Chapter 73
Kaeleen’s POV
The drive ho from the office was one of the longest of my life. Every stop at a red light felt like an eternity. Every second of passed reminded of the last ti I had seen Astrid. When I had woken up this morning, the house felt too quiet and I had chickened out if seeing her for fear of what she would say or the expressions I would see on her face.
All day, I had been haunted by the image of her panicked eyes. I had replayed the mont of the kiss a thousand tis, each ti kicking myself harder. I should not have done that. Ryker wasn’t even helping matters with how moody he was, grumbling every second and reminding of the reasons why I should not have regretted the kiss especially since I enjoyed it. But the expression on her face...fuck.
Even at work, there had been no escape. Alex had taken one look at my face during the eting and knewbthat sothing was wrong.
"Trouble in paradise already?" he’d teased, leaning back in his chair with a smirk. "Don’t tell you ssed things up with Astrid before you all even really began."
Normally, I would have shot back a witty retort. But today, his words hit too close to ho. I had just grunted in response, which only made his smirk widen. He’d let it go, sensing my foul mood, but the comnt lingered. I had ssed it up. I had a goddess in my ho, a woman who was the other half of my soul, and I had scared her.
The thought was so unbearable that on the way ho, I did sothing I hadn’t done in years. I pulled over and walked into a small flower shop. I was surrounded by the bright colors and overwhelming scents of roses and lilies, but none of them felt right. Roses were too aggressive, too passionate. Lilies felt too formal. Then I saw them, tucked away in a corner. A bucket of White tulips.
They were perfect. Elegant, understated, and beautiful. The florist told they symbolized forgiveness and new beginnings. It was exactly the ssage I wanted to send. I wanted to ask for her forgiveness, and I wanted to promise her a new start, one where I wouldn’t be such a thoughtless idiot.
And again, the flowers depicted Astrid. She was understated. She had been underestimated but I knew she was beautiful. And damn she was elegant and beautiful. Her voice was like music to my ears. With that thought in mind, I purchased the flowers.
Now, I stood at the bottom of the staircase, the one that led to her bedroom, the bouquet of tulips feeling flimsy and inadequate in my hand. Every step I took up the stairs felt heavier than the last. My heart pounded against my ribs with the nervous energy of a teenager asking a girl on a first date. I had faced down rogue Alphas and negotiated with hostile human politicians without breaking a sweat, but the thought of facing Astrid after what I’d done made my palms slick.
I reached the top of the landing and started down the hall toward her room, rehearsing what I would say.
’I’m sorry for my actions. I respect your boundaries. It won’t happen again.’ The words sounded cold and formal, completely wrong.
I was just a few feet from her door, my courage failing , when it swung open.
And there she was.
My rehearsed speeches, my apologies, my anxieties, they all evaporated from my mind. She was wearing a simple, long-sleeved gown in a deep shade of forest green that made her skin glow and her dark brown hair look like rich silk. The soft fabric draped gracefully over her form, flowing around her ankles. It wasn’t flashy or revealing; it was just... beautiful. Elegant. And on her face was a small, hesitant smile that made my heart skip a beat.
She hadn’t been crying. She wasn’t hiding. She was smiling. Okay that was a good sign right?
The sight of her, so breathtakingly beautiful and so unexpectedly calm, threw completely off balance. I just stood there, speechless, clutching the flowers like a fool.
She saw them in my hand, and her smile widened slightly. "For ?" she asked, her voice soft.
I finally found my voice.
"You look beautiful." I said to her.
She blushed. God! That was cute. She was cute. And beautiful. She was...oh god, I was repeating my words like a tool.
"Thank you." She said shyly and I was overco with the strong emotions to press my lips against hers, to feel her against .
Just then, I rembered the flowers in my hands. I snapped out of my thoughts and extended them to her.
"For you." I said to her.
"Thank you. It’s beautiful." She told .
"Astrid," I started, taking a step forward. "About last night... I am so, so sorry. It was out of line. I was an idiot, and I never should have pushed you like that. I know you’re not ready, and I completely misread everything, and I promise it will never happen again. I just..."
"Kaeleen."
She said my na quietly, but it cut through my rambling. She held up a hand, stopping mid-sentence. Her smile was gone, replaced by an expression I couldn’t quite read. It wasn’t fear. It was sothing more complex, more searching.
"Don’t," she said softly.
What the hell?
She took a step closer, closing the distance between us until only there was hardly any space between us. She looked directly into my eyes, her gaze so intense it felt like she was looking straight into my soul.
"I have to ask you sothing," she said, her voice steady, though I could see a faint tremor in her hands. "And I need you to be honest with ."
I nodded, my throat suddenly dry. "Anything."
"Do you regret it?" she asked.
"What?" I asked her, confused.
She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "D...do you regret kissing ?"
The question made pause. I stared at her, completely stunned. Of all the things I had expected her to say, that was the last. Regret it? How could she possibly think that?
"What?" I breathed, my voice rough with disbelief. "Astrid, no. Of course not. Why would you even think that?"
"Because you apologized," she said, her logic so simple and so devastatingly clear that it knocked the wind out of . "You kept saying you were sorry. When you apologize for sothing, it ans you wish you hadn’t done it. It ans it was a mistake."
I could finally see the hurt she’d been hiding. It wasn’t just about the panic she’d felt. It was about her thinking I had rejected her, that I had found the kiss itself regrettable. The realization made feel even more like a fool. I hadn’t been comforting her; I had been insulting her.
"No," I said again, my voice firm, passionate. I took another step, closing the remaining space between us. I wanted to reach out, to touch her, but I held myself back, my hands clenching at my sides. I had to fix this with words. "Astrid, look at . The only thing I regret about last night is that I scared you. I regret that I caused you pain. I regret the look I saw in your eyes. But the kiss?" I shook my head, my gaze locked on hers. "Never. I could never regret that. Kissing you felt... it felt like coming ho. It was the best thing I’ve felt in my entire life."
Her expression softened, the guarded look in her eyes lting away, replaced by a vulnerable shimr.
"Then don’t apologize for it," she whispered. "Please. I..." She looked down for a mont, gathering her thoughts before eting my eyes again. "I know I’m... complicated. And I know my reaction wasn’t fair to you. It’s not surprising that you would regret it." She tried to brush it off with a small, self-deprecating shrug, but her voice was thick with emotion. "But I don’t want you to. I don’t want the first real thing between us to be sothing you wish you could take back."
Her words were a raw, honest plea, and they broke my heart while simultaneously filling it with a fierce, soaring hope. She wasn’t pushing away. She was asking to stay, to not give up on her, on us.
"I don’t regret it, Astrid," I said, my voice thick with an emotion I couldn’t na. "And I will never regret you."
"You say that now but everyone has..."
"Astrid." I said stopping her before she spiralled. "I am not everyone else. I’ve told you this before and...I don’t know how many tis you want to say it, I am not Leon. Damn, I wouldn’t have approached you in the first place if I wasn’t so intrigued."
She gave a nod but her gaze was cast down. It was like she was hiding her expression from . Then I heard a light sniffle.
"Astrid," I called out to her. "What’s wrong?"
"Nothing. I’m just...I don’t even know why I’m crying." She chuckled.
"Is it sothing I said?"
"Yes but it’s not like I’m sad or anything. It’s just...you make feel different. I...you make feel like I can start all over. Be myself again."
"That’s because you can. You can be yourself with ." I told her truthfully.
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