Miho the Killer Chapter 9: Procrastination

Miho lounged around like a cat doing nothing much on her off days, which were more frequent than her working days. A true predator.

One morning, just a day before I started to look for a job - that day was getting pushed back by a day every day - I woke up to find that she was reading a book. I've never seen her do that before.

"I didn't know you were into reading."

"No, I'm not."

"What gives?"

Instead of answering, she snapped the book shut and got up to head to my bookshelf.

I noticed that all my books were rearranged by size. The biggest one on the left, the smallest one on the right.

Miho noticed that I noticed.

"Oh, I took the liberty of bringing so order to your bookshelf. Do you like it?"

"What kind of order is this?", I was puzzled.

"You can't tell? Sizes. Now they are in order of the sizes."

"Miho..."

"Yeah?"

"Isn't it more logical to have the books organized by alphabetical order like they were already?"

"Oh?"

"You didn't think about it?"

"I didn't realize they were in alphabetical order."

"Are you dyslexic or sothing?"

"Well... I was never really good in school."

Yeah, but you should have so common sense at least...

But I liked the new arrangent anyway.

"Never mind. Thank you for tidying things up."

"No problem."

She then placed the book on the shelf, in the correct place according to the size, and took out another one on its right.

"You are going to read so more?"

"Well, I'm just kinda scheming through them."

"What for?"

"To learn more about you."

I must have blushed a little, but I didn't quite dislike it.

"That's why they are in the order of sizes. Big books tell the bigger picture and smaller books go into details."

"That's not exactly how books work."

Miho scratched the back of her head, looking sowhat awkward.

"But I do appreciate your effort."

"Heh..."

That was perhaps the first child-like smile I've seen her make.

"So what did you learn about so far?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'm very confused."

"How co?"

"The books are so varied. It's hard to tell what your real interests are."

"I'm trying to find out myself too."

"Oh."

I walked to the kitchen and put a capsule in the coffee machine.

"Coffee?", I asked Miho, but I was already making one that she's been drinking anyway.

"Sure, thanks."

I made a mug for Miho and one for myself. I brought them over to the coffee table and sat next to Miho on the couch.

Close.

I feel close to her.

"So you are going to look for jobs today?", Miho asked.

"I will start tomorrow."

"That's what you said yesterday."

"Mm-hm."

"And the day before."

"Mm-hm."

"Right. I see the pattern here."

"And what is that?"

"Procrastination is a symptom of anxiety. When you have sothing you know you have to do, it makes you anxious. And because you are anxious, you avoid doing it. Each day goes by, your anxiety and the feeling of guilt about it grows even more, making it even harder for you to do what you have to do."

My jaw dropped a little at the sudden, unexpected insight from her.

She noticed that I was impressed and made an awkward smile. Once again.

"They are not my words. My therapist told that."

"You are seeing a therapist?"

"Well, I don't normally tell people I do. But yes, I do."

I felt a little flattered that she told sothing that she doesn't normally tell others. It made feel special.

But at the sa ti, it was hard to imagine sitting down with soone and having a conversation in the first place anyway.

"What are your problems?"

"Phew-, where do I start? A lot of things I suppose."

"I'm not surprised."

Who in the right mind would live their lives as a professional killer? Certainly not those with normal minds and a sense of morality.

"But I do understand how procrastination works. I've been guilty of it for a long ti before."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, sotis I'd get a job. Like I get a contract to do soone in two weeks ti. I would put it off until the last day. That's not good because then I have to do a rushed job in the end."

"Did you tell your therapist that?"

"Not quite the way I told you."

Flattered.

"So how did you get over it?"

"Just taking one step at a ti. But starting to put a premium on getting the job done early certainly did help with the motivation. Now I sotis even get the job done on the sa day. It has added benefits too."

"Such as?"

"Sotis people chicken out. They would put out a contract, then they have a few days to think over it. Then they realize they don't exactly want to have that person killed anymore. It's difficult to live with the guilt, I suppose."

"Do you ever feel the guilt?"

"So, right! Let's go find that job today!", Miho suddenly clapped her hands, cheerfully, but sowhat theatrically. And shot up from the couch.

"Are you going to help ?"

"Yes, let's go out now to look for a job."

"Miho..."

"Yes?"

"That's not how job searches normally work. At least not for the kind of jobs that I do."

"How do we do it then?"

"I need to search on the web for job openings. See their requirents. Make an appropriate CV. Make a cover letter... it's a lot of work."

"No wonder you've been putting it off. But why not try another way?"

"What other ways are there?"

"You have your CV ready?"

"Just a general one."

"Right, let's print them out. Make a list of companies you are interested in. Don't worry about whether they have openings or not."

"How is that going to help?"

"We are going to hit the road. Visit their offices, and ask to see the manager. Nothing beats visiting people unscheduled. Catch them off guards, you know?"

"But they may not have an opening."

"Trust , Sohee. Once they see you, they just might make a new opening."

Flattered.