipped out of her eyes like pearls and fell on my thumb.
Like molten tal, they seared my skin and jabbed my heart as if a red hot iron stick was being imrsed into my chest.
"Shhh! Don’t cry...it was just a nightmare."
The tip of my thumb wiped her tears as she buried her face in my chest and softly sobbed. My other hand rubbed her back, in an attempt to calm her down. Her body trembled like a rabbit caught in a snare.
Her sobs finally subsided and her head tilted up to stare at in a mixture of apprehension and regret.
Her hands pushed off as she scrambled away from like I was a bomb about to explode.
The mask of indifference cracked on my face and irrespective of how much I tried to conceal my emotions, so flickered there for her to clearly see.
"... you, it’s all because of you I am having these nightmares," she accused in a trembling voice which made my soul tremble. "Are you happy now, to see like this? Any peace I had built, you destroyed it."
The truths in her voice were heavy and suffocating like I was being drowned with a boulder tied to my ankle. Plunging deep into the depths of an ocean of pain.
Stupidly, I blinked at her, my arms empty as she huddled herself on the other corner of the bed and buried her face between her legs, softly sobbing.
I wanted to run to her and gather in my arms, calming her down but I knew she hated now. That action would only instigate her more.
Quietly, I got up and left the room without saying a word. I was lost at what to say without hurting her and I had hurt her enough.
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