Volu 2, Chapter 6: Solitude
Translator : aLy
『Sorry. Gotou-san invited to dinner so I’ll be eating out today and then I’ll go ho.』
I had just finished making a potful of at and potatoes when I noticed the ssage from Yoshida-san. Although I had mixed feelings, I was grateful that he had contacted , and of course, I had no right to limit his actions.
『Got it! Have fun~』
Having said that, he’s probably very concerned, so I sent him a ssage that gave him the idea that “I don’t mind at all!” I tucked my phone in my pocket and removed the lid from the pot. The hot, white steam ca out along with a mild, salty sll that covered the entire room, which occupied my stomach through the nose.
“Slls good.”
I murmured to myself and took a piece of potato with the chopsticks. As I took it to my mouth and chewed it, I felt the taste of soy sauce and a little bit of the aroma of Katsuo dashi1 ca through my nose.
“It’s so delicious…”
I nodded, put out the fire on the stove, and then sat down in the hallway. My stomach churned at the sll of at and potatoes filling the hallway, but I didn’t feel like eating right away.
“Missing out on the opportunity to eat this delicious, freshly cooked at and potatoes. Poor Yoshida-san.”
I muttered and laughed at myself. And then suddenly, as if it were natural, I sighed. Yoshida-san must be having dinner with his dearest Gotou-san right now. They’re probably at a fancy restaurant or the sa yakiniku place last ti.
Co to think of it, I didn’t know the Yoshida-san who spent ti away from ho. What does he look like at work? What kind of people did he relate to? What does he do for fun? I didn’t know much about the expressions on his face except for the ones he used when he was with . The way Yoshida-san looks at is completely that of a child. And the frustrating thing is, he doesn’t see as a “woman” at all.
I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. That’s one of the best things about living with him, and I think it’s also one of the things that show his personality the most. But as an adolescent girl, the fact that he was not interested in as a woman gave an uneasy feeling.
If I were Gotou-san. Sohow, I’ve had that thought. If my body was the sa as Gotou-san, would Yoshida-san lay a hand on ? Yoshida-san told that Gotou-san’s chest is bigger than mine. I’m relatively big for my age, too. But if this size hardly stimulates his sexual desire, I can’t help but wonder how monstrously large her chest is.
I wondered what kind of expression Yoshida-san was giving to Gotou-san. I tried to imagine it, but I couldn’t do it very well. Yet, when I tried to imagine the look and expression on Yoshida-san’s face as he stared at Gotou-san, I felt a little lump on my chest. I thought that this was definitely not love or affection. But, it was displeasing to think that Yoshida-san may be giving soone else an expression that he doesn’t want to see.
“I’m not quite sure…”
Mumbling, I brushed the back of my head against the hallway wall. I’ve changed a lot since I got here. Even I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. Nonetheless, I think my heart is safe, by far, more so now than before. Of that, there was no doubt.
And I have Yoshida-san to thank for that. He provided for as much as he could and then told to do with my ti as I pleased. That’s why I believed he should be free to live his life and that I shouldn’t interfere. I didn’t want to be a burden to him as much as possible. I also wanted to help him as much as possible. I thought about living this way for a while.
I opened the rice cooker and the sll of freshly cooked rice rose along with the steam. I put the rice in a bowl that had been used for guests before I moved here and put the at and potatoes in a slightly hollowed out plate for side dishes.
Although I thought about adding another vegetable dish to the nu, when I realized that Yoshida-san would not be coming ho for dinner, I suddenly beca reluctant to do so. If it’s just , I don’t mind having just one side dish.
“Thanks for the food.”
I clasped my hands together, then took my chopsticks and gobbled up the at and potatoes. I’m the one who prepared it, so surely it would be delicious. The corners of my mouth went up naturally, but soon it went down.
“It’s delicious.” Yoshida-san would always praise like this whenever he found the food delicious. He doesn’t hold back from sharing his thoughts on the food I prepare. It’s not like one of those in-depth reviews found on food mangas, but I was more than happy with those few simple words.
I took a bite of at and potatoes in my mouth and chewed them a little. Then a mouthful of white rice. As I did this in silence, I could feel the at and potatoes gradually fading in flavor.
“Sothing’s…”
I mumbled to myself.
“Off…”
I rembered this empty feeling. It was from when I was still in Hokkaido…
“Your tamagoyaki2 is delicious as always, Sayu-chan!”
A friend’s voice echoed in my mind again. The mont I rembered it, a shiver ran down my spine, and I broke out in a cold sweat. Before I thought of anything, I rushed to the bathroom.
“…Ugh!”
And then, I threw up in the toilet the at, potatoes, and white rice I had just eaten. My throat was burning and my stomach felt like it was freezing cold. I couldn’t stop shivering.
Eventually, my breathing slowly cald down and nausea receded, so I twisted the lever and flushed the contents of the toilet bowl. When I stood up slowly, my feet felt a little numb and I wasn’t sure if they were touching the floor or not.
In the end, even after coming to this point, I still can’t escape my past. For so reason, I always feel like throwing up when I rember that girl I used to get along so well with. Why did I suddenly rember her? Not once since I had co to this place that I have been reminded of her.
Ah, right… it’s because Yoshida-san’s not here right now. I’ve gotten used to this lifestyle, and there isn’t much to keep myself occupied right now. If only Yoshida-san had co back as he usually does, this wouldn’t have happened. I sighed as I thought about it.
“Really, nothing has changed…”
I always say that things are my fault, but deep in my heart, I bla others. I had completely lost my appetite and was sipping from a refrigerated bottle of barley tea when my phone, which I had left on the desk in my room, vibrated.
The only contact listed in my ssaging app was Yoshida-san. In other words, the fact that the phone was vibrating ant that Yoshida-san just contacted . When I glanced at the clock on the wall, I felt that it was still too early for Yoshida-san to co ho, as it was only a little over an hour when he had told that he would be eating out for dinner.
It was a bit early for him to be back. After all, he’s with the woman of his dreams. I thought that eating as slowly as possible would be the normal thing to do. When I looked at the screen, I saw a ssage from Yoshida-san.
『Sorry, this is extrely sudden…』
I couldn’t read the full ssage on notifications alone, so I swiped my finger on the screen and moved to the ssaging app. As soon as I opened Yoshida-san’s thread, my eyes widened.
『Sorry, this is extrely sudden, but I’m bringing Gotou-san ho with today.』
Bringing her ho? To this house? I felt a pang in my chest. A grown man bringing ho the woman of his dreams. It was easy to imagine that it wasn’t just about him bringing ho the girl of his dreams. Though my feelings were in haze, I’m not going to go against what Yoshida-san has decided.
『I see! Should I stay sowhere else for the night?』
I quickly typed and sent the ssage, put my phone down, then plopped down on the desk. Yoshida-san will be ho in a while, with Gotou-san. I imagined the situation a bit, and imdiately afterward I hit my forehead on the desk.
“Idiot. It’s none of your business what he does, right?”
Why is it so confusing for ? Yoshida-san’s long ti love might be coming true. Shouldn’t I be celebrating? Shortly thereafter, my brain was filled with anxiety.
Supposing the romance between Yoshida-san and Gotou-san bears fruit, I think sohow my presence would be a nuisance if I continued to stay here. It would be practically impossible for to hide my presence from a lover, and I couldn’t casually call this ho. If it cos to that, I…
“I’d be thrown out again…”
When I said that, my chest felt tight. But at the sa ti, the smiling face that Yoshida-san sotis showed appeared in my mind. If I’m not there and Yoshida-san can keep smiling, then it’s probably a good thing.
That’s what I thought. The phone on the desk shook again, and I lifted my head from the desk and looked at the screen.
『No. That’s not it…』
And then when I saw the content of the ssage, my thoughts stopped.
『Gotou-san said she wanted to et you.』
“Huh?”
I blurted out in surprise. I wondered how Gotou-san knew about my existence. I can only conclude that it was Yoshida-san who told her. If so, then how did he explain my existence to her? And why did she say she wanted to et ? My mind was filled with nothing but question marks.
The questions swirled around in my brain, I leaned my elbows several tis on the desk, tapped my feet lightly on the floor, and moved restlessly. Finally.
『If you think it’s okay Yoshida-san, then it’s fine by …』
It felt like it took more than ten minutes to reply.
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1 Also called bonito dashi, it’s a Japanese dashi broth made from dried bonito fillet called “Katsuobushi” in Japanese. Katsuobushi contains inosinic acid which is one of the Umami components known as the fifth flavor worldwide.
2 Is a sweetened Japanese rolled olette that resemble mini bars of golden pillows. With a slightly sweet taste and custardy texture, tamagoyaki is well-loved amongst the Japanese children and adults alike.
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