Months had passed and Lin irong couldn't believe that she managed to stay alive this long. Considering the damage found from early on, during the initial diagnosis, she had not expected to live for this long.
Her body had started to deteriorate a long ti ago. She had seen the specialist and it wasn't looking so good. This might be her final year.
She was only twenty-seven this year and yet her life was about to end. The beauty that she had been proud of had vanished during the past months as she underwent chemotherapy. Her head was now bald, with only a few strands of black hair sticking on it.
Her silky long hair, the smoothness of her skin, her beautiful face couldn't be seen anymore. There was no trace of her beautiful self anymore.
Right now, she was no better than an old woman with a fragile body, her skin sticking on her bones. She'd lost a considerable amount of weight as she'd been constantly coughing and throwing up as her illness progressed.
As Lin irong turned to look outside the window of her hospital room, she tried to rember the last ti she felt good. Since her divorce with ng Huan, she'd never seen a single soul visit her.
Not that she could bla them. The so-called friends she had when she was at the peak of her career had forgotten her, even mocking her if ever soone ntioned her na. The reality that she was truly alone in this life pained her.
Her children… a son and a daughter from different fathers, she hoped that they would lead a better life than hers. They didn't need a useless and selfish mother like her anyway.
The pain due to her illness was excruciating, to the point that sotis Lin irong felt that she would rather be dead than continue living in pain. What kind of punishnt was this anyway?
One of her kidneys was removed, and though the doctors had found a suitable organ donor, her treatnts had left a massive dent in her account. She wasn't even sure if it was worth it, since she was dying anyway.
The tumors in her brain and esophagus were shrinking, but they're coming back now. She was now on a chemo pump. She was tired of the way the chemo made her feel, and she didn't know if she wanted to take it anymore.
It sounded like all that's happened was only causing her suffering to be prolonged. The pain and discomfort was a lot to deal with by itself, and chemo just made her suffering worse. Just let her die. She wanted to tell them. There was no point keeping her alive anyway.
So terminal stage cancer patients like her had chosen to go ho and spend their last days with their loved ones, but Lin irong had no one. She had no ho she could call her own and might die knowing no one would miss her.
How laughable that she had once thought that she had everything, and now it had all vanished into thin air, as if she'd been fooling herself all this ti. So much for abandoning her family for sothing so superficial.
There were days that she thought she was hallucinating, that she wasn't alone in this room. What else could be the explanation of seeing her dead parents standing near her, telling her that it was ti to go?
Lin irong wasn't one who believed in superstitions, but perhaps that though she had no one in this life, it would not be the sa in the afterlife? It reminded her of the saying that the veil becos thin when we get close to passing. She must be really near her end to hallucinate that her parents were waiting for her.
Weirdly, there were days that she thought it was Li Xiuying who was standing next to her, with a child in her arms, looking at her pitiful form. It beca a recurring nightmare for Lin irong. She must be really hallucinating to assu that the woman would co here to see her before her death.
How could it possibly be? That woman was still alive and living a life she could only wish she had. Having a wealthy family to back her up, a handso husband who dotes her to no end, and a lavish life where she wouldn't have to worry about paying her bills on ti.
Li Xiuying must be thinking that she deserved this after all the things she'd done against her. She was the last person Lin irong wanted to see right now. She didn't think she would be able to face the person she wronged the most in this lifeti.
If this sickness was her punishnt from heaven, she must really have made a grave mistake for her to pay with her own life.
Lin irong watched as the nurse administered her so pain relievers and wondered when it would stop. Thankfully she had an oncologist who prescribed adequate pain relief for her.
She was half tempted to ask the nurse to give her a loaded shot in her IV so she could go out on a beautiful high. Too bad she couldn't even utter a single word anymore.
She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. Even with a ventilator attached to her, it was still hard for her to breathe in. Fuck this. She had enough. If only she had enough strength to jump out the window of her hospital room to kill herself, she would.
As the darkness consud the sky outside, she wondered if she would be able to wake up the next day and suffer the sa thing all over again. She was glad that she had insisted on a DO NOT RESUSCITATE order just in case things turned the way she expected it to.
As she shut her eyes, the clock ticked. Her ti was limited.. Oxygen was slowly being snatched from her lungs until she succumbed into darkness.
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