Chapter 51: THE WILL
COLE
Damn! What the hell was I even doing here? I asked myself for the umpteenth time.
I stood at the entrance to Ironcrest pack territory and hated myself.
The gates looked the same as they had two years ago when I swore I would never come back, when I promised myself that whatever hold Lila had on me was broken and I could finally be free. The iron work was still pristine, still screaming wealth and status, still making Gravemoon’s entrance look modest in comparison.
I should have said no when she called.
Should have deleted her message without reading it, blocked her number, pretended I never heard from her at all.
But I didn’t.
Because when Lila asked for something I had never been able to refuse her, not when we were together and apparently not now that she was engaged to my best friend’s brother who was also my very good friend.
I was grateful Nia would be busy today introducing Amaris to the pack staff, grateful no one would notice I had slipped away because explaining where I went would require admitting things I had spent two years trying to bury.
Maya stepped out from the main house, her familiar smile appearing when she spotted me. She was one of Lila’s most trusted handmaids, had been around for all of it, knew more about what happened in Lila’s private rooms than anyone should.
She had always been nice to me though, told me once that I was different from Lila’s other men.
I never asked her to elaborate because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what made me special in a lineup of people being used.
"Cole," she greeted, her voice warm as always. "I thought I would never get to see you again."
"I thought so too," I admitted. A pang of sadness hits me with those words because I thought I was stronger than my desires.
Maya’s expression changed to a sympathetic look she used to give me them whenever Lila was done using me and dumping out. "She is waiting in her room. You know the way."
I did know the way, could walk it blindfolded because I had done it so many times before. Every step brought back memories I had worked hard to forget, images of things we had done in that room that no one else knew about.
No one else should ever know about.
Lila was wild, a viper disguised as a lady who played her role perfectly. She knew how to control men, how to bend their will until they did whatever she wanted and believed it was their idea. It wasn’t manipulation to her, it was artistry.
She would make us do things to please her, things that felt good in the moment but left you hollow after.
There was this one time she had three men including me filling every hole in her body at once, her mouth, her pussy, her ass, and we did it for hours like we were competing for some prize only she could award. The memory made my stomach turn now but at the time I would have done worse if she asked.
I could never tell Rowan any of this.
The question would be why did I do it, why did I let myself be used like that, why didn’t I walk away when I still had dignity left.
The answer was too complicated and too simple at the same time.
I opened the door to her room and my thoughts scattered.
Lila lay on the bed wearing black lace that barely qualified as clothing, a bra that showed more than it covered and matching panties that left nothing to imagination. Her blonde hair fell in perfect waves around her shoulders, artfully arranged like she had spent an hour making it look effortless.
My mouth went dry and I knew I was fucked and stomped.
She smiled when she saw my reaction, her legs crossing slowly in a way designed to draw my eyes lower. "Hey Cole, I am glad you came."
I forced my gaze away, looking at the wall instead of her body. "You begged that I should."
She stood and moved toward me, her hips swaying in that graceful and gravy way she had perfected. "You have never been one to say no to me."
Her hands found my chest, fingers splaying across the fabric of my shirt. She was warm and her touch burned through layers like they weren’t even there.
"What do you want Lila?" I managed, trying to maintain some control. "You ignored me for two years, acted like I didn’t exist. Now you call me out of the blue?"
Her hand moved to my neck, fingers tracing the line of my jaw while she tilted her head up. She wanted me to lean down and kiss her, wanted me to fall back into old patterns where she controlled everything.
I caught her chin between two fingers and held her there, looking down at her instead of giving in. "What do you want?"
Her eyes twitched in surprise she had never expected that reaction from me because I had never been in control when it came to her and she smiled approvingly and somehow that validated some sick senses in me that had always wanted her to see me more than her fuck buddy.
"I see you have grown some balls. You were never this commanding." She paused. "Is it because Nia lets you fuck her and take control?"
My eye brow furrowed as anger flared up within me, I wasn’t sure I had the capacity to feel. "Leave Nia out of this."
Lila laughed like a maniac, the sound of her voice echoing through the room was both cruel and evil. "Don’t tell me you genuinely love that handmaid."
"That’s none of your business," I shot back. "You lost that right when you chose Rowan."
She pulled her chin from my grip, her expression hardening. "I didn’t lose anything, Cole. You are still mine and you know it."
"Newsflash," I countered, "I am not."
"Then why didn’t you tell Rowan about my secrets?" Lila challenged, stepping closer again. "If you hate me so much, why keep quiet?"
The question hit its mark because I had been asking myself the same thing for two years. If I hated her, if she disgusted me, if I wanted her out of my life completely, why hadn’t I told Rowan everything? Why protect her secrets when she never protected anything of mine?
I didn’t have a good answer.
Her hand trailed down my chest again, moving lower until her fingers found my belt. I was already hard, my body betraying every thought my brain tried to form about why this was wrong.
She felt it and laughed. "See how easily you get hard at the sight of me
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