The days seed better for Shen Zichen and Li Chuntao as they both busied themselves with taking care of their newborn baby. There were tis that Li Chuntao wondered if she really deserved this kind of life, knowing her twin sister wouldn't be in it.
There were nights that she would wake up in the middle of the night, sweating profusely as Ying's final mont kept replaying as a recurring nightmare, forbidding her to be truly happy with the family she had with Shen Zichen.
Was it a reminder for her not to forget her purpose? Or was it to remind her that she gained all she had now because of her sister's death?
Shen Zichen would always find her crying in one corner as the nightmare started to take a toll on her. It was as if these nightmares were always there to remind what she'd lost, and Shen Zichen was worried that this would persist until Li Chuntao faced it. Hatred had been her reason to continue living, but it had also started to eat her from the inside.
Two weeks after Li Chuntao gave birth, Su Ling and Song Zexi ca to the private villa to inform her about Lin irong's passing. They had all expected that she would eventually die, sparing Li Chuntao from tainting her own hands.
The woman who caused a lot of heartache and the person responsible for Li Xiuying's death was now dead, but why couldn't Li Chuntao feel any contentnt and satisfaction from it? She should be laughing, or throwing a party to celebrate the bitch's demise, but she felt emptier than ever.
"Dead? Then what? Her body was cremated? I hope her soul will continuously burn in hell if there's one." She said in a low voice, her eyes unreadable.
It wasn't enough that her remains were burned until there was none left. Li Chuntao wondered how Lin irong felt dying alone and being helpless just like Ying was.
However, it still wasn't enough for the witch. Lin irong's pain and suffering would never be enough to equate what Ying had experienced.
"Chuntao, what are you doing here? Are you alright?" Shen Zichen found his wife at the balcony of their bedroom, spacing out again. Each day that he was seeing her like this pained him. He considered that she might be suffering from postpartum depression, but she would need to see a professional to confirm his assumption.
A part of him was worried. She was always exhausted over the last few weeks, even more than usual. Perhaps it might be because of her pregnancy and childbirth, but Shen Zichen was certain sothing else was bothering her.
"I'm fine." She answered, but there was sothing off in her voice.
Was she truly fine? Shen Zichen doubted that. Her eyes, her tone and behavior these days seem to say otherwise. This wasn't the Li Chuntao he knew, and he's not sure how to help her anymore. One thing he was sure of was that he would never leave her. Not now, not ever.
"So why are you crying?" He probed, his arm reaching out to pull her against his chest.
Their daughter was finally asleep after crying nonstop for three hours. It took him so ti to calm her down, and it didn't help that Li Chuntao was feeling detached from their baby with each passing day.
"You think… do you think I'm a bad mother?" She sniffed and wiped her tears with the back of her hand, ashad that she'd pushed her responsibility of looking after Xiulin to her husband.
Children, especially newborn babies, need their mother. Xiulin needed her but she just couldn't stop crying when she was holding her. She wasn't able to beco a good mother for Zirui and yet now, Li Chuntao felt that she was failing once again.
"Chuntao—"
"I don't know what to do anymore. I don't wanna be like this anymore." She said with despair on her face. She hated being like this, hated being reduced to this.
"No." Shen Zichen also had enough of it. He held both sides of her face and looked at her eyes. "You know what to do Chuntao, but I will not force you. However, you must know that I need my wife back. Xiulin needs her Mommy back."
Lin irong might be dead, but the person who started all of this was still alive sowhere, living in a gray and lifeless world. Li Chuntao would need to deal with Mu Jianyu once and for all. She needed to let go of her hatred and revenge for her to be able to move on completely.
"Chuntao, it's ti to let go." He told her softly. "Xiulin and I will be here, waiting for you."
"I-I don't want to be alone again…" she choked on her tears. Li Chuntao realized that she wasn't the only one who was suffering. Shen Zichen and their daughter needed her.
For the first ti in her life, Li Chuntao admitted her fear to another soul. The fear of being left alone. To see her loved ones go, leaving her alone once again.
She'd lost her parents at a young age, lost her firstborn child, followed by Ying's passing. She'd been alone for the years, and losing Ying had proven how empty she was inside. If she lost Zichen and Xiulin too, then she'd be better off following them all to the afterlife.
"You won't be," Shen Zichen promised. His arm holding her tighter. "I won't let you go again. We also have Xiulin now, so please… Chuntao, co back to us."
"Promise?" She understood what he ant. The shackles of pain and revenge that she'd put on herself was keeping her from them.
A hand slid under her cheek to raise her face to his. A gentle kiss landing on her lips as he tried to reassure her.
"I promise." He murmured quietly, his thumb trying to rub the tears from her cheek. "You don't have to worry about and Xiulin. Just please… return to us.. We need you back."
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