"A man can do what he wills, but he cannot will what he wills."
"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star."
"To truly create yourself, you must first be willing to burn yourself to ashes in the fire of your own despair. "
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A man was screaming to himself inside a car.
He was slamming his head against the steering wheel.
It was Raul.
Back in his ti, in his previous world...
"This damn child abuse case is making rember my past! Why did I take this case? Why did I do it? Was it because of my past? Am I really this pathetic at controlling my emotions? For God’s sake, why does living feel like such a torture?"
(For his past, see Chapter 28)
He was exhausted, and he knew he was going to die—soone was coming for him.
He sighed and pulled out a cigarette.
He liked talking to himself out loud; it helped him, allowed him to face himself.
At least, that’s what he thought.
But as he smoked, he looked at the ash of his cigarette: "You know what? Screw it."
He picked up his phone and dialed a number.
It was his father’s number, etched into his mory for a long ti, though he hadn’t cared about it since the day he left ho.
Deep down, he had thought that if he beca rich, his father would finally "see" him.
Maybe hear those words: I’m proud of you.
Raul was stuck in the past, and he was sure that if he went to a therapist, he would be diagnosed with major depression.
"HELLO?"
"I-It’s , Raul, Dad. Do you rember ?" he said.
The voice on the phone paused for a mont: "My son... I thought you had forgotten about after all these years."
"I don’t know what to say."
"I heard you beca a lawyer, and you even went viral on YouTube."
I smiled a little: "Thanks, Dad. How’s Mom?"
"S-She passed away. I’m sorry, son... Her last client strangled her too hard during sex..."
There was a strange sense of relief in my father’s voice.
That man was truly a victim, and I knew it, but I thought it would have been better if he had at least put in an orphanage during my childhood.
It probably would have been.
A lump ford in Raul’s throat and wouldn’t go down; he couldn’t swallow: "Okay... I just wanted to ask you one thing."
"It must be important if you’re calling after all these years."
He paused for a second, and the words ca out on their own: "Did you ever love ? Or are you proud of ?"
"No. You were a mistake. I did it unprotected with your mother, and she used . I see her reflection in you, son. So it’s impossible. But since you’re asking this, you’re still stuck in the past. Are you still asking this like a little child? You haven’t matured as much as I thought; even your 18-year-old self was better back then."
Raul grit his teeth.
He grew furious and hung up the phone.
He looked at his own eyes in the car’s rearview mirror.
He truly saw his mother in himself.
He truly hated himself, and that hatred had only grown.
He opened the car’s glove compartnt.
He took out his gun and held it in his hand: "That guy’s n are going to kill anyway. Why shouldn’t I do it myself? I wish I could have finished Before the Dawn one more ti. Mrs. Miller, I hope we can et in heaven."
He said and raised the gun...
BANG.
That was how Raul actually died.
But his brain—or his soul’s defense chanism—had altered these mories for him and created its own illusion of death.
When Raul was reincarnated in Arcadia and discovered his power, this was the first thing he did. He had sealed this mory first, knowing he couldn’t live his life otherwise.
Raul woke up drenched in sweat.
He was self-aware that was one of his mories, and the reason he saw that was that soone tried to play with his mind.
The ring on his finger was glowing, and a voice ca from it: "Your mind is worse than hell."
"You bitch, curse you. Curse your ancestors. Curse the ancestors of your ancestors."
Raul cursed her and held his head, he felt like his mind gonna explode.
He sealed that mory at 3 years old.
But know that bitch unsealed it.
raul not gonna let this slide.
Gabriel appeared as well: "Her attack on your mind was too sudden, and I couldn’t stop it. I’m sorry."
"It’s fine..."
But Gabriel reached for my face and wiped a tear: "What’s wrong with you?"
"Nothing’s wrong, Gabriel, just unpleasant mories. Ahem... Aurelia, you have overstepped your bounds far too much, and even though I must keep you alive, I know exactly what I’m going to do," Raul said and stood up.
Gabriel watched him carefully. Raul stretched his muscles and looked into the far distance: "You will live, Aurelia. But you will wish you had never been born."
Then ti stopped, and he vanished from the spot...
(guys sorry about the update, and I hope you enjoy the new Chapter.
Don’t forget to comnt, send a review, and so powerstones.
For context i was on the edge of suicide so many tis that i dont even know the exact number.
When I created the character "raul" I just put myself as him, because this character is what I am, not literally. I an suicade isnt sothing, as so people say "pitiful", no, people suicade they should have so much guts, or they are just tired. You can ask why didnt you didn’t? because I’m religious and thats only reason, I am just so much self aware thats a curse to .to understand that life dont matter in a young age.to learn that everything is aningless. anyways i am sorry. I hope you enjoyed the Chapter.)
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