Volu 1, Chapter 17: Skin
Translator: yuNS
I went to take a shower first after arriving at ho.
The sensation of sweat running down my skin felt nasty, plus, I was in the mood for a hot bath.
Not to ntion, I need so ti to find the words to deal with Sayu. If I sort through my feelings in the shower beforehand, I would hopefully be able to face her with a calm mindset.
The hot water helped relaxed my tense mind and allow the questions I carried to surface.
First, thank god I was able to find her; all the more so without incident. After all, I had ran out to find her with the mindset that she had maybe been kidnapped by so hoodlums or the like.
However, with her safety ca another question.
Why had she run away? She hadn’t contacted at all either.
If she had rely ant to go out for business, knowing her, she would’ve certainly contacted beforehand.
However, she hadn’t done that. Rather, she left her smartphone at ho.
Rationally, it ant that she simply disliked this place and ant to leave here for good. However, she had left all her belongings here as well.
I don’t know why she was with Mishima either. Had they planned to et up in front of the station? But they shouldn’t have known one another to begin with.
However, the alternative – eting at the park – seed rather strange as well…
No matter how much I thought about it, I wasn’t able to figure it out.
“…It’d be faster to ask her directly.”
I knew that, but I couldn’t bring myself to follow through with it.
I shut off the faucet and got up from the bath.
With the whirlpool of thoughts still weighing on my mind, I exited the washroom.
I roughly dried my hair and body with my bath towel, put on my underwear, dressed in my pajamas, and exited the dressing room.
“It’s your turn, Sa-“
Exiting the dressing room, I looked in the direction of the living room, where Sayu was. My mouth remained open as I stopped for a few seconds to process what was happening.
“Hey…”
My mind was turning, but I had nothing to show for it. Finally, I mustered up sothing to say.
“Put on your clothes.”
That was all I could say.
For so reason, Sayu stood still in the living room in nothing but her underwear.
It was a black, simple set of cutesy lingerie, adorned with a ribbon in the middle
Well, that aside, what was she doing in her underwear. It didn’t seem like she was changing, nor did she make an effort to hide herself despite my presence.
“Hey, Yoshida-san.”
“I’ll listen to what you say, just put on so clothes first.”
“Hey.”
“Let’s talk after that, okay?”
“Listen.”
Sayu’s tone was serious. I couldn’t find the words to continue and closed my mouth shut.
I wasn’t sure what was happening, but perhaps her being in her underwear had sothing to do with what she wanted to say.
“…Uhm, Yoshida-san, you probably don’t see as such, but…”
Sayu continued with much difficulty. I didn’t know how to properly respond, so I looked away from her and awaited her next words.
Looking straight at a high school girl in her underwear would be a little off-putting.
“You know, despite how I am… I’m still a woman… well, a girl, actually.”
“Uhuh, I get that.”
There was a lot of weight behind that statent, but I readily parried it.
Still, Sayu shook her head at my reply.
“You’re wrong Yoshida-san, you don’t understand that at all.”
“And why do you think that?’
Hearing my rebuttal, Sayu wordlessly approached step by step. Faced with the eerie pressure exuded by the high school girl closing in in nothing but her underwear, I reflexively took a step back.
Finally, Sayu arrived in front of , looking right in the eye with unturned eyes.
“…W-, What?”
“You know, for a high school girl, I think my breasts are on the larger side.”
“Uhuh.”
“And know a high school girl like that is in front of you in nothing but her underwear.”
“Just put on your clothes already.”
“How do you like it?”
My eyes which had avoided looking at Sayu until now, now turned to looked directly at her.
“Don’t give that, to start with, a high school girl shouldn’t be showing her skin to-…”
“Wanna have sex?”
My thoughts ca to a halt.
In then it rapidly accelerated, accompanied with fury.
“I told you that I was going to kick you out if you pull this shit again…!”
“The people I t before-!!”
I had ant to pacify her with those words, but Sayu responded with a volu close to a shriek. The intense pressure behind her words felt as though it was binding .
Sayu put a hand on my pajama shirt, then grabbed in tightly in her palm. Her hands were shaking.
“The people I t before… all wanted to do it.”
The people she t before… that she wasn’t referring to a lover went without saying.
She was talking about the people whose hos she surfed around.
I could feel a swelling sensation in my chest.
When I listened to what she had to say when she first arrived here, I got the feeling that might’ve been the case. She purposely spoke about it in vague terms, so I never asked about it in detail.
However, I had nothing more to say. Yet, seeing her wordlessly shake in front of , I felt a sudden realization – I had to ask.
“…Did you do it?”
I placed my hand on the hand that she grabbed with. After a brief intermission, she lightly nodded.
I couldn’t help but sigh.
“…I see.”
“Disillusioned…?”
“Mm… I don’t know. Sorry.”
I felt a bit ashad that I couldn’t firmly deny it.
In this mont, I felt sothing akin to disappointnt intermixed with anger towards so n in this world. In between these feelings was a sense of despair; a desire to ask Sayu, who had allowed these n to do such things to her, ‘Why?’.
“Yoshida-san, don’t you want to do it with …? If even just a eensy weensy bit?”
Hearing her say that, she pulled into a hug. I could feel her chest pushing against .
I wanted to tell her to stop playing around, to push her away, but her expression was serious, sincere, yet sowhat sorrowful. Strength seed to leave my body.
“Hey.”
She said with deep breaths as she touched through my trousers.
“Hey, cut it out.”
“Not until you answer .”
Sayu looked directly in the eye as she ran a finger across my trousers.
“Do I excite you?” She said as she slowly placed a finger on the band of my trousers.
She would only need to touch that and she would know the answer to that. I wasn’t thick-skinned enough that I wouldn’t react to the slightest when pressed by a pair of ample breasts and appealed to in such a way by a woman.
In order words, my lower half was in ‘that state’.
With a heavy sigh, I grabbed Sayu’s hand that was on my trousers.
“Of course. I don’t think that there’s a man out there that wouldn’t be.”
Hearing answer, Sayu’s face suddenly flushed red. She quickly turned away from .
“What’s the point of getting embarrassed now? Quit screwing around already.”
“S-, Sorry…”
“And get away from already, before I make you.”
“O-, Okay…”
Sayu stepped back away from . Then, after a mont hesitation during which she cast her eyes restlessly about, she crossed her arms to hide her breasts, her face flushed.
“Co on already. You wouldn’t need to hide it like that if you just put on your clothes.”
“I-, I can’t… I want to keep talking like this.”
Why was she so fixated on that?
I still don’t get was it that she wanted to talk about that she had to be dressed like this.
“Uhm… so you see.”
Her eyes drifted along the floor as she desperately searched for the words to say.
It seed as though she had sothing she needed to get across to , so I decided to keep tight.
“I-, I was desperate. And… you see, I needed a way to sohow live without going ho.”
Sayu continued, bit by bit.
“Of course, taking in a high school girl cos with more derits than it’s worth. If the police find out, you’d most likely go to jail. That why… I figured that there had to be so rit in taking in, you see?”
Her words ca to a halt as she hung her head defeatedly.
She didn’t want to talk about the cornerstone of her situation.
“…And that rit ended up being your body, huh.”
Sayu’s back curled as she lightly nodded.
“…Mhm. I really hated it at first… but sohow… I got used to it. It just beca normal.”
“…I see.”
“Rather, it was only in those monts that I truly felt that I existed; that I was needed. There were tis where I even felt happy… if not satisfied… you see…”
“…Mm.”
I didn’t know whether I should be angry or sad.
All I knew was that I didn’t want to listen to this any longer.
However, Sayu wanted to hear it, so I did everything I could to hold it together.
Even then, I couldn’t just plug my ears and give default responses.
I desperately held down the feelings that were endlessly festering within and did what I could to earnestly engage in the conversation.
“Everyone would use , saying things like ‘You’re so cute’ or ‘That feels good’; I had taken their offer for a place to stay after all. That was fine, it was easy to understand. When the derits for that person outweighs the rits, I would be chased away. I would repeat that, again and again.”
Contrary to what she said, her expression was completely indifferent, as though it were a matter-of-fact. Her voice was complete devoid of emotion, as though she were reading soone else’s biography.
“That’s why I don’t understand you.”
She raised her head and looked in the eye.
“Why are you letting stay here, Yoshida-san?”
She spoke softly, but I could feel an intense amount of passion within what she said.
“I don’t have anything to offer you. Anyone can do simple household chores. As it stands, I’m nothing but a minor convenience to you. It doesn’t have to be either. Despite how much trouble I’ve caused you, you always respond with kindness. Knowing that kindness… I began to wonder how to be make it so that I won’t be cast aside again… and I couldn’t figure it out.”
“…You”
I couldn’t find the words to rebut.
What she said was certainly correct.
There weren’t many people out there would accept derits without rit. However, such intricacies were things that minors should turn a blind eye to until they grow to beco adults. The thought a high school girl had considered all this an offered her body as a result was regretful to say the least.
“I’m such an idiot aren’t I? I’m really just a helpless kid that doesn’t even know the first thing about herself… I don’t know what I should do when I’m not expected to do anything by anyone.”
Saying that, she approached once again.
Again, she moved up to , and again, she hugged .
“Yoshida-san, if you really don’t mind-” Sayu said with a trembling voice, her head against my chest.
“Then do it with . I’m fine with it if it’s you. If you would do it, then I would feel li- ugh! Mmpf! W-, What, I can’t breathe…”
Without hearing what she had left to say, I pulled her into a hug with all my might.
“Yoshida-san… I can’t…”
“Shut up.”
“What’s wrong… Wha-“
I dragged Sayu by her shoulders and pushed her against the wall of the hallway.
“Yoshida-san… uhm…”
“No.”
“Eh?”
“No ans no.” I continued, staring at her straight in the eye.
I’m sure my forehead was completely crumpled up, but in this mont, I couldn’t figure out how to loosen it.
“Alright, listen up.”
Sayu blinked a few tis with a mix of hesitation and surprise, before nodding a few tis.
“Honestly, I think that you’re really cute.”
“Eh?”
“Despite being a high school girl, you have the right curves and the right bodylines. You’re good-looking, you can do the housework, there’s nothing more I could ask for.”
“W-, What’s this all of a sudden-”
“But you aren’t my type.”
Her face went blank at my declaration.”
“…Huh?”
“I can’t love you.”
Her lips parted in surprise. I continued to stare at her eyes, which absentmindedly blinked a few tis.
“I won’t do it with a woman I don’t love. Well… I’d of course react to your body, but I don’t want to see you naked, nor do I want to have sex with you in the slightest. You asked just now rember, that ‘if I don’t mind’? Then I’ll answer you. I do mind. I refuse. Got it?”
Sayu loudly gulped as if overwheld. Having said all that I had to say, I left her alone for a few seconds.
“…hick”
She nodded.
“Okay then… now put on your clothes already.”
“O-, Okay…”
I pointed to the sweats that had been cast aside in the living room. Sayu bounced on her feet to retrieve it and – finally – vigorously pulled it over her head.
With the skin reflected in my eyes decreasing, I could feel the tension slipping away. I sat down in the hallway where I was.
I had moved my body and mouth with the sole purpose of getting her to cut it out. With that objective completed, I could finally gather my bearings.
It felt as though I could now begin to gradually put what I wanted to say into words.
“…You said that you could do nothing for , but it really isn’t it case.”
Hearing my murmurs, Sayu, who had now dressed herself, slowly crawled towards and sat down next to .
“To , a ho has always been just a place to eat, take a bath, and sleep.” I continued.
Though I wasn’t looking at her, I could tell that she was looking at .
“Work was enjoyable. Plus, the more I worked, the more I earned. Knowing that I would be able to save up, I really had no qualms about my life being round trips from ho to work.”
Thinking back, my life had been as I said.
In the five years since I’ve started working, I couldn’t rember anything but work. Of course, I have mories of going drinking with my coworkers and going bowling with them.
However, I never once had a lover, nor had I ever taken any long breaks to do travelling and the like. Either way, I found so way to involve myself with work each and every day.
“That’s fine, I thought. Plus, I often fantasized about dating Gotou-san and how bright such a future could be.” I said in a sowhat deprecating tone as I turned to glance at Sayu.
Unable to find the words to respond, she showed an awkward smile and let out a long nasal breath.
“But when you arrived… all that changed.”
Since she arrived.
Even without going into specifics, there was more than enough to talk about.
“I would have a delicious dinner and a prepared bath waiting for when I got ho. Plus… you’re here, Sayu.”
My thoughts smoothly transitioned into words. I could hear Sayu breathing deeply beside .
“How should I put this… You’re concerned about what ‘added value’ you bring, aren’t you?”
‘How am I seen by others?’. ‘What do they want from ?’. She had co all the way here fearing the standards set by others, hasn’t she?
This was my final answer to her fears.
“My life has a lot more enjoyable just by you being here, Sayu.”
Sayu’s gaze seed to waver.
“I just got rejected by Gotou-san back then, so I may have been feeling a little lonely too… Knowing that you’ll be here, that I would have soone to chat about pointless topics over dinner, that I wouldn’t be sleeping all alone in this cubicle, has made this place a lot more comfortable. I’ve begun to think that ‘I have to get ho sooner’ too.”
During the ti that I was talking, Sayu eyes had grown ragged and she had broken into tears. I couldn’t pinpoint why she cried, but even I could tell that those were not tears of sorrow.
“That’s why I want you to stay with , or so I should say.” I said as I scratched my chin.
The hairs which I’m sure I had shaved this morning had already started to regrow.
“I’m nothing but an unseemly old man, so…”
I really should have said this sooner.
Ever since bringing this girl ho, I’ve felt nothing but the desire to help her without taking back.
She had run away for so reason. On top of that, she had been jump from one man’s ho to another. I had hoped to beco the white knight that would protect and guide this girl back on track.
Those were my honestly feelings, but that wasn’t everything.
I had mistakenly believed that it was everything, when in truth, it lacked fairness.
“So, until you feel ready to go back-”
I would take this girl in – that very idea had been a mistake. Cohabitation without equal standing was wrong.
“Won’t you stay here?” I finally said.
Sayu let out a sob and hung her head downwards.
She rubbed her eyes with the sleeves of her sweaters and sniffed her snot countless tis.
Then, she raised her head with a crumpling expression and asked in a trembling voice.
“Is that okay?”
“Mhm, if all you’re doing is staying of course.”
“…You’re really a desireless, pitiful old man.”
“Now ain’t that right.”
Sayu let out a chuckle even as she wiped her tears. Even I couldn’t help but laugh.
As she giggled, she crawled up until she was right beside , and then rested her head against my shoulder.
“…nks.”
“What?”
“We’re both such miserable people.”
Saying sothing that was clearly different from what she had said earlier, she raised her head.
“Since you’re so pitiful, I’ll be with you.”
With that, she finally seed to loosen up, showing her trademark slackened smile.
“Yeah, let’s do that.”
A high school girl was hard for an old man like to deal with.
But I’m sure the sa applied to her; an old man was hard for a high school girl like her to deal with.
Perhaps only now, having laid bare each of our weaknesses, did our ‘cohabitation’ truly begin in earnest.
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